My sweetie, Patches left me just 2 days ago. She died from kidney failure. She & I had been together for 19 years and I can't believe that I won't see her sunning herself in my bedroom window or that she won't be yelling at me to follow her to the kitchen.
She had been throwing up since the beginning of the summer but I thought it was because she was old and that her stomach was sensitive - so I had been buying different kinds of foods for her, but she kept loosing weight. Thursday night she was so weak that she could hardly stand, I looked at her and knew that something was really wrong. I took her to the vet on Friday morning, they kept her overnight - the doctor called me the next afternoon and told me the bad news and that there was very little that they could do for her. My boyfriend went to the office with me to give me support and to say goodbye to her too (even though he professes to be a dog person). As soon as the doctor brought her in, I knew that I had to let her go. Her breathing was shallow and her eyes were glazed over - I don't think she even knew I was there. I told the doctor to go ahead and give her the shot. I rubbed her and told her that everybody says goodbye and that I will see her later and in less than 20 seconds she was gone.
I find that I can't remove her bowls or her litter box. Everything is just like it was before I took her to the vet on Friday morning. Is there something wrong with me? I can't clean some of the areas where she slept (like on top of my magazines & papers I have next to the bed). It seems like I'm fine sometimes and then it hits me and I'm crying. Before now crying did not come easy to me, now it's harder for me not to cry than it used to be for me to cry. My family & friends ask me how I'm doing and I tell them that it comes and go but that I alright - but I'm not. I'm sort of glad that I live alone so that nobody can see me like this. I'm really glad that I found this site/forum (as I sit here sobbing as I type)!

PatchesMom - when my guys died I combed the house for two hours, sobbing, just to find any and all stray whiskers that they might have left behind. Every time I found one I sat down and cried for several minutes, before my frantic search began all over again. So I understand.

I also still have their food bowls. My spouse put them away because I couldn't - but I couldn't let him throw them out. I use them now for my new little cat, Oscar, because I know that Edgar and Jesse would want that.

There's nothing wrong with you. You are mourning - and this is as natural as the sun rising and setting. You have lost a dear friend, a child, a confidant - all the things Patches may have been to you.

Jesse died the same way. From kidney failure, with me looking into his face while the shot was administered. It hurt more than I can describe - I'm sure you understand completely. It was like losing a child. My heart tore - it still hasn't healed completely over a year later.

I share your feelings of loss and pain - and hope that you understand how lucky you were to get 19 whole years with Patches. Tell us all about her - what she liked to do, how bossy she might have been, where she liked to be scratched.

And we'll all light a candle to light her way to the Rainbow Bridge - Edgar, Jesse and Tom will be there to teach her how to use her new wings to fly.

Your cat lived to be 19? That's amazing!
Your story sounds exactly like mine when I finally gave the
go ahead for them to put my cat Fish down. I had him 11 years and he started throwing up. He hated being medicated and forcefed so I gave in.
Since that sad day on August 1st, the bag of his special food and his medication the vet gave him has been sitting on my living room light stand. I just don't have the will to move it, and what would I do with it anyway? I just ignore it. I live alone too so the only one who sees it is me. I wish I could have been with him when they gave him the shot, but they were gonna charge me an office visit if I went in with him. Like adding insult to injury the vets charge you to kill your pet. To take some of the sting out of it I went to the cheapest vet in town. Only 22.92.
How can I talk about money when my boy is gone?
I was the only one he trusted. That cat loved me. When I yelled at him for climbing the living room drapes he'd jump down and run over to me for a cuddle. But he cowered at the sight of anyone else! That was my boy. I sure am gonna miss him, he was so cute.

Patches Mom,

I am so sorry for your loss. 19 years must've created an incredible bond -- and wonderful memories. I know how much it must hurt to think that she (he?) is gone. But -- as cliche as this sounds -- you will always have the memories.

My cat Electra also has bad kidneys. It is hard to feed her anything she'll 1) eat, and 2) keep down. Right now, she eats baby food. But she is 15 and FIV and I know she won't live forever. My other cat died of cancer June 19; I had to put my dog down May 28...

Continue to love Patches, and to cry, and to Memorialize her however you can. Our thoughts are with you.

Love,
Jennifer

Dear PatchesMom,

In two weeks it will have been 6 months since I had Jude put to sleep and I still have her bowl in the kitchen, and the clothes I wore for our last cuddle are still in my wardrobe with her hairs all over them and the therapeutic sheet is still on the floor in the living room.

I am only just starting to think about removing the Therapeutic sheet, the clothes and bowl will never be removed, I cant imagine a kitchen without a dog bowl in it, id rather remove my cooker.

So therefore I do not think there is something wrong with you at all.

Be patient with yourself the tears are part of the mourning process and show how much you loved Patch.

Take care
Love Sue

DJ, ComeBackScott, Saki & Freyja's Mom, SJ J & S -

Thank you so much for the supportive responses! Yesterday was a particularly bad day for me - today seems to be a little better (I'm not crying yet). Reading your responses helped me tremendously! Now I don't feel like such a basket-case! I think that just the act of typing out what I was feeling yesterday has made today a better day.
I'm working with the guilt that I feel for ever yelling at her - though sometimes she drove me nuts! If I ever forgot to tie up the garbage and left the house, I would come back and there would be garbage everywhere! Or some times she would scare me by jumping on the walls all of a sudden - she would be chasing my shadow!

SJ J & S, I feel the way you do. I can't imagine the kitchen without bowls in it. It'll be way too empty in there. If I lay down during the day, I use the blanket that we shared to cover up with.

Saki & Frejya's Mom - you've been through alot lately. I can't imagine what it would be like for me to loose what you have lost. Just loosing one pet has me off on the deep end. Give Electra a scratch behind the ears for me.

ComeBackScott, sounds like Fish was a handful though he was shy around others. It's hard, but try not to beat yourself up about the decision you made concerning Fish's last visit. You did what you thought was right - and I'm sure that Fish understood.

DJ - Thank you. The things that you said to me in your response moved me greatly -and I really appreciate Edgar, Jesse and Tom helping her out.

Dear Saki and Freyja's mom,
Gee, your year went about as well as mine. I lost Fish on August 1st, Huki January 12, Scott September 22, Sabrina July 2002, Jack August 2002. SIGH!

They're all on the bridge right now, probably laughing at how they all ganged up together and walked out of our lives within months of each other!
[Just trying to get a smile.]

Well, it did make me smile!

If Freyja hadn't gone first, I'd figure my grandma took her just to mess with me. My grandma loved Frey, everyone did. And Freyja was extremely well mannered. But my Grandma still thought I coddled her too much.

And Freyja probably wanted someone to hump... Freyja was a (spayed) female dog who lived life among (spayed) female cats ... and she LOVED Saki. And she'd hump her. !!!!!! She'd never dare such a thing with Electra (Electra is your stereotypical prim and proper cat). But she loved to show her affection for Saki. Saki would just sit there, annoyed yet resigned "Yeah, you love me, I get it..."

They were good friends; to each other as well as me. I know they are keeping each other company, but I sure do miss them...