I apologise in advance that this is going to be long and rambly but i just needed to talk about this to someone and there is noone here who understands...

Two days ago i had to watch my Bingo be put to sleep after 14 years of filling my life with everything good. I knew it was coming for a few weeks, which i think has made everything worse - Bingo was diagnosed with kidney failure back in October 08 and i knew that eventually i would have to do something before he started suffering. I would never ever want him to feel any physical pain and would much rather i endured the emotional pain and guilt of letting him go.

The worst thing is, although he was obviously ill, he never showed it in his spirit. He was still wagging his tail at me, coming to me for hugs and rolling on the carpet at my feet for attention even up to the day he left me. He had though started going off food and it was almost impossible to find him something that he would be happy eating more than one time - hearing him whine for food but being unable to get him to eat anything was agonising. He became really quite skinny and lost control of his bladder on many regular occasions. He had a few fits too, which the vet presumed was some kind of brain tumour - although he assured me he wasn't in pain. Although sometimes he would struggle to sit up as if he was in discomfort and adding this together with everything else, i didn't want him to have to suffer before i did something to help him...i wanted him to never know real pain and to leave here as happy as possible.

It took me ages to come to that 'decision' and i put it off many times , but on Thursday i finally took him - part of me didn't want to see him die, but i went in because there was no way i was handing him over to someone else and leaving him - he needed me and i am very glad i did see it through to the end - i felt like i was there to reassure him and offer comfort. I was the last thing he looked at before he drifted peacefully to sleep. My vet is fantastic and didn't mind me bawling my eyes out at the time, but the problem i have now is that i'm all alone and i dont really feel like i can cope with what i'm feeling. Everyone around me doesn't seem to understand the emotional link i had with him. I hear the term 'it's just a dog' or 'it's not like a person died' so many times it makes me want to scream! Generally i place animals on the same level as humans (maybe if im honest, slightly higher) - i'm incredibly passionate about animals and i see Bingo as my baby or my child - i've never loved anything more before. Also being 23, i dont really have any memories that don't include him, so everything, including me, feels empty right now. He was the main part of my life and now when i come home i just don't know what to do with myself. Everywhere i look reminds me of him and although i want to be reminded, right now it seems i get over run with tears and this hollow feeling every 5 minutes.

Because everyone seems to be telling me to 'get over it' essentially, i'm wondering if i'm going insane or something, or if im abnormal?! I took time off work today cause i just couldnt face going in (Does anyone else think its ok to take days off to grieve?) and basically the response i got was that i was being weird and my behaviour was frowned on - so now i am having to go in tomorrow to appease the situation, even though all i want to do at the moment is do nothing - even normal day functions like eating and sleeping seem hard. My mum was with me the day i lost him and when she took me back home she started removing his bed and his toys and moving furniture to fill gaps that his belongings filled, and i just went mad. I know i was clinging to possessions but i feel like it was all i had left and i didn't want to just wipe him away like that. Yet it seems like she expects me to just move on immediately. I managed to grab a couple of his things, including his favourite toy, which i've been sleeping with - is this weird? am i being irrational? I read stuff here and i feel so comforted cause i don't feel like i'm the only one who grieves the loss of their companion. I dont feel like this mad emotional wreck...but as soon as i go out into everyday life i feel really isolated and alone in what i'm going through.

Anyway i apologise for rambling, i think i just needed to vent my emotions somewhere and this site has just been such a help for me the past few days.
I know the pain will gradually become more bareable and that i've got amazing memories, but right now that doesnt feel enough. It's just hard to come to grips with the fact the he is gone forever...the thought of never seeing him again, never touching him or hugging him just breaks me heart...and i wish people around me could understand that so i didnt feel so depressed and alone.

Hi, Lulu, please permit met to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Bingo. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is never an easy decision to make, but it is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to us - -so that they can go home to the angels with their dignity still intact. First I want to assure you that you are NOT going crazy, and you are NOT alone in your grief journey. Grieving the loss of a beloved companion is both physical and emotional, so it is important for you to do whatever you feel comfortable to help you through these difficult times of adjustment to the physical loss of your beloved Bingo. When my number one kitty son Eli joined the angels 26 months ago I slept with his collar under my pillow and held onto his ashes or one of his blankets during the really difficult grief moments. I, too, work, and it was very difficult in the beginning to make it through the day without being overwhelmed with grief emotions. Thank goodness for the restroom where I could retreat for a few minutes so that I could regain my composure. And then there were drives to and from work - - gut wrenching sobs - -. And even though I have other furkids in the household, the loss of Eli's presence felt like there was a chasm in our household tribe. It was as though the house itself was grieving the loss of one of its members. People who say "it's only a . . . " and "get over it" are totally clueless about the bond that forms between us and our furkids. Our furkids give to us their undivided attention and unconditional love, and we surrender ourselves to them completely and without reservation. This is one of the many reasons why losing them is so physically and emotionally painful. Every time they rub up against us, lick us, touch us with their paws, they are chemically "marking" us as belonging to them, and there is a physical "withdrawal" our bodies go through when that chemical interchange stops. Clinical psychologists now recognize that the loss of our beloved companions is as devastating - - if not more so - - as losing a human family member or friend. The grief stages are identical, and unfortunately, there is no "fast forward" button to press to get through this. It's a one day at a time journey, Lulu, but it is so important for you to know you are not alone. It does add "insult to injury" when our family members, friends, and co-workers say hurtful things when our hearts are breaking, and I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. But please know that you are among friends here who do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, Lulu. Thank you so much for sharing with us about your precious Bingo, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

You are not insane...............

Sometimes I think the people who do not understand how we feel at the loss of a pet are the insane ones. And if someone I meet is not at least OK with pets.... they are not my kind of people. And if my dog doesn't like them.... there is something wrong with that person. One person on here took the next day off after her rottie died and was fired!!!

These are the most important words to remember..........I would never ever want him to feel any physical pain and would much rather i endured the emotional pain and guilt of letting him go.

You did what had to be done for him and he knows that. I feel the same way sometimes about having to put my Flossie to sleep last October. I knew for a long time I'd have to do it before she suffered. She was such a trooper that it was a very difficult thing for me to do. I put it off for a month almost and still told myself that she could have made it longer. But like you, I didn't want her to suffer any pain or struggle at the end. She'd endured so much in her lifetime I felt she needed me to decide for her as she would have kept on going as long as she possibly could.

Come here to let your feelings out. We all understand while those around you may not. It does get easier but we all take a different amount of time and have to do different things to heal.

I love the picture you posted. What a happy boy Bingo looks like. He knows you loved him enough to give him the gift of passing peacefully. Try to forget about the uncaring people around you that absolutely do not understand.... Their loss to have never known the true love of a dog or cat. That is something that you have that they don't. Maybe one day they will lose a pet that for some reason has become special to them. Then they may think back to the time they said it was only a dog and if not, again, their loss for never having known absolute unconditional love. You do and so does Bingo

I'm so sorry about your boy. How to cope? There are no easy solutions as one size does not necessarily fit all in grief. Are you insane? Not in any way, shape or form. Take off work to grieve...we understand that here. If they don't understand that there....just say you didn't feel well..they don't need to hear everything if they don't understand.

You are young and Bingo was with you as a constant companion for 14 years. You are 23. Sounds like you were only 9 years old when you first got him. When we grow up with them like that, they are even more a part of us and it is wonderful you were able to be together for 14 years. I know it is never long enough...we all feel that way. I had one girl when I was by myself...for 10 years we were together....they really are all unique in their own way and none of my special ones were identical to any other. The one I lost before her...it helped cause I had just gotten her as a puppy and when I came home....as puppies are...she needed food, love, and attention, and I could hold her and cry for the one I just lost before her. No one to talk to. No forums or Internet really around at the time.

You have to do what makes you feel better to do at that moment. And, I would not say anything to anyone who does not understand the emotional toll this is taking. Only one who has gone through such a loss can understand because they have gone through the exact same feelings.

I still have my dogs' collars, dishes, leashes.....I wouldn't part with them for anything. Just having them makes me feel as though not EVERYTHING was taken away from me. The same with my cats, especially my boy who I lost just over a year ago. I wound up adopting a SPCA cat and learned in doing so....that left a vacancy which they immediately go to the kill animal control and save one from being put down. They do that for every dog and cat they have and they are a forever home..a no kill shelter.

The hardest thing to bear seems to be the emptiness. But we try to concentrate on the good memories of happy, healthy times and whisper to them (because they are listening) how glad we are they were a part of our lives and we wish so very much they had been allowed to stay longer.

We cope by taking it one day at a time....and letting time make the pain less intense and more bearable. We never forget it or them but it is better when the pain is not so overwhelming and devastating. It is something we just have to get through...and we have to work at that. Coming here and writing your thoughts and feelings may help. Posting more precious pictures of Bingo may help.

Ignore any comments or suggestions that you should move on, etc. There are no time limits on grief. We each have to move at our own pace and only we know what that is and sometimes it takes time for us to even figure that out ourselves. No one but us knows how we feel inside.

You can write Bingo here also. Many of us just write a note in our topic to our special friends saying what we wish we could say to them.

Whatever you think might make you feel better is the thing to do. In time, we do kind of move on....from the terrible pain in the beginning to a more bearable one of acceptance that we can't change what has happened but we can try and help ourselves in the way it affects us..cause we don't want to be in pain all the time and sometimes it seems as though it will never go away.

Take your time. Do what is best for you to do. And come here anytime and write how you are feeling. What your thoughts are. And maybe in time, some stories about Bingo that can make you smile at the thought of his special ways.

As one Mom here wrote that helped me was:
The pain of losing him will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing him.

I find my strength in knowing my special ones were a part of my life and I am thankful for that.

Take care...I wish you peace and healing...but it really does take time..emotions just don't disappear overnight.

Judy

[quote name='Flossie's Mom' post='49088' date='Mar 7 2009, 07:16 PM']You are not insane...............

Sometimes I think the people who do not understand how we feel at the loss of a pet are the insane ones. And if someone I meet is not at least OK with pets.... they are not my kind of people. And if my dog doesn't like them.... there is something wrong with that person. One person on here took the next day off after her rottie died and was fired!!! "

Ginger took the words right out of my mouth.


I'm so sorry you had to say good-bye to your sweet Bingo. He was a cutie-pie! We all know how you feel. That's why we are here, for you if you need us, but also for ourselves because we need contact with people who know how infinitely more than "just a pet" our fur-babes are.

My heart and prayers go out to you,
Dayna

Hi Lulu

What a beautiful picture of a beautiful boy.

Everything you are feeling is totally normal for the grief process. What a special person you are to have such a bond with a beautiful pet like Bingo. People who do not understand are not connected in the same way. What a shame for them to miss out on all that joy that we experience with our beloved fur friends! We who love our pets so intensely and so fully are the lucky ones. Grief is just the other side of the coin of having fully loved, and that's what you did with Bingo. Good for you for having risked loving! Some don't, some close their hearts and stay detached. But you engaged fully and the depth of your pain reflects your profound love and joy for Bingo.

I understand how you feel about your mum putting Bingo's stuff away. When I lost my cat Ziggy, I could not put anything of hers away for a long time. I even wore her stretchy collar around my ankle. Some people feel like it's easier to put those reminders away; everyone copes differently. It is perfectly fine to do whatever feels right for you.

Many people need to be "educated" about the value of pets in our lives, and that sounds the case for some of the people you work with. Perhaps it is your opportunity to do so; to let them know that many people do take time off to grieve after the loss of a pet. The healing effects of animals on us is well documented; that's why there are pet therapy programs and pet visitation programs. The effect of touching a pet is profound and very healing. I worked as a coordinator of one of these programs and I can tell you for a fact that pets influence people in positive and profound ways.

I will also tell you that what you are doing by acknowledging your feelings is the healthy, and actually the only way to get through those feelings. If you bury them or shove them down, they won't go away, they'll just crop up some other time when you least expect it. It's okay to cry, it's okay to hurt or feel whatever you feel.

You are not alone. There are many of us that fully understand what you are going through.

Bless you for having had such a connection of love with Bingo.

take care

Jan.

Hello Lulu;
My name is Lisa, and trust me I feel the very same way you do! I am so lost with my boy I dont know what to do with myself! And to make matters worse, I lost my job for calling off due to having to have my beloved Jasper put down! So they called me on the phone to fire me! Cuz I was so upset over the events that took place over my Jasper I didnt think to LIE when I called off, instead I told my supervisor the truth!And its two weeks today that I had to have hime put down, and having no job and just sitting around all day looking at Jasper's picture and ashes, I simply cry all day and night!
I have people tell me he was only a dog, get over it, but they dont understand what he was to me. What he will always be to me! I am lost like you, and feeling sorrow and pain that others here on this wonderful board have told me is normal. So I keep coming back, and there are days its not easy for me to come back, that I just want to sit and cry and die however, I write to my Jasper; maybe you can try that! And soemtimes people resond to me, which makes me feel for the moment, someone cares! I know its hard, and I feel your pain, heck we all feel your pain or we wouldnt be here! Try to remember all the good times, and all the fun you two had together! That is what I have been trying to do!
I only had my Jasper a short time, he would of turned 4 yrs old the week after he was put down, but the love he gave me, and the joy was truly like I had him forever!
You sound to me like you were the best mommie in the world for him. Be proud of that! I wish there was a pill or someting I could take to make me feel better, to make us all feel better, however since there isnt I have found that coming here has helped me!
I am so sorry so very sorry for your loss, and I wish I had the miracle saying to make you feel better, heck to make me feel better! But I dont and I am sorry for that, however I can give you love and support, and lots of hugs and kisses so please consider yourself hugged and kissed by me! I will tell My Jasper to look for your Bingo, and play with him, and to give him lots of kisses as my Jasper was a kiss bug!
I will keep you in my prayers and heart.
I am again so very sorry for your loss, and we are always here for you and each other!
Hugs and Kisses; Lisa

My heart breaks for and with you. I, too, lost my baby girl in October of 2008. One thing I can assure you of.... coming here, we understand and no one is going to tell you to "get over it" or "that was just a dog." Some people don't get it. Here, there are people who do. I am deeply sorry for your loss and your journey ahead will not be an easy one. I know, I have been and are at where you are.

One thing someone here told me: I gave my baby the ultimate act of love to end her suffering and as a result, take on the greatest suffering of my life. And you know what, to carry that pain and end theirs, you have a heart of gold.... one that is so big, that I know your little baby feels it.

I sought the help of a grief counselor, I read books, I talked to people, I have my cherished baby here with me in an urn near my desk. And I adopted another ##er spaniel, knowing she would not want me to grieve her to the point I was not functioning. I know we will be together again, and I take hope and comfort in that, please know that we care here.

Thinking of you and sending a special wish to you for peace and comfort.

Hi LuLu, I'm so sorry for your loss. Nothing you have said is irrational, or wierd. Your heart is broken and everything you are feeling is normal. So many of us have received those unwanted gestures of get over it, it's just a dog/cat etc thing. All you can do is walk away, mostly to keep from strangeling these people. You have to look at it this way, they are lost souls who just don't get it. (and probably never will). It's very hard right now but time will ease the pain.
You had 14 long wonderful years together, you grew up together, that is extremely special. I know, 'cuz my first cat I had was when I was 8 and she was with me for 18 yrs. You don't know anyway of life without Bingo at this time. But the fact that you are 23 will work in your favor. You have so much of life and challenges ahead of you to preoccupy yourself with. It will help you. In the meantime feel blessed for the time you had together and hold onto all those precious memories.
I spent a lot of time organizing pictures and writing down little stories I remember. Until the tears turn into smiles...Lots of Hugs..Ann

Hi Lulu:

Hope things are getting better.......Mine are still raw......Still the hardest thing to go into the apt......Have any suggestions on making that any better


Felicia

Lulu u r so normal to take days off & to grieve, your pain is real and u r right to be so effected by the loss of your Bingo, I love that name. I went thru what u r going thru 17days ago, I'm a mum to 3 kids and all I cld say for days afterwards was "this sux".......I'm still coming to terms with the loss of my Buddy, it's all just so overwhelming that nothing seems right anymore, come here & share with us, we care, I care that u r hurting right now.......if u can read some of the other posts here & u will soon realise that everything u are feeling is oh so normal....ppl who say "oh it's only a dog" hve never been blessed to hve had a companion like your Bingo or my Buddy, these ppl r truly missing out on something special....there's lots of good stuff to read here...spend time reading....well it's more like you will only read the first sentence b4 u cant see thru the tears......this is sooo normal......
{{{HUGS}}} all the way from australia
elaine

What a wonderful picture of your dog...reminds me of Ceaser!!!
I am so sad to hear what has happened and I am soo sorry!
I know how you feel and this site is for people who share your feelings and views on pets..they are more than just a dog
they are family members!!!
They are not cyberfriends, nor acuaintances ( spelling???) nor social friend fillers...they are family members...they are real!
So grief as much as you want and write as much as you want...I heard the same but I ignore the comments....
you have my support!!!
well..take care and please take your time and feel free to write as much as possible..

Hey Lulu,

I am so sorry for the loss of your furbaby, Bingo. What an amazing little face on that dog. It just makes me melt away. I am so thankful you had so many wonderful years with him. I lost my Sammie girl after 3 1/2 years to a disease I didn't even know she had. Some days I just stop myself and think this isn't real, she'll be there when I get home. Now, I know she won't be but my mind can't help think that. And then I walk through the door and nothing. It's been 23 days since she died and a month since I've seen her. (I was on vacation and my best friend was watching her for me) She died at the vet hospital with my friend holding her. I hated people for awhile. "Oh it's just a dog", "just get another one", 'aren't you feeling better yet", "what's wrong with you" and all the other stupid comments made me so mad. But then I felt sorry for those people because they don't know the greatest kind of love in this world is from an animal. They haven't been blessed to know that connection therefore they are closed off to it and cannot understand. I really pity them all. But even my own family members didn't understand the loss I felt. Yes, Sammie lived with all of us but she was 100% my dog, my baby girl. She died and took a piece of her with me and it hurts like hell every day. I'm getting better, functioning, finding joy in things again but I still miss her and wish she was here. It will take a long time for the ache, pain, I feel in my chest to get better. I hope you are finding each day a little easier to cope. Write alot and write often. It does make a difference and without the amazing, loving folks on here I wouldn't be where I am right now. God bless you friend and take care of yourself.
Melanie