Hi folks,

Just got back from a very rough weekend. Hopefully my story helps you out somewhat or maybe is a warning to others. I'd appreciate any feedback you have or any insights you may have.

Today marks the one month date since I lost my beloved Harley Parley. I have never had a dog affect me so much in so many ways, especially since his very untimely death. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and remember all the fun times we had while he was still here.

Anyway, a couple weeks ago, my fiancee was looking online at the SPCA website and looking for another small dog. She happened to come upon another small dog at a shelter 800 kms (5oo miles) away. We talked it over and decided that because we are such good dog owners that we could take in another dog that deserved to have a good home. We went into this with the best intentions and wanted nothing but the best for any dog we take in. Well the shelter called us back and said they would love to have us take the dog home, but we would have to pick it up. We decided to drive down Friday, get the dog, drive back part ways home and then come the rest of the way on Sunday. The drive itself wouldn't be a problem usually, but it involves going through a major city (Vancouver, BC) and a ferry crossing (1 hour 45 minutes one way).

Well, we get to the shelter and meet the pooch after taking him for a walk. We noticed that he was itching a lot and seemed agitated. No problem though as we knew he had hypoallergenic issues with food and chalked it up to that. We signed the papers and got ready to go. I went to put a harness on him that we use for our dogs in the vehicle, and he snapped at me and actually bit me. I thought because he was annoyed at being sick that he was just scared. Anyway, he takes to the fiancee quite well, so she takes him and we get him in the car and get ready to go. As we sit there I notice that he has some scratches and raw skin from where he was scratching himself. We go back into the shelter and they send us to the vet at their expense. The vet sees it and says no problem. We just need this medication and he has to wear a buster collar to keep from scratching his ears. We head down the road over the ferry and 200 kms towards home. All is fine and everything goes good until 11PM that night when the buster collar comes loose. The fiancee asks me to help her put it back on. As I go to do it, he tries to bite me. I move my hands away and say "NO", then try again. He tries again and I decide he's in a red line aggressive situation. I back away and give him his space and as I do he runs at me, jumps up and clamps down on my inner thigh leaving me with a welt and a little broken skin. That was it. I managed to get a hold of the shelter manager who tells me that I need to bring him back. Not a problem, but it involved a 4Am wakeup time, a 10 hour backtrack, and a total 18 hour day of driving.

Anyway, the end of the day yesterday was tough when I got home. I was reminded again that my beloved Harley Parley was gone, I felt like a failure because I had to return a dog, and very spent. Compounding the problem was seeing all the many sites my dog and I experienced together. It made me cry and it made me very sad for the dog we returned. He was very sweet, but we were not a fit. I knew right from the start that he would not be like Harley and never had the illusion that he would. It was just very sad to experience the bite and return him.

I guess if I had any advice for any of you it would be this. First, if you have to travel a great distance to a shelter, insist they send you the dogs bio before you go. Ours said he had a dominant aggressive side to him. Had I known that, I wouldn't have even taken the next step. Secondly, if the dog has health issues, tell the shelter you will pay for any costs and then pick up the dog when he is ready to be picked up. Finally, ask yourself if you are ready for another dog. After this past weekend, I have to honestly say that I am not ready and I had a long discussion with my fiancee on the way home that I do not want another dog for at least a year.

I think the worst part for me is that this whole incident broke my heart again and I really didn't need that right now.

Take Care
Ben

im so sorry you had a rough weekend. if i could give you some advice is to release the guilt you have for returning the dog. its ok. you did what you needed to do. the dog needs to be rehabilitated before it gets adopted. you are not a failure, only someone who is severly brokenhearted and trying to fix the hurt from the first loss. you have a big heart and although you knew this new dog was not a good fit, you welcomed him to your home and that in itself is the beginning of a bond. to have to return him, well, of course your heart has broken again.
everyone grieves differently. in my case, lucy came to me (if you can believe a week after fred died) but as i put myself in your shoes, i dont think i could go looking for a pet so soon after. thats rough. like i said, lucy found me, through friends. and if youve read my story, it wasnt easy. but now shes the love of my life. its only been a month for you. thats really tough. you have to go easy on yourself. on the other hand, im so glad that you are beginning to open your heart to the posibilities of a new little one in your life. you must just take it one day at a time. perhaps not today, perhaps not tomorrow but maybe in a few months or even like you said in a year. one day at a time. and if may suggest, there are so many wonderful dogs that are local that need a great home. perhaps finding one that is closer to you is best. that way should anything happen, you can avoid the hassles of it all over again. i know how when one thing goes wrong, everything else follows. also as hard as it may seem perhaps take a walk thru the shelter. you can feel and see some of their energy this way. i know that as lucy came to me (sight unsee mind you) i had no idea what i was getting into. and although i firmly believe that once you commit to a dog you commit, i can understand why people didnt want her. she was, well, is a handful. and i will admit that the first day i wanted to send her back myself. (she was not aggressive just a holy terror and my fred that had passed was a cat who never caused any trouble) i have since adjusted but very soon i will be looking for a little companion for lucy and will do my homework first. thank you for the advice. i will certainly pay more attention.
lucy and i send you a big hug. we are so sorry you are hurting. please look forward to the day that you will be able to speak of harley parley with a smile on your face instead of tears and also the day when you have a new furry one in your home. you have a giant heart and are a wonderful dad and i think that any new doggie that comes into your life will be so lucky!
you are in my prayers.
patricia

Thank you for your kind words Patricia. It was a very tough lesson to learn, and I thank you for responding. In due time I will get a new dog, but at this time, I think I still need to grieve the loss of my Harley Parley.

Peace & Love
Ben

Hi Ben,

I am so sorry for your unexpected loss. I lost my Mouses unexpectedly too! Monday she fell, by Friday she was diagnosed with Cancer, by Sunday she was gone (Jan/09). I have always suspected a tumor must have ruptured from the fall. So hard to accept isn't it? They are here and then they are gone. I remember the first month vividly...my heart goes out to you!

I'am sorry about your first attempt at opening your heart again. I thought I'd never get another cat again. Mouses was the best cat. She was my "soul kitty." After months of hard grieving I decided I missed the cat in Mouses. I just really needed a cat again. Like you I also focused on the saving an animal part (even if I wasn't ready). I am lucky enough to live minutes away from the most awesome cat shelter. I visited it often. It took me months to find the right match. I knew I could never replace Mouses. I knew I could never have her unique personality back, but I could at least try and find one that looked like her. Mouses was a brown tabby. I looked at several brown tabbies until I found the perfect one. Long story short...I found the perfect one. I feel like I only lost 70% of Mouses. It is so nice to have a part of her back. I got really lucky too, not only does he look like her, he acts so much like her too. One day he made this sound that I thought was unique to Mouses. My heart sank, I missed that sound so much. He is a strange comfort. I am already indebted to him. He is working his kitty magic and filling up that big hole in my heart. My family is thankful for him too...he's one of the only things that has brought me back to life.

I think it is great that you tried to open your heart up again. So many animals need a home. Don't you feel bad about that dog for one minute. 1. They shouldn't have adopted him out yet. 2. This is your time to be a little selfish. This is a very important step for you. The next dog needs to be carefully chosen...he has big shoes to fill. I know it was hard to return him, but you did do the right thing. I looked at many cats. I had a few that I liked bite me. One left a scar. I left the shelter crying one day. Mouses never hissed, bit, scratched, or hurt anyone...it really affected me when one of the shelter cats bit me. They were not my kitty, and never would be. Just another reminder of the great loss I had.

My advice is to take your time. Don't put a time limit on it. You will know when it's the right time. You will know when it's the right match. I don't know if your looking for a similar dog, but I have to recommend it. We can't replace their special personalities/souls, but we can find similar looking ones. I cannot even tell you how happy it makes me to see that tail again. I watch him run around the corner and it is like seeing her again. Very healing.

Good luck Ben. When you are ready...may you find your 30% back too!

P.S. Don't feel bad for the dog. I had at least 7 cats that were in the running. I felt so bad for not choosing them. They have all been adopted. That dog will meet his match, and you will meet yours.

I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. There are no easy answers to how long to wait. I think that people know in their hearts when it is time and the fact that you did shows that you are probably ready. Don't let the fact that this was not a good match dissuade you. Keep in mind that you are not replacing a beloved one. Keep looking and something will click between you and a furkid one day. There are a lot of special animals out there who you can bond with.

Take care,
Ken Albin

Dear Ben
I am so sorry that you are feeling awful. I couldn't even imagine what it must have felt like for you to go through this.
You did the right thing. (why is it that doing the right thing seems to make us feel like sh**t!!) I want to share your pain to help you. I was lucky that I didn't have to travel any great distance to meet our new companion.
I admire the fact you were unselfish enough to return the dog, you could have kept it but you didn't, well done.
Keep you heart open don't close it, it's the old saying your new companion will find you, I know, I know, questions???? not for another year????? not......???????
I truly know how it feels to loose your companion & all that 'stuff' that follows, I just wish I could take you pain away.......... from your trying weekend.
Again come & share with us here how you are travelling, it's all part of the journey & we care that you have had to go thru this.
{{{HUGS}}}
elaine