I have lost both of my dogs, Wolfie and Joey.

Joey died one month ago. He fell in the pool and drowned while I was sleeping. He was 17 years old.

I put Wolfie to sleep yesterday. I wanted to spare the pain of him living with kidney failure. He was 16 years old.

I knew it would hurt when I would be faced living without them. I never thought it would hurt so much that I would be seeking support online.

I am most haunted by the fact that Wolfie cried out in pain when they gave him the injection. The vet assured me that he would feel no pain and just go to sleep. Instead, he spent the last few seconds of his life, scared and crying out loud. I had to hold his little head so he wouldn’t look at the injection site. The vet was as shocked as I was when he cried. He said he has never seen that before, and I truly believed him. He had been a wonderful, trustworthy vet all of these years. I thought I was doing something good by putting Wolfie down. But that was not the peaceful sleep I had hoped to give him. Instead, I feel like his last moments were spent in fear and pain.

I know that the pain he felt from the injection probably wouldn't have been as painful as dying from kidney failure, but it is hard not to feel extra sadness about it all. My husband keeps telling me not to beat myself up about it, but I just keep relieving that moment over again. I keep thinking it was my job to protect him, make him feel better. And I failed at making his last moment peaceful. I felt so much pain knowing my other dog spent his last moments cold, alone and scared while he was drowning. I didn't want Wolfie to have to face death that way too. But I feel like I have failed them both.

I am so shocked at the intense pain I am feeling. I keep pacing my house, crying so hard that I don’t even realize that I have spent hours staring at a wall.

When Joey died, I was hurt and sad, but I had some peace from his passing. I still had Wolfie to cover the hurt. But now with Wolfie gone, it is like I am grieving both of them at the same time.

My arms and lap feel so empty. I keep feeling the need to hold them, and when I can't, my stomach and arms shake with sadness.

I am so very sad.

Hi, Wolfie and Joey, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved companions. Losing our beloved companions is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing two companions within weeks of each other is particularly difficult and compounds the grief for each of them, particularly when their passing has been less than peaceful. When my almost 16 year old Samson joined the angels, the vet had a very difficult time finding a vein for the injection. His veins were collapsing. She had to give him an intramuscular injection first which was difficult to do because his skin was becoming rigid. So I can relate to how things went for you and Wolfie. You have experienced two traumas in a very short period of time. Clinical studies show that the brain replays traumatic events over and over until the event of the trauma is processed by the memory and emotions. The more traumatic the event, the more it is replayed in the brain. What you are experiencing is part of the normal grieving process, although it is a very painful part of it right now. Hopefully in time you will come to embrace the truth that you did the very best you could for both Wolfie and Joey at all times and in all circumstances. Wolfie and Joey are now reunited together in heaven's perfect garden both restored to their former good health. But their sweet living Spirit is forever with you in your heart and your memories - - your relationship with them has only temporarily changed to a different dimension, and hopefully in time you will come to know this in your heart once the deep grief has passed. I do understand the emptiness you are feeling. This grief healing journey is both physical and emotional, so you must do what you feel is comforting to you to get you through these most difficult moments. When my number one kitty son Eli joined the angels 27 months ago I slept with his collar and would hold onto his ashes or one of his blankets during the many deep grief moments - - gut wrenching sobbing. This grief healing journey is a one day at a time journey, but it is one that you do not have to travel alone. You are among friends here who do understand how you're feeling and what you are going through. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Wolfie and Joey, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi,

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how difficult it is. I had to put my Casey to sleep on 11/13/08 due to cancer. Before we took him he has a seizure of some kind. We had to rush him to the vet to have him up to sleep. He must have been in pain, because as I was carring him out he releived himself on me and bite me (which he had never done before). I still play the events over and over in mind trying to make sense of it all. I too think he looked to me to make things better and I was not able to. We don't want them to suffer, so we make the hardest decision we can make out of love for our pets.

I had to go through it again last Thursday with my Maggie. She was living with my mom for the past 5 years, but I had her for 6 years prior to that. We lost her to cancer also. I am mourning the loss of her and Casey. It is also hard to watch my mom suffer from the loss of her companion. I know it will take time to heal and you will shed many tears - as do I, but with time it will get easier. Moon Beam said it best, they are all restored to perfect health and they are happy in Heaven. I take comfort in this and know one day I will see all my furry friends again. Hang in there - you are not alone in your grief.

Karen

I'm so sorry for your loss. I did the same thing as you when I lost my cat. When I put him down it did not go well for me either. He meowed when he saw me and then came that awful look in his eyes, the look of disappointment then he looked away from me. Talk about feeling like I failed him. Maybe what I saw was my own guilt. Maybe your baby howled in relief. With Wolfie having k.f., you did the best thing you could. Trust me, you never want to see them suffer to the point of exhaustion. As for Joey, I'm sorry this happened, unfortunately there was nothing you could do. 16 and `17yrs is a long time to share together. You are very lucky for that. You bearly had time to greive for Joey and then losing Wolfie so soon after. My heart breaks with yours. Please post as often as needed. And check out some of the articles on this site in Pet loss aritcles and resouces. Some have help me alot...I starred at the walls alot too until I found this site. Your not alone...Hugs..Ann

Wolfie and Joey, i am so terribly sorry for ur loss. plz know u are in my thoughts and prayers!!!

biggggg comforting hugs and many loving angels!!!

always,
dottie xoxoxox