I think I have finally lost my mind. I had to pick up Max's ashes this weekend. I couldn't bring myself to go. I knew I would be too hysterical in the hospital. But look what I did.......while my husband was picking up Max's ashes, I WAS OUT PICKING OUT A NEW PUPPY!!!!!. I feel so embarrassed to tell people. I love Max more than anything in the world but I feel so disloyal to him and to the people who are supporting me through this horrible time in my life. WHAT WAS I THINKING????? I went with a friend of mine who was going to get a puppy because her shih tzu has been gone for four months. Max has only been gone for FOUR WEEKS! I still have time to change my mind. Why was I doing this? Do I really want this puppy or was I just running away from having to face what I have been dreading for 3 weeks. The puppy is a 9 week old bichon female. Very very laid back. Just what I always thought I would get if I ever got another one. I named her Rosie. But now, today, I am feeling so bad. I'm back to being all confused. Does anyone have any insight they can share with me, to help me figure out what to do? I don't want people to think I have abandoned my beautiful baby Max.

Thank you so much
Carol

Disloyal? I don't think so. As I have said else where, you are not replacing your dog Max because that is an impossibility in my opinion. Your new puppy will never be Max, it will be Rosie. I don't think anyone can really say when is the right time to get a new puppy after the loss of thier dog. As long as Max holds a special place in your heart and mind, you continue to honor him in memories. Don't feel guilty for making space in your heart for a new companion. Rosie is going to be a wonderful addition to the family that will help fill the void left by Maxie. I'm happy for you actually. I know it will be quite some time before I could handle getting another pet. I will someday but not yet.

I'm sorry you weren't able to handle the stress of picking up Maxie's ashes. I haven't had to deal with that yet but I'll probably be dealing with it this week. I'm not looking forward to that but it will help bring closure. I know I'm going to bawl when I do pick them up and sprinkle Ava's ashes where she loved to be. Although close, I haven't cried for the last couple of days but the flood gates will open i know when I have to deal with this task.

Hi Carol:

Congratulations on your new furbaby, Rosie!!!!

Please, don't be embarrassed here.......whatsoever....YOU ARE AMONG FRIENDS!!!!

I am very, very sorry over the loss of your beautiful furbaby, Max.....
I'm sorry that I haven't been "on the site" recently, to answer posts.....
But, I HAVE been on the site a few times a day to read everyone's posts...
And, I want you to know that I have felt your pain, sadness and your grief...

I have put a post that's now on page two....called..."To My friends...Old and New", and if you have the chance,
please read it...

Rosie will never, ever, ever be a replacement for your sweet Max!!!
That can never happen.

Both furkids are "individuals", and very different....



In my opinion, you have not abandoned your precious Max.... That will never happen.... Max, is in your heart
and in your soul, and in your mind.....
Never to leave you.......He's a part of you now!!

I think the fact that you went with your friend because she was picking out a new furbaby.....
And, because you LOVED YOUR MAX SOOOOOOOO MUCH, there happened to be a bichon pup who was in
need of your love & care.....

I think you need to wonder, did your sweet Max send you there.......????
Because his mommy has soooo much love to give??

I think, some people are able to adopt new furbabies quicker than others, just "because"...

I don't really believe that there is any right or wrong way.....
I really don't....

There's no better tribute to your Max, than to OPEN YOUR HEART AND HOME, AND SHARE YOUR LOVE
WITH ANOTHER FURBABY.....

But, adopting a new furkitty or furdog soon, is not for everyone....

If the truth be known..........I NEVER WANTED ANOTHER FURBABY AGAIN, AFTER OUR GIRL WAS PUT TO SLEEP 2/7/2004...

But, exactly one month later, that's what happened......
Ben and I adopted two kitties from a shelter...... Ms. Lucy age 7 and Mr. Yoster age 8.....
They needed a home desperately, they had been abused...

And, WE LOVE THEM SOOOOOOOOO VERY, VERY MUCH.....

Do we miss our sweet girl, Ernestine????
Yes, we sure do; but, we know that she is in our hearts, our souls and our minds....
MEMORIES.........THEY CANNOT BE TAKEN AWAY!!!!!!

These new kids aren't replacements for Ernestine....
No one could ever replace her.........
And, no one could ever replace our new kitties.....

I would say, "give it a chance....." GIVE LOVE A CHANCE WITH THIS NEW PUP.......

Losing a very beloved furbaby is difficult -- very, very difficult....
The worst!

But, I've heard it said from other's on this site that in getting a new furbaby "quicker than usual".........
That, when they cry for their furbaby who has gone on to Rainbow's Bridge.........there's a new little
animal friend to lick away the tears......

There is no right/wrong amount of time..... It's very individual....

I wish you much love, and peace in your heart....

God Bless,
Love, Denise

Hi Carol,

I don't think you are being disloyal one bit. I really believe that getting another dog is the highest tribute you can pay to Max, I know he would approve. It shows him how much you loved what he brought into your life with all his doggie ways. It is only a good thing! Think about it, if you hated owning a dog, the last thing you would ever do is get another one, isn't it? The fact that you want another one just proves how much you loved Max. You know that makes him feel good up there at the Rainbow Bridge!! Dogs are such happy creatures, I am sure Max wants you to feel happy too. He knows you won't forget him.

It's been exactly 4 weeks for me too.

We are looking at some English Setter puppies, my Jake was an English setter. I also have that feeling that I am betraying him by even looking or thinking about this, and I still cry every day for Jake. But life is too grim without my setter buddy, it really is, for me. All the grieving and crying I can do won't bring him back. So I am forced to go on, without him................... and I am choosing to get another dog sooner rather than later. I waited 3 years between dogs before I got Jake, and I really think that was too long -- I was sad about my first dog the whole 3 years, it didn't really get better until I had little Jakey running around being his silly self. Take a lesson from your dog, what makes them so special is that they have SO MUCH joy of life, and part of the reason for that is the way they live in the moment.

Puppies truly *are* heart healers -- look at these English Setters we are considering, aren't they something?!!

I have the exact same feelings as you although I haven't had the courage to open up my heart quite yet. Your new baby sounds good for you,being laid back which is what we want also. We also are considering a diifferant breed. We always thought we would have a shihtzu. Please let us know how it goes it sounds precious.

oh gosh j4lorn--I would have a hard time choosing from THAT lot! what a bunch of cuties!!!

Carol! I am SO HAPPY that you have a puppy!!! You are wondering if it is the right thing-but let's face it, you certainly didn't go out a purchase a pet like it was some sort of piece of furniture---you HAVE put in plenty of time feeling all your feelings--why not agree that it would be justifiable to also feel a positive feeling too!?? And in my view there is nothing wrong whatsoever with the timing of Maxie's ashes and the new puppy! It is breathtakingly beautiful and poignant...one of the other posters today wrote about renewal in the forest after a forest fire--you know, the new life grows up through the old forest--were it not for all that Maxie gave to you you might not be as grateful to have this new life in your midst! I am really so happy for you and I hope you give us some updates from time to time! This is the BEST thing I have read today!!! Of course you are still going to feel lonely for Maxie...but allow the new puppies presence to "unfold" before you--I know you are going to find solace and comfort in your new stewardship!
Love!
Patti

ps Carol:

I just had another thought, bear with me, this may seem a little twisted :

Dogs are pack animals, right? You know how social they are, and they are much happier when they have other doggie companions of their own, they are always so happy to see other dogs out on their walks etc -- this is why my hus and I will always own at least 2 dogs, they need each other and they need us...

So, look at this as you are building up the pack for Maxie!! you are adding another pal for Maxie to hang with one of these days, and I don't know if you have other dogs at the Rainbow Bridge before Max, but someday you will all be together as one big happy family! Dogs are very social, they hate to be alone!

yes, Max would approve!! (((Carol)))

I agree that you are not being disloyal at all. We got Sadie 1 week after we lost Zoe. Granted it's taken some time for me to warm up to her, but she makes me smile now, and is very sweet. Our babies leave such huge voids that we need to give our love to the ever-growing number of new babies out there!
-Sharon

Dear Carol,
I'm sick, I know I am, and I'm sorry but I just couldn’t stop laughing.
Here you are traumatised because you acted from the heart and I'm laughing, sorry but it did seem a bit like something you’d see on a comedy tv show.

You have time to think, that is good, the time span it seems is irrelevant some of us have exhausted our love and our feelings whereas others of us have an inexhaustible supply, don’t feel guilty just be 100% sure.

Personally I think this is an exhausting time draining every ounce of you energy and a new puppy demands lots of attention and energy, so if you feel you can handle that then there’s nothing to stop you.

a new puppy means a new beginning, toilet training, love – not tears, understanding, patients, you know the list and only you know if you are ready.

One thing to remember is our fur babies don’t think like us, the day Sadie died Jude walked around on tip toes with her head held high as if to say “its ok, she’s gone I understand now where’s my dinner”.

Love Sue

J4lorn
I love the shy one at the back peeking from behind the big one on the right. I think I'm in need of a cuddle.

Sue

awwww, Sue, that is the one I fell in love with too, but he's spoken for!!!
and the big guy with his eyes shut -- they must have just woken up!

I love the way Setters give those sideways glances, they all do it, just like this little guy

Carol. No, you are not being disloyal to Maxie. I was given two cats 3 days after my Kitt died! Sure, I felt guilty at first, but the great people here helped me get over my guilt. Of course Rosie will not take Maxie's place in your heart, but I'm sure she'll help fill the hole in your heart. Gracie and Casey sure have helped me.

Awwwwwwwwww.....how wonderful!!! If you weren't ready, you wouldn't have been able to bring Rosie home. You have a lot of love to give and now you can lavish Rosie with it!

It's not been a week since we lost Dieter, and I know one day we will have another dog in our life, just don't know when. Today I got my hair cut and when I walked into the salon, right in front of me in the middle of her toys and on a long leash was the cutest puppy, a Silky Terrier. My heart ached and I thought, oh no, how am I going to handle this, and the tears started to flow, but I just went with it. I sat right down and she crawled into my lap and licked away all my tears. I snuggled with her like I've been missing doing with Dieter. I had no idea I would encounter a puppy there, and then when it happened I was surprised by what joy I felt. This encouraged me to know that it will be sooner rather than later before I will be able to open my heart to another little guy.

Go give Rosie a snuggle from me!

Hi Carol,

Only you know whether you're ready for a new dog and I wouldn't worry about how other people may think you are being disloyal to little Max. Deep down, we all know that's not really true. Little Max is no longer physically able to be here with you--he must now live in you heart, memory, soul, and dreams. You are obviously someone who has a great desire and need to have a pet to love and nourish.

You and I both lost our beloved Lhasa Apsos on the same day--Aug.18th and we were both devastated at our losses. I don't think I'm ready to make a commitment to another pet just yet, but that doesn't mean I thought more of my Little Man than you did your little Max. Each of us must deal with this matter in our own way and at our own pace. I believe your heart told you it was time and I think that's what you should listen to. When my heart tells me it's time, I will do the same thing.

Little Rosie (I like the name) sounds like she may be exactly what you need. And I have a feeling this is the beginning of another beautiful relationship. I have three cats that always stayed down at the barn, mainly for mice control. Though I fed them, I didn't ever really try to make an effort to bond with them in anyway. They are kind of wild and wouldn't let me get very close to them. Since I lost Little Man, I have made an effort to get to know the cats and I can now even pet two of them. I'm still working on the third one, but I think she'll come around eventually too. I guess since I don't have the physical presence of Little Man anymore, I needed something to give a little attention to.

Little Man was always jeoulous of me having anything to do with other dogs; but I think maybe that was because when he was here, he didn't want to share me with another dog. Now that he can no longer physically be here with me, I don't really think he'd mind if I someday got another dog. In fact, I like to think maybe he'd even approve.

I say just listen to your heart. If it feels right, then go for it. Like some of the others said, she'll NEVER be a replacement for little Max, but you can now lavish all the love you have on her and you can do it in honor of the beautiful relationship you had with Max.

Just don't beat yourself up over all this, Carol. I'm sure it may be a little difficult to bond with another dog at first, but do give it a fair chance. I'm hoping things will work out for the best.

You're in my thoughts,
--Jim