I miss my dear Callym most desperately. I have been devastated by his illness and passing.
My dear Callym was diagnosed with oral cancer about 2 months ago when the tumor ulcerated through the soft palate, and left Callym very sore in his mouth. He needed strong painkillers to alleviate the pain of the ulcerated tumor etc. and we did get him comfortable. Sadly the heavy painkillers had side effects on the kidneys, but without painkillers he could not have gone on due to the pain of the tumor. Despite not-so-good numbers on bloodwork, the kidneys did not cause Callym notable physical issues until the end. Callym was a true fighter and had quality of life for two months against all the odds. I decided to put him to sleep with an at-home veterinarian this past weekend (just 3 days ago), as he was beginning to deteriorate at that point. This was the hardest decision of my life.
I am a total mess. I have an extremely sensitive personality, and Callym is the first cat of my own I have lost so this is proving very difficult. Also, I am single so I have no built-in support at home to help me through the grieving. For 2 days, I cried and wailed nonstop it seems. Then now I am having some "okay-ish" moments in between crying episodes (which is good, as otherwise I think I would explode). I am also feeling guilt (as much as everyone tells me not to - and logically I know things are not my fault) - oral cancer is such a catch22 - without the heavy painkillers he would not have been comfortable - but giving them did have side effects on his kidneys - but for pallitiave care the vet and I decided that keeping him comfortable and painfree (or reduced pain so he was happy enough to want to be here) was first and foremost. But I keep assessing my medical decisions and looking to blame myself - maybe I am doing this to divert my brain from the fact I miss him desperately. I am mad I am doing this to myself as it is not helping anything. It was a losing battle with a cancer diagnosis and pain management was critical.
I guess the truth is, with a terminal illness the hardest part emotionally in many ways is when they are still with you, but you know within weeks or months they won't be there. It is agonizing to see the end approaching for two months, even though we were making good memories in that time. But then after those two months, now that he is gone, the grief without him is just as awful in a different way.
The emotional rollercoaster that I have been on for months now is still in full force. Now that the crying episodes are not non-stop, I feel a depression beginning to settle in. But I don't want the legacy of my great Callym to be to leave me depressed - I should be a happier person for having had this great cat in my life. And I still have my other cats, who are also the great loves of my life.
Full Version: Sad, Confused And Desperately Missing My Callum
HI Scarlett,
I am so sorry for your loss. It is very difficult to lose a pet. My dog died suddenly of of cancer and I felt very similar to you where as I felt very guilty over many things. If you check my posts you can read the story and you will see I had very similar feelings to you. It has been just over a month now and I still have some bad days, but I am finding that I coming to terms with it all and not feeling as guilty but it took a lot of talking to friends and this support website has been extremely helpful when there came a point where family/friends were getting fed up with my going on and on about guilt that I had. As you said logically you know things were not your fault, sometimes things are out of our control no matter how much we wish we could control them. I felt the same way with Pepper when she died suddenly, I thought there must've been something I could've done and nobody could convince me otherwise, and if I start to really think about it I will still feel small pangs of guilt, but not as intense. Guilt is a normal feeling when this happens. I too am alone and my dog was always there for me when I came home and slept on the bed with me, it has been really difficult with her gone. Think about if this happened to a friend what would you tell a friend. You did eveything you could. I didn't have a chance to spend any additional time with Pepper when she was diagnosed, the same day I found out she had cancer she died before we left the vets office. She walked in the vets office with me. The last thing from my mind was that these were my last moments with her and that I should kiss and hug her while she was alert. As hard as it was you got to spend a few additonal months with you cat and you were able to ensure she knew how much she was loved even though it was emotional. I would've given anything to have an extra week or two with Pepper. There are many people here that understand exactly how you feel. I really am sorry for your loss and I hope you will feel better soon.
I am so sorry for your loss. It is very difficult to lose a pet. My dog died suddenly of of cancer and I felt very similar to you where as I felt very guilty over many things. If you check my posts you can read the story and you will see I had very similar feelings to you. It has been just over a month now and I still have some bad days, but I am finding that I coming to terms with it all and not feeling as guilty but it took a lot of talking to friends and this support website has been extremely helpful when there came a point where family/friends were getting fed up with my going on and on about guilt that I had. As you said logically you know things were not your fault, sometimes things are out of our control no matter how much we wish we could control them. I felt the same way with Pepper when she died suddenly, I thought there must've been something I could've done and nobody could convince me otherwise, and if I start to really think about it I will still feel small pangs of guilt, but not as intense. Guilt is a normal feeling when this happens. I too am alone and my dog was always there for me when I came home and slept on the bed with me, it has been really difficult with her gone. Think about if this happened to a friend what would you tell a friend. You did eveything you could. I didn't have a chance to spend any additional time with Pepper when she was diagnosed, the same day I found out she had cancer she died before we left the vets office. She walked in the vets office with me. The last thing from my mind was that these were my last moments with her and that I should kiss and hug her while she was alert. As hard as it was you got to spend a few additonal months with you cat and you were able to ensure she knew how much she was loved even though it was emotional. I would've given anything to have an extra week or two with Pepper. There are many people here that understand exactly how you feel. I really am sorry for your loss and I hope you will feel better soon.
Hi, Scarlett, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Callym. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Anticipatory Grief is as hard as the grief we feel after our beloved companion's physical death. I know first hand what you went through with Callym, as I went through a similar experience with my number one kitty son, Eli, who joined the angels 29 months ago after a very short illness with end stage Lymphoma. What you are experiencing now is very normal grief, Scarlett. This grief healing journey is both physical and emotional, so it is important that you do whatever helps comfort you, particularly during the deep moments of sorrow. For several months I slept with my Eli's collar under my pillow, and would hold onto it or one of his blankets during the moments when I was consumed with sorrow. Then there were the gut wrenching sobs while driving into work. Thank goodness for the restroom where I could retreat to try to regain my composure so that I could do my job. Crying is very healthy because it literally cleanses the body of the toxic chemicals that build up in the body due to the stress of grieving. The most important thing for you to know is that you are not alone in this grief healing journey. Each of us here knows what you are feeling, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Scarlett, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
QUOTE (Scarlett @ May 26 2009, 02:23 PM) 
I miss my dear Callym most desperately. I have been devastated by his illness and passing.
My dear Callym was diagnosed with oral cancer about 2 months ago when the tumor ulcerated through the soft palate, and left Callym very sore in his mouth. He needed strong painkillers to alleviate the pain of the ulcerated tumor etc. and we did get him comfortable. Sadly the heavy painkillers had side effects on the kidneys, but without painkillers he could not have gone on due to the pain of the tumor. Despite not-so-good numbers on bloodwork, the kidneys did not cause Callym notable physical issues until the end. Callym was a true fighter and had quality of life for two months against all the odds. I decided to put him to sleep with an at-home veterinarian this past weekend (just 3 days ago), as he was beginning to deteriorate at that point. This was the hardest decision of my life.
I am a total mess. I have an extremely sensitive personality, and Callym is the first cat of my own I have lost so this is proving very difficult. Also, I am single so I have no built-in support at home to help me through the grieving. For 2 days, I cried and wailed nonstop it seems. Then now I am having some "okay-ish" moments in between crying episodes (which is good, as otherwise I think I would explode). I am also feeling guilt (as much as everyone tells me not to - and logically I know things are not my fault) - oral cancer is such a catch22 - without the heavy painkillers he would not have been comfortable - but giving them did have side effects on his kidneys - but for pallitiave care the vet and I decided that keeping him comfortable and painfree (or reduced pain so he was happy enough to want to be here) was first and foremost. But I keep assessing my medical decisions and looking to blame myself - maybe I am doing this to divert my brain from the fact I miss him desperately. I am mad I am doing this to myself as it is not helping anything. It was a losing battle with a cancer diagnosis and pain management was critical.
I guess the truth is, with a terminal illness the hardest part emotionally in many ways is when they are still with you, but you know within weeks or months they won't be there. It is agonizing to see the end approaching for two months, even though we were making good memories in that time. But then after those two months, now that he is gone, the grief without him is just as awful in a different way.
The emotional rollercoaster that I have been on for months now is still in full force. Now that the crying episodes are not non-stop, I feel a depression beginning to settle in. But I don't want the legacy of my great Callym to be to leave me depressed - I should be a happier person for having had this great cat in my life. And I still have my other cats, who are also the great loves of my life.
My dear Callym was diagnosed with oral cancer about 2 months ago when the tumor ulcerated through the soft palate, and left Callym very sore in his mouth. He needed strong painkillers to alleviate the pain of the ulcerated tumor etc. and we did get him comfortable. Sadly the heavy painkillers had side effects on the kidneys, but without painkillers he could not have gone on due to the pain of the tumor. Despite not-so-good numbers on bloodwork, the kidneys did not cause Callym notable physical issues until the end. Callym was a true fighter and had quality of life for two months against all the odds. I decided to put him to sleep with an at-home veterinarian this past weekend (just 3 days ago), as he was beginning to deteriorate at that point. This was the hardest decision of my life.
I am a total mess. I have an extremely sensitive personality, and Callym is the first cat of my own I have lost so this is proving very difficult. Also, I am single so I have no built-in support at home to help me through the grieving. For 2 days, I cried and wailed nonstop it seems. Then now I am having some "okay-ish" moments in between crying episodes (which is good, as otherwise I think I would explode). I am also feeling guilt (as much as everyone tells me not to - and logically I know things are not my fault) - oral cancer is such a catch22 - without the heavy painkillers he would not have been comfortable - but giving them did have side effects on his kidneys - but for pallitiave care the vet and I decided that keeping him comfortable and painfree (or reduced pain so he was happy enough to want to be here) was first and foremost. But I keep assessing my medical decisions and looking to blame myself - maybe I am doing this to divert my brain from the fact I miss him desperately. I am mad I am doing this to myself as it is not helping anything. It was a losing battle with a cancer diagnosis and pain management was critical.
I guess the truth is, with a terminal illness the hardest part emotionally in many ways is when they are still with you, but you know within weeks or months they won't be there. It is agonizing to see the end approaching for two months, even though we were making good memories in that time. But then after those two months, now that he is gone, the grief without him is just as awful in a different way.
The emotional rollercoaster that I have been on for months now is still in full force. Now that the crying episodes are not non-stop, I feel a depression beginning to settle in. But I don't want the legacy of my great Callym to be to leave me depressed - I should be a happier person for having had this great cat in my life. And I still have my other cats, who are also the great loves of my life.
Scarlett,
I can empathize with you because I, too any morale support at home. The only one I can talk to is my Sammy, my one and only cat, now. Of course, he can't talk to me. He does meow, when I talk to him, though. I wish I could understand what he was saying. I also get depressed inspite the fact that I've been taking antidepressants since my husbband died. If not for it, I'd probably lose my sanity. Sometimes, I do do feel lke losing I'm losing it. Like you, I have to be strong for Sammy because I'm all he's got. I also still feel guilty for putting Missy to sleep and also I felt like I didn't do enough even if I had taken her several times to the doctor and had tests and x-rays done and given her the medications the vet prescribed to her. But, she had been lethargic and has stopped eating the day before I put her to sleep. A few weeks before her condition got worst and found out that the growth mass in her stomach had increased in size, he wouldn't even recommend surgery to find out what this mass was because she will not be able to survive the anesthesia. He said the only thing I could do is to make her comfortable and that she's not in pain.
The day I decided to put her to sleep, I went online to see if I can find anything that would tell me when it's time to let go and that's how I decided to do what I had to do. Missy was also the first pet I had to put to sleep and it was a very hard decision. But even if the doctor said she's not in pain, I didn't want for the day to come when she will start suffering. As it is, she was already suffering because she no longer had a good quality of life. I've read a lot in this lightning-strike website about feeling guilty and having so much pain. We are not alone. Just think that you did the right thing and Callym no longer has to suffer.
You take care of yourself. Only time will heal our wounds. You're right about not letting your other pets see how sad you are. Whenever I feel sad, I hug Sammy and it makes me feel better.
Thanks to you all. Your replies are so thoughtful and sensitive - just what I needed. It really does seem the guilt thing is a huge part of the grieving process for many pet owners.
There is another issue that I need to get over. The other issue is that my vet made a mistake towards the end - I caught the mistake but only after some time. The way things played out, based on research I don't think the error ended up having major effects on my kitty (but it could have). But his final downturn coincided with the timing of this mistake, and so I keep replaying this in my head, doing research and trying to find out what role it could have played But it does me no good to go over this time and time again. My kitty was dying of cancer (and then kidney failure) long before this happened. But I cannot stop dwelling on this - any ideas for how to stop my mind going in this non-useful direction?
There is another issue that I need to get over. The other issue is that my vet made a mistake towards the end - I caught the mistake but only after some time. The way things played out, based on research I don't think the error ended up having major effects on my kitty (but it could have). But his final downturn coincided with the timing of this mistake, and so I keep replaying this in my head, doing research and trying to find out what role it could have played But it does me no good to go over this time and time again. My kitty was dying of cancer (and then kidney failure) long before this happened. But I cannot stop dwelling on this - any ideas for how to stop my mind going in this non-useful direction?
Hi, Scarlett, I can so relate to what you're feeling about your vet. I had to change vets because of my Eli. The vet we had sold her practice to a young man who had no compassion and no common sense. With medication issues there is always a two-edged sword - - yes, they help in pain management and treatment for illnesses but they do have side-effects just like human medicines do. In fact, many of the medicines used in veterinary treatment are similar to human medications - - only the dosages are different. Clinical studies show that when the memory has been traumatized - - in any way - - the brain "records" the event and plays it over and over again like a stuck needle on a record player. Depending on the extent of the trauma will depend on how long the "replay" lasts. It sounds like you have enough information from your research to cause you to want to change vets. It might help if you can now feel like you can stop researching information. This won't change what happened, but it might help you to start the process of removing the stuck needle on the record player. Have you talked to your vet about the information you have found and asked him why he prescribed the dosage he did? This may or may not be an option. Another way is to try to refocus your thoughts, and this is hard when you are struggling with grief. When you find yourself thinking about the dosage issue, refocus your thoughts on something else - - a chore you need to do, or turn on the radio or TV to distract you, etc.. Does this mean you will completely stop wondering about the dosage issue? No, because it is a part of Callym's life that will always be with you. However, the point is to stop the traumatic focus on this so that you can refocus your memory of Callym to what your life was like with him - - the good memories, the loving memories - - which is what he wants you to remember and cherish. Scarlett, I hope this helps in some way. This grief journey is filled with so many twists and turns, ups and downs it can make you feel sometimes like you're losing your mind, but I assure you you are not. And please know you are not alone. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Hi Scarlett, I'm so sorry for your loss of Callym.
Terminal illlnesses are the worst, because rarely can you do anything about it.
I know how you feel, I hope you will come here often.
There's alot of knowledge here, and this is the best place to be.
Take Care
Terminal illlnesses are the worst, because rarely can you do anything about it.
I know how you feel, I hope you will come here often.
There's alot of knowledge here, and this is the best place to be.
Take Care
I'm a mess of conflicting emotions.
This afternoon I went to visit my horse and I did not cry all afternoon. My horse is not doing well, and I am very worried about him now. And I felt guilty for not crying about Callym. Then I got home, and looked at Callym's memorial (photos and the box with his remains) and I broke down crying and missing his presence so much. I needed him to cheer me up, and I cannot cuddle with him to make me feel better.
This is awful.
This afternoon I went to visit my horse and I did not cry all afternoon. My horse is not doing well, and I am very worried about him now. And I felt guilty for not crying about Callym. Then I got home, and looked at Callym's memorial (photos and the box with his remains) and I broke down crying and missing his presence so much. I needed him to cheer me up, and I cannot cuddle with him to make me feel better.
This is awful.
I have signed up for an intense Scrapbooking Workshop this weekend - I only hope I can make it through the multiple sessions without crying. Lots of tears last night.
I want to make a pretty Scrapbook honouring Callym and his life, and then I also want to make one for my other cats and horse. But I've never done this before. I thought attending a workshop might be a good therapeutic way to slowly introduce myself back to the world after my loss. And I am doing it for Callym, so I shall still feel connected to him.
Sigh, this is so difficult.
I want to make a pretty Scrapbook honouring Callym and his life, and then I also want to make one for my other cats and horse. But I've never done this before. I thought attending a workshop might be a good therapeutic way to slowly introduce myself back to the world after my loss. And I am doing it for Callym, so I shall still feel connected to him.
Sigh, this is so difficult.
Hi, Scarlett. I think you are doing a great thing signing up for the scrapbooking classes. Whenever I have lost one of my furbabies I have done a memorial booklet with pictures and poetry. It is very therapeutic, and gradually you begin to focus on the good memories which helps to get through the tough moments of grief. Callym is very proud of you, Scarlett, and his love is reaching out to you beyond Time and Space to comfort you and still be your confidant. I am sorry about your horse not doing well, and I can imagine this is just one more concern you have in your heart and on your mind. This grief healing journey is very hard. It is one of the hardest experiences we will ever have in this life. And that is one of the many reasons why it is so important that you know you are not alone. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, Scarlett, and please let us know how you're doing - - and how things go with your memory scrapbook of Callym.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Thank you MoonBeam. I had the first scrapbooking lesson tonight. I did a page about my horse - I wanted to wait for a few lessons before I made a page for Callym, as then I should be a better scrapbooker. I can highly recommend learning this as a good proactive healing tool for grief - what nicer thing to learn than how to make a scrapbook of our loved one's life.
That being said, I just lit a candle by Callym's memorial (photos and his urn) and I wept once more. I partly wept for how fast the four years with him seemed to go by. I wish I could relive those years again. I still cannot believe he has passed on. It still is all very surreal. And earlier today, I went down the road of guilt-tripping myself about his medical care - I am so angry that there are few good pain management options for cats that don't have dire side effects. I wish that the researchers would make it a focus as cats' kidneys are so delicate and so many of the pain meds can mess them up - and cats are so stoical about their pain, that I suspect it is all too easily overlooked by not being deemed important to find pain management options without all the side effects.
Sigh. When will I wake up from this bad dream???
That being said, I just lit a candle by Callym's memorial (photos and his urn) and I wept once more. I partly wept for how fast the four years with him seemed to go by. I wish I could relive those years again. I still cannot believe he has passed on. It still is all very surreal. And earlier today, I went down the road of guilt-tripping myself about his medical care - I am so angry that there are few good pain management options for cats that don't have dire side effects. I wish that the researchers would make it a focus as cats' kidneys are so delicate and so many of the pain meds can mess them up - and cats are so stoical about their pain, that I suspect it is all too easily overlooked by not being deemed important to find pain management options without all the side effects.
Sigh. When will I wake up from this bad dream???
Dearest Scarlett, I'm so terribly sorry for your loss of Sweet Precious Fur Baby Callym. Please accept my deepest condolences. I can see that you're up in the wee hours of the morning, so grief stricken and devastated. HUGS!!! I posted this song for Sad Dog Mom and feel it very appropriate for you and Angel Callym, too.
This is practically the most beautiful song of Blessings I've ever heard in my life and I'm a pretty old lady. I wish so much to bestow each and every one of these Blessings upon you and your Precious Fur Angel Child Callym. I sure do. It will be very lovely if your PC has the capability to view videos because the images are all so breathtakingly magnificent and soothing as well.
God Bless You and Your Beloved, Cherished Callym Most Abundantly!!!
Lay down your head and I'll sing you a lullaby. Back to the years of Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.
And I'll sing you to sleep and I'll sing you tomorrow.
Bless you with love for the road that you go.
May you sail fair to the far fields of fortune with diamonds and pearls at your head and your feet and may you need never to banish misfortune.
May you find kindness in all that you meet.
May there always be Angels to watch over you. To guard you each step of the way.
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm. Loo-Li,Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.
May you bring love and may you bring happiness. Be loved in return to the end your days. Now fall off to sleep. I'm not meaning to keep you.
I'll just sit for a while and sing Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.
May there always be Angels to watch over you.
To guard you each step of the way.
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm.
Loo-Li,Loo-Li,Lai-Ley. Loo-Li,Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.
I Wish You Peace!!!
Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
This is practically the most beautiful song of Blessings I've ever heard in my life and I'm a pretty old lady. I wish so much to bestow each and every one of these Blessings upon you and your Precious Fur Angel Child Callym. I sure do. It will be very lovely if your PC has the capability to view videos because the images are all so breathtakingly magnificent and soothing as well.
God Bless You and Your Beloved, Cherished Callym Most Abundantly!!!
Please Click on the Angelic Lady
"Sleep Song"
by: Secret Garden
by: Secret Garden
Lay down your head and I'll sing you a lullaby. Back to the years of Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.
And I'll sing you to sleep and I'll sing you tomorrow.
Bless you with love for the road that you go.
May you sail fair to the far fields of fortune with diamonds and pearls at your head and your feet and may you need never to banish misfortune.
May you find kindness in all that you meet.
May there always be Angels to watch over you. To guard you each step of the way.
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm. Loo-Li,Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.
May you bring love and may you bring happiness. Be loved in return to the end your days. Now fall off to sleep. I'm not meaning to keep you.
I'll just sit for a while and sing Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.
May there always be Angels to watch over you.
To guard you each step of the way.
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm.
Loo-Li,Loo-Li,Lai-Ley. Loo-Li,Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.
I Wish You Peace!!!
Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
Thank you. I watched the video and images and they were lovely and soothing. I like to think that Callym heard them too, as his memorial is here in the room where I am typing this.
Callym, your Mummy loves you and misses you so desperately. It's almost unbearable.
Sometimes I feel that if I soaked in the true enormity of what has happened, I would cry and scream forever. I wonder if I am in a bit of a daze and numb, as I am not sure I could be functioning at all otherwise.
I think I am going to have yet one more cry before I head to bed.
Callym, your Mummy loves you and misses you so desperately. It's almost unbearable.
Sometimes I feel that if I soaked in the true enormity of what has happened, I would cry and scream forever. I wonder if I am in a bit of a daze and numb, as I am not sure I could be functioning at all otherwise.
I think I am going to have yet one more cry before I head to bed.
{{{{{Scarlett}}}}} I'm pleased that you liked the song, images and found them soothing. Judging from your above post, it appears you may be in for a really rough
ride and I am gosh awful worried about you!
Please go here. I'll give you the direct link ...
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=5323
"Feeling Worse 3 Months Later?"
Scarlett, please see Post #6 okay?
I pray to God that does not happen to you, Dear One! Hang in there, Scarlett. Keep coming back to talk any time night or day. It matters not. It's by sharing and caring that we get through this most difficult time in our lives. True. Please know that you and your Precious Fur Angel Baby Callym are in my thoughts and prayers!!!
I Wish You Peace!!!
Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
ride and I am gosh awful worried about you!
Please go here. I'll give you the direct link ...
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=5323
"Feeling Worse 3 Months Later?"
Scarlett, please see Post #6 okay?
I pray to God that does not happen to you, Dear One! Hang in there, Scarlett. Keep coming back to talk any time night or day. It matters not. It's by sharing and caring that we get through this most difficult time in our lives. True. Please know that you and your Precious Fur Angel Baby Callym are in my thoughts and prayers!!!
I Wish You Peace!!!
Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
Scarlett, Callym did see and hear along with you. Honest and for true.
Please go here ...
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=5359
And read Post #7 then you will know.
Many Comforting Hugs!!!
Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
Please go here ...
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=5359
And read Post #7 then you will know.
Many Comforting Hugs!!!
Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
to Scarlett, im very sorry i know what you mean about all ther crying in the start ,its not easy when jeannie passed i cried all day and nite ,it will take one day at a time .all the emotions and the numbness that we go through when a pet passes is just awful ,thats great your taking up scrapbooking i think it will help you feel better about it all. i havent been able to do anything like that as of yet ,but like everybody said its not an overnite thing when out pets pass ,best thoughts and i hope it goes well THANKS JAY
Well, I have been lighting a candle every night for dear Callym since he passed, and I still find myself talking to him and crying every night as I do so. I am functioning a little better during the day, but evenings are more difficult. I still feel like the period of his illness and his passing are surreal - it feels like it is all a bad dream that I will wake up from at some point. But I know that really this is not going to happen.
I miss my orange and white creamsicle-coloured kitty. He brought so much joy into my heart and I will be forever grateful to him for that.
I miss my orange and white creamsicle-coloured kitty. He brought so much joy into my heart and I will be forever grateful to him for that.
There he is, my darling Callym.
{{{{{{{Scarlett and Orange and White Creamsicle Coloured Angel Kitty Callym}}}}}}}
Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
Very sweet.
Starting last week, I am actually beginning to design a scrapbook page with that same photo. I shall take a photo of the page when I am done so you can see how it turns out.
Starting last week, I am actually beginning to design a scrapbook page with that same photo. I shall take a photo of the page when I am done so you can see how it turns out.
{{{{{Scarlett}}}}} That's wonderful. Hugs! There have been new developments. Guess what? Callym is a kitten once again so decided to go out wandering the Universe just for fun and made a discovery! Callym found out that "We Can Dance If We Want To" but it shocks Jean Luc Picard from Star Trek Generations. 
Data is pretty upset, too. 
However, Tom Cruise is one Happy Camper! 
Data is pretty upset, too. However, Tom Cruise is one Happy Camper! Please turn up your volume and click on Callym Kitten in Space.
We can dance if we want to,
We can leave your friends behind.
Cause your friends don't dance,
And if they don't dance,
Well they're no friends of mine.
Say, we can go where we want to,
A place where they will never find.
And we can act like we come from out of this world,
Because you're one far behind.
We can dance!
We can go where we want to,
The night is young and so am I.
And we can dress real neat,
From out hats to our feet,
Then surprise them with a big trick ride.
Say, we can act if we want to,
If we don't, nobody will,
And you can act real rude,
And totally removed,
And I can act like an imbecile.
Say, we can dance.
We can dance.
Everything's outta control!
We can dance.
We can dance.
We're doing it more and more!
We can dance.
We can dance.
Everybody look at your hands!
We can dance.
We can dance.
Everybody's taking the chance!
It's safe to dance.
Oh well, it's safe to dance.
Yes, it's safe to dance!
We can dance if we want to.
We've got all your life and mine.
As long as we abuse it,
Never gonna lose it,
Everything will work out right.
I say, we can dance if we want to.
We can leave your friends behind.
Because your friends don't dance,
And if they don't dance,
Well they're no friends of mine!
I say, we can dance.
We can dance.
Everything's outta control!
We can dance.
We can dance.
We're doing it more and more!
We can dance.
We can dance.
Everybody look at your hands!
We can dance.
We can dance.
Everybody's taking the chance!
Well, it's safe to dance.
Yes, it's safe to dance.
Well, it's safe to dance.
Oh well, it's safe to dance.
Ah yes, it's safe to dance.
Well, it's safe to dance.
It's safe to dance.
It's safe to dance!
We can dance if we want to,
We can leave your friends behind.
Cause your friends don't dance,
And if they don't dance,
Well they're no friends of mine.
Say, we can go where we want to,
A place where they will never find.
And we can act like we come from out of this world,
Because you're one far behind.
We can dance!
We can go where we want to,
The night is young and so am I.
And we can dress real neat,
From out hats to our feet,
Then surprise them with a big trick ride.
Say, we can act if we want to,
If we don't, nobody will,
And you can act real rude,
And totally removed,
And I can act like an imbecile.
Say, we can dance.
We can dance.
Everything's outta control!
We can dance.
We can dance.
We're doing it more and more!
We can dance.
We can dance.
Everybody look at your hands!
We can dance.
We can dance.
Everybody's taking the chance!
It's safe to dance.
Oh well, it's safe to dance.
Yes, it's safe to dance!
We can dance if we want to.
We've got all your life and mine.
As long as we abuse it,
Never gonna lose it,
Everything will work out right.
I say, we can dance if we want to.
We can leave your friends behind.
Because your friends don't dance,
And if they don't dance,
Well they're no friends of mine!
I say, we can dance.
We can dance.
Everything's outta control!
We can dance.
We can dance.
We're doing it more and more!
We can dance.
We can dance.
Everybody look at your hands!
We can dance.
We can dance.
Everybody's taking the chance!
Well, it's safe to dance.
Yes, it's safe to dance.
Well, it's safe to dance.
Oh well, it's safe to dance.
Ah yes, it's safe to dance.
Well, it's safe to dance.
It's safe to dance.
It's safe to dance!
QUOTE (Scarlett @ May 26 2009, 11:33 PM)
Thanks to you all. Your replies are so thoughtful and sensitive - just what I needed. It really does seem the guilt thing is a huge part of the grieving process for many pet owners.
There is another issue that I need to get over. The other issue is that my vet made a mistake towards the end - I caught the mistake but only after some time. The way things played out, based on research I don't think the error ended up having major effects on my kitty (but it could have). But his final downturn coincided with the timing of this mistake, and so I keep replaying this in my head, doing research and trying to find out what role it could have played But it does me no good to go over this time and time again. My kitty was dying of cancer (and then kidney failure) long before this happened. But I cannot stop dwelling on this - any ideas for how to stop my mind going in this non-useful direction?
There is another issue that I need to get over. The other issue is that my vet made a mistake towards the end - I caught the mistake but only after some time. The way things played out, based on research I don't think the error ended up having major effects on my kitty (but it could have). But his final downturn coincided with the timing of this mistake, and so I keep replaying this in my head, doing research and trying to find out what role it could have played But it does me no good to go over this time and time again. My kitty was dying of cancer (and then kidney failure) long before this happened. But I cannot stop dwelling on this - any ideas for how to stop my mind going in this non-useful direction?
I totally understand, but the Vet did do their best. I know your feelings and you can read about it under the post "wonderful Ceaser"
I also have guilt becasue Ceaser needed pain managment but giving him too much would have also caused issues.
so I feel like he suffered too much and that I didn't give him enough meds etc....I should have rushed to the vet sooner etc....I should have never given him the Chinese food and all that stuff.
This is just awful and some days are better than others.
I have also developed a mild case of depression but my son Cale really helps me...he si only 22 months old.
Working on the scrapbook really helps.
I am so sorry for Callym, and Callym is in Heaven now.
I am still hurting and missing Callym more than ever.
I am able to function a bit better overall, but the pain is just as deep when the waves of sadness tumble over me.
I am still lighting my candle for Callym every night - I am lighting it every evening for a month since the day he passed on as a special gesture to my sweetie pie. I also framed a collage of photos of Callym and me together - made me happy and sad at the same time. I really was so very lucky to have a friend and son like Callym.
I am able to function a bit better overall, but the pain is just as deep when the waves of sadness tumble over me.
I am still lighting my candle for Callym every night - I am lighting it every evening for a month since the day he passed on as a special gesture to my sweetie pie. I also framed a collage of photos of Callym and me together - made me happy and sad at the same time. I really was so very lucky to have a friend and son like Callym.
i'm glad u r feeling a bit better @ the moment Scarlet
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