We lost our beautiful boy Beau this morning. He was 14 and became ill very suddenly with liver problems just 10 days ago. He had been healthy his whole life and had been a strictly indoor only cat and this sudden illness was such a shock. In spite of our best efforts we could not save him. Beau was a feral cat that I rescued when he was six months old. I belong to a group that does feral cat rescue. Beau came to us with his brother Georgie (who we lost 4 years ago). This may sound strange to many but in all the time he was with us we could almost never pet him athough his brother came around after 5 1/2 years. And Beau started to come around as well, let us pet him when he chose but when Georgie passed on (they were brothers and best buddies) he reverted back to his old ways and then attached himself to one of our other cats Ben. I was just starting to get him to come around again 5 months ago.

He would sit under the kitchen table when the other cats were not around (we have a mutti-cat household, one of the hazards of doing rescue work with cats) and I would roll treats to him and he would put his paws out and catch them, kind of like playing hockey. It was our special time. Even though he was not a cuddly lap cat he still brought joy to our lives and we let him dictate how he wanted to live his life with us. Now whenever there is a full moon I will miss him tearing up and down the stairs (he used to do this with his brother) and "talking to the moon". The last few days when he was so ill he finally gave in and allowed us to touch him. He knew that we loved him and that we were trying to help. I am grateful that he passed at home with us in his basket in front of the fire surrounded by his cat friends. We had medication to control any pain and he passed peacefully. Even though we have other cats they are all special and unique.

All our cats are seniors and we try to prepare ourselves as best we can for their leaving us, but we have lost three in one month, the other two from kidney failure (which ws treated but ultimately not curable). Harvey and Cleo have gone to
The Rainbow Bridge to wait for us and now Beau is with them waiting for the day we will all be together again. We are devastated but they are at peace and free from pain. They each have taken a piece of us with them and will live on in our memory.

I am so grateful for these forums. They allow us to express our grief to people who understand and to let go and begin to heal. Thank you for allowing me to share my pain.

Molly

dear molly

i am so sorry for your loss. how wonderful you are for working with and rescuing cats who need good homes. beau sounds like such a special cat. he reminds me of one of my cats riley; who passed away last year after 13 years). i had rescued him off the streets when he was just a kitten and he, like beau wasnt very affectionate at first. although in later years that changed, he would always have his moments. but that didnt matter to me. the time spent with him even if sometimes he would be across the room, the laughter and happiness he brought me is something i will treasure forever. beau had a loving home with you and his family and now rest assured that he is happily reunited with his little brothers and sisters. more importantly, hes not sick anymore and not feeling any pain.

my wish is that your pain will lessen and the happy memories of beau will fill the hole in your heart. my thoughts are with you.
patricia

Hi Molly, your story really touched my heart. My boy who I rescued was 14 when he died too.
I think that's what makes this site so special. At least Beau didn't suffer, and he passed with his family around him.
I also have a multi cat household, and what you said is so true. Since Bue was the most senior in the house the others did behavors that they saw him do.

I Stop at a non kill shelter as much as I can to drop off canned cat food, since they have so much dry food.
They are mostly ferrels, and it's so cute to see them cuddled up together. They have this one cat that is at least 30 pds, oh yeah he's a big boy. I remember thinking I should bring him home, but didn't want him to beat up Bue. This cats name was Sampson, and he was magnificant.

What alot of people don't understand about ferrels is that they like other cats, they just don't trust people so much.
All my cats have come from friends, and family. I applaud you for giving these kitties such a good home, and a loving environment.

I'm so truly sorry for your loss Molly, you came to the best place to express your grief
What helped me was posting Bue's pics, and making sldishows. That might help you also.
You took Beau on his terms, and that makes you a very loving, and giving person.

Take Care

Hi, Molly, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Beau, Harvey, and Cleo. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. I can so relate to your challenges with Beau as a feral rescue. My number one kitty son Eli was also a feral rescue. My Black Lab alerted me that there was a creature trapped in the drainage pipe at the end of our driveway. It took me about 2 hours to get a very fiesty kitten out of the pipe, and then he would only let me capture hiim by his tail. Eli fell in love with his big doggie brother. Because of many health issues he was my "special needs child", and because of his determined independence he was also my "challenge child." He brought excitement to our little household, and was the very best big kitty brother to another waif who joined our household. Unfortunately our time together was very short - - he died 28 months ago from cancer at 6 years old, and he is missed very much. It matters not if our companions are our shadows or if they are of a more independent spirit - - they become a very integral part of our lives, and when they are no longer with us our hearts and lives are left with a huge emptiness. Thank you so much for sharing Beau with us, Molly, and please know you are not alone in your grief journey. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Miss Molly, I Am So Sorry For Your Loss. Your In My Thoughts & Prayers.

Thank you all so very much for your kind words of comfort and support. It means much more to me than you will ever know. I have family and a husband who are supportive of my losses but they do not understand that for me it is not so easy to move on. I still have several cats in my life, but each one is special and different and I have learned something new and amzing from each of them that have shared my life. They have always been our kids as we have no children of our own.

The hardest part for me at first is the guilt. Which is where I am now. Why didn't I notice signs of illness sooner? Would the outcome have been better if I had opted for more aggressive treatment, sought more veterinarian's opinions. And then there is the other side of the coin. Did I put them through too much when it was not what they would have chosen if they could speak. I have always tried to use as a guideline the severity of the illness, the cat's temperament and personality and what would be best for them. But I have always had a very difficult time letting go and pray that I make the right decision for the cat and not prolong their life when there is no hope. With Cleo we knew she was is kidney failure for the past year and followed the only course medically available to ensure good quality of life and even though we knew the end was near it was hard letting her go. She also was semi feral but had such a feisty, wonderful personality it was always "her way or the highway". We came to accept that. We greatly miss her.

Harvey and Beau have been the most difficult to accept. Harvey was my baby at 12 years. Their liver problems came on so suddenly in both with no real symptoms until they were advanced. Liver problems in cats are hard to diagnose I have been told so medically we covered all the angles and possibilities. I have no experience of cats with liver disorders and maybe I missed something I could have picked up on if I had been more watchful. I was going through some stress during this time as my oldest cat who is now in his 19th year and who is totally deaf had been waking us up every couple of hours during the night, we were getting hardly any sleep. Our oldest female Annie is in her 17th year and is also deaf but she is a quiet girl. Merkin is fine medically just this little deaf old man with a very loud voice. Was my stress being transferred to them? Was I not as attentive to their needs as I should have been?

Harvey was a quiet little boy always. As a kitten rescued at 3 months with his mother, the only surviving kitten in the litter. He was not feral, just painfully shy. Our group tried to adopt him out twice but he was returned to us because he was so shy and hiding all the time that those who had adopted him felt that he was not happy and was not adjusting and it was not fair to keep him when he appeared so unhappy. So he joined our family. It took us almost a year and a lot of work to get him to adjust. But he fit in well with the others and playfully terrorized our two litle black girls, Cleo and Maggie. They loved it. But he still was shy with people and would not come out with the others when family visited. He was our "upstairs cat" and my bed buddy. He would wait for me at the top of the stairs every night and as soon as I into bed he would flop himself over my stomach and tread on the blankets and lick my face. When he wanted attention he had this tiny little shy meow and he would put his paw out and touch your arm. When we moved from the city to a rural environment he developed a urinary blockage due to the stress of the move and even then he did not show the normal signs of straining and crying, he simply hid away. We caught it in time and after treatment was fine and it never re-occured. He had been fine up until 10 days before the liver problem developed. I thought he had blocked again and rushed him to the vet. I was totally shocked when they said liver problems. He had been eating, he was always a muncher and not a gorger so I noticed nothing off and they did not think fatty liver disease. This was also true of Beau no apparent changes. I always cook fresh chicken for them twice a week and then sit on the floor and hand feed them all, this is weekly treat. If I put the chicken on a plate they just sit and look and me. The hand-feeding is a critical part of this routine. He would come bounding down the stairs as usual always front and center, the only time he was not shy and he did this the Sunday before I took him to the vet on Tuesday when he started to go off his food the day before. Beau never joined in the hand feeding of chicken so he would get treats rolled across the floor to him. Beau was a rebel and definitely his own man. With Harvey the guilt comes from the feeling that I put him through too much as he fought force feeding, fluids, medications he seemed to look at me as if to say "please leave me alone". Beau on the other accepted it all until the last day of his life which was amazing as he was the feisty boy. But Beau had never been ill before and I always wondered how we would ever treat him if he did become ill. They do amaze you even though you think you know them well.

I have lots of pictures of them and lots of good memories of happy times. I know in time this will pass and I will remember all the good times. I know they are now in good place, together, waiting for us to join them some day but losing three in one month has absolutely devastated me. I am trying to take things one day at a time. I sometimes wonder if I had to do it all over again would I take on so many cats and keep putting myself through the pain of loss over and over again. And yes I woud as each and every one of them have brought love, joy and a new understanding to my life and someone has to care for the unwanted ones.

I apologize for rambling but it helps to put in in writing and to have those who are going through the same process listen and understand. So many people do not.

Again thanks for listening and caring.

Molly

please continue "rambling". if it hadnt been for "writing" about my grief, i dont know what i would have done. Losing one is hard enough. i thought losing two within the span of a year was bad enough. i cant even imagine losing three in one month. bless your heart. you are a wonderful human being. thank you for to continuing to care for the homeless cats despite the pain you know is inevitable. everytime i lose a loved one, i convince myself that i cannot take another one in as the pain is so great when i lose them. but then i realize the joy they bring me is like no other and then i know its worth it.

again im so so sorry for your losses. i loved reading about your special moments, handfeeding them. please continue to write. it will help lessen the pain. i know that as i wrote my memories about fred and riley, i would find myself smiling. it would catch me off gaurd…

you are in my thoughts and prayers!
patricia

In addition to memories, how wonderful to have photos, which hearken to all those good times. It sounds as if Beau was really special, because being feral, he could "choose" to leave at any time, but he stayed with you. You are very fortunate to have had him, and all your other rescued cats.

I had a deaf kitty also, but she could still hear me practicing for my voice lessons. She could hear my upper notes, and would come to me and meow especially loud, answering what she could hear. She lived to be 18, and died of kidney failure. Until the last 2 months, she was relatively healthy. Wouldn't it be great if we humans could have active lives until the end, like our cats? All the best to you and your family during this sad time.

You are such a caring and wonderful person to be able to open your heart up to these animals. I am very sorry to hear you loosing 3 furbabies so quickly. At least you know Beau, Harvey, and Cleo are at the Rainbow Bridge. As you stated we know in our hearts one day the time will come, but it is never any easier. We just have to give and get unconditional love until then. It is so worth their love and getting the chance to be owned by them!!!

Many hugs to you, Harvey,Cleo and the new Angel Beau!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was very touched by how you let Beau live his life on his own terms and that you made it possible for him to die at home, surrounded by his animal companions. My sincere sympathy on your loss of your beautiful boy. And thanks for all you do for feral cats.