My posts and visits to this site have been few and far between in the last 2 years or so, and I feel a bit guilty just coming here now when it's "about me". For that, I apologize up front, but after losing Inky in 2005 and moving on after time, you all understand, I'm sure.

It seems I'm about to be in that place again... Taz, my big beautiful 17 year old cat buddy, has been breaking down rapidly over the last few weeks. My poor old kitty suddenly has problems standing, walking, and just moving around. He was always so meticulous and is now going to his litter box, stands in front of it with all intentions of getting in, but just pees right there. Not an issue as I've blanketed the vicinity with heavy duty weewee pads, but the fact that this is just such a sudden and drastic change is really putting up some huge red flags.

He's been on 5 medications twice a day for the last 2 years with blood pressure issues and extreme... and I do mean extreme... weight loss. My 30 lb. cat is now about 11 lbs.

I know his time is very quickly approaching and I know I absolutely have to do the right thing by him, but I'm second guessing myself. He's pulled out of dire situations before and I'm wishing it will be the same now, but know in my heart this cannot go on. Someone just spell it out... someone just tell me that I'm justified in making that ultimate decision for him (and I won't be blaming you, later, so no worries there! )

You all know what I mean and I also know you all realize where I'm at odds with myself. This wasn't a decision I had to "plan" with Inky, it just was something that had to happen at the given moment in time. With Taz, it's a conscious decision to take him to the vet with one purpose only. Although I have an appointment for him one week from today, it just may take me that long to get my heart to do what my brain knows is right.

All opinions and comments greatly appreciated.

Dear Snickster
I'm glad you dropped by for some support, cos you sure need it. I know as I was in the same situation only a month & a half ago. If I could I wld be there to rub you back whilst you held your beautiful Taz's paw as you make this gawd awful & oh so painful decision. This is such a horrible time & the waiting b4 the nxt visit. It was the same for my old dog Buddy, I had another appt @ his vets for another reason but realised I needed to change it from a visit for an arthritis injection to that horrid other one. I was almost physically sick that whole week. You will find the courage from within to make the right choice and those second guesses are just part of the whole traumatic decision we sometimes hve to make for our beloved companions. We need to make that ultimate decision to save our loved ones from pain & suffering. Let your suffering ease the suffering for your beloved Taz. I am with you in spirit as you make this decision, I will be with you in spirit when you hve your nxt vet visit whichever way it goes.
My heartfelt wishes to you to help you make the right choice that only you as Taz's mum/dad can make.
Our fur companions love us unconditonally right until the end. They will always love us no matter what.
Take Heart & be strong.
elaine

Oh what a sad thing to have to watch your formerly healthy cat deteriorate physically. I might have missed it in your post, but do you have a diagnosis - kidney issues, cancer etc.? Would you feel better and have more closure about your decision if you did one final blood panel or vet checkup etc.? I knew that my Callym was close to passing on due to cancer and kidney issues, but I just had to do one final blood panel during his final downturn just so I knew what was going on. It made no difference to anything other than my peace of mind.

You will do right by your kitty, and I sure whatever decision you make will be with his best interests at heart, no matter how heartwrenching the decision.

Hugs.

Snickster,

I've been where you are now and know exactly how you feel to make the appointment and wait a week knowing what that appointment means! I made it somehow. My situation was a dog and I carried her around outside a lot so she could enjoy the fresh country air since she had trouble walking. Spent as much time with her as I could to reassure her I loved her. Fed her things she loved since she had been restricted on many things since a kidney was removed about 5 years earlier. That week was harder than the actual appointment. Was I sad when it was over? Still am 9 months later!

A couple of years earlier I had a cat that had a tumor and I tried to keep her going much longer than I should have. She died in my arms 1 block from the vet and did not go peacefully. I felt very guilty for that for a very long time. I had promised her I would not let her suffer and had not kept that promise.

Both losses were difficult but I had a hard time dealing with the cat's loss than I have with Flossie. Knowing I did the right thing for HER.... not me.

None of this is easy but you will get through your grief period somehow. Try to remember all the good times with Taz and realize it is out of love that you are helping end the suffering. I still often think I could have kept Flossie alive a bit longer but would that have been the humane and loving thing to do?

Sending thoughts, prayers and hugs your way as you travel along on this journey that many of us have experienced. Come here often if you need to and let us know how you are doing.

Thank you all for your responses and I'm sorry it took me so long to come back. We lost Taz on Monday, 7/27. He had gone to the vet the week before and after some fluids, he seemed to be doing so much better. He remained much more spunky until early Monday morning, when he completely collapsed and couldn't get up.

I rushed him to the vet and she truly believes that he had a brain tumor, probably not cancerous, but one that has grown quickly and caused brain damage. We lost him at 11:20 that morning. Just looking at him and knowing that he really, really wouldn't want to hang around this way made my decision easy.... I had to do just exactly what he would ask if he had that ability.

My boy was just such a beautiful soul.

What's very, very odd is that I'm not destroyed by losing him. I have more of a feeling of peace than sadness. I know he's just fine now. I know he's with his beloved Inky, who he has missed terribly for 4 years. Just knowing they're together makes me happy. Does this sound weird? I honestly thought I'd fall apart without him and never expected to feel, for lack of a better word, happy for him. Or, perhaps, I've just completely lost my mind. Not sure which one it is yet. I miss him terribly and would give anything to have him back for another 17 wonderful years, but I just know in my heart that this is exactly what he wanted me to do for him.

Sounds perfectly normal to me! I am so glad that you are @ peace with your loss, i understand that it wld feel weird to not be traumatised but each loss is different & I don't think that because you haven't fallen apart doesn't mean you don't care. I think you had such a close connection that you just knew what had to be done. Just when you think you know how it's gunna feel when it's time for your companion to cross that rainbow bridge, WHAM!!! a different experience comes along & catches us by surprise.......just because you aren't crying @ the moment doesn't mean it wont happen @ all, possibly down the track sometime, then WHAM!!! there it will be again another new experience to go thru.....grief is so multi faceted........
go gently & I am thinking of you
elaine

Snickster - I think I understand how you feel - I had to say goodbye to my cat on July 18, just 6 months after his buddy left us. I had just left the vet's after the terrible appointment, and I was driving home, very upset and crying, when I suddenly experienced this overwhelming sense of peace, along with the thought that the two cats were together now and sending the message. It was such a sudden, unexpected and strange feeling, I'm still not sure what to make of it. My mind playing tricks? The cat actually communicating with me several minutes after he passed? Who knows? All I know is, it was a very strong feeling that happened totally out of the blue and totally overwhelmed me.

I am really starting to believe that they are still around us when their physical being is gone. And they must surely appreciate our help when they are too ill to ever get well again. I wish that option was available to humans.

Thank you, Petmum and Jasonsmom. Please know that my thoughts are with you on your losses, also.

I was a wreck at the vet's office when he left, sobbing all the way home, but like you said.... that sense of peace knowing he is with Inky and that they're both fine now took over. Yes, I definitely have and will continue to have my sudden tears for quite a long time, but not that searing pain that I've had before. I just know he's fine and that I will be, too. What I wouldn't give just to give him one more smooch on his "M"

Yes, the "M", the nice soft furry forehead of our little guys.......:-((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( and their velvet noses.........................:={

thankyou for the beautiful pic.
I love cats too, even tho our "tilli" doesn't like to sit on us or cuddle us, and bosses our new dog around, I still love them.
Peace Is With You
elaine

im sorry Snickster , i know how hard the greif can hit at times ,it comes somtimes out of nowhere ,i get that a lot since my jeannie passed ,i try to take it one day at a time ,please allow your self the time to cry,think,and rembemer him and know that there in a better place now ,what a beautiful cat he is ,hope you feel better again ,thanks jay

Thank you, Jay and Petmum and Jasonsmom. I just wanted to put that face up. His personality was way more beautiful than his looks. There will never be another like my Taz (or, "Teezee", as I called him). My other two are missing the hell out of him suddenly, but I know that they'll eventually adjust, too.

Snickster,
I am so sorry to read of poor Taz. Even if they are "ready" to go, we are never ready to let them go in our hearts. The photo is wonderful of him. Sometimes they give us the most intense and knowing expressions! May your time of grieving give way quickly to peace, and even joy.