Hi everybody ,im new to the board. My cat Jeannie just passed away in my arms it is completely devastating i cant believe it ,i feel so empty and crying so hard about her.over a year ago jeannie was diagnosed whit diabetes she was drinking a lot of water and getting thinner ,the vets told me its a very treatable illness,i was so relieved thats she was goona be ok whit the insulin ,i brang her to vets back and fourth a few times ,for her to get regulated on insulin,during that time i was worried a lot though always watching her making sure shes ok.

Somtimes during my break at my job i would go home really fast just to check up on her always worried that if somthing happened i wanted to be there ,i gave her the shots ,tested her ,feed her wet food it went well for over a year,she was back to her old self doing great.Then about a month ago i noticed she wasent eating that much ,didnt seem herself so i brought her to the vets they did some tests and found out her kidneys where failing,and she got more thin,they said she had CRF(chronic renal failure)she was dehydrated also ,they keeped her there over nite her there over nite on iv ,and 3 more days she got better,i went to the vets to see her the next day she was so happy to see me see jumped up when she saw me and the vet said ,shes very happy to see you ,i petted her and stood there for a while whit her then i came back later to pick her up at later that nite then brang her home , and they showed me how to give her sub qs (fulids)she was doing fine,she was happy to be home again she ran and jumped back to her fav spot and purred i was so happy and releaved,and she fell sleep next to me as usual.


Then i noticed about a week later she stopped eating as much, then stoped eating anything i tried to feed her,tuna,baby food,she wouldnt eat, i tried to force feed her some food with a syringe but she still didnt want it ,all she wanted was water but ,as each day went on she seemed to get worse and worse she wasent moving as much,very restless ,and in pain it seemed like , i tried so hard to help her,then she could barley move,she would take 2 steps then fall on her side ,i was so upset and devastated,i know her time was almost up when i looked in her eyes and and saw that she couldn't go on anymore i picked her up and sat on the couch with her i knew this was it ,she was meowing a bit then started breathing fast then slow ,each min getting more and more wobbly,i was crying,telling her please don't diee ,please jeannie get better i love you i told her crying, then i wanted her to see me comfort her and not cry it was hard ,this went on for over 2 hours,then every few min she would make a loud noise like she was breathing out ,her body seemed like lifeless,i was in total shock ,i held her telling her i love her and it will be ok and kissed her,then she was shaking her leg up and down then stopped ,her breathing got more slow ,it seemed like her body was shutting down ,then she made a gasp sounds a few times then she then made like a soft purr sound and passed away in my arms,and fell to the side of my chest ,i went into like a panic,it didnt seem real, i broke down in tears crying, it all seemed so surreal, I had to leave her on the couch until the morning until the vets open up,it was so hard for me to see that she passed away like that. i covered with her favorite blanket ,i cried all morining long waiting for the vet to open up looking at her every few min it was so emotinal .then i brang her to the vets so they can creamate her ,it was so hard. i put her in a box and walked her to the vets crying in the streets ,when got the vets i said my last good-byes to her before they took the box, it was unbelivable, i couldnt even talk.

When i got home i looked her fav spot and it hit me like a ton of bricks, that jeannie wasent comming home again! i felt like i was going in like a slow motion,i couldnt belive it , i complety broke down and cried so hard i fell to the floor ,its like i couldnt even breath i cried so hard,i never felt like this about anything ever and cried so much about anything, n and i still cant belive shes gone,like everthing reminds me of her, Jeannie was my best friend,she was awlays there and such a good cat .i loved her so much she made me so happy, she couldnt wait for me to get home she would always greet me ,i know i wont get over her,this house will never be the same,she always sleeped next to me,and all the happy times we went trough for 20 years,but now shes not suffering any more, shes at peace , i did everthing i can to save her ,,mabey she needed more fulids or another nite at the vets on iv i dont know what els i could have done, to watch her so helpless like that was so sadd the vet said some day the fulids that shes getting wont have an affect when her kidneys get worse,theres a huge emptyness in my heart now, i just have buddy now my other cat hes 2 and jeannie was like his big sister,he will be looking for her around the house they always sleeped together. I got to spend a few last days whit her though in the back yard taking some last pictures on a beautfuil sunny day .,but i know now that it wont ever be the same without her ,the summer ,christmas ,etc ..all the things she was here for, but im greatful that i was there for her last moments when she passed and she was not at the vets or by her self and i alway prayed that when she does go i wanted to be there to comfort her and i was,,im sorry im talking up so much space talking but i really dont know how to cope with all this now its so very very hard ,everthing seems so different now without her like its not real ,its overwhelming its like im totaly out of it .I havent stopped crying since ,i cant stop thinking about it i feel so sad its awful .She was my best friend for 20 years and now shes not here anymore,im stuck its like you dont know how to go on, you dont know where to go from here its like now ... THANKS JAY

Dear Jay,

I am so very sorry for your loss. You have definitely found the right place, and please don't apologize for writing a lengthy post. That's what this forum is for. I know exactly how you are feeling and I only wish there was something profound I could say to ease your pain. You should take comfort in the fact that you did everything humanly possible for Jeannie and it was just her time to get her wings. I know it sounds trite and I resented it every time someone has said that to me over the last 6 weeks. Over time you just have to learn to accept it. It doesn't mean it hurts any less. That's why we are all in this together. We'e all suffered a loss and we come here to express our grief, anger and loneliness. The sympathy and support offered by those who have gotten here before us is amazing! 6 weeks ago my dog Austin died suddenly of a heart attack while playing ball with my husband. He was only 7 years old. I truly felt like my heart was broken. I hurt so bad I could barely breathe. I know what you are feeling right now. I have to be honest and admit that I barely remember the first 2 weeks after his passing. It's all a blur of horrible crying bouts and Xanax induced sleep. (Fortunately my doctor was smart enough to only give me a couple of Xanax at a low dose just so I could get some sleep.) I didn't eat more than a croissant a day. The hole left in my heart was awful and I didn't know how to cope. When I found this website and poured out all my grief and pain, the response I got overwhelmed me. Every day seems to get a little better than the last and all I can say is take it one day at a time. I have moments when I backslide. I've had a bad day today of missing my baby horribly and crying off and on all night. It's still so hard to comprehend that I just will never see him again in this life. He was so sweet and gentle and everyone who met him loved him. I still sleep with his stuffed bunny that I bought him for easter because he brought it to bed with him every night. Each of us has our own coping mechanisms and you'll find yours over the next few days. These first few are the hardest. Please know that you have a huge support system at this forum. Only people who have loved and lost a pet can understand the depth of the grief we feel when they leave us. Write often and let us know how you are doing. Or just write and say you're feeling crappy. I'll keep you in my prayers tonight and pray that you find some peace.

Hugs,
Carol

Hi Jay, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Jeannie sounded like an incredible kitty cat.
Wow, 20 yrs is amazing, you're so lucky to have that
kind of time with your baby. I love the pic of her.
I watched my kitty die too, it's so painful. I still hurt.
It will take you some time to try to heal. I hope in time
you can think more about the good times you had with Jeannie.

Take Care

Jay: I am very sorry for your loss. We lost our kitty cat Joey last Tuesday, May 19th. It's true, the support from people here is very helpful. Please share whatever you need to and someone will be here to answer.
The one thing that touched me is when you mentioned how you kept trying to feed your cat and tried new things, hoping she'd eat. I also went through that with Joey. He wasn't eating much the week before he died, and it was so hard and frustrating because I saw that he was getting skinnier and I wanted so much to find something he'd eat. We found the dry food that all our cats used to like, and thought that would get him back on track. I tried treats that I thought were his favorite, and I bought kitty milk and also gave it to him through a syringe, and I tried real tuna. Every time he got up and seemed interested, I thought "this is it! he's going to eat", but he'd nibble and turn away. So sad and hard to watch. We miss him terribly, and always will. Sadly, we only had the joy of knowing him for about 4 months. We had just adopted him in January. He was only about 8 months old. Poor little guy. But we were blessed to have him for the time we did. Anyway, again, I'm sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself and write anytime! <3 you Joey!

hi jay. im so sorry for your loss. boy can i relate. my kitty was diagnosed with diabetes about four months before he passed away. like you i rushed home to give him his insulin every nite. fred was so sweet. when he got diagnosed, i didnt have a clue how i was going to give him his insulin shot, let alone two a day. but he seemed to know and after i gave him a little food, which like you included baby food or pumpkin, he would run to my bed and crouch down for his shot. my neigbor had a cat that was 18 and had lived with diabetes for three years. i was thrilled. fred was only fourteen so i figured i had many more years with him. my life took a drastic change, as i couldnt stay late at work anymore, meeting friends ceased, well, all social events would have to stop but i didnt care. as long as my fred was by my side. but unfortunately it didnt last. a few months after he was diagnosed, he took a turn for the worse. he died three days later as his kidneys too shut down. he died in my arms right after they gave him the sedative. i know how you feel. i know the pain you are feeling and i know about the big hole you have in your heart. please know how lucky you were to have had your little one for 20 years. how lucky you BOTH were to have each other. shes in a great place now. with my little fred. they are running together, can you see it? its a beautiful day, the sun is shining but there is a gentle breeze and your jeannie is having the time of her life. she isnt suffering anymore and she has many new friends. keep on writing. thats how i got thru it. you are not alone.

you are in my prayers.
patricia

I am so sorry for your loss. There are really no words to express how sorry I am that you have lost your friend. Having only lost my kitty friend less than a week ago, I am still in intense grieving and it hurts so much. So I understand - I really do. Hugs to you. You are not alone.

PLEASE PARDON ALL CAP LETTERS. I'M TYPING WITH ONE HAND AND IT'S EASIER FOR ME. THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING ...

DEAREST JAY, I'M SO TERRIBLY SORRY THIS HAPPENED TO YOUR FUR BABY JEANNIE AND YOU, TOO. IF YOU'RE ANYTHING LIKE MYSELF, THERE ARE ACTUALITY TIMES DURING YOUR PAIN, GRIEF AND DEVASTATION THAT YOU LITERALLY FORGET TO INHALE FOR SORELY NEEDED OXYGEN. PLEASE ACCEPT MY MOST SINCERE AND DEEPEST CONDOLENCES THAT YOUR PRECIOUS FUR ANGEL JEANNIE HAS CROSSED OVER TO THE RAINBOW BRIDGE. AND, 20 YEARS IS LONGER THAN I'VE EVER HAD A DEAR FRIEND THAT I WASN'T RELATED TO. I CAN HEAR YOUR HEART BREAKING AND SEE YOUR TEARS.

JAY, I'M GOING TO SHARE A COUPLE OR THREE THINGS I'VE WITNESSED MYSELF AS WELL AS OTHERS WHEN SERVING AS A NURSE IN THE HUMAN MEDICAL FIELD FOR OVER 26 YEARS AND IN ANIMAL RESCUE AND REHABILITATION FOR GOING ON 30 YEARS. I PROMISE ALL IS TRUE AND WILL EVEN DIRECT YOU TO DIFFERENT WEBSITES OF RELIABLE SOURCES WHERE PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU AND ME HAVE EXPERIENCED SOME REALLY AMAZING THINGS AFTER OUR FUR KIDS PASSED OVER.

YOU SEE, THEY ARE STILL VERY NEAR AND MANY TIMES POP IN TO VISIT YOU ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THE VERY STRONG BOND BETWEEN YOURSELF AND YOUR FUR CHILD JEANNIE. NO, I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP. I PROMISE. JAY, YOU MAY NOT EVEN BE AWARE AT TIMES WHEN JEANNIE IS PAYING YOU A VISIT. BUT, IF YOU SIT OR LIE DOWN VERY STILL AND QUIETLY, DON'T BE SURPRISED IF YOU HEAR HER PURR OR FEEL HER FUR BRUSH UP AGAINST YOU SHOWING AFFECTION. YOU DON'T NEED TO CONCENTRATE AT ALL. JUST BE VERY STILL, QUIET, LISTEN. IT PROBABLY HAS ALREADY HAPPENED TO YOU BUT BEING AS GRIEF STRICKEN AS YOU ARE, YOU MAY NOT HAVE NOTICED ...

YOU ARE A WONDERFUL FUR KID MOMMY!!! PLEASE NEVER FORGET THAT! ALSO KNOW THAT NOW AND FOREVER YOU CARRY HER HEART IN YOUR HEART. JAY, SHE'S ONLY A BREATH AWAY AND A BREATH AWAY IS NOT FAR AT ALL TO YOU WHERE JEANNIE IS AT THIS VERY MOMENT. HONEST AND FOR TRUE. I DON'T KNOW IF YOUR PC HAS THE CAPABILITY OF WATCHING AND LISTENING TO VIDEOS BUT JOSH GROBAN'S SONG SAYS IT PERFECTLY ...

SO, PLEASE CLICK ON THE PHOTO OF YOUR SWEET ANGEL FUR CHILD JEANNIE AND I'LL COPY AND PASTE THE LYRICS JUST IN CASE, DEAR ONE. PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO TURN UP YOUR VOLUME ...







MANY COMFORTING HUGS!!!

ALWAYS,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi, Jay, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathis in the loss of your beloved Jeannie. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Jay, you did everything humanly and humanely possible for your beloved Jeannie to help keep her healthy and happy in her life with you. I have worked in hospice. When the physical body is actively shutting down, as what was happening with your beloved Jeannie, it is actually harmful to try to force feed because the body cannot process the food - - it then gets backed into the system as poison. So, when our furkids adamantly refuse to eat, this is a sign that their body cannot handle processing the food. I know this is very hard. I have gone through the same thing with my precious companions through the years, and as recently as 29 months ago with my 6 year old number one kitty son, Eli, who had to be euthanized due to end stage Lymphoma. Losing a beloved companion is one of the hardest expeirences we can ever know in our life time. Our companions give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we surrender ourselves to them completely without hesitation and reservation. That is one of the many reasons why it feels like they take a part of us with them to heaven's perfect garden - - the better part of us that we committed only to them. And this is one of the many reasons why we are so devastated and feel so empty without them, particularly in the beginning grief healing journey. The stages of grief for the loss of our beloved companions are the same as what we go through when we lose a human family member or friend. It is a one day at a time journey, Jay. Sometimes it's a one minute at a time journey just to get through to the next minute, and the next minute. I am very grateful for the restroom at work so that I could hide myself away for a few minutes to collect myself so that I could go back to my desk and resume my work. And then there were the gut wrenching sobs driving to and from work. Jay, your home is changed - - without a doubt. It must feel like the house structure itself is mourning the loss of Jeannie's physical presence. Scientific studies have shown that every living being has an individual chemical "electricity" that interacts with other household members and the environment. When this interaction is no longer present - - for whatever reason - - the physical and emotional nature of the household changes in an attempt to adjust to this missing interaction. But even though Jeannie's physical presence is no longer there, I hope someday you will come to know that her sweet living Spirit is still with you as she always has been and always will be. Your relationship has simply temporarily changed to a different dimension. But it's going to take awhile for you to come to understand that you can still talk to her and she is still listening as intently as she always has. She is still with you in your heart and your memories forever a part of you. Jay, this grief healing journey is both physical and emotional, so it is important for you to do whatever is helpful and comforting for you, particularly in the deep grief moments. When my Eli joined the angels I slept with his collar under my pillow, and held onto it or one of his blankets or his ashes when I was experiencing a deep grief moment - - which was frequently in the beginning. And it is very important for you to understand that you are not alone in this grief healing journey. Each of us here does understand how you are feeling, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Jay, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi everybody ,i just wanted to say thank you everybody,to all you very kind people for all your condolences and what happend with your pets and how you felt and what you did to get through it ,and thank you for taking the time to do that to jeannies pic angel its beautiful,that was very nice of you, people here understand what its like going through all this , it really means a lot to me .im happy i found a place like this to talk about it all ,not many people seem to understand as a few people i know told me "dont keep thinking about it ,its just a cat, she was old etc ",and things like that, i told a person at my job and she just nodded her head and said ,is that why you seem so upset .like it was nothing i got very upset but some people just dont understand the bond of love and caring a person has with there pets.The the unconditional love that out pets give us that many people do not,is the hardest part of it, I know shes in a better place now, but that empty feeling i feel i will always have when i think about her.im still very sad but i know it will be a long time before i can start to feel a bit better,i want to get another cat so buddy has a friend again but its way to soon,i still keep her little blanket on my bed when i sleep .and its like you dont want to change a lot of things after its like you want to leave it like when she was still here i still have her iv bag hanging up ,i have some last video and pictures of her before she passed i havent watched them yet i feel it would be to sad now , i know each person is different ,but if anybody can answer how long did it take for you to wake up and start the day and not be so sad or cry about it about it ? THANKS JAY

I still wake up feeling sad, and it has been a week. But the 12-hour (!) scrapbooking class today really got my mind in new positive directions (other than my cats, horse and Callym's memory - all great motivators) for the first time all week. As you know, I am taking the workshop first and foremost so I can make a scrapbook tribute of Callym and his life - at the workshop I am also working on pages for my other 5 cats, and it is great to work and think about them all day and designing pages for them, and then come home to those furry friends and my Callym's spirit. *Very* therapeutic for healing, and I do recommend this if you have any inclincations to photographs, design and pretty things.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. There is nothing more you could have done for Jeannie - your kitty was telling you it was time - time to pass over, but Jeannie has left you with 20 wonderful years full of memories, so she'll never really die, only her physical presence won't be with you now. Please give yourself time to grieve, and I'm afraid it will take awhile before the pain lessens somewhat. Every person needs to cope in their own way, take as long as you need and come here as often as you need - it is certainly a safe place to cry, vent, describe your feelings, and let others know about your wonderful Jeannie.

Thank you all again ,i got jeannies ashes back from the vets and it was very emotional and yes it is harder that i thought it would be,i just felt very numb and empty when i picked it up, it came in like little wooden box with a lock on it , with keys ,a certificate and a card ,i cried when i read it beacuse it all seems so final,i haven't opened it up yet though.i still wake up very sad and have tears in my eyes when im getting my coffee ,jeannie would always wait for me to get up and we would go to the kitchen together,its so hard beacuse so many things remind me of her ,im like a mess at work ,i just hold a lot of it in and havent told many people at all yet.My only other cat now buddy hasn't been himself since jeannie passed he keeps looking all over the place,and sitting on the table looking at the door and out the window,he always did that when jeannie was going back and forth to the vets,the day she stayed overnite at the vets he stayed all day and nite on the table waiting for her to come home i feel he knows now though,cats are very smart and intuitive.I put her ashes for now where she used to sleep on the couch with a picture of her when she was a kitten,with a toy and a locket of her fur,i feel some sense of peace that part of her is back home,but its also very sad and depressing for it to be like that also.Sometimes you get angry about it all,then sad again,all different emotions back and forth, iit really is like an emotional roller coster,after so much crying you start to feel very empty and like numb,its like part of you passed with them when they leave you., its like you dont feel like doing anything and have enjoyment from anything. Anybody els feel also after all that it makes you like not the same again?? like part of you will always feel the pain about it? THANKS JAY

Jay, I know exactly how you feel. You'll see my post earlier about Mason whom I lost last weekend. I miss him so much, that I'm so completely lost without him. I'm dreading getting his ashes...and they did a mould of his paw print. I know it's going to be rough, but that's all I have left of him.

Hang in there. Just know that we share in your pain and know exactly what it feels like.

yes, i know what youre feeling. it is bittersweet to get the ashes back. although it made me feel better to know that fred and riley were home with me it also hurt to the core of my soul to know that they were gone and seeing their ashes on my shelf just re-enforced that. but as the days went by and i talked to them, i felt better. the grieving process is so different for everyone. i remember when riley passed away last year it took months and months before i was able to go a day without crying but even now i will have really bad days. the only difference is that they are interspersed with good days now. and then my fred passed away and i fell apart again. the desperation of knowing how long i would be grieving made everything so much worse but like an angel from heaven, into my lap fell little lucy, my new puppy that makes me so happy. it was like fred had sent her to me so that his momma wouldnt be so sad. three months have passed and my lucy makes me smile everyday. yes i have really bad days but my tears turned into smiles a lot sooner. it IS like a rollercoaster of emotions and there are days, (even with lucy) that i just want to stay in bed and cry. i did feel like how am i going to survive? the joys in my life are gone. but thru it all i believe fred sent me a message, telling me that there IS joy out there (and mine happened to be rolled up in a little crazy dog named lucy) and we have to go out there and find it. whatever it may be. (i love to write about my new adventures with lucy on "new beginnings"). freds vet called me soon after to offer her condolenses and she gave me a great idea: put a scrapbook together about fred. at first i thought how is that going to make me happy, but as i colect little things to put in it, i realize shes right. it brings back many happy memories. maybe you can do that too. i dont mean for this to sound trite believe me. but i want to express to you that what you are experiencing is perfectly normal. thinking that you will never be the same? well i have felt that everytime one of my babies passes. let yourself grieve but also try and remember the good times, make a scrapbook, write about your memories and your grief. from experience i can tell you that you will start to feel better. hang in there. i believe that the holes they leave in our hearts will always be there but its how we move forward that matters.
take care and know that you are not alone.
patricia

Hi ,and again thank you all I agree very ture that hole in our hearts and that emptiness will always be there,no matter how long time goes on,its like you never really get over it ,its like you just get used to it and try to move on from there never really the same again,one min you think your doing a bit better then it hits you again ,that happened to me when i was shopping all of a sudden i started crying very quietly, i really do feel when they leave, they also leave with a part of us ,i do cherish all thouse happy times i spent with jeannie and that will always be with me ,i also got her paw prints set in stone.i do want to get another cat but i feel if its to soon it makes me feel like im forgetting about jeannie and just movin on and that makes me sad beacuse all the greving is like the only link we have left with them,its not the best but its all we have now.its one day at a time to move on i feel .Did anybody els feel getting another pet soon after helped you move on ?or feel you should wait until had more time to deal with it all ?

Hi Jay, if your getting a cat for another feline in your household, then go for it.
If you're getting one for you, then I say it's too soon. If you feel you're ready, you will know.
You're right about never completely being over it. I equate it to a wound that never completely heals.

Take Care

hi jay, i dont know whether ive mentioned this or youve read my thread. but i got my lucy a week after fred (my cat) died. i wasnt looking for one and frankly i wasnt sure i would ever have another pet in my life. but lucy needed a forever home. she was only 6 and a half months and had been thru a tough time already so amidst the grief, i decided to try. the first day was just horrible and i remember calling my friends to come and get her and take her away. yet there was a moment when i was on the phone and she was all the way across the other room and she looked at me with her sad eyes and it seemed like she was begging me not to give her away again. it was that moment that i decided that i would keep her. it wasnt easy. i had the same feelings you have and i somehow wanted to let her know that i was doing this because i loved all animals but that she would never replace my fred. well, three months later, i cannot imagine my life without her. i love her so much, and you know what? she has NOT replaced my fred. fred will always have a place in my heart but im so glad i have my lucy. she makes me laugh and doesnt leave me too much time to cry, at least when im at home. (i miss fred every single day). now i have done it both ways. in the past i have waited till months and months before i have adopted another one and now i know that when this happens again, i will not wait. like i said, its not easy, but lucy has helped me move on. i love her to pieces, even if she chews on my arm to hamburger. so to answer your question, yes, it truly helped me. think about it. there are so many loving animals that need a forever home and you would be wonderful with them. you see, i believe that our hearts are so big and we have so much love to give. but you will always have a special place in your heart for jeannie. that will never go away and she will never be replaced. interestingly enough, yesterday lucy and i went to vist her gwamma, my mom and my mom had found some old photos she wanted me to take with me. as i was looking thru them i ran into a photo of my nephew when he graduated from highschool. that was about nine years ago. we had all gone to his graduation on the east coast (we live in the west) and had taken my little dog at that time "chiquita" and when i saw him holding her, i burst into tears and couldnt stop. my point is we never forget them and how special they are. they are always in your heart.

Hi Jay,

First let me tell you that everything you described you're feeling exactly describes me too. My sheltie, Sammie, died Saturday and I'm still in shock. I look for her everywhere. Some moments you feel like you are going over the deep end with grief and you may never come back. I honestly don't know how to go on right now. This site is the only thing keeping me functioning if that's what you call it. I hope each day has eased your pain if even a tiny fraction. I am so thankful that your baby was with you 20 years. That is a true gift my friend and I would have given anything for that. But no matter when they leave it devastates us and I'm praying for you and sending a hug. Your description of your beautiful girl really touched my heart and I wish I would have known her too.
Melanie

somtimes that does happen patricia .when your not really looking for a pet,they will find you and become your new pet ,thats great that it did help the greif,im still thinking if i should wait a bit longer though.hope its going well thanks again

the first few weeks,and months,are just so very,very hard you now have to get used to your pet not being there,and not doing all the things they did, and not there when you come home or wake up .I used to always rush to get home a lot, knowing that Jeannie would be there waiting,but know its like im not in a rush to get home beacuse i know when i do get home theres just an empty spot where she used to sit,the whole place seems different know,i still cry like almost every day and try so hard to think about all the happy times,but i cant stop thinking about her last day and if there was still a chance she could have got better,but she didn't,I found an old tape of jeannie when she was a kitten i cried when i watched it,it was both happy and painful ,but im happy i found it,when you come home and wake up knowing that your pets will be there is a very happy and comforting feeling ,now to come home and wake up and see an empty spot,is just very empty and sad thats hard,you try hard to think about all the happy times ,but its hard when there will be no more with jeannie and your just left like that.You feel so numb. Im thinking about doing like that scrapbook thing but i still cant seem to do that as of yet . THANKS JAY

Some days are just so hard ,as time goes on you think your doing a bit better,not crying as much, able to function somewhat better,but then it hits you all over again .i felt a bit better i started to try to remember all the happy times i spent whit Jeannie ,then the other day i came home from the beach and just started crying so hard,and realized how its so not the same now .and how much i miss her, and how shes not here anymore ,it seems so long since the last time i seen her,yet it also seems like the other day,i stayed home and didn't want to really do much. my first summer with her not here, i watched the last tape i have of her and how she was trying so hard to get better that last day and it was so hard i cried,it brang me back to that nite when she passed away in my arms,something that if i live to be 117 i will never forget.mabey it was to early to look at the last pictures i took of her also,i want to remember the happy times and not always have a sigh or tears,but i find that it is more difficult then i thought.its almost like the longer you go trying to "move on " and not think about it so much ,the more the grief just bulids up and will hit you again hard.i have tears writing this now because how much i miss her and how things are just not the same anymore and all your left with is the thoughts of all the times you had whit them,and you try so hard to keep that close to you and try to smile and think about the happiness they gave you ,but it really is so hard and i hope as each day passes i am able to do that better ,did anybody els have a rebound with the grief also after you seemed to have been doing a bit better ?? a lot of people don't understand how this all feels but the people here do understand,this is the only place that i can talk about this and it helps THANKS JAY

my dear, it happens all the time. i am so blessed to have a wonderful little puppy but even now, i will have bad days where i will see a picture of fred and start sobbing. you cannot rush the grieving process. you will have good days and you will have bad days. its an emotional roller coaster. the smallest of things will trigger the waterworks. the other day i was cleaning out my purse and felt something in a hidden pocket and i pulled out one of freds insulin needles (new) i had forgotten i had placed it there to always carry him with me. every day still i look over to the hallway, and still expect to see his little face poking out to say hi momma. please be kind to yourself. its society that has conditioned us to feel bad for grieving over our furbabies. it if was a human that had passed away it would be ok to be grieving months a months later. well what a lot of people dont understand is that our babies are our family too. and we cant be expected to be ok a few weeks later. dear jay, its ok to grieve. you will continue to have good and bad days. eventually though, you will wake up one day and realize your crying days are over and then the happy memories will flood you. i promise you.

you are in my toughts and prayers
patricia

{{{HUGS}}} to u jay.
just remember to breathe out, a long slow breathe out, then a slow one in.....then just look around to get you back to the present moment, i found i needed to just ground myself literally. i felt all sorta outta control & that's scary, once i centred myself I was ok for a while, by a while I mean @ first it was minutes, then hours, then half a day...that's all I got to, we hve another companion who is a godsend though the loss of my Buddy is constantly with me, I'm still being patient & look forward to the day I can make it thru a whole day without feeling that ache when I think of my Buddy.

Prayers for you
elaine

Jay,
Hang in there my friend. What you are going through is normal and has happened to all of us more times than we can count. You loved Jeannie and she was every bit as much your family as your human family. When they are gone we are heartbroken, devastated, lost and even angry. You don't just get over that in a few weeks or months. Sammie died on the same day my mom died 6 years prior. I cry and have a very rough time each year on that day. That will never change. There are going to be many traditions that included Sammie that will go on without her and that will always make me sad that she's gone. We will miss them everyday that we are on this Earth but time does make it easier to cope. You just have to allow yourself to grieve on those bad days. It's ok Jay. It is necessary for your healing. Keep coming here and writing. Some days that is the ONLY thing that got me through. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Melanie

Thank you all so much for all your kind words and support.it really means so much to me,each day you try to heal a bit more as you go trough all the grief,but like you know some days are just so hard,i know exactly what you mean patricia how the slightest thing can seem to trigger,i was cleaning and i found jeannies food bowl she used to have as a kitten it was very emotional.some people also try to keep some things a certain way after there pets pass,ie leaving a toy they had in a certain spot,not throwing anything out that was associated with them etc ,it sorta gives the person some comfort in the aftermath of it all,i still have the little blanket that jeannie slept on and i still wont wash it not that its dirty ,but i feel if i do i sorta feel like im washing away the last of her where she sat, as silly as that sounds. i agree writing here does help melanie and its good that there is a place like this because again,not many people do understand this even some relatives of mine saying things like "your not over that yet ,come on " life goes on etc and things like that i also agree how society doesn't think of a pet passing as a significant thing,like grieving for them is childish or what not,they are part of the family and i still don't really undersatnd why many people dont realize this.did anybody els feel that you are alone in the all the grieving and that others even relatives just dont undersatnd how it all feels ?? i can say that only here people truly undersatnd how this all feels to go trough and im so thankful for that,as time goes on you can smile a bit more thinking about them,but there's always that empty feeling there in the back of it all and thats the hard part, THANKS JAY

Your life events with your llittler creature of God has me in tears.................Know that what you have been through is devastating, I'm still not good 3 weeks after losing my little Dancer..But realize she was with you when she passed, this is where she chose too be...With you....She loves you...I am allow myself to cry for my Tiny Dancer at least 1/2 hr per day...I did this when my Mom passed on..Its okay to grieve, its okay to cry..We are at a loss...We are not alone with these others on this site..(Thank You to all) My prayers too you and do allow yourself when the tears come, ley them come.....It doesn't matter the time of day but allow yourself this time..We all care and understand your grief.. Judith

Hi Jay

I am new to the site and want to say how sorry I am to read of your loss, I know how you feel as my cat Eastwood who I loved so much died in May from kidney failure, like your cat Jeannie he died with me in the house. My last memories of him are getting sick his eyes going wide and him trying to get up, he then let a little cry and died. I found him as a kitten and he was a beautiful black cat, had his little tricks and ways and always there to comfort me. I kept a clip of his hair also too have his basket but dont want to wash it out because his hair is still in it. Each morning I miss him so much because at this time he would burst in the door to say hello crying and then hop on to the bed....my door dosent open anymore in the morning :-( Crf is a non recoverable disease which is very common in older cats, but it can be treated too and many cats go on living years, my vet said there was no hope and recommend to put my cat to sleep, Eastwood was so full of life and a fighter how could I let this happen to him after all its just like giving up on him. So I decided to treat his symptoms, I dont think the vet was very happy about this. Some days Eastwood looked like he was going to get better then he would crash I gave him sq fluids at home, but it came to a point that he stopped eating, he was only a month into his failure when he lost lots of weight and couldnt walk anymore..this was a horrible last two days. I carried him out to his garden and let him lie on a pillow it started to rain and I cried as I watched him lie there not able to get in from the rain(Eastwood hated the rain) so I had to bring him in. People I find too dont seem to understand about how upsetting it can be when your little lifelong pet who gives unconditional love dies, I even think my vet thought I was being cruel to my cat keeping him alive( Eastwood was with me when the suggestion of putting him to sleep was made, he knew what was said and looked at me..I looked at him and said no way !!)..sometimes this upsets me and I hope I never hurt my pet, he loved me so much and I loved him. So I do send you lots of hugs over your cat Jeannie and let you know you are not alone its not nice to see your beloved friend die infront of you..but then again at least he was with you and you where together :-)), I hope too that Eastwood didnt think I hurt him in his last month alive because there was hope that he would live many cats have see http://www.felinecrf.org

In memory of my little black cat and beautiful friend for 13 years who I thank for all his love and I was blessed to be given this little soul on earth, I think of you each day and cry too Thank you Eastwood for being my pet :-) ***x

dear jay its so not silly not to wash the little blanket. my riley died on the same day that i was moving into a new apt (year and a half ago now) and i was so distraught. he had visited the new apartment only the day before, and only because i rushed him to the hospital and when they discharged him i brought him over to see the place. so when he passed the next day, well suffice to say it was horrible. i felt like so lost. where was his toy going to sit? where was his favorite spot? had he died a few days before the move i wouldnt have moved because i still need to see the places and spots where he loved to rest or play or eat... i scoured the moving boxes for a bit of his fur. i combed my clothes hoping that i could find a strand. i found one little strand. that strand is now taped down. i look and touch it often. if i had a little blanket, ( i threw everything out during the packing because my kitties were going to get brand new things for the brand new apt) i would keep it under my pillow and not wash it either.
yes youre right as time goes by we can smile again but there is always an empty little hole... when you get sad, try as hard as you can to turn it around and smile as you remember the wonderful times you had with jeannie. because jeannie would want you to be happy again...
you are in my prayers.
patricia

I still have my Buddy's smelly old collar & each time I think I shld wash it, I don't. I still like to smell his doggy smell, it reminds me of him.
I think it's perfectly normal to do these things. Either that or all of us here are crazy, well we all know that's not true, hehehe.
Go gently
elaine

My thoughts are with you Jay, as you struggle with your grief for Jeannie. My beloved Nicole died just over 7 months ago and there are still moments every day when I'm hit with a wave of pain for her. I wish you much peace and comfort.

Catnip, my heart goes out to you as well, in your loss of Eastwood. All the best to you.

Thank you and may i say how very sorry i am that you went trough that catnip,please give yourself time over that,i do hope that you start to feel better and know that the people here know how all this feels and are so warm and supportive,i feel that you did the right thing trying to treat him,beacuse there was still some time left at the start, crf is a very hard illness to regenozie,buy the time you do notice symptoms over 80% of there kidneys stop working one day they will seem fine and the next they can crash,a lot of cats can live a long time on the fulids,but its just buying time,thats what happen to jeannie,she came home doing great and in a matter of days,got totally worse ,could barely walk and stopped eating,and got so skinny it completely broke my heart to seee her like that.please don't blame your self ,we all do what we think is the best for our pets and try our best to give them a happy and wonderful life ,be well and thank you again.

hi patricia .that sounds so hard that you went trough that ,im so sorry,moving in it self takes time to get adjusted to,even more harder with the passing of your beloved riley we all try to cling on too whatever we have left of them,a toy ,a piece of fur like you have,etc and it does seem to give us some comfort after there passing, i agree they would want us to be happy and not sad all the time over them,a work in progress though, hoping that will be able to smile and think of all the happy times,and not have that sadness after it ,but as you said there will always be that empty little hole because of how much we loved and cared for them and how much joy they bring to our lifes ,when so many other things don't ,they truly do touch our hearts like nothing els,i try to take it day by day and . thanks again and be well

dancer and elaine thank you,and 3 weeks is still so hard,do give your self time ,time to cry and time to gerive like you said ,we have to do that for some it may take longer,its a constant thing and you try to work trough it but talking here does help
nicole'smom thank you and i hope you doing better 7 months is still fresh the first year i feel is hard beacuse its the first year without them,i sure know what you mean when thouse waves hit ,thanks.

Thanks for that Jay, hope you are feeling a bit better because as you said we all know here what it is like to go through the death of our little companions. But its only natural I suppose to think what if? should I have did this or that? I had to see the very same things as you with Eastood, loosing so much weight..he used to go up the stairs to sleep on the bed when he was sick, but as the days went on it got harder for him to climb them, so sad to see him try. I also think maybe he didnt want to see me as much during his last days as he was ill and just wanted to sleep, I would wake him up and give him subq..his last day he cried when he was getting his fluids...I think I was hurting him..which I am sooo sorry, its something I can never forget. He had the most amazing love for me but our last days together I dont know if he became afraid of me, did he think I was hurting him? So I dont really know, but one thing is that the days are not the same anymore and I am not looking forward to the short winter nights, Eastwood wont be there curled up in his basket :-(( I hope time helps out for you too Jay..we loved our little pets I too have some of his fur and I am glad Patricia got to find some fur of her little Riely to keep, and to everyone else Nicolesmum dancer etc it shows your love for your pets otherwise you wouldnt have been here talking about them. Eastwood died with me there Jay just like Jeannie with you, its good to know thats the last face they seen was their best friend :-))

Hi... well its now a year since Jeannie passed away and its like at times i still cant believe it,things are still hard from time to time. im able to think a bit more of the happy times ,then her last days and how overwhelming it was But i still miss her so much,more then words can even describe,i know she's in a better place now, but i still have moments where i will still cry over her, and at times angry,beacuse so many things still remind me of her,like in the summer when it gets hot how she would sit on the window sill or the part of the carpet where the sun hits to be in the sun ,and like when putting up the Christmas the tree,how jeannie would always jump in the box ,then sleep under the tree when it was all set up,Things like that, little routines we used to have, it just gets you sad that she's not here anymore doing all those things that she used to do,and to see all those spots where she used to sit. I finally got a new kitten and that's something that helped, although l know it can never replace jeannie,, a new cat will bring new times to share, and i really think that Jeannie is now watching over us., now my other cat buddy has a friend to play with again,they get along very well.Her name is Mindy.shes so cute and very playful,shes a calcio/tiger mix .I got her at the animal shelter when she was 2 months old.The minute i looked at her i know that she was the kitten i would be commig with, i wanted to post this about 7 months ago to update how things have been,but i was so busy talking care of the new kitten,and sometimes its hard to write about jeannie not here anymore,so i figured i do it at a year.I just wanted to thank you all for your support and caring at a time when i was so devastated and upset about jeannie passing away,i still have yet to open the box her ashes are in, its still in her fav spot on the couch. She will always be my heart as i continue on,and i know that the day will come where we will meet again. When our pets pass on i don't think we really ever "get over it" it just stays with us as we continue on,but i try to think of all the great times and try to smile about them i know that Jeannie would have wanted that. Thanks JAY

Hi Jay,

First I want to thank you for your post on my own thread regarding the loss of my precious Gabby. It was two weeks yesterday and although I don't cry as much I'm just not the same person I was. I may never be. I'm happy that you got a kitten. It will certainly help having a new life to take care of. One that will rely on you for food and affection and lots of love. Though Mindy will never replace Jeannie she will hopefully fill a small part of the void Jeannie left behind.

I read your posts from last year and it brought me to tears. It reminds me so much of Gabby's decline. There's such an unbearable sadness that follows. Day by day, that's what my mother tells me. But I know that like you I will probably never get over this loss, not completely. Part of me doesn't want to though. It seems that with time and distance her memory will fade and the closeness I shared with her along with it. Maybe holding on to the grief, having it interrupt us from time to time, despite it being so difficult to face, is a way for us to hold onto that bond we shared. Maybe that's not the best way to look at it. I'm not sure. I guess time will tell.

Take care,

John

Thank you ,I thought now that its been a year i would have gotten over it but i still have times where it just hits back hard again,i know what you mean on how now the only bond we have with them now is that is that grief,and as time goes on you think that it will be a distant memory,and you don't want to forget them ever.But i know that we will never forget them ,the bond of caring and the love we have for them was so strong it will always be a part of us that's how i try to think of it.I still have her toys and her blanket and her last bag of fluids and and ivs,its like i don't want to let go of it,I guess everybody has there own pace. I never really though it would be that hard to get over it , taking each day at a time, but it indeed still hurts, that we cant still have them here with us,i just try so hard to think of all the good times ,and think that they would have wanted that. Thanks again,Jay

Hi, Jay, the one year anniversary is a hard one. It's a year of firsts without the physical presence of our beloved companions with us on this side of eternity, and still nothing seems to be right BECAUSE the physical presence of our precious one is not here with us.

Jay, contrary to what society in general, and some people in our lives specifically, believes - - the goal of the grief journey is NOT to "forget" or "move beyond" our beloved companions. To try to do so is impossible, and it is reprehensible for anyone to encourage us to do so.

This grief journey is about trying to find a peace in our hearts that will help us to embrace the sweet Living Spirit of our beloved companions that will help us to focus on the good memories that we have of our journey together on this side of eternity and will give us the hope we need to proceed with our lives that will honor the love and dedication that our beloved companions shared with us - - and still share with us that is no longer dependent on the limitations of time and space on this side of eternity.

For me, I still have toys and leashes and collars out and about of my beloved furkids who are now in heaven's perfect garden. They do give me comfort, they are physical reminders that I can hold in my hand and close to my heart that keep their presence real for me, and - - I would also like to think that they provide a welcome atmosphere for my furkids to know that this is still their earthly home - - that their sweet Living Spirits are always welcome here.

But this is what works for me. Each of us need to find the "place" that gives us comfort, and that's part of what this grief journey is about. Hopefully as we share with each other what works for us it can be helpful to others who are seeking ways to help them in their grief journey.

Jay, I hope this is being a good day for you, and that you know Jeannie is still with you as she always has been. Please know that you can ALWAYS come here to share with us about your precious Jeannie. And I know she is so glad that you have Buddy and Mindy. And yes, I do believe our beloved companions do influence the "matchmaking" process from their heavenly home. They may not be physically with us - - but they are still very much a part of us - - always and forever.

Jay, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam