petmum
Jun 10 2009, 03:09 AM
It's over, my Buddy is @ rest now, what an awful to go thru, but I hve and I'm still here.
It hasn't sunk in yet, i'm just numb....had myself a large nip of Bailey's in my coffee a while ago & eaten chocolate, I couldn't think of anything else to do.
I got chocolate for the kids too, but no one really wants to eat.... I cant believe he has gone, I just want to go outside & check to see, but I'm not just yet.....my son has gone off to football training & i'm going to take one of my daughters to choir, she is singing in the choir @ our local church tonight. My eldest daughter who is 12yrs is staying @ hme with me, she is very upset a bit angry @ the world in general....sigh...... i can't believe i've done what I've just done.....
Gemini's Mom
Jun 10 2009, 05:07 AM
Bless you all, Buddys family, it hasn't sunk in yet here. I got up this morning and burst out crying when he wasn't laying in his favorite spot. I feel for you, I'm with you all the way. I'll keep you all in my prayers.
{{{{{{{Many Hugs}}}}}}}}
arkania
Jun 10 2009, 06:06 AM
QUOTE (Gemini's Mom @ Jun 10 2009, 06:07 AM)

Bless you all, Buddys family, it hasn't sunk in yet here. I got up this morning and burst out crying when he wasn't laying in his favorite spot. I feel for you, I'm with you all the way. I'll keep you all in my prayers.
{{{{{{{Many Hugs}}}}}}}}
Hugs to you all. I understand the pain you guys are suffering, I lost my sweet kitty over a week ago and it's agony. Just remember the love you gave and the love you received from your faithful companion, and the happy times shared. He's at the Rainbow Bridge now, playing, happy, healthy, and waiting for the day he will see you again.
lynette
Jun 10 2009, 12:19 PM
I know how it feels. It stays with you for a long time. We had to send Hunny to be with Lily April 4th. Even though you know in your heart that it was the right thing to do - it doesn't make it any easier. You still feel numb for a long time. And I couldn't believe what I had done either. But I agonized over those final moments since she got sick last sumemr. She was still had a good sound mind, but just her body was failing. I still haven't had the courage to bury her ashes next to Lily's yet. I was just thinking the other day if it was disrespectful to Lily that I haven't laid Hunny to rest next to her yet. I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. Maybe June 24th, we lay her to rest, that was the day that Lily left so suddenly.
All we can do is take it one day at a time.
Take care.
patricia
Jun 10 2009, 12:44 PM
big hugs to all of you. i know this is a very difficult time. please try and remember that this was the right thing to do. you wouldnt have wanted buddy to keep on suffering. buddy is in a beautiful place now. he is looking after each and every one of you. he is your angel. i wish there was a magic cure to take all the pain and sorrow away...
you and your family are in my prayers. god bless!
patricia
petmum
Jun 10 2009, 07:34 PM
thank you all sooo much, pain & grief shared is special isn't it.
the first thing this morning when I woke I thought of my Buddy and not really believing he isn't outside waiting for us. I'm in too much pain to say much except {{{HUGS}}}.
Scarlett
Jun 10 2009, 11:00 PM
I am so distraught now after losing my Callym to cancer that I too can say little except to send you lots of big hugs and warm thoughts. It's been 2 1/2 weeks since Callym left, and while the shock is beginning to leave, a deeper sadness is setting in. Life will never be the same again. I've been lighting a candle every night in his honour since he passed away (I have a wee memorial for him with his ashes, photos, flowers and his collar), and I think I will do this for a month. I am finding this ritual comforting so maybe there is something like this you could do to help you make it through the sad times.
petmum
Jun 10 2009, 11:20 PM
thank you scarlett, i'm glad u r feeling a bit better. once we get Buddy's ashes I'm sure we will do something similar. {{{HUGS}}} to u 2.
patricia
Jun 18 2009, 12:29 PM
how are you doing?
petmum
Jun 18 2009, 05:18 PM
moving forward slowly thanks patricia, good days & better days each is different.
thank you for asking
ceaserthings
Jun 24 2009, 12:57 AM
I am so sorry to hear that....
My deepest condolences,
dancer
Jun 24 2009, 05:30 PM
QUOTE (petmum @ Jun 10 2009, 04:09 AM)

It's over, my Buddy is @ rest now, what an awful to go thru, but I hve and I'm still here.
It hasn't sunk in yet, i'm just numb....had myself a large nip of Bailey's in my coffee a while ago & eaten chocolate, I couldn't think of anything else to do.
I got chocolate for the kids too, but no one really wants to eat.... I cant believe he has gone, I just want to go outside & check to see, but I'm not just yet.....my son has gone off to football training & i'm going to take one of my daughters to choir, she is singing in the choir @ our local church tonight. My eldest daughter who is 12yrs is staying @ hme with me, she is very upset a bit angry @ the world in general....sigh...... i can't believe i've done what I've just done.....
My eyes have tears for you and your family, you know your not alone in this humane decison we make...Hugs to you petmum....I'm thinking of you Dancer's mum Judith
petmum
Jun 24 2009, 07:34 PM
wow i cant believe how teary i am today it's been 15days & i didn't think i had any tears left, but i do.....gotta stop crying gotta go & take my eldest daughter to get her braces on today in 20mins.......tissues (kleenex) anyone? *elaine holds up the largest box of [kleenex] tissues in the house*
thx everyone for you encouraging words *elaine blows her nose*
patricia
Jun 24 2009, 08:30 PM
sometimes i ask myself why its so upsetting to us that we are so upset? could it be society that has instilled in all of us that its not ok to grieve over our wonderful babies? youve just lost your beautiful buddy. fifteen days is really not enough time to get over it. i dont know that we really do. yes the pain subsides but that deep wound in our hearts really never seals up. its ok to be upset. its only been about two weeks. i always say that the first coupla weeks is really to just get over the shock of it all. just remember that buddy is looking out for you. hes so happy. keep lighting the candle for him and now as you do it, think of your favorite happy moment with him. you know, my first cat riley died a little over a year ago and fred died three months ago. i still light my candles for both of them. it makes me happy and i know they are smiling down on me, just as your buddy is too. remember that we are blessed to have them in our lives and although we outlive them unfortunately, i believe they are on loan to us from the man upstairs. your buddy taught you so much about love, patience, tolerance, life and death, (i believe all of them teach us these things) and then i like to think that they return to their maker and he is beyond thrilled to have them back. because just like you enjoyed every single second you spent with buddy, so is He now

your sweetheart is surrounded with all of our loved ones. take comfort in knowing that.
please give yourself a gigantic hug (all the way from california) from me and be extra nice to yourself ok?
i continue to pray for you
patricia
petmum
Jun 25 2009, 12:59 AM
oh thank you patricia it's just what i needed
Sammie girl's mom
Jun 25 2009, 01:51 PM
Elaine,
I hope today is a little bit better day for you. I had a bad day yesterday too so today I'm keeping myself extremely busy and that's helping. Keep writing. I'll keep praying for your heart to heal and better days ahead. Just thinking about you.
Melanie
petmum
Jun 26 2009, 01:03 AM
thx melanie today was different than yesterday, tho this empty feeling inside is weird, i keep wondering "what's wrong with me?", the sun shines, ppl go about their lives as do I yet something is oh so different, it takes me a second or 2 to realize what the difference is & then i get a sort of ache in my heart, not so intense as the first few days but still weird....& just for a split second i wonder if I will ever feel "normal" (whatever that is???) again. I am trying to be patient with myself but sometimes I just think "so what is life all about any way?" Loosing Buddy has really struck a reality (or perhaps a mortality) check with me.....goodness I thought I had the "big picture" worked out and here I am now asking myself "so what is my life all about anyway". Guess in a way it's good to reassess your core values etc....& if it wasn't for Buddy I would most likely not be doing it right now.......i want to be the happy go lucky person I was before Buddy's passing but that person doesn't appear to be around @ the moment.....I miss that...which take's me back to I MISS MY BUDDY!!!!!!!!!
elaine
patricia
Jun 26 2009, 02:10 PM
absolutely nothing is wrong with you. the way i see it is part of life is about going thru hard times, difficult as hell times, trying times and being able to come out stronger and better for it. but it doesnt mean we dont or cant struggle, cry, get frustrated, angry, sad etc,. we are going thru some real trying times right now and it seems that although buddy taught you so much in life, he continues to teach in his death. and isnt that such a wonderful thing? freds death has changed my life forever. they all have. everytime one of them passes away, my "normal" changes. i will never be the same person i was before them. but that isnt a bad thing. i think its important that we honor their lives by living our day to day like they would want us to. i know it so hard but if we keep focused on that, our bad days will lessen and good days will come. before i quit my rambling, let me just say that i also realize its easier said than done. i think about these things daily because it helps me to not break down... but for today, lets you and i just think about a fun memory we have about fred and buddy and try and carry it thru the weekend ok? you are not alone. we are here beside you.
hugs and prayers for you
patricia
petmum
Jun 26 2009, 10:51 PM
thank you sooo much patricia

elaine
shannon2183
Jun 28 2009, 12:49 PM
Elaine,
My thoughts are with you as you start this journey. I hope reading my long...and often longwinded posts about Penny helped at least a bit. I found that reading old posts helped me dramatically because I saw how people actually got through the pain. In the beginning, I honestly didn't know how I would continue living. Of course I didn't feel that in a suicidal way, but more like "how in the world can I wake up and just go on with my day?". And even last night (it's been almost 9 months) I saw a picture of her and cried but it's no longer the heart wrenching grief...but just cuz I miss her little self. But I have a feeling animals hold a different view of the world that is beyond our human comprehension -- and as I try to understand that daily, I see what Penny is showing me. I know she has never left me and will always remain in my home. I even think she's coaching our new pup a bit:) Buddy is still with you always...and I don't say that in a "he's in your heart" which is also true, but I honestly feel their spirits remain such a part of us that all we can do is thank the Lord for the time he allowed us to have them. It also helps me to imagine with every new pet that moves on without us, that's now a new friend that Penny is running the hills with and chasing birds together....
Allow yourself to cry, be confused, be angry, scream (I literally laid in bed and wailed for 2 days straight) or whatever it is you need to do. I didn't want people to tell me "it's ok", or "don't cry"...I just wanted to feel what it was that I was feeling. Every time someone tried to say "oh...I'm sorry" it made me miss Penny more because I could feel any way with her around and she still would cuddle beside me and kiss my face. So know that whatever it is you feel you need to do is ok and definitely not crazy. I read some pet loss books which at first I thought wouldn't help, but they really did because I realized that I wasn't crazy to feel as I did about my Penpen.
LS helped me so much, so keep writing any thought and we'll be here to prop you up:)
Peace,
Shannon
petmum
Jun 28 2009, 07:58 PM
oh thankyou shannon they were the exact words I needed right now, thru my tears, thankyou
elaine
Sammie girl's mom
Jun 29 2009, 01:59 PM
Elaine,
How was the weekend? Any triggering events? It's been I think 20 days since Buddy died. Sammie has been gone 23 days and I was thinking Buddy was just a few days before. You know what I'm picturing this very moment? Your buddy is running toward Sammie girl and jumping around while they play in the sunshine. And oh look someone tossed a ball and they both are tearing through the field to catch it. I think Buddy got that one Sammie is going to have to get on the ball (LOL). Now, what's that a butterfly. Sammie is jumping up trying to get it she's determined but Buddy knows she won't catch is so he lays watching Sammie and smiling. What fun they are having together. They connected in Heaven because we connected down here. Cool huh? Oh it looks like it's time for a lazy afternoon nap under the shade tree by the running river where they go to get drinks of fresh water. They lie down side by side and both of them take big sighs and drift off to sleep where they are thinking about happy times with us. Hope you are smiling today because Buddy is watching you.
Melanie
petmum
Jun 29 2009, 10:19 PM
thank you so much melanie, u r right it's 20 days today, the weekend was rough for some reason, i love your description of our fur friends playing it was lovely.
i cant believe i'm doing this but tomorrow (and I realised that it will b 21days exactly to the day that Buddy passed), I'm going to an animal shelter bout an hour's drive from my place to meet a golden retriever called Jesse who is 3.5yrs male. I know the pain will still be there over Buddy, it's just that life seems so not right with out a dog around, if Jesse likes me & I like him I'll take the kids nxt time for a meet & greet & see what happens. I've talked to the kids bout getting a new dog & they are just so practical. My husband wld like to wait till after our holidays nxt May b4 we get another fur friend, but to be honest I don't think I wld last that long. I'm not sure this is the right thing to be doing, but I guess I've got to go thru this to find out.......I wouldn't adopt Jesse if it didn't feel right (what ever that means), I just so miss not having Buddy it's still painful.
If u hve any thoughts bout what i'm doing fire them @ me. I thought it wld b months & months b4 I cld even think of getting another dog, but hey....who knows...
elaine
Sammie girl's mom
Jun 30 2009, 09:58 AM
Elaine,
I am so proud of you. And I completely understand exactly the thoughts going through your mind. Remember my post about getting the new puppies? I was scared, anxious, nervous, happy, worried and about every other emotion you could think of. Who knew loving an animal would be such an emotional journey. When Sammie died I said I would never (I really didn't mean never just not for a very long time) get another dog b/c it just hurt too much. Then after 3 weeks I started thinking about it with a little help from the kids. You hit the nail on the head. Our homes are just not right with out a dog in them. They bring too much joy and a love we can't get anywhere else in this world to our lives. I missed that so much. Things were just off in my house. The kids were acting lethargic and weren't as happy. I've been miserable. My husband just keeps busy. Hard to put your finger on it but things were just off. It's because Sammie isn't there and Buddy isn't there. We can't bring them back but we can share in that kind of love again with another dog or in my case two. I still cry everyday just not as much and I will miss her everyday of my life as I know you will with Buddy. I think it's ok to find another furkid to love. Sammie and Buddy would want that for us. You aren't replacing Buddy or looking at Jesse and thinking it will be just like Buddy. You are meeting Jesse because you miss the love and companionship that only a dog can give us and I think it is wonderful. You will still miss Buddy even if Jesse is around but I believe Jesse, or any furkid you choose, will give your heart something wonderful to focus on and bring the laughter and joyfulness back into your life just like Buddy did for you when he shared your life. It will be a new adventure and a fun one. I am totally convinced and I believe with every part of my being that Buddy and Sammie can visit this earthly plane and it will give them great comfort to know we are happy again and honoring them by allowing ourselves to give love and feel love from another dog. I hope and pray Jesse works for you or if not that you find another one to love soon. Keep me posted and I'll let you know how it goes after I go get my new little girls on Friday.
Love and prayers to you my friend.
Melanie
patricia
Jun 30 2009, 12:06 PM
i echo everything melanie said. yeah elaine. i know its a hard thing to do, ven just considering another pet is hard, but it will be so healing to your heart. buddy cannot ever be replaced and i am 100% sure that he is smiling down on you.
keep us posted
patricia
Jay T
Jun 30 2009, 05:14 PM
This is what many people feel after a pet passes about getting another one ,it can help beacuse we got so used to caring for them and like want that again,getting a new one dosent have a certain time .but how the person feels about it ,youll know if its the right thing to do at this time, when your there and see how you feel petmum
havana
Jul 1 2009, 10:26 AM
Elaine, understand the way you feel because I was there like many others and I was completly devastated, when my Beloved Buster went up to Heaven a few days after I adopted 5 beautiful Pets from my dear next door neighbor wich past also, she always told me "the day I died please don't let my babys alone and separated] they are two Dogs and three Cats [I kept my promess to her] and now they live here in my house since a year ago when she past on, always here but not as often, Jorge
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petmum
Jul 1 2009, 05:34 PM
thank you for your kind words jorge & thankyou for re-assuring your neighbour b4 she passed, what an absolute wonderful human being u r to hve done that for her.
elaine
petmum
Jul 1 2009, 05:46 PM
thx for your encouragement melanie
the visit to the animal shelter went well, i was very anxious, but Jessie was just soooo gorgeous. I'm taking the kids & husband on Sunday. Mind you I was not ready for my husbands reaction. He became very angry that I wld even entertain the idea of another dog & the fact it wasn't a puppy really put him off. It was an awful night, he said outright NO and the kids all lost it and our eldest girl became very angry. (poor thing didn't sleep last night & looked very haggard this morning). It was very stressful, I told my husband that I'm not able to care for a puppy now & wld prefer an older dog (even though he will need training too, come to think of it maybe husband training? hehe). My poor husband just thinks it's got disaster written all over the whole issue of an older dog. All of which of course I've thought upon too. At the moment we have a free ranging chicken "nessa" who lives with us and the person @ the shelter said that Jessie wld definately chase it. I get that but don't believe that Jessie wld b to interested, I reckon as soon as Nessa squawked & flapped around Jessie wld go & hide, having said that I believe that if Jessie did chase Nessa @ first it's quite possible to train him to be more respectful so to speak. Anyway the emotional rollercoaster is in full swing over here, pray for us all that after Sunday things will be better, whether we bring Jessie home with us or not.......man, life sure is unpredictable @ times....guess it's just so we dont become complacent.
elaine
patricia
Jul 1 2009, 06:55 PM
i will pray for you and jessie too

she sounds like he has already captured a piece of your heart. there is power in numbers right? after all there is only one husband but more than one child + wife

that said, whatever happens , i will pray that its the best for you and your family. keep us posted.
patricia
petmum
Jul 1 2009, 07:13 PM
thx for your prayers patricia they sure are needed.
yes jessie did capture my heart as you so sweetly put it

u r so right bout safety in numbers. i find it somewhat amusing that my husband has his say but of course we (me & the kids & of course most of us here too) now who will be doing all the care of any animal we get or already have. i'm trying to keep an open mind about jessie. i'm surprised that i cld even think of another dog right now, a puppy I know i'm not ready for as my own kids keep me busy, for some reason the thought of an older (tho 3.5yrs is still a puppy to me really only just bigger in size & hopefully a bit better @ the toiletting side of things) sits really well with me, I feel I'm ready for an other fur companion but a small puppy just doesn't feel right. if we didn't hve kids & a chook (australian slang for chicken) I wld hve taken Jessie, but of course life isn't always easy as we all know. i will keep u all posted on the up coming w/e, just hve lots of tissues (another aussie slang word, this means kleenexes) @ the ready incase my husband becomes an immovable monolith or perhaps Jessie wont cope with the kids.....i'm just keeping my heart in line as welcoming another fur companion is far more complicated that I realised.
elaine
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