I am not able to post at length right now because I am having a very difficult time, but I found this site on a search for grief resources and was touched by not only the stories, but the kindness of the members in response.

My beautiful and amazing Dalmatian, Alexandra Spotsalot, was tragically killed on March 1, 2007. I continue to have such an abiding ache and cannot find any resources for myself in my community. My grief has been complicated by the circumstances of her death and my witness of her suffering. She was killed by malpractice and her story is incredibly sad and excruciatingly painful for me.

Alex was the Light of my life and I have done my best to cope, and did have some grief therapy for a time, but in one case, because it was an animal death, the program decided it could not serve me, and in the other, when I found a wonderful art therapist through a sliding scale program, the sessions were limited because of the low fee nature of the service.

I miss her so much and am so heartbroken still that she was taken in the manner that she was. I will post more about her at some point, but for now just wanted to post to acknowledge how important it is for those of us grieving an animal loss to have a safe place to discuss our experiences and memorialize. While a good deal of lip service is given to such losses by the counseling and grief support community at large, I find that we are nonetheless a culture that really doesn't view animal death as 'equal' to human losses.

This makes no sense to me and I've found it additionally stressful that her death is somehow not as 'big' of a loss to the social order around me.

At the same time, I've found some powerful ways to memorialize her and at some point will share that, in hopes that it's helpful to others on the forum.

My warmest regards to all of you who are grieving and I appreciate the opportunity to tell you about Alex, when I can manage that a bit better than I can tonight.

Robin, Best Friend of Alex

thank you Robin, i am so glad to hve found this site too, i don't know what I'de do if I hadn't found this site....I am only 2days in to my grief (or I shld say our grief, as my whole family feel it too)...i just keep saying the same thing this soooo SUX!!!!

Robin
Your words have had such a profound effect on me. You've expressed so powerfully how I've felt about the way our culture and others, as well, minimize the lives and deaths of animals. When each of my animal companions has died, and most recently, my beloved Nicole, I was struck with such intense agony that I reeled under pain of it. But it was a pain I could only share with my other cat companions because I didn't want my beloved baby's death to be trivialized.

It was only when I came here that I found others who loved and grieved their animal companions as deeply and passionately as I had mine. My sincere sympathy for your loss of your beloved Alexandra. And may you find great and deep comfort here among those of us who know how you feel. Welcome to LS, Robin. I'm so glad you've come.

im so glad you found this site. this place has been my saving grace as well. many many loving and caring people here that i owe so much to. i agree with everything you have said as well. it boggles my mind, like you said, that the culture we live in now can put such little importance to animal death. ive often said (and not to trivialize the deaths of family members as that has been hard as well) but the losses of my furry family members has been so much harder for me. in any case, i feel so fortunate to have found this site because i feel part of a wonderful community who regards my best friends life as equal to human life. im so sorry for your loss of your sweet alexandra. many years ago , my family lost our dog jenny to the same misfortune only to have the same thing happen about five years later to our other dog chiquita. so i understand what you are saying about malpractice. we never pursued the issue legally as we decided we would be in more pain and it wouldnt bring our little girls back but it haunts us to this day. im so very sorry. my hope is that thru this site you will be able to release some of the pain you are feeling. you are not alone. we understand.

patricia

I am so sorry for your loss of Alexandra but happy that you found this site. The support and care you see from the individuals here won't be found in too many places. <hugs>

Ken Albin

Robin,

I wish I could be there today to hug you and cry with you. I am only into my loss 6 days and truly I'm living moment to moment literally telling myself outloud to just breath. You have found the right place to be. The 'outside' world can't and certainly doesn't understand or empathize with our tremendous loss. Just yesterday here are some of the comments I received and they are from very nice folks just ones that don't understand: "Are you better now?", "There will be another dog for you to love", "Can you imagine if you had lost a child or a member of your family?". #$%^ them all right now. I did lose a part of my family. In fact, I lost the one I loved the most. There I said it. I loved my Sammie girl, a 3 1/2 year old black and white sheltie more than anyone in my family. I have always had somewhat of a wall up that doesn't allow anyone to totally get to my heart. I've always been that way, very independent. I've lost cats, dogs, friends, grandparents and my mom and none of those losses even compare to the loss of Sammie. If I told that to most people they would think less of me and think there was something wrong with me but it's true. That's why talking to new friends who have lost their furbabies helps, because they understand and have been through it too. We love our furry kids so much b/c they are always loving, always kind, always glad we are around and happy to show us pure affection without holding anything back. They trust us and understand our feelings. They have a way of reaching inside your soul where NO human can get to and pulling out love you didn't even know you had. It's absolutely unconditional and no relationship is completely without conditions, attitudes, moods and problems. We lost a piece of ourself, our best friends and soulmates. That's why it hurts and will always hurt. We are mourning and we miss them. I am so mad at the whole world right now it's pathetic. I am working toward knowing that she is happy now, running around playing and meeting new friends and once I cross the rainbow bridge she will run to me and we will hug and hug and kiss forever. That's what is keeping me breathing right now and that's all (and this list of amazing loving people). I will lift you up in prayer today, Robin. I am visiting this site very often right now so I will keep looking for your posts to check on you. Maybe that will help me to. Whenever you are ready I would love to hear more about your baby and the memorials and if you want to talk about the circumstances we will all listen. Close your eyes and think of the funniest and happiest moment with your baby. That's what I'm doing to try to stop crying today.

Melanie

{{{HUGS}} amazing how physically we feel our losses

I'm so sorry for your loss, Robin. I have spoken with a therapist a few times because I'm having trouble dealing with my loss, and she said something the other day that made me think. I don't know what your beliefs are in terms of the afterlife, etc., but if you are able to accept that our souls exist before, during, and after our physical lives, then consider this: my therapist suggested to me the possibility that maybe Sydney chose her life to teach me something. In other words, before she was born, she made the decision to come into my life, live the life she was destined for, and leave that life after a certain period of time. I do feel like the experience of losing her has taught me some life lessons, and I hate the idea that she was "used" as a lesson to me, but when I consider the possibility that maybe she chose that path willingly, it brings me the slightest bit of comfort. I'm not saying that I've completely embraced that belief, but it's something I keep in the back of my mind.

Peace to you.