On the evening of Wednesday, May 6, 2009, I lost my best friend, my dog Snook. I have (well, had) 4 dogs, but Snook was my favorite. I feel awful saying that but we just loved each other so much. I want to write a whole tribute thread about him with his story and all, but right now I need to get some support from people who understand what I'm going through.

I came home that night and the dogs all ran outsite to go potty. I put my 17 month old son down, and went to put my purse on my bed. Snook ALWAYS used to run with me to my room, and jump up the stairs to my bed and give me so many kisses while I changed. Sometimes I even felt if other people saw me making out with my dog they would think I was sick, him licking me all over while I got out of my stinky work clothes. But for some reason he just ran right outside that day and accross the street.

It's my fault. I had been saving up for a fence for a while so they couldn't get in trouble but I was waiting for my tax refund check to get the fence money. It arrived a few days too late.

Seriously it was only a few seconds went by, and I came outside to be with the dogs and I saw this guy come walk up my drive way. I asked him who he was, quite rudely. All the dogs were barking like mad and then I realized he was holding Snook and I screamed. Snook was panting HARD. His belly was all scratched up. But at the time I didn't realize how bad it was. He explained that he jumped over HIS fence to break up a fight between the big dogs accross the street next to his house and my little Snook, a 7lb Chorkie. He did manage to get my Maltese, Rocco, out of harms way.

Snook had tried to walk home.

Poor Snook was coming to be with me. He was hurt, broken and defeated.

I rushed him to the ER vet but they wanted so much to stabalize him. They said it would be 10 grand to do surgery to try to save him but even then the odds were against it. I didn't have the money and no one would lend it to me. I'm a single mom. Snook was in such pain, even with the medicine they gave him.

My dad was holding my baby boy, I was holding Snook, crying and sobbing and completely hystarical. I begged everyone, the doctors, my dad, everyone to please save him but they would not. I gave them all the money I had, about $400 cash, but it wasn't enough to stabalize him to assess him. The doctor showed me where his intestines were oozing out of his abdomin, and it was enough. My dad was yelling at me to "Put the dog down."

I had to decide. He was in misery, I had to help him.

I had read before that even as you put a dog to sleep they will give you kisses, so I held Snook and asked for kisses but his tounge was just hanging out of his mouth and his eyes were darting back and forth (the vet said this meant he was brain damaged) and he couldn't kiss me. He was struggling to breathe and I begged them to intibate him but they would not.

It happened too fast, mercifully for Snook, but I will never forget the way his heart felt and sounded as it halted to a stop.

I can't write anymore. I've been trying to write this down for weeks but I just can't go further. I want it documented, but its too hard to continue. I will try to finish it when I can. I have been unable to eat since this happened except for about 5 times total. I wish I could die myself, but I have my baby boy to take car of. I manage not to cry until he goes to sleep. I have to stay strong for my other dogs, and tomorrow I have to return to work. I don't think I can do it. I left my baby at my mom's tonight because she really wanted me to try to get some sleep so I can work in the morning.

I am sorry if this is too much to write on here.....and I am SO VERY SORRY for everyone else's losses as well. This is so much harder than I ever imagined. I miss my Snook. I want my friend. I wish I could have a second chance. I would never let him out of my sight.

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss, and that you had to see Snook hurting that way before he passed. I'm sure he was very grateful that you were able to end his suffering humanely. In regards to the writing, I would try as much as you can to write your feelings down. Even if they don't make sense, even if you just write "I miss Snook" over and over. Writing has been very therapeutic for me. I open a file on my computer and just pour my heart out. I also think you will find that going back to work helps. I took a few days off after my cat passed and was dreading going back to work, but it actually helped to take my mind off things, if only temporarily. Plus, I never saw my cat while I was at work, so I didn't miss her as much as when I was home, when she would normally be with me. I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain. Come back and write as often as you need to.

Sending you (((hugs)) and wishing you peace.

I did go back for two days about a week after it happened but it was too hard. I bartend and I have to act all happy and smile and talk to people and I just can't.

Plus I am suffering from horrible anxiety that the killer dog accross the street is going to get out of his yard (I still don't know how Snook got in) and come attack my other dogs, or my cats who are outside a lot. The cats used to be indoors only but my dad started letting them outside when I was in the hospital with cancer and he moved in to help me out. They are much happier now, so I gave up that fight. I just wish I would have insisted the dogs not be allowed outside until we had a fence. I had them litter and paper trained when we lived in an appartment but then again, my dogs LOVE being outside. Especially Snook.

I miss him greeting me when I come home. If my dad was home he would let them out and they would run to the car. I would be careful not to bump them with the door as I opened it and as soon as I did Snook would jump into my lap and kiss my like crazy. My dad would get my baby out of the carseat and carry him inside while I help snook and the other dogs would try to lick my feet as I walked into the house.

If I got home first, I would walk to the back doorwall, and they would all be there, so excited they couldnt stand it! Snook would scratch wildly at the door. Rocco would too. They would both get on their hind legs and dance. Bela hyperventilates!

Snook had this one nervous tick thing- when I came home he would get so excited, he had to run to his food dish and get a peice of kibble, and then run back, and follow me to my bed. WHY didn't he do that that night? WHY?

I used tohave a couch underneath the side window and Snook would wait there and see my car pull up and bark me when he saw me. His bark was kind of "off" it was so cute to me. God I loved him so much. I miss him. I want him back.

I know I am rambling but I want to share these things with people who will appreciate it. After I had cancer, I was sick in bed for months. Always in and out of the hospital. The dogs would stay in bed with me all the time. It took all the energy I had to take care of them but my dad helped so much, even though he thought it was a burden, and never wanted dogs. And then when I got pregnant, and was all alone, and still had no friends....I would go to work waiting tables and come home at about 2 or 3 and get right back in bed. I got pregnant accidently only a few months into Remission and it was hard on my body, but I was so happy and excited. I loved watching my belly grow. I was lonely, but I had my precious dogs to keep me company. They gaurded my belly, and later my baby. Everyone thought it was nuts that I would nurse my baby in bed with 4 small dogs but it was bliss. It was like our little nest, our Cozy Bed. I would say, "C'mon you guys, come on four dogs! Cozy Bed Night Night Time!" And they would come running up their little doggie steps. Snook let me hold him in my arms like a teddy bear (after Caden was in his crib of course).

One of the worst things is that my hard drive crashed and I thought I had all my pictures backed up, but they are all lost. I have less than 10 pictures of Snook, and none as a puppy, nor any of my other dogs or cats as puppies. My ultrasound pictures and pregnancy pictures of my growing belly are gone, but the worst loss is the beautiful pics of Snook. This one in particular of him resting his chin on my Belly was so adorable. And the ones from the first day I got him.

I am SO sorry for your loss. Losing a beloved pet is bad enough, but losing him that way is horrendous. I've been there. We had the most wonderful 18 year old Himalyan cat who was the gentlest soul on earth. He was still very healthy even though he was so old. He had outlived 2 of our dogs! Some friends of my sister came to our house from out of town for a funeral and I had told them it was okay to bring their dog. He had always gotten along well with my dog. I never gave a thought to our cat. Their dog was an Alaskan Malamute and I did not know that they had a strong prey drive. The day had been uneventful and then all of a sudden I heard a terrible screeching coming from the kitchen. their dog had snatched Leo off the counter and was shaking him like a rag doll in his mouth. We managed to get him out of the dog's mouth and though he was alive he seemed paralyzed. We rushed him to the ER vet where they stabilized him but said he ws in shock. After 3 days he was not recovering so we moved him to our regular vet's office to wait out the shock and see if he would recover. He didn't. They determined our poor baby had neurological damage and would never get better. We had to make the decision to end his suffering. We were so racked with grief and guilt - as we had invited this animal into our home. Leo had never had a reason to be frightened of a dog because the dogs he had been exposed to had always been gentle with him. He was such a sweet cat and he so did not deserve to go like that. I feel like we let him down.

I know none of this makes you feel any better, I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you are going through and I am sorry for your pain. Please don't ever apologize for writing as much as you need to. that is what this forum is for and there are many people here to listen, commiserate and even cry with you for your loss. I lost my 7 year old doberman 5 weeks ago and that's when i found this website. I needed to vent my grief and anger and writing about it seemed to help. The unexpected bonus was all the wonderful people who wrote back, offered sympathy, shared their stories, etc. Somehow it helps to know that you are not alone in your grief. There is a world of pet lovers out there who are just like we are in that they love their animals as family and understand the hole they leave in our hearts when they go. Hopefully I can help ease someone else's pain while also dealing with my own. Come back often and write as much as you need to. the previous post was right - even if you just write I Miss Snookie over and over, it all helps with the healing. I will keep you (and all the others who come to this forum) in my prayers tonight. I hope you find some peace soon.

Carol

I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our little kitty cat Joey last Tuesday, 5/19. I just did an on-line candle lighting ceremony for him. There were almost 85 people on there, and all of these support boards have been very helpful. I hope you can find some comfort and peace as well. I also recommend writing. I have been writing letters to Joey and putting down all of our memories of him. It has also made me feel a little better to capture everything on paper. Anyway, it has been a tough week and tonight was pretty sad. But I wanted to let you know I read your post and am thinking of you. Talk to you soon. Take care.

It's really hard for me to put into words to let you know ....I know very well, the horrible pain and grief you are currently feeling. When I lost my little Zoe (a precious 2 year old westie), almost a year ago, the sadness and grief took over my body and soul to where I couldn't function to think or do anything for weeks or months. She was my first puppy love, it was always about her and I (and I have two kids), but they understood our bond. I would sweep Zoe up off the floor and we would cover each other with kisses too...just as you and Snook did. You are not alone. This website and all the wonderful pet lovers and supporters help me get through the darkest days. I would have been completely lost with them!
Take care and be strong,
Very understanding,
Deanna

I wish I would have had the money to save him, to give him the chance to live. I see all these rich people on TV, and I think, if I only had a little bit of what they have, I could have saved my Snook. I know thats so bad to say- $10000 could do so much to fix up my home and make it nicer for my son. I could buy him new clothes and toys, enroll him in fun activities like Gymboree, buy a swing set. Invest in his college fund....

But I swear I still wish I could have found the money somehow.

Everyone says its crazy to spend that much on a dog, but how will they fell if I die from another broken heart. My heart has been trampled on- I'm only 27 and the love of my life used me when I was 18-23 and he was much older and then he got married behind my back to a woman from his own country. Then I found my next boyfriend in bed with my sister, and they are still together, nothing but bad relationships since then. I got colon cancer when I was only 25 and was sexually assulted by a visted co-worker while I was in the hospital, heavily sedated. I felt so violated and crushed and powerless that I guess I felt like I needed to prove I was still able to be intimate and love again, so I dated a guy for about 3 months, found out I was pregnant and he totally abandoned me. I have never spoke to him again since I was 2 weeks pregnant.

I was completely alone during my cancer and pregnancy. My dogs are my only friends and love me unconditionally, even though I don't have the energy to take them for long walks or run around with them like they deserve. Snook never minded, he loved me so much and I loved him.

I would 10 years off my life to have him back with me and die peacefully in his sleep of old age.

I don't think I am going to make it. I am so sick. I cant eat. My breastmilk is drying up. I'm irritable and cry all the time. I've called into work so much I'm scared I will get fired. When I did go, I couldn't smile or be cheerful. I keep wanting to cry. I have black circle under my eyes and I look like a pale ghost.

I hate that I didn't have the fence, or at least keep them on a leash at all times. But they loved to run free. Snook would bound through the yard so happily, at least he enjoyed his life here with me for the three years he had. Being tied down would have kept him safe but I've been teathering the other three and they cant run or anything, they get tagled and confused.

I miss you Snook. I love you and I wish I had a sign from you that your spirit lives on somehow. I want you back baby. Come on nook nook, cozy bed night night time.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know how awful it is to lose the loves of your life. But you must stop beating yourself up about what happened. I know it's hard, but life does go on. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but it does. I lost my precious baby, Lily, last June 24 unexpectedly. We were having supper outside and all of a sudden she started acting like she was choking. She may have been, we don't know, she may have swallowed a bee. She was eating rib bones, like she had a million times before. We tried to save her, we tried everything we could. But nothing worked. There was not enough time to find a vet. It was all over in a few minutes. My daughter and I stood there watching the life fade from her eyes while my husband tried to save her. I can still see that awful moment in my mind. It was extremely devastating. I all could say was "Lily, I'm so sorry." I felt like we let her down, because we had rescued her from the humane society when she was only a year and a half old. She was supposed to grow old. Then if that wasn't enough, we found out a few days later that our other dog, Hunny, had cancer. She lost her battle April 4 of this year.

So, I know how much pain you are in. But blaming yourself won't help. I know it's hard. It took many many months for me to let Lily go. Finally one day I realized that if she was stuck between worlds (I believe in ghosts!) I couldn't bear the thought that she was sad and lonely. I'm a huge fan of ghost whisperer. I had to let her move on. I know she's with me. And I know she's with Hunny now and that brings me comfort. I miss both my babies so much. Helping Hunny fight her cancer battle was terribly hard on all of us too. I can only imagine what you yourself must have been going through. She was so tough. She didn't have much time to grieve for Lily because of that disease. We did what we could for Hunny, but if we had had the money, we could have taken her to another province for radiation treatments. But we couldn't afford that and there was no guarantee anyway. I don't believe Hunny would have wanted that either. She loved life. Sometimes money makes things worse by keeping them alive just for our sake. A dog lives in the now, if they can't do what they want, I think they are not happy.

I know things are very tough for you. And you obviously don't have the support that you need. I had my husband and daughter, but we really don't talk too much about it - just too upsetting for everyone. But this is a wonderful place to come. I found this site when we had to make the final decision to let Hunny go. I wish I had found it when we lost Lily. There really are some very wonderful people here. They were here for me when it was time for Hunny to join her sister. And I still come here just to write my feelings. And there is always someone with comforting words. Watching everything that Hunny went through was extremely hard. She was tough, but there were days when I could see in her eyes just how sad or in pain she was. I know you lost your baby tragically, but watching your baby go through something like cancer is hard too, cos they don't understand what is going on.

Please let these wonderful people continue to help you through your pain and loss. I'm not much good at this stuff, but I hope I can help even just a little. You need to forgive yourself. When Hunny died I made up a little card , with a picture of her, and a poem and a little eulogy. I mailed it to the vets who knew her. It helped me to thank the people who had been there for her. Maybe you could make something up, even if you don't send it. Just keeping it in a little memorial book will help. I too couldn't find many photos of Lily after she left. So we just "dressed up" what we had. We sure made sure we took lots of Hunny after though. And looking back at them now, she looks so sad. It breaks my heart.

Your baby is with you in spirit now. I talk to mine every night before I fall asleep. Maybe that sounds crazy. I don't care. I've been doing it since my first dog died back in November of 1980. I don't think I have missed one day! I tell them about my day, my feelings. I cry for them a lot. It helps though. It takes time. A lot of time, but the first step is forgiveness. Your baby would not want you to be stressing over this. He would want you to be happy. You can't forget him, but you need to let him go to Rainbow Bridge. He won't be lonely up there. And he'll be watching over you till you join him one day. Love your other dogs. Hold them tighter. Kiss them more. Like they say you never know what you have until it's gone. When Lily died it definitely put a lot of things into perspective. My attitude toward life has changed a great deal.

I know I'm rambling on and on. I'm sorry. But please take a deep breath and try to forgive yourself. You won't be able to move forward until you try.

Take care.

Lynette.

I am very very sorry to hear your story....I can't even begin to tell you how I do know how you feel.
I also feel very guilty and angry at what happened to Ceaser. I understand now....what happened but at the time it all happened so fast that I was in some form
of denial when Ceaser was sent in to ER....I should have taken him in the day before and I should have never even been concerned of money which was nervous reaction because it was never over the money. I also wonder sometimes if I had expressed that money was not an issue if the Vet would have reacted differently and if they would have dne something different but I don't think so...looking at his paperwork afterwards and now...I know that if anything, I should have sent him in the minute he started to vomit and just let them perform surgery...he would be alive today. He died of acute peritonitis and pancreatitis.
I was in shock and didn't realize how serious the situation was and did not want to believe that he was dying...so things happened so fast and I wish everyday I can go back in time, it wasn't like he was sick for months and I watched him suffer, it happened within 24 hours.
I am so mad at your Vet and I can't believe how they wouldn't do anything, most Vet's would and then just keep the animal there if you can't pay....they do it for their reputation, to say they saved an animal but I also wonder about my Vet...it is business and money talks. But my Vet told me that it would not have mattered. We will never know what happened unless I can go back in time and take him to Alameda East and have them perform surgery.
You were put in an awful situation and unless....another person was actually placed in your exact situation and shoes, they will never understand.
How awful.....but I know you loved your dog and did what you could and you would never want that to have happened. The fact that you are even writing to us right now...tells us how much you love Snoock. Don't let anybody tell you anything differently...and yes...I would spend any amount of money on my dog...they are priceless.

My heart goes out to you and I wish I could be there in person to give you some comfort. I understand your pain. I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma and had to have a stem cell transplant. My ex-husband was too busy with his career to be there for me. I was on my own and we divorced because of it. I was a single mom without a car (the ex took the one we had), recovering and my pets and daughter were the ONLY things that got me out of bed each day. My mom was dying of lung cancer and my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer all in the same 6 months. My mom died on June 5th 6 years ago and my Sammie died on June 5th of this year. My Sammie girl, who died 18 days ago was my whole life. I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone or anything and my whole world shattered. She was a beautiful, black and white sheltie with the heart of an angel. The pain and loss is tremendous to say the least. The pain, actual pain, in your body from the loss is torture. I wanted to die. I thought about it actually. I couldn't get out of bed, didn't eat, sleep and couldn't stop crying. The first week is a blur now, the second week was crazy with the rollercoaster of emotion and the 3rd week I'm better. I'm still so very sad and lost but able to function. I read a book "All Pets go to Heaven" and that helped me find a little comfort. I also started journaling and writing letters to Sammie. I get hysterical each time I do it but it helps me. I made her a pretty grave site in our back yard where she is buried and I put a whole bunch of her pictures in frames all around my house so I felt like she was near me. The loss will always be felt. We will always miss our babies but the pain does lessen however slight but it does lessen everyday. I also talked to my friend who is a counselor and that really helped me a lot too. It's ok to need help and ask for it. The folks on here will listen and try to help in any way possible. I will pray for you and continue to do that. You've had a lot to go through in your young life and you deserve peace, love and comfort.

What a tragic ending to a loving companion. I don't think anyone can read this and not feel how wretched this is for you. I know it hurts, and it will be with you for quite a while. I can only say that I am very sorry you have to go though such terrible times.
I think I must say something about the "money" part of your experience. I too had a wonderful, favorite animal. He was always brave , but he seemed to get infections easily. I thought it was because he was the runt, and just didn't have a good immune system. So I took him regularly to the vet to be sure that he had a healthy life. Then he got a cough, which was not diagnosed by the specialist initially, although it was disovered that he did have diabetes. The cough was aleviated with diaureitcs & antibiotics, but his heart failure was not diagnosed until months later. He then had a blood clot which resulted in having one of his legs amputated. He was recovering well, but then was felled by cancer, which he must have had all along, possibly the cause of his cough.
Over one year I spent nearly $10,000, not all at once of course. I am still paying the credit card bill. I don't regret doing what I thought was best. I consulted with the Vet on his condition and general prognosis each time. In the end I couldn't predict what would take him out. My point is that, it doesn't matter how much money you are willing to spend for human or animal. Sometimes you just can't save them.
You can be assured that if you were in pain, Snook would not have wanted you to suffer at all. Don't you think he would have helped you to go to sleep? That is the most difficult decision that we can make as animal lovers. At least you had your dad there for support, even though the Vet's actions and attitude were certainly questionable. It would have been more humane for them to address the quality of life, or chances for survival with a disability, etc. rather than your ability to pay for services. Keep in mind that you bear no blame in his death! At some point you may be able to think clearly about the accident, the Vet, the trauma and most importanly the fact that you loved and were loved by Snook.
If you question the behavior of the Vet hospital, I am sure you can find a place on the web to post your review, but you might wait a few months, until you are a little more rational (send them a copy an don't go back to them, if you really want to turn the screw).
All this being said, it is still a heart breaker. I don't know if my words help or not. But please come back, because there are so many caring people at this site who will listen. It also helps to think of his little spirit as a invisible presence always by your side. And remember, you deserve the best that life has to offer!

I'm so sorry for all that has happened to you and the loss of your best friend Snook.

I absolutely agree....

{{{HUGS}}} to you grateful mama, how u going? remember to breathe out then in, sounds stupid but it works....I will be thinking of you.....