Full Version: Loss Of Shellie
yesterday i had to have my dog, my friend, shellie put to sleep. she had an enlarged heart and the doctor said he had gone as far as he could with treatments. her rapid heartbeat and breathing problems were worse every couple of weeks. i knew the pain i would feel would be bad but i did not realize it would be this unbearable. i got shellie 8 years ago whenshe was 9 weeks old, got her for my wife...when i lost my wife, shellie and my mother became very close...when i lost my mother, shellie and i became even closer. i prayed that god would make her well as i know he could but that did not happen. now what should i think? i did not want to come home today knowing she would not be there. people will always say, it will get better with time but that is not very comforting. some say it is crazy to feel this way, after all it was only a dog BUT to me shellie was much much more than that to me. i have not felt this kind of agony since i lost my wife and quite honestly, i just don't know what to do or how to function. let my feelings show and to heck what people will think, or bottle it all up. i am usually a strong fella but the loss of my 4 legged, tail waggin little shellbell has put me down. talk about being depressed....what to do? anyone have any thoughts that could be of help to me, please..
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Shellie.
You have found the best place for understanding how you feel. Everyone here has been where you are right now. Maybe not the exact same situation as you've had two other losses recently also. We've all lost our furry friends. So many people just do not have the same feeling about these precious pets of ours. It is NOT only a dog (cat, bunny, horse, ferret, bird etc.). Those people will probably never understand. That is their loss.
I think reading as many of the stories about other pets lost as well as the section on new beginings will offer some comfort. We all have a different way of dealing, different time frames for the healing to begin. I guess because the relationship for each of us with our particular pet is so varied as well as the other things going on in our lives being varied is one reason we all react differently.
I still have other family around me as well as other pets so I am doing well I think. If I did not have these things, I am sure my loss would be effecting me much worse. My most recent loss was a difficult one for sure since I had her for 17-1/2 years and had gone through many, many close calls and long recoveries with her. We had a very special connection and I knew the day would come when I'd have to let her go. It was a very difficult decision and I still cry but I did not want to let her suffer.
Rather that "bottle up" your feelings, this is the place to let all your feelings, thoughts and memories of your beloved Shellie out. No one here will tell you it is crazy or that she was only a dog. I went to the Rainbow Bridge and signed up for the Monday night candle ceremony and read about others there also. I cry a lot there too but it does seem to help to see how others feel.
If you have any memories, pictures or just need to "talk", feel free to come here as often as you need. I would love to hear more about Shellie as well as see some pictures of her.
You are now on a journey that many have traveled before you, many will follow and none of us wants to be on.
Hugs and healing wishes coming your way tonight. Ginger
You have found the best place for understanding how you feel. Everyone here has been where you are right now. Maybe not the exact same situation as you've had two other losses recently also. We've all lost our furry friends. So many people just do not have the same feeling about these precious pets of ours. It is NOT only a dog (cat, bunny, horse, ferret, bird etc.). Those people will probably never understand. That is their loss.
I think reading as many of the stories about other pets lost as well as the section on new beginings will offer some comfort. We all have a different way of dealing, different time frames for the healing to begin. I guess because the relationship for each of us with our particular pet is so varied as well as the other things going on in our lives being varied is one reason we all react differently.
I still have other family around me as well as other pets so I am doing well I think. If I did not have these things, I am sure my loss would be effecting me much worse. My most recent loss was a difficult one for sure since I had her for 17-1/2 years and had gone through many, many close calls and long recoveries with her. We had a very special connection and I knew the day would come when I'd have to let her go. It was a very difficult decision and I still cry but I did not want to let her suffer.
Rather that "bottle up" your feelings, this is the place to let all your feelings, thoughts and memories of your beloved Shellie out. No one here will tell you it is crazy or that she was only a dog. I went to the Rainbow Bridge and signed up for the Monday night candle ceremony and read about others there also. I cry a lot there too but it does seem to help to see how others feel.
If you have any memories, pictures or just need to "talk", feel free to come here as often as you need. I would love to hear more about Shellie as well as see some pictures of her.
You are now on a journey that many have traveled before you, many will follow and none of us wants to be on.
Hugs and healing wishes coming your way tonight. Ginger
I'm so sorry for your loss of Shellie. I do feel sometimes that the people around us are the ones that understand our pain the least. I know you said time will heal is not comforting to you. The pain never fully goes away, neither does the emptiness, but in time......I so hate when I'm ask "your still not over this yet?" I hide it. But when I'm alone, the tears comes, when I'm on this site the tears come more. We have to release it somewhere. That is up to you. But we all here have been or going thru exactly what you are now and we all understand your pain.Your not alone. Please write often or just read too. Lots of good articles that will help. Even post to us your favorite memory and/or post a picture..Shellies spirit will always be with you and remain in your heart forever...Hugs.Ann
I am so sorry for your losses, the women in your life have gone ahead of you and you are left alone having to cope.
That you were able to go through all that you have endured tells me you are almost superhuman in strength because it seems that each loss though very difficult made you better, you lost your dear wife and it brought you closer to your mother and Shellie, then you lost your mother and your relationship with Shellie grew even more special and now your Shellie has gone. Do not be afraid of crying when you need to, because for now at least, I think you really would benefit from this. Often when we lose one, we tend to put aside the real need to grieve, you had your mother and Shellie to think of and put on a brave front for at first, then after your mother I believe you may have felt like carrying on in that same way on for Shellie's sake. Today, it is you who has to look after yourself, you brave intelligent man that you so obviously are. I do not doubt that you will come out of this but for now you ask if you can cry---darned right you are going to allow the emotions my dear, I have included the link
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/he...er-1009169.html
and a few excepts from this article,
It makes nine out of 10 people feel better, reduces stress, and may help to keep the body healthy. It's also free, available to almost everyone, and has no known side effects, other than wet tissues, red eyes and runny makeup. Crying may not be a blockbuster drug, but the latest research suggests it's highly effective at healing, and that it improves the mood of 88.8 per cent of weepers, with only 8.4 per cent feeling worse. So beneficial is it that the researchers suggest there may be a case for inducing crying in those who find it difficult to let go.
A clue to the purpose of crying may lie in the experimental finding that emotional tears contain different compounds from regular eye watering, such as that triggered by chopping onions.
The phenomenon supports the so-called recovery theory, that emotional tears, and their contents, may be a way of getting the body back in balance after a stressful event. "I have suggested that we may feel better after crying because we are literally crying it out. Chemicals that build up during emotional stress may be removed in our tears when we cry,'' says William Frey, professor of pharmaceutics at the University of Minnesota. "Because unalleviated stress can increase our risk for heart attack and damage certain areas of our brain, the human ability to cry has survival value.''
Other evidence backs up the theory. It's been shown that tears associated with emotion have higher levels of some proteins, and of manganese and potassium, and hormones, including prolactin than mere eye watering. Manganese is an essential nutrient, and too little can lead to slowed blood clotting, skin problems, and lowered cholesterol levels. Too much can also cause health problems. Potassium is involved in nerve working, muscle control and blood pressure.
.....
There have also been some claims that crying can reduce pain, although there has been little research into this area. The phenomenon, if verified, may be an indirect effect – in that crying may trigger physical contact with another individual and touch has been linked to improved wellbeing.
Another study showed men were liked best when they cried and women when they did not. "Overall, results support the theory that crying is an attachment behaviour designed to elicit help from others,'' say the Dutch researchers.
In the latest study, at the University of South Florida, researchers found that almost everyone feels better after a cry and that personality has a big effect on how often we cry. Neurotics were more frequent criers and were more easily and quickly moved to tears. The American researchers suggest that the beneficial effects of crying may make induced weeping a useful therapy for some people. In, particular, they propose that it may be suitable for people who have difficulty expressing their emotions.
"The overwhelming majority of our participants reported mood improvement after crying,'' they say. "Our results may have also implications for clinical interventions. Currently there is only anecdotal evidence that learning how to cry and how to derive positive effects from it could help people who are having difficulty expressing sadness or crying.
"Our findings support the idea that people with alexithymic [a deficiency in feeling emotions
A question of sex: Why big boys boo hoo
* While women cry more than men, tearful males are becoming increasingly acceptable in society.
* A moist eye, perhaps a tear or two, at the right time, and in the right place, are now viewed more kindly, say researchers.
* Until relatively recently, crying was associated with sensitive, weak men, while now it is linked to strong, powerful men. One theory is that a driving force behind the change has been powerful and emotional events such as 9/11.
* Norms for men and crying are changing. Certain types of expressions that were proscribed for men are now becoming more acceptable. "It may be that certain types of tears are no longer associated with powerlessness, and thus no longer conflict with assertions of masculinity,'' says Professor Stephanie Shields of Pennsylvania State University.
* In the research, Professor Shields and colleagues quizzed men and women about reactions to crying by men and women. The results showed that crying at serious events by both men and women was rated positively.
* The results also show that men were rated more highly when they cried out of sadness than anger. The reverse was the case for women. Men who cried in sadness were more positively rated than women who cried because they were sad. The results also show that men who have a wet eye and a tear or two are rated more highly than men who weep.
That you were able to go through all that you have endured tells me you are almost superhuman in strength because it seems that each loss though very difficult made you better, you lost your dear wife and it brought you closer to your mother and Shellie, then you lost your mother and your relationship with Shellie grew even more special and now your Shellie has gone. Do not be afraid of crying when you need to, because for now at least, I think you really would benefit from this. Often when we lose one, we tend to put aside the real need to grieve, you had your mother and Shellie to think of and put on a brave front for at first, then after your mother I believe you may have felt like carrying on in that same way on for Shellie's sake. Today, it is you who has to look after yourself, you brave intelligent man that you so obviously are. I do not doubt that you will come out of this but for now you ask if you can cry---darned right you are going to allow the emotions my dear, I have included the link
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/he...er-1009169.html
and a few excepts from this article,
It makes nine out of 10 people feel better, reduces stress, and may help to keep the body healthy. It's also free, available to almost everyone, and has no known side effects, other than wet tissues, red eyes and runny makeup. Crying may not be a blockbuster drug, but the latest research suggests it's highly effective at healing, and that it improves the mood of 88.8 per cent of weepers, with only 8.4 per cent feeling worse. So beneficial is it that the researchers suggest there may be a case for inducing crying in those who find it difficult to let go.
A clue to the purpose of crying may lie in the experimental finding that emotional tears contain different compounds from regular eye watering, such as that triggered by chopping onions.
The phenomenon supports the so-called recovery theory, that emotional tears, and their contents, may be a way of getting the body back in balance after a stressful event. "I have suggested that we may feel better after crying because we are literally crying it out. Chemicals that build up during emotional stress may be removed in our tears when we cry,'' says William Frey, professor of pharmaceutics at the University of Minnesota. "Because unalleviated stress can increase our risk for heart attack and damage certain areas of our brain, the human ability to cry has survival value.''
Other evidence backs up the theory. It's been shown that tears associated with emotion have higher levels of some proteins, and of manganese and potassium, and hormones, including prolactin than mere eye watering. Manganese is an essential nutrient, and too little can lead to slowed blood clotting, skin problems, and lowered cholesterol levels. Too much can also cause health problems. Potassium is involved in nerve working, muscle control and blood pressure.
.....
There have also been some claims that crying can reduce pain, although there has been little research into this area. The phenomenon, if verified, may be an indirect effect – in that crying may trigger physical contact with another individual and touch has been linked to improved wellbeing.
Another study showed men were liked best when they cried and women when they did not. "Overall, results support the theory that crying is an attachment behaviour designed to elicit help from others,'' say the Dutch researchers.
In the latest study, at the University of South Florida, researchers found that almost everyone feels better after a cry and that personality has a big effect on how often we cry. Neurotics were more frequent criers and were more easily and quickly moved to tears. The American researchers suggest that the beneficial effects of crying may make induced weeping a useful therapy for some people. In, particular, they propose that it may be suitable for people who have difficulty expressing their emotions.
"The overwhelming majority of our participants reported mood improvement after crying,'' they say. "Our results may have also implications for clinical interventions. Currently there is only anecdotal evidence that learning how to cry and how to derive positive effects from it could help people who are having difficulty expressing sadness or crying.
"Our findings support the idea that people with alexithymic [a deficiency in feeling emotions
A question of sex: Why big boys boo hoo
* While women cry more than men, tearful males are becoming increasingly acceptable in society.
* A moist eye, perhaps a tear or two, at the right time, and in the right place, are now viewed more kindly, say researchers.
* Until relatively recently, crying was associated with sensitive, weak men, while now it is linked to strong, powerful men. One theory is that a driving force behind the change has been powerful and emotional events such as 9/11.
* Norms for men and crying are changing. Certain types of expressions that were proscribed for men are now becoming more acceptable. "It may be that certain types of tears are no longer associated with powerlessness, and thus no longer conflict with assertions of masculinity,'' says Professor Stephanie Shields of Pennsylvania State University.
* In the research, Professor Shields and colleagues quizzed men and women about reactions to crying by men and women. The results showed that crying at serious events by both men and women was rated positively.
* The results also show that men were rated more highly when they cried out of sadness than anger. The reverse was the case for women. Men who cried in sadness were more positively rated than women who cried because they were sad. The results also show that men who have a wet eye and a tear or two are rated more highly than men who weep.
I am so sorry for your losses. I, too, lost my best friend last week and the grief was unbearable. You will forever have a hole in your heart, but please know that with time, the pain eases and is replaced slowly with your happy memories and gratitude to have shared your life with them. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Tobin,
I'm so sorry for all of your losses, including of course your most recent loss of your canine friend, Shellie. It's most understandable, in at LEAST a few ways, why you are feeling so devastated, regardless of those clueless people who say it's "crazy" to feel as you do (and may I 'slap them upside the head' on your behalf?
Ugh!) Not only have you suffered multiple losses that you may or may not have completely 'resolved' to date, and which, by itself, can take quite a toll on you as well as compound natural grief, but your beloved "little Shellbell" is also a remaining link to both your late wife and late mother, as well as quite simply and very understandably another beloved family member for you....so all I can say, is "Well, DUH!! No wonder you're in agony!!" The huge degree of love, companionship, support, links to connection with our Higher Selves, and much, much more, that our relationships with our animals give us is nothing short of miraculous, so let the nay-sayers blather ignorantly on -- they have no real idea what such loss means. My advice is to ignore & avoid them as best you can, and just HAVE your grief as YOU see fit.
Many of us don't get any real comfort from this business of "time" making things better. Time by itself is neutral and does nothing. It is what we DO during time that helps us heal "in time." And that can also TAKE a lot of time....especially when you've already had so much loss to begin with. There's no "quick fix" or "magic pill" for this, as I'm sure you know from your previous losses, so don't allow anyone to rush you. Grieving is done in your OWN time-line and way, no one else's.
May I also point you to the many informational resources on this website, where the many articles (as well as the ones here in the other forums) may be a better source of comfort for you than those stupid, old cliches.
Again, I'm so sorry....
While the above article from Toonie helps shed some light on the benefits of crying those necessary tears, I'd like to point out one great fallacy in it, lest such BS (there's no better word for, I'm afraid) is further promoted, to the detriment of all. They erroneously claimed that crying is "a uniquely human form of emotional expression" and "Humans are the only animals to evolve this ability to shed tears in response to emotional stress, and it is likely that crying survived the pressures of natural selection because it has some survival value,'' he says. "It is one of the things that makes us human.''
Hogwash. As I'd recounted to AngelCareOne here once, I even saw my sweet budgie crying when he'd thought he'd been abandoned by me/my family when we were away on a week's trip in my youth....much less the MANY other animals, including elephants, who are well known to grieve and shed tears, same as us. The promotion of such misinformation simply doesn't belong 'out there' anymore, much less on a board where we're not only here to express, learn about grief and honour our transitioned beloved animals (of whatever species), but also often trying to help those OTHER non-human family members through their OWN grief over the loss of one of their 'pals.' I won't even go into the falsities that are now known about Darwin's "natural selection" theory that we've run on for centuries (to our extreme detriment), but suffice to say, it's now also known to be just more hogwash that has, in a nutshell, kept us in the dark from our inherent spirituality....something that ANIMALS have always been so full of themselves, and is one of the biggest reasons we mourn their physical loss as much as we do. That Professor Frey needs to read more himself!
I'm so sorry for all of your losses, including of course your most recent loss of your canine friend, Shellie. It's most understandable, in at LEAST a few ways, why you are feeling so devastated, regardless of those clueless people who say it's "crazy" to feel as you do (and may I 'slap them upside the head' on your behalf?
Ugh!) Not only have you suffered multiple losses that you may or may not have completely 'resolved' to date, and which, by itself, can take quite a toll on you as well as compound natural grief, but your beloved "little Shellbell" is also a remaining link to both your late wife and late mother, as well as quite simply and very understandably another beloved family member for you....so all I can say, is "Well, DUH!! No wonder you're in agony!!" The huge degree of love, companionship, support, links to connection with our Higher Selves, and much, much more, that our relationships with our animals give us is nothing short of miraculous, so let the nay-sayers blather ignorantly on -- they have no real idea what such loss means. My advice is to ignore & avoid them as best you can, and just HAVE your grief as YOU see fit. Many of us don't get any real comfort from this business of "time" making things better. Time by itself is neutral and does nothing. It is what we DO during time that helps us heal "in time." And that can also TAKE a lot of time....especially when you've already had so much loss to begin with. There's no "quick fix" or "magic pill" for this, as I'm sure you know from your previous losses, so don't allow anyone to rush you. Grieving is done in your OWN time-line and way, no one else's.
May I also point you to the many informational resources on this website, where the many articles (as well as the ones here in the other forums) may be a better source of comfort for you than those stupid, old cliches.
Again, I'm so sorry....
**************************************************
While the above article from Toonie helps shed some light on the benefits of crying those necessary tears, I'd like to point out one great fallacy in it, lest such BS (there's no better word for, I'm afraid) is further promoted, to the detriment of all. They erroneously claimed that crying is "a uniquely human form of emotional expression" and "Humans are the only animals to evolve this ability to shed tears in response to emotional stress, and it is likely that crying survived the pressures of natural selection because it has some survival value,'' he says. "It is one of the things that makes us human.''
Hogwash. As I'd recounted to AngelCareOne here once, I even saw my sweet budgie crying when he'd thought he'd been abandoned by me/my family when we were away on a week's trip in my youth....much less the MANY other animals, including elephants, who are well known to grieve and shed tears, same as us. The promotion of such misinformation simply doesn't belong 'out there' anymore, much less on a board where we're not only here to express, learn about grief and honour our transitioned beloved animals (of whatever species), but also often trying to help those OTHER non-human family members through their OWN grief over the loss of one of their 'pals.' I won't even go into the falsities that are now known about Darwin's "natural selection" theory that we've run on for centuries (to our extreme detriment), but suffice to say, it's now also known to be just more hogwash that has, in a nutshell, kept us in the dark from our inherent spirituality....something that ANIMALS have always been so full of themselves, and is one of the biggest reasons we mourn their physical loss as much as we do. That Professor Frey needs to read more himself!
tobin
im so sorry for your losses. i as well as everyone here can understand how excruciating losing a pet can be. i have been thru it many times and it never gets any easier. a pet offers unconditional love 24/7. and when that is gone we feel lost. i recently (about two weeks ago) lost my cat that id lived with for fourteen years. his name was fred. the pain that i feel is torture. fred took care of me thru the loss of my father, my surgery, the loss of his brother riley and so much more. he took with him my most intimate secrets and a big piece of my heart. i wish i could give you a magic answer and tell you to do this and that and then you will feel fine, but i cant. the only thing i can promise you is that time will heal. some of the things ive been doing to heal (and have done in the past) is to set up a little memorial for fred. i have pictures that i talk to every morning and night. his ashes will be returned to me soon and believe it or not it is so comforting to know that fred will be home soon. i light a special candle for him every night. it has a special scent that reminds me of fred. i did the same thing with riley and now when i miss him i open it up and smell his little candle. it floods me with wonderful memories and 9 times out of ten i end up laughing at some of his antics. but again, it took a long time to get there. also i wrote about my feelings a lot. i remember feeling such agonizing pain when riley passed away last year, that i turned to the internet and scoured to find a place where other people would understand my feelings. and while doing it i also found that my local humane society offered free group counseling for people who were grieving the loss of their pet. maybe that is something that is offered near you. and it was a wonderful mix of men and women. it eased my pain to be amongst people who were going thru what i was going thru. mine is offered once a month, so i will be attending soon. also this time around i call a 1 800 number and talked with a counseler specializing in pet loss, over the phone. they too understand what we are feeling after all they know that youre heart is broken, youre sad, youre angry, you may be feeling guilt.
i picked up my freds carrying case last night. its his last belonging and i sobbed like a baby. this will go on for a long time. a year later, i still cry over riley when "his" song comes on the radio or even when i look at his little dish...
time will heal and when you remember your shellie, imagine her pain free, without her breathing problems and running thru the tall grass in the sunlight. again, im so sorry. you will be in my prayers.
im so sorry for your losses. i as well as everyone here can understand how excruciating losing a pet can be. i have been thru it many times and it never gets any easier. a pet offers unconditional love 24/7. and when that is gone we feel lost. i recently (about two weeks ago) lost my cat that id lived with for fourteen years. his name was fred. the pain that i feel is torture. fred took care of me thru the loss of my father, my surgery, the loss of his brother riley and so much more. he took with him my most intimate secrets and a big piece of my heart. i wish i could give you a magic answer and tell you to do this and that and then you will feel fine, but i cant. the only thing i can promise you is that time will heal. some of the things ive been doing to heal (and have done in the past) is to set up a little memorial for fred. i have pictures that i talk to every morning and night. his ashes will be returned to me soon and believe it or not it is so comforting to know that fred will be home soon. i light a special candle for him every night. it has a special scent that reminds me of fred. i did the same thing with riley and now when i miss him i open it up and smell his little candle. it floods me with wonderful memories and 9 times out of ten i end up laughing at some of his antics. but again, it took a long time to get there. also i wrote about my feelings a lot. i remember feeling such agonizing pain when riley passed away last year, that i turned to the internet and scoured to find a place where other people would understand my feelings. and while doing it i also found that my local humane society offered free group counseling for people who were grieving the loss of their pet. maybe that is something that is offered near you. and it was a wonderful mix of men and women. it eased my pain to be amongst people who were going thru what i was going thru. mine is offered once a month, so i will be attending soon. also this time around i call a 1 800 number and talked with a counseler specializing in pet loss, over the phone. they too understand what we are feeling after all they know that youre heart is broken, youre sad, youre angry, you may be feeling guilt.
i picked up my freds carrying case last night. its his last belonging and i sobbed like a baby. this will go on for a long time. a year later, i still cry over riley when "his" song comes on the radio or even when i look at his little dish...
time will heal and when you remember your shellie, imagine her pain free, without her breathing problems and running thru the tall grass in the sunlight. again, im so sorry. you will be in my prayers.
Hi, Tobin, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Shellie. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. First I want to assure you that what you are feeling is very normal grief. Clinical studies show that the loss of a beloved companion who has been shared with other deceased human loved ones is very traumatic - - it is like you have not only lost your beloved companion but you have lost - - once again - - your human loved ones. This compounds the grief tremendously. You asked God to heal your precious Shellie, and He did -- by bringing her home to His loving arms. I know this isn't what you wanted - - or meant - - but it was the only way He could heal her, for her physical body - - like our physical bodies - - cannot indefinitely sustain life on this side of eternity. Your precious Shellie is now healed to a healthy body once more, and is patiently waiting for you to join her at your appropriate time in heaven's perfect garden. I know this grief journey is a very painful one - - both physically and emotionally - - so it is important for you to do what is comforting to you through these painful times. When my number one kitty son Eli joined the angels 27 months ago, I slept with his colllar under my pillow and held onto one of his blankets when the pain of not having him physically with me anymore was unbearable. Hopefully in time you will come to know that Shellie's sweet living Spirit is still with you, that your relationship with her has just temporarily transformed to a different dimension. This healing grief journey is a one day at a time journey, Tobin, but it is one that does not have to be traveled alone. You are among friends here who do understand how you are feeling, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Tobin, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Tobin, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss of Shellie. All of us here, moms and dads of our furbabies know how you feel. No one can take our baby's place. For the first 2 months after my Nicole, died, I wanted to die too. I lost interest in everything that I had cared about, I couldn't concentrate on anything for any length of time. It's been nearly 3.5 months now and it's getting easier. Like a friend once said to me, time doesn't heal but it takes the edge off the pain. There are still tough times, like others here have so aptly called it, a rollercoaster of ups and downs.
And BTW, you still are a strong fella. Takes a lot of guts to go through what you have, losing your wife and mother, and now to lose Shellie, and having the strength to admit your great sorrow and pain in a world where men are supposed to keep a stiff upper lip especially about animals. You won't find that kind of judgment here. We all understand.
And BTW, you still are a strong fella. Takes a lot of guts to go through what you have, losing your wife and mother, and now to lose Shellie, and having the strength to admit your great sorrow and pain in a world where men are supposed to keep a stiff upper lip especially about animals. You won't find that kind of judgment here. We all understand.
QUOTE (tobin @ Mar 17 2009, 09:43 PM) 
talk about being depressed....what to do? anyone have any thoughts that could be of help to me, please..
Dear Tobin,
Please accept my deepest condolences on the recent loss of your Shellie. The unbearable pain you speak of is known only too well by all of us who have found this forum. Feelings of anguish, emptiness, and grief totally overwhelm us and we often wonder if there is any hope of surviving such a painful experience. My heart cries with yours.
You've found the perfect place to share all of your feelings. Here at LS we all walk together where we don't have to feel so alone. Friends are with you who truly understand. You've suffered mulitple losses of ones you love so much. Sharing your thoughts and feelings here can and will help you work through the depression you are living right now.
Keep coming and sharing with us as we all have a common bond that allows us to carry each other through these most difficult times. This newest journey you've begun is long. For some, posting pictures and telling stories helps ease the pain. The exchanges made with others in hearing comforting words also helps ease the pain. Though I wish there were a quick fix, there isn't one. We can only work through our grief, at our own pace, as there no way around it.
Shellie brought you so much comfort after the losses of your wife and mother. Rest assured Shellie is still with you, right by your side. Though her body has perished, her loving spirit remains very much alive and well. The bond you and Shellie share can never be broken in this world nor the next.
Look for her.... for she is all around you. Trust that one day you will say hello to her again and never have to say goodbye again.Sending you many hugs of comfort with love from my heart to yours,
Beth
Dearest Tobin. I've read your initial post several times. So much loss, devastation, grief, pain and loneliness. Please accept my deepest condolences. Your heart is broken and you're having a gosh awful difficult time trying to make sense of everything as well as finding some way to cope. Oh, how I do empathize with you and greatly hope the following may be of help to you ...
These are all in the Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles area here but I'm going to give you direct links to click so you won't have to hunt them down. Please take a moment to sneak a peek and see if you will be comforted, learn how you may be able to cope and find that help you so desperately need and deserve ...
For: Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - Coping With Pet Loss ...
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=4893
For: "Light A Candle" Online - It Is Free ...
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=4662
And you may wish to check this one out, too ...
How To Heal When You Have Lost A Pet, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Healing Sessions ...
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=4814
Winging many loving Angels to you! I wish you Peace!
Big Comforting Hugs!!!
Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
These are all in the Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles area here but I'm going to give you direct links to click so you won't have to hunt them down. Please take a moment to sneak a peek and see if you will be comforted, learn how you may be able to cope and find that help you so desperately need and deserve ...
For: Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - Coping With Pet Loss ...
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=4893
For: "Light A Candle" Online - It Is Free ...
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=4662
And you may wish to check this one out, too ...
How To Heal When You Have Lost A Pet, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Healing Sessions ...
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=4814
Winging many loving Angels to you! I wish you Peace!
Big Comforting Hugs!!!
Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
from tobin,, i want to thank all of you that wrote back to me about the loss of my dog, shellie. your words and comfort were very important to me. this is the first time i have ever written to anyone on any website so i am not very godd at it. many times people get tired of hearing your problem and want you to get over it and move on. it sounds like the people at lightning strike don't feel that way. it has now been 3 days since i lost shellie, i am still very sad and depressed. the grief. and now i am having horrible feelings of regret, did i do it to soon. the vet could not give her any more medication, she had an enlarged heart, 2 1/2 times normal size and it was beating superfast but was causing her to breath fast 24/7 but, but yet she was a happy pup and just followed me everywhere. i miss her more than i thought was possible. i held her in my arms at the vets office as she passed away. what agony but i did not want her to die alone. i buried her in my backyard, the only home she ever knew her entire life. some people have suggested i think about getting another dog, but i can't now and don't want to for some time. don't know if ever will at this point, don't know if i want to go through this pain again?? AS A SIDE NOTE, 6-8 months ago i pulled up in carpet in my house, wood floors underneath and then started using the swifter to clean and sweep. surfing the web, i found out the swifter has chemicals in it that are toxic to pets. one of the side effects is congestive heart failure, which my shellie died from. there is even a class action lawsuit against the maker of the swifter. 8 months ago, shellie was not sick and had never been sick before. could those chemicals have caused her death, i'll probable never know. i feel horrible knowing what i may have done could have had any part in me losing her. i appreciate any thoughts that you have for what i am going through. i do apologize for going on like this. as for my feelings regret...god help me. Toby
Tobin
You don't have to apologize for "going on like this". We all have done the same. And LS offers you a place where you can express your grief, regrets, what ifs, etc as fully as you need to, among people who truly understand and know how painful the death of an animal companion is. And your pain is still so fresh and raw. Shellie's only been gone for 3 days. Three days after Nicole's death, I was submerged in a heavy dark place more painful than I'd ever experienced or expected. I'm glad for you that you made your way here early in your grief and may you find comfort here.
I've heard of the toxicity of swiffer products, though not enough to comment. But I've made choices for Nicole and other companions that may have contributed to their illness and death inadvertently, as well. I know it can tear at you. But try not to blame yourself. You loved Shellie. That matters far more than any mistakes you may or may not have made. Take good care of Shellie's daddy.
Lynda
You don't have to apologize for "going on like this". We all have done the same. And LS offers you a place where you can express your grief, regrets, what ifs, etc as fully as you need to, among people who truly understand and know how painful the death of an animal companion is. And your pain is still so fresh and raw. Shellie's only been gone for 3 days. Three days after Nicole's death, I was submerged in a heavy dark place more painful than I'd ever experienced or expected. I'm glad for you that you made your way here early in your grief and may you find comfort here.
I've heard of the toxicity of swiffer products, though not enough to comment. But I've made choices for Nicole and other companions that may have contributed to their illness and death inadvertently, as well. I know it can tear at you. But try not to blame yourself. You loved Shellie. That matters far more than any mistakes you may or may not have made. Take good care of Shellie's daddy.
Lynda
Hi Tobin, I don't believe the chemicals from the swifter did harm to your Shellie. It doesn't seem long enough time to do damage like that. I'm sure it was heretity.(I think I spelt that wrong, but you know what I mean)..No one here tires of hearing about your feelings. It's a support group, we all help eachother. Until we feel we can move on again. It's totally OK..The more you talk about Shellie, the faster you'll heal. We all feel your pain. We all understand. As for getting another pet, only your heart wil let you know if or when it will be right. Yes the pain of losing them is overwhelming, but the happiness they give us while they are here is so worth it, so rewarding. That is entirely up to you and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Greive for Shellie as you see fit and don't be ashamed as to how long it takes.
I'll never forget when we got Arthur. Here he was this tiny cute innocent kitten. It had been 16 years since I lost my other cat. I thought I had moved on in all that time. I had this strange feeling like my heart was trapped around a wall of some sort. I couldn't love Arthur, I couldn't even call his name, I called him baby. But then I did fell for him. Point I'm trying to make is that we never really get over the loss we just push it aside and move on..It will get better...Hugs..Ann
I'll never forget when we got Arthur. Here he was this tiny cute innocent kitten. It had been 16 years since I lost my other cat. I thought I had moved on in all that time. I had this strange feeling like my heart was trapped around a wall of some sort. I couldn't love Arthur, I couldn't even call his name, I called him baby. But then I did fell for him. Point I'm trying to make is that we never really get over the loss we just push it aside and move on..It will get better...Hugs..Ann
Hi, Tobin, I am just being able to get caught up on some posts. It's Friday evening, another week of office work has ended, and I am so glad to be home with my furkids for the evening and the weekend. Swiffer has a history - - like Sargents and Hartz - - of "allegedly" being toxic to the environment and all living things that dwell therein. I would suspect that, unless Shellie actually drank from the Swiffer container, her food or water somehow became contaminated by the Swiffer solution, or she walked on the floors before the solution dried, that the short-term exposure to the Swiffer solution had miniscule to no effect of her illness. But I can certainly relate to your concern and heartache at the "possibility" that exposure to the Swiffer solution may have played a part in her becoming ill with heart disease. This grief journey is filled with what if's and if only I had not's or if only I had's. The early stages are filled with guilt because we are trying to emotionally and physically adjust to the physical loss of our beloved companions. Hopefully in time you will come to understand in your heart that you did the very best for Shellie at all times and in all circumstances, and that Shellie's sweet living Spirit is still with you in your heart and your memories. The decision to adopt another companion is strictly a personal decision. Only YOU, Tobin, will be able to know if and / or when you would be able to embrace another furchild into your heart and your home. There are alternatives to adoption, Tobin - - pet sitting for other friends and family members who have companion animals, volunteering at the local humane society to temporarily foster furkids who are waiting for a permanent home, fostering a rescue furchild through a rescue organization until a permanent home can be arranged, or puppy raising for a local Service Partner training facility if you have one in your area. But only YOU will know in time what your heart and life can handle, and any decision you make for YOU will be the right decision. The most important thing for you to do right now is to do whatever helps you get through this very painful part of the grief healing journey. It's a one day at a time journey, Tobin, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. And please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
My heart goes out to you. Having just lost my precious dog, I know what you're going through. Shellie wasn't just a dog, she was a part of your family, unconditionally loving you, looking to you for all her needs and you were the most important person in her life, she was there for you 24 hours a day. Losing a dog is like losing any member of a family. You grieve the same and being strong doesn't come into it, give yourself permission to grieve.
A friend sent me this poem. Maybe it will help you too.
If it should be that I grow weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep
Then you must do what must be done
For this last battle cannot be won.
You will be sad, I understand
Don't let your grief then stay your hand
For this day more than all the rest
Your love for me must stand the test.
We've had so many happy years
What is to come can hold no fears
You'd not want me to suffer so
The time has come please let me go.
Take me where my need they'll tend
And please stay with me till the end
Hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time that you will see
The kindness that you did for me
Although my tail, its last has waved
From pain and suffering I've been saved.
Don't grieve too long , because it's you
Who had this painful thing to do
We've been so close, we two, these years
Don't let your heart hold back its tears
A friend sent me this poem. Maybe it will help you too.
If it should be that I grow weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep
Then you must do what must be done
For this last battle cannot be won.
You will be sad, I understand
Don't let your grief then stay your hand
For this day more than all the rest
Your love for me must stand the test.
We've had so many happy years
What is to come can hold no fears
You'd not want me to suffer so
The time has come please let me go.
Take me where my need they'll tend
And please stay with me till the end
Hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time that you will see
The kindness that you did for me
Although my tail, its last has waved
From pain and suffering I've been saved.
Don't grieve too long , because it's you
Who had this painful thing to do
We've been so close, we two, these years
Don't let your heart hold back its tears
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