I lost my Sasha on July 15. She was an 11 yr old golden retriever. I let her outside in the morning and she was fine. When I went to let her back in, she could no longer use her left hip. I rushed her to the vet. It was bone cancer. It had shattered the bone just under her hip. There was nothing they could do for her. We had her put to sleep so she wouldn't suffer anymore. I stayed with her and held her the whole time. It felt like my heart would explode! We brought her home and buried her under the trees in our back yard. I have dreams that are so real that I wake up and my hand is up in the air reaching out to touch her. Then I lost Lucky last Sunday. He was a 10 yr old golden. He was a rescue dog. He had been abused and it took a long time to convince him that no one would hurt him anymore. He never got over his fear of cages though. He had had seizures a couple times over the years but nothing that required medication. On Sunday morning he didn't get up right away when I did. I thought he was having a lazy day. I got the kids some breakfast and walked into the bathroom. He had had a seizure and was laying there in a daze in his own urine. I cleaned him up and tried to comfort him but he didn't really seem to know I was there. Then he had another seizure. He lost control of both his bladder and bowels. He had never done this before so I knew these were worse than the others. He still didn't seem to know me. I called the vet. She thought that maybe he was taking longer to come out of it since he was getting older. She said I could bring him down if I wanted but it would mainly be a matter of waiting to see what happened. I couldn't put him in one of those cages all alone. I decided to keep him home and as comfortable as I could. He had one final seizure and just stopped breathing. I called the vet to see if it was my fault for not bringing him in right away. She said that he must have had something else going on and if he died that fast, there is probably nothing she could have done. Now they are together again under the trees.

I go between feeling like I have a huge hole in my chest that nothing will ever fill to being so full of pain that I don't know if I can hold it all inside without exploding. I feel like I have been dropped into hell!


Thanks for listening. It helps to know that other people know how I feel and that they were not "just dogs".

God bless you all,
Nisey

dear nisey I am so sorry for your double whammy. wow that is hard to deal with.
I think you did what was right in both circumstances. It sure is a difficult time. I think you did the best thing for Lucky he wouldn't hve liked to be in a cage @ the vets. I am glad you kept him @ hme. I know none of this helps @ the moment but as you say you are amongst friends who know & care & our companions were never "just a dog" it was because the WERE dogs that we care so much & hurt so much when they leave us.
your & your family are in my prayers.
elaine {{{HUGS}}}

Dear nisey , i am so sorry for your loss and feel your pain and sorrow, i too just lost my 10 yr old golden suddenly, i pray the lord will comfort you in this very difficult time, the people on this board are full of support and understanding, just know that your pups had the best home they could have asked for. I know we can never fill the hole they left in our hearts and homes, but we must go on because they only wanted us to be happy. sorry again Scott

Dear nisey,

I know too well the heart-wrenching agony you feel. I'm so sorry that you lost both of your goldens in such a short timespan. It doesn't seem fair that neither one is there to comfort you when you need them the most. I lost my 9-year-old golden in January. She's the second golden I've loved and lost. There's something so sweet and special and fabulous about goldens - they're such intelligent, funny, beautiful, faithful, well-behaved, eager-to-please. caring, and people-adoring creatures. It is really hard to separate dog from family. I know how unbearable the massive emptiness is that you feel in your heart and in your home, and I'm so sorry for your pain. It's because we realize what a blessing these animals were in our lives that it hurts so much to lose them. And losing them feels like the end of an era, and the beginning of something new - that's all wrong - like a very bad dream.

Sometimes it helps me to meditate on how fortunate I was to have my precious girl in my life for those 9 awesome years. I am thankful for every single day we had together, and all the gifts she brought to each of us in her own special way. I still walk past the spot where she used to sleep every night at the foot of the stairs and whisper goodnight to her as I head upstairs in the darkness - as was our ritual for 9 years. I feel that somehow, somewhere, she appreciates the gesture, and it brings me peace to keep the connection open between our souls.

Please know that we're all right there with you in spirit as you struggle through this difficult time. May you find comfort in all the wonderful memories of Sasha and Lucky, and keep them deep within you heart forever.

omg...nicey I am so sorry!
I also have those feelings and I didn't take my dog right away and I still feel that I am at fault
but it isn't our fault in these situations....the dreams that you have that you feel them or see them are real, they are visiting you in spirit and soul form.
Cease visits me now and then and you will look forward to another form of relationship with them....at a different level.
This is the beginning of another form of bond that will continue on and it is very unique and different, although you will always miss their physical
form...you will find some great moments when they visit you in soul form. You will feel them, you will see and hear signs, you will experience their presence
through things that only you will know because of your relationship you had with them....inside things you did with them or said to them...places you have been to or things they did to you....among many other things...you will experience it! I promise you it will happen. The connection that was formed when they were alive will carry on spiritually. Only you will know when it happens. I had some perculiar things right after Ceaser died...then he was away for sometime and then when I started a journal and scrapbook....he would visit me and I experienced some pleasant moments of feeling his presence!
I also have found a very special friend here and she has been able to get to know my Ceaser in that special way which I feel is a big sign and it sure helps!!
This site is fantastic and I recommend just writing and starting a scrapbook and do take your time. I take my time because the longer I take the longer I feel i am hanging out with Ceaser lol. I know but we all have been there...i still have days when I can't understand why my Ceaser died and what if I took him in to the vet sooner etc...? I turn to this site and start reading other people's experiences and start to feel better.
I feel so sorry for what your dogs went through , both of them...they are special and they are not just dogs...I feel bad for those who never had the experience of developing that special bond that you and I had with dogs...to understand this. This is NOT wrong it is Right...dogs are genuine, real, very innocent and pure creatures; created by God and I feel that they are closer to God like children are .....don't let others say any different!
rita

Hi Nisey,

I am so sorry to hear that you lost both your babies. I know the feeling of losing a dog. They are so much more than a dog. They are the ideal companion and a member of the family. I hope you are doing better now. I know on my dogs last day he went and laid under the tree in my yard, where he never lays. Somehow he know he wasn't long for this world. He was like your dog. A bit timid but once you got close to him, he was your friend for life. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and the pain is incredibly harsh sometimes, but I know he's in a better place and having fun.

I'm hoping to place some of his ashes under a tree I want to plant in our back yard. He loved the outdoors seeing he was an indoor dog for the most part.

Thank you for sharing. This forum is awesome.

Peace & Love
Ben

Nisey, I'm so sorry you are hurting. Losing our friends is so hard! I'm new to my loss as well, still reeling from the shock. This site is great! I have found so much comfort here. It really helps to be able to bare my pain to people that really do understand! I wish I had better words of comfort for you.

Nisey, sorry to hear about Sasha and Lucky-two losses in such a short period of time is just brutal. I recently lost my dog Keesha to bone cancer. You did the right thing with Sasha as she would have just suffered. The vet told me if I was lucky I could get 3-5 months more but they would have had to amputate her leg and she would have been in a lot of pain because bone cancer is so aggressive. He recommended euthenizing her and that's what i did. I think you did the right thing with Lucky as well because she didn't have to be put in a cage which she hated so much. The vet was probably right that something else was going on and you most likely saved him from that process he hated so much. Take with you the fact that you gave this dog a great life....one that he didn't have early on. He loved you so much for that. Take care.