I'm so sad right now. No words can express how I feel.

I'll try to explain some things before hand so you don't get lost in my story. I live on the last floor on a 14 stories condo. I have a beautiful view on the river but if you look down, there's a parking for visitors. Tommy wasn't allowed to go on the balcony because he liked to jump on the guardrail. I caught him once 4½-5 years ago coming back from the neighbor's balcony. I was so scared so it was the last time he went out.

On Saturday night I had a party and one of my friend asked if we could give her and her bf a lift. I said "yeah no problem" but inside of me I didn't want to nor feel like it. I didn't know why then just a feeling it wasn't a good idea. Later the phone rang and they asked where they could park so I went on the balcony to see if there's was place on the visitor parking and I guess he went out at the same time and I didn't see him. I rushed back inside and locked the screen and rushed outside to meet my friend. We came back at night and we were really distracted. Actually my bf and I were arguing and kinda in a middle of a fight so we didn't pay attention to the cats.

I went to working on Sunday morning and I didn't see him but it wasn't anything new. They often sleep when I wake up. So I left and worked all day. MY bf didn't see him during the day but again, Tommy was my cat and he didn't really care for my bf so it wasn't unusual to see him sleep till I would come back home.

I knew something was wrong the minute I came back home. Timmy was there but Tommy wasn't. He would always get up to greet me. He always knew when I was coming. So I called his name, no answer. Called and call again ...nothing. I started to panic and turn the place upside down, looking for all his spots or try to see if he was stuck somewhere but nothing. Looked of my bedroom's window's screen was open, looked on the neighbor 's balcony but didn't see why he'd be there anyway.

I called my bf's cellphone to asked he he saw him today and he said "no, but you know I never see him when you're gone"
He rushed back home and looked everywhere with me. He went and knocked at the neighbors...nothing.

He printed pic of him with our information and we went to pin it at all the entrances.

Later the building's administrator came at the door with all the pictures we posted and told us my beautiful Tommy was found dead around 10 am on Sunday on the visitor's entrance roof ( right under my bedroom window). Seemed like he jumped or feel off the balcony.

We asked him where the body was (that's what kills me the most) he said they put him the the building's garbage compactor.

Like he was some vulgar garbage
Now I can't get to say goodbye to him. It's the hardest part, along that fact that I locked him out. And also maybe he was still there when we came back or maybe when I woke up to go to work. Maybe he heard me and got all excited.

It's so hard not knowing. So hard not to say goodbye.

I have a really hard time to see the balcony or to be in my bed because I know know he jumped from the balcony and ended up right under my window ( well 14 floors down but still).

He would have turn 6 on May 17Th. We took him at the animal shelter when he was just 3 months.

I loved him so much, he was so bright and so loving. I miss him so much. He would be right here trying to sleep on the keyboard while I typed or curl between my arm and my body when I was sleeping. Or giving me the paw ( I taught him that and I was really proud)I liked the way he was running to meet me here at the computer's table. That was his spot, he ran and stopped to see if I was coming along then ran again and sit there to get pet.

I'm sorry if it's a very long post, I just have a huge pain and I needed to let it out. Sorry for the English too, not my first language.
Thanks for listening

I'm so sorry for your loss Tommy's Mom.
OMG, I know exactly what you're going through.
I can tell you what I went through when I saw my cat on the sidewalk.
I had such feelings of guilt, and I think that's natural.
I was young, and in my first apartement.
I had no idea cats had no depth perception.
I'm telling you this so you know I have felt what you're feeling.

What you have to concentrate on now, is the love you gave to Tommy.
That is what is important here. I'm not going to tell you it will be easy
it never is, especially when you have them from kittens.
You're at the very best place on the net to air your grief.
Try to think about all the good times you had with Tommy, it really helps.
Do you have pics of him? Keep coming here, we understand your pain.

Take Care

Tommy's Mom
I am so sorry to hear about what happened to Tommy. How very, very tragic. I just can't imagine how painful that must be for you. Please know my heart goes out to you. I've had 2 beloved cat companions, Sasha and Nicole, who were both born on May 17th, 11 years apart. Sash died 12 days before her 20th birthday, May 17th, 2003-the day your Tommy was born. May you find deep comfort here.

Thanks for your kind words.

It's been 3½ days now and the pain is still so unbearable. I can't stop thinking "what if?" I know it only make things worst but I can't help it.

I have an hard time to eat and everytime I see the balcony, I feel like crying.

I could swear I felt him last night. I felt warm and decided to move the sheets and I smelled him. It's hard to explain but I smelt him right under my nose. It was his odor but really strong. I lasted maybe 2-3 seconds.

I could swear I hear him meow from far away too.

I feel so lonely without him.

I have read a couple of stories from people here but, it's too hard to answer to these for now. But know that I'm with you all.

Melanie

Dear Tommy's Mom.

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and I wish I had the words to ease your pain. All I can tell you is that there are many of us supporting you and praying for you and have no doubt - when you think you feel or smell Tommy near you you better believe he is. When we love someone or something as much as we've those we've lost they know it and a part of their spirit stays with us. As crazy as it sounds, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I have heard my Dobie Austin's (who I lost 3 weeks ago) toenails clicking in our hardwood hallway. I just smile and say Hi and if anyone thinks I am crazy I don't care. When you are feeling up to it, please write to us and let us know how you are doing. In the meantime, just know many of us have you ion our thoughts and prayers.

Carol

Thanks again for your replies and support.

It's been 2 weeks now and I was feeling somewhat better. I can go and do my things but I feel terribly lonely at night. We use to cuddle to sleep. But tonight I feel really sad because tomorrow would have been his 6th birthday.

6 yrs old is so young for a cat to die.

My other cat feels lonely so I'm slowly getting ready to go adopt another one. But I feel like i'm turning my back on him.

God, I miss him so much.