Hello All:

I happened upon this site today looking for any and everything to ease my grief. I lost my baby Duke this past weekend. He was hit by a car right in front of our house. He was only 9 months old and he was my everything. Although we initial got him for my two daughters he quickly became my dog. I was his mother and loved him as just like my children.

We bought Duke home when he was eight weeks old. We had been told by everyone to train him in the crate and make sure that he sleeps in the crate at night. He quickly let us know that was not going to work. He cried and cried until my husband and I put him in bed with us. He slept with us everynight from that point forward and was not happy unless he was right up under me with his head in my lap. I woke up every morning to his kisses. We played and I brushed him down, took him for walk and fed him. He would lay back in my bed and fall a sleep while I got dressed for work. In the evenings he would jump up in the living room window as soon as he heard my car. He would greet me with love as soon as I walked in the door and was my shawdow. He went everywhere with me and everyone would comment on how spoiled he was. I loved him with my whole heart and he loved me back without conditions. My husband and daughters loved Duke very much also and are dealing with their own grief, but they all seem to be better off then me.

I am having such a difficult time dealing with my grief and guilt. I feel like I didn't protect him and that it is somehow our fault that he is not here anymore. He was just a baby and I imagined many more years of happiness and growing with him. I am so sadden by his sudden death. My husband buried him in the back yard and I keep looking out the window in sorrow.

Everyone is telling us to get another dog because it helps. My husband and kids are on board but I am not readly. I loved Duke so completely, I don't know if I can do it again.

Any help anyone can provide is appreciated. I am truly stuggling with this.

Don't beat yourself up - things can happen in an instant with pets, kids etc. I saw a dog get hit by a truck on Friday, that ruined my day I can tell you. Animals are not traffic smart, domestic or wild, and they just need that split second to get on the road. It's not your fault, you shouldn't feel guilty - of course you would have done anything to prevent it from happening and of course you did - but sometimes things don't go as expected. This happens all the time unfortunately.

As for getting a new dog, you will know when it is the right one, whether it is in a few days or even months, you will know if the animal is the right fit for you. You will not have serious doubts, although you may subconsciously compare it to your previous pet. Just think - you may be giving a loving home to a pet that needs one.

I feel for your loss, having had one myself very recently, but please don't blame yourself. Remember Duke as he was and keep pictures of him, but if you can eventually open your home to another pet, it certainly won't take his place.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's amazing how much we can love our pets, isn't it? My kitty Eileen was truly my best friend in the whole world, and it's been more than three years now since she left this place, and I still cry. I really don't believe I'll ever love another animal as much as I loved her - well, still love her, really. I have other cats, but it's not the same. She was special.

And your relationship with your baby was special. So maybe his death is affecting you differently than it is affecting your husband or kids. That's OK.

I'm going to tell you to try not to feel guilty, but I know it's hard. Eileen was hit by a car, too. And I still feel guilty sometimes. I think we have to try to remember that we did our best to take care of our babies. We're just not perfect, that's all. We can't protect them from everything. Unfortunately, despite our best efforts, bad things happen. I know we would have done anything we could to save them.

When you're ready, go ahead and get a new dog. But there's no rush. And a new dog won't be Duke. He or she might be very special, but it won't be the same. A new dog might help fill the emptiness, but he or she won't take Duke's place. The thing is, though, that Duke wouldn't want you to be lonely, right?

Magdalene

I lost my baby one week ago and people are telling me to get a new one also, but I am not ready yet. Just give yourself time. That's what I'm doing. I believe loving animals is part of my purpose on this earth and if I don't get another I will be wasting my gift. It definitely takes courage to put yourself in the position to potentially be hurt by loss again.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think everyone here knows how hard this is.

I agree with Quicksilver that I too was put here to love animals. As hard as it is to lose our best friends, I would not trade one second of the time I had with them for anything in this world. But there are so, so many other dogs, cats, etc. out there who are so desperate for someone to love them.

I have two young pups at home and I know I would be completely devastated if I lost either of them. It's hard at any age. I lost Lily last year in June and then Hunny this April. Both were only eight when they left this earth. I miss them with every beat of my heart. But I've also developed quite a bit of parnoia since losing them. I worry about my dogs much more than I ever did Hunny and Lily. Lily died suddenly and Hunny battled cancer for nine months.

Everyone is different when it comes to accepting a new family member. Especially when the one you loved dies so tragically. You develop a fear of it happening again. I know I have. I worry all the time about Barney and Casey. They get into everything!!!

But I just couldn't imagine my life without them. I now have four dogs! We got Izzy, a 4-year-old beagle and a puppy mill rescue, just 10 days after losing Lily. Then we got Barney November 1st - he was just 10 weeks old. Then two weeks before Hunny lost her battle with cancer we got Casey, six months. We mostly got her to keep Barney company. Then George showed up at my work three weeks after Hunny left. My husband thinks Hunny sent George to watch over the others - all beagles, Casey is a beagle cross.

Death hurts so much that you think you can't carry on. You don't know how you can go on without them. But we do. We get through somehow. It takes time. Lots of time. Another pet will NEVER take Duke's place, but you will love them just as much as you loved him.

I know what you mean when you say you feel you let him down. That's how I felt - especially with Lily. She was a rescue too and she was supposed to have been here with us till she was old. But she had to go I guess. Lily died on June 24th and Izzy was surrended by a puppy mill that same day. So I like to believe that she gave up her place here for Izzy. Izzy had never known any kind of love. She had issues, but she has come such a long way. She has learned to trust us. I am crying as I write this, because as much as I miss Lily I know that Izzy needed us just as much as Lily did.

Anyway I'm rambling. Sorry.

You are in my thoughts. I know you'll love another when you're ready. And if you do get another dog before you're ready, you'll love them anyway. They'll work their way into your heart. They always do.

dear dukes mom

im so very sorry to hear about your loss. can i tell you something that ive never told anyone? ive had my little puppy lucy for about (wow time flies) five months now. deep inside, i always wondered how dogs got away, or ran away or why tragic things happened to our pets. i know it was not right but i swore that bad things would never happen to my dog because i would take care of her better than anyone else. how wrong i was. lucy although she is the light of my life, has been a little terror since day one. i love her dearly but she is a handful. for someone that thought she could take care of this dog better than anyone could, let me tell you that she has been in the hospital, now five times. and she has run away from me. everytime i think of that day, i feel something awful. i was so lucky because i live in a quiet street. however if a car had been coming, she would not be with me right now and im not just saying that because shes with me. she was running so fast, she wouldnt have had time to stop. she didnt even bother to look for uncoming cars. she just ran. luckily she came back but i now know that lucys purpose in life was to first, teach me that my thinking was wrong and that i cannot judge.
my dear, what happened was an accident. a tragic one, but an accident none the less. little duke was a puppy and even if he wasnt, they do things in the blink of an eye. this was not anyones fault. in fact, you gave him the best months of his life and he knew he was your special little boy. he knew you loved him. please take comfort in that.
please be good to yourself. take time to grieve and dont rush it. go outside and talk with him, let him know that there will come a day when you will be together again. building a little memorial for duke might help you. i know when i built one for my cat fred, it helped me a lot.
please excuse my rambling but i also feel compelled to respond to getting another dog. ive written my story many times and im afraid people are getting tired of reading it over and over so i will make it as simple as possible. when fred died ot too long ago, i was shattered. hed been a part of my life for 14 years. prior to that id lost his brother of 13 and before that lost our family dogs and cats. everytime one passed, my family swore they would never get another dog or cat. my cats were my very first pets, alone. i finally moved out and they were my responsiblity and when they both left me, well i cant describe the pain and the hole in my heart. and although i thought i would never hear myself saying this but i was battling whether or not i would ever get another pet. the pain was so great. if i did, it would be in 6 months, maybe in a year or at least when i could talk about fred and riley without breaking down. but a week after freds passing, my apt manager caught me outside. this was really wierd as i never saw her outside ever. how interesting that this particular night she was outside. she asked to talk to me and as we walked back to my apt, she told me about a little dog that had had a hard start to her life. she was only four months old and needed a forever home. i was speechless. how could i take in a dog when i was devestated over fred. turns out she had no idea fred had died... (how could she? i hadnt told anyone) to make a long story short. i took her in but in my mind promised myself i wouldnt love her. i would only give her a roof and feed her. that was it. well the first night was just terrible. i cried so much because i missed my fred so much more and i (yes i did) called my friends to come get her. at the time i didnt care where they took her as long as she and all of her belongings were gone. but they talked me down and i had a "moment" with lucy where our eyes met and i could tell she knew i was unhappy with her. her big brown eyes begged me not to give her away again. i vowed to make it work and five months later, i cant imagine my life without her. dukes mom, she played a big part in my healing. she dried up my tears and put a smile on my face as well as a big hole in my wallet.
i know that you cant even begin to imagine another one. but consider this. duke does not want you to be unhappy. animals are 100% love and only want to see you laugh and smile. AND, i know fred had a big "paw" in my having lucy in my life. he knew i was sad and wanted his momma to be happy again. hes "upstairs" now laughing his little head off because he never gave me any trouble. now, trouble lives with me in the form of a little terrior.
take it very slow: one day at a time and one day you will feel ready for a new little one that will NEVER replace duke but will bring joy and laughter into that sad heart of yours.

please keep writing. its very healing and know that you are not alone. we are here for you
patricia

Thank you for your encouraging words. It is helpful to hear that I am not alone. I know I should not feel guilty, but I also know that guilt is part of the grief process. I miss Duke so much. I am going through the motions of my day but waves of sorrow wash over me out of nowhere. I know time heals all wounds I just wish I could get there faster.

Patricia:

Thanks so much for your story. Reading the similiar experiences has help me tremendously. We live on a pretty busy street and it was always my fear that this would happen. I was always careful as a result but Duke was so fast and there is no way that any of us could have caught him. His mind was set on the task. He was a stubborn little thing and I loved him b/c of his wonderful personality. I will miss him everyday and hope that I don't allow fear to keep me from opening my heart to another pet someday. Thanks again for your understanding. This is really helping me deal with the different emotions I feel on a daily basis.

Dukesmom

wether you lived on a busy street or a quiet street, it can happen to any one of us. last nite i went home and i gave lucy and extra big hug that she tried to squirm out of. yes you will miss duke. i miss my little ones every day. not one day goes by that i dont think of them. they took with them a piece of my heart just like your little duke took a piece of yours. just remember to take it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. let yourself grieve. i can promise you that time will heal your wounded heart and there will come a day when you will be able to speak about him without the tears and instead with a big smile for all the funny, wonderful things he did. hold on to those happy memories. write them down in a book, perhaps somewhere where you can open it and "feel" the memories when you need to.

duke is still with you and he is your angel now.
you are in my thoughts and prayers.
patricia