Dear All,

I don't even know how or where to start with this.I will type as best as I can through my tears of sadness.6 weeks ago i came downstairs to feed my 3 beautiful staffies their breakfast.As usual they were all happy and everything was normal.But literally straight after breakfast,my eldest Levi who was 2 weeks away from 15 started sitting and stumbling about on the spot.She was crying and my 6 year old staffie Charlie started washing her trying to comfort her.I immediately knelt down to comfort her and see what was wrong.She ran away from me and was so tense and frightened.She has never been afraid of me and I felt terrible that I could not comfort her.She kept running from the front door to the back door almost as if she was having a panic attack,i'm not sure.I finally managed to settle her and comfort her.I knew there was something very wrong as she has always been a strong little girl who lived life to the full and was always happy and healthy.I phoned the vet straight away and rushed her in.She had sadly had a heart attack and was failing fast.She was almost lifeless in my arms and there was nothing I could do apart from kiss her and hold her.She was sadly put to sleep.I feel so much pain even though I know I have little comfort in knowing she lived a full happy life but it's so raw...I have now been dealt with another intolerable sadness.My beautiful sweatheart Magic my other staffie who was 10 was suddenly taken ill.She was sit and healthy,living life to the full but had started bringing up bile so i took her to the vet.She was showing no signs of illness apart the bile and and also slight loss of weight.The vet examined her and thought she may have an ulcer but there may be a chance of it being something more sinister.She was treated with medication but was rushed back to the vets as she was being sick.She was then investigated and the vet found she had a tumor in her intestine.There was nothing he could do.At 10 years old,I just feel I have cheated Magics life and cut it short as she was so incredibly happy and healthy.But I know deep,deep down there was nothing that could be done.The thought of a tumor in her makes me feel sick.I am so heart broken.I just feel so suffocated in sadness.They were my family.I still have my boy Charlie,but we are both so lost.They all got along so well and I did so much with them I just feel that life will never be the same.I hope i dont sound too sad to you all but I cant help it I just feel terrible.
Zoe ***

I'm so sorry.

I lost two dogs in nine months so I know the pain you're feeling. I lost Lily June 24 last year - suddenly. Then we found out just days later that Hunny had cancer. She lost her battle April 4th this year. So, I understand the terrible pain and heartache that you feel right now. I would love to say that it goes away quickly, but unfortunately it doesn't - not for me anyway.

This is a wonderful website. I wish I had found this last year when I lost Lily - because it would have been such a godsend. Even to help me through the agony of Hunny's cancer. I found it a few days before we put Hunny to sleep. Infact, I found it the day we had to make the phone call. I cried all day long. There are some very wonderful people here who know our pain. They helped me deal with losing Hunny.

I think we all understand how you are feeling. I come here just to write down my feelings. I've even written a letter or two to Hunny and Lily. It helps knowing that someone else understands how you're feeling. People around us don't always understand or they handle the grief differently. They become our babies, and a huge part of our every day life. How could we not miss them?

I'm not good at this, but some people here know just what to write to comfort you.

The healing takes time. One day at a time. Talking about it helps so much.

Take all the time you need to grieve. This is a great place to come and just write especially when the aching begins. When you ache so much to hold and kiss them. Hugs are offered from all over the world. I'm sending you one right now.

In time, the pain will fade into precious memories. And one day, we'll be able to talk about them without crying.

Take care.

dear zoe

im so sorry for your losses. i know how unbearable the pain is right now. i lost both my kitties in less than a year and i cant imagine how hard it would have been to lose them within weeks. and no you dont sound too sad. you sound like someone who loved her staffies deeply and has now lost a part of her family. i wish i could be there to give you a big hug and give you my shoulder to cry on. i know there is really nothing i can say to make you feel better. but please know that we are here for you. please keep writing. its so very therapeutic. it will begin to heal your heart.
something i did to make me feel better was to build a little memorial for my little ones. on a bookshelf i put their litle dishes and some of their toys and collar. and everyday, i walk by and sometimes ill even talk to them. you see, i believe they can hear us. i believe that once they cross, they become our wonderful new gaurdian angels. if you believe that our sweet furbabies are gifts from our maker, then please be comforted in knowing that they are with him now.
this is the sad side of having a pet. the years and (hopefully) years of joy that they bring us must one day end. i am only five months into my new little one: Lucy my puppy. she came to me a week after fred passed away, although i didnt want her at first, and didnt go looking for her. now, shes the light of my life and even though shes only 11 months old, i worry so much that my time with her will fly. unfortunately with life comes death. its so hard for us because we are left behind and we wish we could speed up time and be reunited with them. but we must look at it as how blessed we were to have the time we did with them (some shorter than others).
take it minute by minute. dont rush your grieving. hold their toys, cry as much as you need to. (sometimes i had to muffle my screams into my pillow) and find peace knowing that levi and magic are ok now and they are looking after you. you will be reunited with them one day. i look forward to that day so much, when we will be able to call them by name and they will come running to us and jump in our arms. well be able to kiss them and hug them again. that day will come zoe. hold on to that and keep writing. and give charlie extra love and kisses ok? hes missing them too.

you are in my thoughts and prayers. i pray that your heart will find peace.
patricia

dear zoe
it's no wonder you feel awful, you hve been thru an incredible upheavel in your life to say the least. what a shock for you!! 2 of your fur companions passing so close together, I can't even imagine the pain you must be suffering... i wish i cld be there to give you a hug, this will hve to do {{{HUGS}}}.
very sadly life wont be the same & that can really suck!!!!! I do understand how right now you just want everything back to normal, well normal has changed for you in a big way....breathe out...............breathe in..............then out again.......................coming here & sharing your sadness will help you.......be kind to yourself & and give charlie an extra hug......you will make it thru.....i hve....all the others here hve....we all understand.....there is lots of stuff to read here, so spend as much time as you can and let the tears flow, it cld take me several days to read some stuff cos I was crying so hard I cldn't see thru my tears & some stuff I still haven't managed to read...we are here for you.
elaine {HUG}

So sorry about your losses Zoe....losing two in a short period of time has to be devestating. I just lost mine a few weeks ago so I totally understand the pain and suffering you're going through. This is a great site with great people who understand exactly what you're going through...take care.

Dearest Zoe, this is so very tragic and I'm terribly sorry this double whammy happened. Please accept my most sincere and deepest condolences. No matter how old our fur kids are, it's always devastating when they pass away, especially when those like your precous staffie Levi, Magic and also Charlie leave such deep footprints in your heart and soul. Since I'm able to express myself so much better when using images, photos, songs, poems and the like ... I chose and enhanced these for you, Levi, Magic ... And Charlie, too. I pray you find some small comfort, Dear One.

"Somewhere in Time"

Where there is time
There is tomorrow.
Somewhere in time,
All sorrows pass to memories.
And so the end is the beginning.
Somewhere in time ...
We are as we are meant to be.

Where there is time,
There is a Circle.
Somewhere in time the Circle
Yearns to be complete.
Though you may feel this is illusion,
Somewhere in time,
I know we're certain to meet!

Somewhere in time
Love is Forever ...
A love that's here.
A love that's now to last for all time.
Somehow I know this moment is waiting.

Somewhere in time ...

Where there is time, there is a circle.
Somewhere in time the circle will be complete.
Somewhere in time Love is Forever!
A love that's here ...
A love that's now to last for all time.

Somehow I know
This moment's waiting
Somewhere in time!

Please know that you, your Rainbow Bridge fur kid Levi, precious Magic and also Charlie are in my thoughts and prayers as I wing many loving Angels to soothe and gently guide you, helping you with coping at this very difficult time in your life.

Many Comforting Hugs to You, Levi, Magic and Charlie, too!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Thankyou so, so much each and everyone of you.The tears keep coming.Thankyou so much for all your words of comfort.Believe me they are comforting.I will get better at typing more,it just feels so hard to explain and get my feelings out.I feel I just have to take things slowly.At the moment I feel sad and my body just feels heavy.I know things will get easier one day but its going to take time.I am so glad I found this site and i will be posting alot more.I think this will help alot.I am sorry my post is short but please dont think I do not appreciate your sincere kindness,I do.

I just want to send my warmest sympathy to you all too at your losses and sadness.I will find the words to help you all too.

best wishes

Zoe ***

Take your time zoe we will be here for you.
amazing how such a loss has such a physical response in us. I remember that heavy feeling in my body & I ached all over for ages.
thinking of you
elaine

Thankyou Elaine you are very kind.It is an awful heavy feeling,I miss my girls so much it hurts.I will keep posting as its such a comfort.What a fantastic site this is,knowing we can share our feelings with others who have been through the same.Thankyou all.

Zoe

zoe you dont need to apologize for anything. we understand. we just want you to know that we are here for you.
i hope you have a better day today. i will pray for that for you.
patricia

Dear Zoe,

Please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of both of your furbabies. I too lost two dogs in less than six months. My Buddy (Australian Shepherd mix) passed away one year ago on August 1st, 2008. Shortly after that, we sadly found out that our Black Lab Mix Dakota had Bone Cancer. We did everything we could for her but the pain became too much for her and we had to send her to Heaven on January 25th.

Everyone here knows exactly how you feel. Take as much time as you need to grieve for them--It's totally normal to feel sad. Remember we're all here for you.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Hugs to you and Charlie (and to Angels Levi and Magic too)

Hi Patricia,thankyou for your kind words.I am having a really bad start to my day,I just feel sooo heavy today.I seem to find mornings the hardest part of the day.I miss my babies it really hurts.I find I cant concentrate for long but I am trying hard to get through each day.

Zoe

Hi luvmypets,

I really appreciate your kind words.Im so sorry to hear about your losses.Its so hard losing one let alone two and in such a short time.How are you coping now?Does it feel as raw ? Are you finding it a little bit easier? Its only been a very short time for me and it feels like I will never lift this black cloud hanging over me.I miss them so so much.

Zoe

i found the best time of day after Buddy died was bout 11.30am till about 2pm, then it was down hill all the way, till morning then it was uphill till 11.30am.
u r in my prayers.
elaine

Dear Zoe,

My heart goes out to you as I just lost my Molly yesterday morning. I found this site after the Vet took her out of our home. The grief my husband and I feel over her loss is palpable. The heaviness everyone talks about is indeed sickening.

I have another dog, Destiney, but Molly was my rescue girl and we shared a happy life for 11 years. Her eyes were indeed the windows to her soul. She had lovely golden eyes that were more expressive than I can explain. I love Destiney, but to say having her still in my life is a comfort, sadly, is not true. She is not Molly. She is nothing like Molly. She is a little poodle...Molly was a lab/border collie who was brilliant. I use to say, before I inherited Dessy from my Mother who also passed away, that I could not tolerate a "stupid" dog...Molly was the smartest dog I ever met. Her understanding of our vocabulary was unbelievable.

Sorry, it really was my intention to try to write some words of comfort to you but I realize my grief is too new, too raw, to be of much help. My tears are flowing such that I can hardly write...perhaps the cliche "better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all" is true, but right now it just hurts.

SorrowfulSuz

Hi! Zoe,

I found that the first few weeks are always the hardest. Losing Buddy was very hard, but he was almost 17 years old and we knew his time left with us was going to be short. But, at least we also knew he had a long, healthy life. Dakota was only 7 years old and I was so upset and angry when the Vet said Bone Cancer and there really is nothing they can do—I felt she was cheated out of a life and that I was robbed of many years of happy times with her. I honestly started to mourn for her that day in the Vet’s office.

It does get a little easier—you always miss them and I notice so many things still remind me of them. The first week or two I wouldn’t go home after work—I just couldn’t be there alone without my babies. I still get sad every time the Toaster pops up—because they would come running into the kitchen looking for treats when they heard the toaster—etc—so many other things too.

But on a happy note, we adopted a blind Shepherd mix and a Collie Mix (they were friends at the shelter) from a local shelter. I know they can never replace Buddy and Dakota, but I don’t feel like the house is dark anymore—they brought so much fun and light back into, our lives.

So, hang in there Zoe. You will start to feel a little better in time. And remember we’re all always here for you.

luvmypets

elaine. wow! i so agree with you. there was the "middle of the day" where i seemed to be able to function but when the time started to get closer to going home. usually around 2ish because it was after lunch, i felt a seering pain and weight come down on me again. its so so difficult. zoe. hang in there and take it a minute at a time. when you feel like you cant even take one more step, stop, and take a deep breathe , shut your eyes really tight and "see" them. sometimes that was all i needed to do to keep moving forward. sometimes for me, the pain was so intense because i couldnt see them. so i would close my eyes as tight as i could and then ii could even feel my little babies. concentration? i still have trouble focusing. i have photos of my fred that passed away most recently and everytime i look at his sweet little face, well i cant function for a while. just remember that you are going thru the normal grieving process. we all go thru it and as painful and as heavy as it is, you will reach the other side in time. its a place where you can remember your sweet ones with a smile and not so many tears.
keep writing ok? you think that you are not getting any better, and although it may not seem like it, you are. and thats all that your girls want for you: for you to smile again.

youre in my thoughts and prayers
patricia

Hi Sorrowfulsuz,

Im so sorry to hear about Molly,I know wot you are going through.The hurt and pain is very deep isnt it.Please dont apologize and keep sharing your emotions.You,as well as everybody else here, have been a huge help as it doesnt make me feel alone in how I feel,so keep writing.Take care of yourself and write soon.

best wishes

zoe

Hi Luvmypets,

Its funny how so many little things remind you of your babies.I get so tearful when I think of those things but I want to think of them as they are a part of me and always will be.I have all their things out still and always will.It gives me comfort.So no matter how hard it is to see and think of those things,I guess it will get easier in time.I just miss them so much it hurts.

take care

Zoe

Hi Patricia,

Thankyou for your kind words.The last part...wow...about my girls wanting me to smile again,that really got me.The tears were flowing and a smile ! Just knowing that is what they want.THANKYOU.That meant the world to me,what a huge comfort.

best wishes

Zoe