Hello everyone,

Well, I know I did the right thing. Schmendrik had been ill, and acting strangely. He was at the vet 4 times in his last two weeks on earth. I just never realized what a help that little boy I raised from a 9 week old to almost 15 years was to me dealing with multiple disabilities. The chronic pain was the worst, but as you all know, felines offer unconditional love. Even days when the Cancer pain meds couldn't stop me from crying, that little angel would do his best to comfort me. I was always surprised the way family, friends, and neighbors would bring him gifts. I think that they saw what I didn't, that Schmendrik was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Sorry if this is a dumb question. Do any of the rest of you still find yourself crying after your friend has been gone just a few weeks? I know the last several days of grinding pain aren't a help, neither is threat of foreclosure, but some times I just can't help it. I see a favorite toy, or cat food in the pantry, and the hot tears just roll down my cheeks. In a way, there is a blessing in all of this. I had created a mythical place for a feline on a website. I called him Schmendrik the Wonder Llama, leader of a group of fiercely loyal humans. About two months ago, when I tried Acupuncture for the pain, I felt well enough to do more. I shot new digital photos, recorded purriing for the Oracle of Schmendrik, gave him his own blog, and his "Acolyte" tweeted for him on twitter. This may sound corny, but now I feel like some divine hand caused me to be so much more involved with him because he did not have much longer.

Other companions of felines have suggested that I think about a new kitten to help with the pain of loss. Just don't know if I'm ready for that.

Regards,
eagle

I'm really sorry you are having to go through this. From my own perspective I know that I went through a period of emotional numbness for several days following each death of a furkid. That was a blessing because it helped me to get through the burials and acclimating somewhat to their absence. After that I usually cried my heart out at random times over the course a few weeks. I would not be able to look at photographs of them without weeping. It is a rough time but a necessary part of the process. After a year or so I could look at their photos without getting too emotional but to this day it still pains me to do that. The happy memories are replacing the sadness of loss but it takes a long time in my case. Everyone is different, of course.

Furkids know when we feel bad. Some of them are experts at trying to comfort us when we are hurting. If you decide to get a cat in the future you might consider adopting a cat from a local shelter or adoption group. Also, I know you and everyone else in the world wants a kitten so you can watch them grow and become a family member. It is always a good thing to adopt an older cat. Most of them can become great family members as well and they are so hard to find homes for since everyone wants kittens. The kittens will usually get a home quickly but not the middle aged cat. That is why we have adopted a number of them over the years. They appreciate the new home so much that it more than makes up for the fact they are not that young.

I hope your medical problems become more manageable and you don't have that to deal with on top of the grief. Try to keep a positive outlook on life. It does help.

Take care,
Ken Albin

Ken,

Thank you for your support. Schmendrik was a gift to me from some married friends. He was found as a kitten by the two of them at the humane society. I am really trying to keep a positive attitude, but it can be tough. Because I was facing foreclosure late last year, I stopped the pain meds the hospital pain clinic advised since they were so expensive. Schmendrik just knew when I was really suffering, and gave me a reason to go on. He would sit on the back of the sofa, start grooming at one ear and not stop till he reached the other. Didn't matter which of my health problems was the issue, he just seemed to know what to do.


Regards,

Albert

My cat has been in heaven for 12 weeks (tomorrow) and I still cry hysterically from time to time. For me, the grief comes and goes. Well, it never actually goes, but some days it is definitely more intense. I think I will probably cry for her for the rest of my life. Not every day, of course, but I don't think the ache in my heart will ever go away until we are reunited.

(((HUGS))) to you.

My dog Wally died last September (almost a year now) and I cried tonight for him.
It's perfectly OK to cry only weeks after losing someone you love....and kid yourself not, your pet is someone.....probably the one person that loved you the most. Our pets love us unconditionally. How can we not grieve. You'll never forget.....but it will get easier.
The last time I cried was a few months ago and I was bawling.....today it was just a few tears. Time does heal.
I'm close to a point of getting another pet.

Your time will come. You will heal in time. It will take some time. It's OK to be sad and to grieve.....even for months....it's normal.
Just remember, your baby loves you still.

I was going through a bad time too and my Wally would help me through it. I think thats why I miss him so much.

I hope you heal quickly
-Donald

Jess,

I am so sorry to hear that you loss your feline companion. I would have to agree that I will probably cry on & off the rest of my life. Tho most of my other adult friends don't take notice, I do notice one thing. Most of my "cat-owned" friends have had several felines in their lives by now. Schmendrik was the first four-footed mammal I chose to live with as an adult. My folks did not get him for the family, no spouse/lover brought him home for us. The boy was given to me by friends who felt that having been placed on disability, I might find human companionship lacking while all of my friends were at work 1/3 or more of their lives. They brought him over 1 Saturday morning as a surprise. How could I have ever understood that a tiny mammal that could sit on just one hand at 9 weeks would steal my heart so completely. When I pray to God to ask him to help my heart heal, I will pray for my new friends who have also lost animal companions.


With Caring & Peace,

Albert

Donald,

Thank you so much for sharing your feelings. I'm so sorry that you lost Wally. I appreciated the way you shared because it is in such contrast to some of my friends. Some of my male friends don't want to deal with the fact that 2 weeks after my boy died, their 56 year old friend Albert is still crying about a 12 pound feline. I'm not following the "play-book" - grown men don't cry, I guess. I also notice some of my female friends don't understand why I'm not bouncing back faster. They feel that I should be "all better by now", and ready for the next "pet".

I appreciate your use of the word "normal". The way some friends & family are dealing with all of this, I was beginning to think that I might be a candidate for the "laughing acadamy". Then I stopped & remembered something. I'm the one who had been taking Cancer pain meds for a spinal-chord injury, not them. I'm the one who went off all of the pain meds last Thanksgiving to try & avoid foreclosure. And lastly, I'm the one who benefited when the pain was burning my soul and that loving, Tuxedo boy would come and sit in my lap while he tried to purr me to health. He was more important than all 5 doctors & 11 prescriptions put together some days. That, along with the constant companionship & uncondtitional love, are why I miss him so much. I'd like to share a quote from Albert Einstein that has made me feel a little better, maybe it will help someone else too.

"Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.” Letter to the family of his lifelong friend Michele Besso, after learning of his death, March 1955


Crying at the keyboard,

Albert

i'm sorry for your loss. my schnauzer, sparky, is gone 12 years and i still get tears in my eyes sometimes. he was quite a character. if you get tears... then it's normal. it is those who do not grieve who are in trouble. go with whatever feelings you have and you'll be better off because you've expressed your grief.

thirty something years laters, i still cry for my first cat tiger. how i love him still. i dont think any of us are ever the same again. i miss all of my furry companions, to this day. its hard, yet i am so gratful that we have enough love in our hearts to give to a new one. i dont think i could live without one. as someone here so wisely said "and kid yourself not, your pet is someone.....probably the one person that loved you the most. Our pets love us unconditionally." - just yesterday my mother and i were talking and she said to me "maybe you shouldnt love lucy as much as you do" - she didnt say it in a mean spirited way. her and i are a lot alike that we just fall head over heels over our furry friends and she wants to protect me from the pain (lucy is always getting into trouble. just this past weekend, she played too hard at the park and popped her knee out of the socket ((a very common thing for smaller dogs)) and doctors orders include two weeks strict bed rest). but i said "how do we stop the love? especially when they love us so much? its something that i think about a lot! how is it that we are expected to get over the loss of our best friends. no one dares to tell me that i should get over the death of my father eight years later, so why should I get over the loss of pets that mean just as much if not more than my father? they are our family too. well i just dont get it. all i know is that i pray for everyone here everyday, that we have the strength to go another day and that the wounds in our hearts will heal.

eagle, i am so sorry for your loss. i know what youre going thru. we all do. and when you are ready, you will be blessed with a new furry companion that although will never replace Schmendrik but will bring you new joys and happiness.
please keep writing. its very healing.
patricia

It does take a long time to get over the loss of a pet, it's a process you have to go through. I've lost 2 in 6 months. Yes, they were both 15, but that doesn't make it any easier. We did get another young cat, and she doesn't "replace" anyone, she is a distinct pet in her own right. She was well trained by one of our older cats, and so some of him lives on in her. But new pets are individuals, an addition to your household, not a replacement for anyone.

it's not easy helping our fur companions across the rainbow bridge, I still cry for my Buddy (it's been 8 weeks) & we have another adorable fur companion in our lives.
we went away on holidays for a week last week & I took my "Buddy's" ashes with us.
I know you will make it thru, even tho you probably dont.
{{{HUGS}}}
elaine