Last week I had 3 cats. Today I have 1. Last Tuesday my oldest cat Bugs passed on at the age of 18. Tough as it was I knew it was coming, and thankfully he hadn't been sick for long. I had him since he was a kitten, and needless to say I was/still am a wreck. I expect I will be for a while.
One thing that gave me some solace was that I had 2 others-Penelope and Sabrina. Last night I noticed that Penelope was a bit unsteady, and throughout the course of the night she got progressively worse, to the point where she couldn't walk. I could tell she was in agony. Since there are no emergency vet clinics near where I live I put her in bed next to me with the intention of getting her to a vet first thing in the morning. Long story short, she didn't survive the night. I've been a walking zombie ever since. I feel just about every emotion possible. Sadness, confusion, anger, but mostly guilt. I can't understand what happened, or why, or what I could have done to save her. I loved her dearly. She had the most beautiful, gentle temprament, and she was only 8 years old. I don't know how she got sick, and why she went so quickly. I searched the house from top to bottom to see if there was something toxic she could have gotten into, but came up with nothing. But being a cat owner more or less steadily for over 20 years I'm EXTREMELY vigilant about things like that. I'm beating myself up something awful over this. I can't shake this feeling that I failed her(or even both of them for that matter.) I've played every scenario imaginable in my head. For a brief minute I had almost convinced myself that someone was sneaking in and poisoning them. Which is a ridiculous theory when looked at logically. But in cases like this I guess imaginations can run amok.
Now I still have Sabrina, and I love her dearly, but now I'm afraid for her too. I'm afraid I'll fail her too. Both losses are excruciating on their own, but to have them happen so hot on the heels of each other is too much. I'm trying to make sense of this, but am drawing a huge blank. I don't know what to think or feel.I'd appreciate some feedback, if anyone can give me any. It would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

FIRST: PLEASE PARDON MY USE OF ALL CAP LETTERS. I'M TYPING WITH ONE HAND DUE TO COMPLICATIONS STEMMING FROM A BROKEN LEFT ARM AND IT'S SIMPLY EASIER FOR ME TO TYPE THIS WAY. SO, NO. I PROMISE THAT I'M NOT SHOUTING. HONEST AND FOR TRUE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR UNDERSTANDING ...

OH SWEET JESUS! DEAREST ROBERTMOFFORT, I SIMPLY CANNOT IMAGINE HOW YOU'RE EVEN REMEMBERING TO TAKE YOUR NEXT BREATH. SO VERY TRAGIC ... AND YOU'RE A WONDERFUL FUR KID PARENT! PLEASE, DON'T EVER FORGET THAT.

EVEN WHEN OUR FUR KIDS ARE VERY AGED AND THEIR CROSSING OVER IS ANTICIPATED, IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY EASIER TO BEAR. NOT IN THE LEAST. BUT, WHAT HAPPENED WITH PENELOPE IS CERTAINLY A DOUBLE WHAMMY JUST LIKE YOU SAID. SO FAST AND ONE CAN CLEARLY SEE HOW CARING, RESPONSIBLE, LOVING AND MORE YOU ARE TO YOUR FUR BABIES MAKING CERTAIN THEY HAVE EVERYTHING THEY NEED AND DESIRE ...

YOUR WORLD IS SHATTERED. THE PAIN, GRIEF, HORROR ... I KNOW JUST HOW DEVASTATED YOU FEEL BECAUSE I LOST MY ALEX AT THE AGE OF 15 YEARS, 5 MONTHS AND 11 DAYS OLD. HE WAS PERFECTLY HEALTHY, TOO. ONE DAY HERE THEN THE NEXT DAY GONE. AND MY GUILT IS ALSO OVERWHELMING JUST LIKE YOURSELF ...

I REALIZE THERE'S NOTHING I CAN SAY AT THIS POINT IN TIME TO COMFORT YOU BUT YOU CAN'T BLAME YOURSELF FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO PENELOPE. YOU JUST CAN'T. I CAN HARDLY SEE MY MONITOR CUZ I'M CRYING SO BADLY FOR YOUR LOSSES. ROBERT, THERE IS NO EMERGENCY VET NEAR WHERE YOU ARE. IF THERE WERE, YOU'D HAVE GOTTEN HER THERE QUICK, FAST AND IN A HURRY. DANG SKIPPY! EVEN IF YOU DID GET VET CARE TO HER IMMEDIATELY, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO MAKE HER SO ILL SO QUICKLY. THERE ARE TWO MEMBERS HERE WHO LOST THEIR FUR KIDS WHO WERE HAPPY, HEALTHY ONE DAY AND GONE JUST A COUPLE DAYS LATER. BOTH DID HAVE THE BEST OF VET CARE. THEY DESCRIBED THE CIRCUMSTANCES AND SYMPTOMS. SINCE I'VE BEEN IN ANIMAL RESCUE AND REHABILITATION FOR ABOUT 30 YEARS, I WAS ABLE TO TELL THEM THE PROBABLE CAUSE OF DEATH. BOTH WERE DIFFERENT. LATER, I'LL HUNT DOWN THOSE POSTS AND GIVE YOU A DIRECT LINK SO YOU'LL SEE.

I AM SO VERY SORRY THIS IS HAPPENING AND WISH I COULD REACH THROUGH MY PC MONITOR TO HUG YOU AND CRY TOGETHER. PLEASE ACCEPT MY DEEPEST CONDOLENCES. PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU AND YOUR FUR KID ANGELS ARE IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS AS I WING MANY LOVING ANGELS TO SOOTHE YOU AND GENTLY GUIDE YOU THROUGH WHAT MUST BE THE MOST GAWD AWFUL DIFFICULT TIME IN YOUR LIFE ...

I WISH YOU PEACE!!!

MANY COMFORTING HUGS AND LOVE TO YOU AND YOUR ANGELS BUGS AND PENELOPE!!!

ALWAYS,
DOTTIE xoxoxox

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Bugs and now of Penelope. It must be unbearable for you not only to lose them both so close together but to have no idea what has caused the death of Penelope and perhaps Bugs, as well. I think it would be a good idea to have Sabrina checked by a vet. I'd check their food as well.
My heart goes out to you. Robert. I hope you can find the answers you need. May you find comfort in this very painful time. Please feel welcome here.

dear robert
i am so sorry for your losses, there are no words of comfort that i can offer. You did such a lovely thing for Penelope by having her nxt to you thru the night. You truly must be a caring soul to have done that. It sux loosing a companion after 18yrs, phew....my famous catch cry.....BREATHE OUT, BREATHE IN & OUT AGAIN. It's a strange piece of info to pass on but one that will really help. You are no doubt so tensed up you don't even realise that you aren't breathing properly.
I'm glad you've got Sabrina to help you thru this awful time, I agree with Nicoles Mum about getting Sabrina vet checked, it will help allay you fears.
check back in here as often as you need to, it will help to be around ppl who care.
Go gently on yourself.
Talk to you soon
elaine

I lost my best friend a little over 2 weeks ago.. I'm so thankful to all here..Be aware we grieve at out own pace..Time does help.. You are not alone.. I still sleep with dancers pillow..Talk with her daily.Just about all your/we do...Be patient with yourself.. The day dancer was put too sleep I'll never ever forget..I toolk the day off from work..This was my special princess, a love felt daily we gave too each other.."This is a major loss in our lives"...I care for you and hug you with my heart...And as one of our other members say breath...Much Heartfelt sympahty Dancer

im so sorry for your losses. its hard enough when you lose one... i lost both of my cats within a year and i thought i was going to go mad. i completely understand what youre going thru. please know that you are not alone. we are here for you.
patricia

I am so terribly sorry about Patrica and Bugsy. I too lost my pet in one day. She was only 3 1/2 years old and wasn't sick at all. In fact, we were on vacation and she was staying with my best friend who happens to have her mom and dad. She was a beautiful Sheltie named Sammie. She was the love of my life. I also have 2 cats, ( I did have 3 but put one to sleep at 6 year old about 7 months ago). But, Sammie was my girl. Her and I just had an indescribable bond that crushed me when she was gone. My friend said she was running and playing fetch one day and then the next morning she could hardly move. She took her to the vet and the next morning she was gone. We found out that she had a disease called Addison's Disease and probably had it since birth. But even knowing what took her life didn't ease the pain. I truly felt like I was going out to my mind. My husband was really afraid that I was having a breakdown and and might not recover. She's been gone 31 days today. Sometimes it seems like forever sometimes it feels like yesterday. I've tried to do a lot of things to help me with the pain. I'll share them with you and hopefully one or two might help you too. One of the first things I did is start a journal. I've never journaled before but this one is titled "Letters to Sammie". I write to her everyday about whatever I'm feeling or want her to know. I printed out all of the pictures I've ever taken of her and I made a shadow box for my office with her paw print, piece of fur (given to me by the pet hospital), the rainbow bridge poem, a bible verse and pictures, I made a scrapbook of her life. I ordered her a headstone (she was buried in our back yard) and made a pretty area for her with a little bench for me to sit and visit. I went to the pet hospital and vet's office to thank everyone who tried to save her. My friends came over and we had a memorial for her. I read the book entitled "All Pets Go to Heaven" which really did give me a sense of peace about where Sammie is now. And finally, I visited this sight and posted almost everyday. I try to help others and that helps me too. There are many, many amazing people on here that will give you comfort. Let yourself feel all the emotions you have because it is totally normal. Yell, scream, cry, get bad, hyperventilate, throw up, don't eat, don't sleep, question yourself to death those are all things we have all gone through when losing our furkids and it's part of the healing process. You will make it even though it doesn't seem like you will and we will be here to help you each step of the way. And we will all pray for you which helps immensely too.
Hang in there and like my friend, Elaine says, Remember to breath.
Melanie