Oh my gosh. I never thought the weekend could feel so alone and empty! On saturdays I would get my kids and either go fishing at a local pond or go to Sparky's favorite park and just let him run and run and chase his tennis ball. Now, I sit here and do NOTHING. My middle son is in his room playing gamecube, my daughter and oldest son are in the family room watching Hey Arnold! I am here in my room feeling just terrible and thought the only thing that could keep me from the breaking point was to write my feelings.

Today is 9-11 and I should be thinking about all the innocent people who lost their lives to the terrible terrorist that bombed the World Trade Center and Pentagon, but instead I am here mouring my lose, mt Sparky , my buddy. I miss him so much, I think with each day instead of feeling better my arms ache more and more. I have a stuffed Sheltie that is about half the size of my buddy and would you belive I carry this around with me to every room I go to. I have a Winnie the Pooh blanket that I cover him up with when I lay him on the couch or my bed. I am still waiting for the call from the vet to let me know that his ashed are ready to be picked up. At that time I have to pick up his bed as well. I'm not sure how I will handle this, I am hoping that I will be ok because for the last 2 weeks before he passed he layed in his bed and it most likely smells just like him, and I am hoping that this will be a good thing. Plus the people at the vet took his paw prints and trimmed a piece of his fur for me.

I had a Spaniel Mix that I lost on November 27, 1998 (he was born on May 1st 1985) and I remember mourning him for a long time but God forgive when I say this, the pain I felt then isn't the same kind of pain I feel now. When Corky died I had Sparky to help console me, he always new when I was sad, he would come and cuddle up to me and just stay right on my lap until he KNEW I didn't need him to stay with me anymore. He KNEW every time when I was ok. He was so smart. I loved Croky with all my heart just as I loved Sparky, but like I said this pain is so great. I am thinking that this is because I have no ther doggie to be by my side and help me through this plus Sparky was my rock through the lose of my daughter and like someone said earlier I might be mourning the lose of my daughter all over again. I went to the grave of my daughter and sat there for 5 hours yesturday. I put flowers and a small picture of Sparky on her grave. I have lost 2 daughters and their graves are right next to each other so I put him in the middle. My Rachel was a twin of my middle son and was lost during the 6 month while I carried my son to 8 months. They are both buried next to each other in Babyland at Chapel Hill Gardens in Oakbrook Illinois, (in case anyone lives around here and has the chance to get over there, their graves are very pretty and always decorated.)

Corky's Tribute Page at PetLoss.Com

I guess I will go, thank you to anyone that is listening right now. I hope I haven't bored anyone to sleep. Talk to you soon. Thank you to everyone thqat cared enough to write to me and give some great advice.
Sincerely, Trish

Hi Trish,
Actually this post should be in the death and dying forum since that is the forum that is looked at most. You have posted this in the tributes forum. It takes a little while to get familar with how often people come and post and which forum gets the most response. I will ask that this post be moved to the forum with the most traffic.