I had to put my beloved cat, Peekaboo, to sleep on Tuesday. She had a tumor growing on her side which I believe was growing into her lungs making it hard for her to breathe. Four years ago the vet excised it but it grew back over the years. I knew she was sick and that I'd probably have to do it someday, but that doesn't give me any consolation. She was having a horrible time breathing, but rather than put her through tests to see if it was the cancer or some other kind of problem I chose to put her to sleep. She had also lost a lot of weight and was not eating.

She was full grown when I found her one day hiding under my car and she was the best cat I ever owned. So gentle, so loving....she was my best friend. We had thirteen years and two days together, but in my mind that wasn't enough. I want her back healthy and whole again but I know that will never be. I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that I did the right thing because I feel so bad about having to do it.

R.I.P Peekaboo - I loved you with all my heart.

Hi, Quicksilver, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Peekaboo. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is comparable to stopping life support for a human family member or friend. It is never an easy decision to make regardless of the circumstances but it is the last gift of love we can give to our precious companions so that they can be relieved of their physical failing bodies and be restored to health and happiness in heaven's perfect garden. One of the many emotions we experience in our grief journey is guilt, second thoughts - - did I do the right thing, did I do the wrong thing, did I wait too long, did I not wait long enough, why didn't I do this or that or why did I do this or that. From what you have described it sounds to me that you did the right loving thing for your precious Peekaboo. One of the hardest "realities" of the grief journey is adjusting our lives to the physical absence of our precious companions. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, Quicksilver, and it is one that you do not have to travel alone. Please know you are among friends here who know first hand how you are feeling and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Quicksilver, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I agree with everything moon beam has said. The second guessing is all part of our loss. You certainly did do the right thing tho as you say it often isn't any consolation for the totality of how bereft we feel. I agree the physicalness of the loss is so hard to process. The first few days are hell on earth. I love the name Peekaboo. Peekaboo will always love you and I know that spending time here @ LS will help you to process all this "stuff" you are going thru.
I send {{{HUGS}}} to help reassure you that you did what was best for your Peekaboo.
You will be in my prayers Quicksilver.
elaine

i feel you did the right thing also ,its hard somtimes to tell how much pain they are going trough ,cats are very good at hiding how they really feel when they dont feel well ,please dont feel badd about doing it ,we all love our pets so much and try our best to give them the best care ,you did what you felt was right,and its not easy but you didnt want her to suffer and i really feel that they know this ,hope you feel better ,and i know what you mean on no matter how much time we have with them it never seems enough

Thanks guys, I really appreciate everything you've said. In addition to the guilt I can't even look at one spot in my house that doesn't remind me of her. Plus I came home from work today and there was a wad of cat hair on the floor and I bawled my head off because it was so soft and it felt just like her. Ugh....it's so hard! Somebody said the only way to get through this is to go through this. True, I suppose. But I feel like a petulant child because I don't wanna do it!

I love that this site is here. Most people have been so understanding and supportive, but there are some in this world who you expect to be there for ya and they just don't get it. Some people don't realize that she was like my child. Thank goodness for this place.

I know that feeling, of as I put it "I dont want to be grown up anymore!"
All I cld say for the first week was "this sux", I just wanted to jump up & down & scream like a little kid "It's not fair!"
I love that word petulant that described my feelings brilliantly. I hve survived those early days, but looking back I often still wonder "how?"
You are right in saying "you've got to go thru it" and that's exactly what happens here, we get thru it, by not having to be the sensible grown up's and being able to share exactly how we feel & that makes a HUGE difference. Thou right now I'm sure it doesn't feel like it.
In my prayers
elaine