I had to have my best friend put dwon on sunday night, Jasper was a rottweiler, and so not like what everyone thinks when they hear that breed, I had him for only a short time 3 years would be 4 tomorrow as it is his birthday, and I guess that makes it even harder. The only places I would go with out him was to work and the doctors. We were always together! And now I am always alone. I am not dealing with any of this well I cry constantly, I hurt all over, cant sleep cant eat. And my family dont understand. They told me I babied him too much, well I guess I did, but he was mine all mine and I could do that.Even as I sit here and try to explain to anyone or noone how I feel and try to tell anyone how great he was, I just cant, its way to painful for me. You can not imagine how it felt to come home on sunday and find that my boy was NOT at the door to greet me, to give me a kiss and then rub nnoses like I taught him to-granted not many strangers wanted to kiss and rub noses with a rottie. I was horrified to see he couldnt move his back end; as I was only gone 8 hours; I carried him to my truck and laid him in the back seat-no easy task for a female with a male rottie going 145lbs. But I did, and to have the er vet tell me after the longest 2 hours of my life, that he blew out both knees in his rear legs, and that even with surgery they cant promise he would fully use them ever again, and then asked me if I lived in a ranch style home, nope an older two story home with steps in and out. They said he would never make using the steps with both legs having to get done, since he blew them both out, knowing he couldnt get around as he was I had to make a decision, and now I am sorry I didnt just carry him back home and I could of carried him to potty everyday. After all he did for me, I was in a bad place when I bought him with the hopes of having something to keep my mind busy, WOW did he, he turned alot of things around for me. He loved the snow and the summer to be in his pool, as I would garden or cut grass or just lay on the sidewalk as I sat on the swing! He gave me so much and yet I feel like I let him down. I was with him while he was put down, I laid on the floor right next to him, like we would when we were at home, and I held him and I cried and cried. And if that was not bad enough to try to deal with all that sunday night, I called off work the next day cuz i knew there was no way I could deal with plus I was to pick up his ashes, well while I was gone for his ashes my job called me, stupid me in my emotional mess I didnt lie when I called off work, and yes I stupidly told the truth, and yep they fired me! I was not a person to call of work, as I had a rottie who loved to eat and loved his treats; so I guess oh heck I dont know what I am trying to explain I am just so lost that i am pretty sure non of this makes any sense at all. I am sorry for taking anyone's time up!
However thank you for the space to try and explain how I feel and what I am going through!

Jasper's mom

Unfortunately, it all does make sense...that the sad part in addition to the sadness and pain you are going through.

It helps to come here anytime and vent...you need to do that. Getting fired on top of everything else...you have really been put through the wringer.

No, you didn't baby your boy too much. You two have a special bond and love that is yours alone.
One has to have experienced that bond and that loss to understand how you feel. And believe me, everything you are feeling is normal.

And you are not alone in your pain. You will be getting many replies here because we all understand your hurt and your pain.

Keep writing here in your topic about how you are feeling, how you are doing, any questions you might have about anything that has happened.

Writing is a wonderful way of venting. This is the worst time of all because the loss and the pain of it all is so overwhelmingly devastating. We cry, we vent. What you have to do is whatever makes you feel better at the time to do.

Believe me, there is nothing but understanding here of everything you said. You are in the right place and will be helped by the different things each of us who reply think to say. You can reply back right here and we come back and check to see how you are doing. You are never alone when you come here.

You will get peace and healing but right now it is pain and hurt and crying and venting that will exhaust you and let you sleep.

We know all too well that empty feeling of walking in the door to silence. The hurt is so bad it is difficult to describe.

Write some more here until you are exhausted writing. Concentrating on that may help to fill some of the time.

Hugs to you. We feel your pain and it is truly tremendous. Because the love between you and Jasper is so wonderful and strong......it creates a connection that no power can break. In time, we replace the sadness with the good memories and that helps the healing. He is always with you even now, because he is a part of your heart and his soul is connected to yours and so he is still with you, his love and essence surrounds you and as an Angel, he is watching over you and if you want to write to him here....he is listening to every word you say.

Take care. I will be back.
Judy

Happy Birthday in Heaven Jasper! I love you more then you will ever know! And miss you even more!

I am sure today is going to be hard for me and already I dont know what to do with myself.

Judy--THANK YOU! Your words last night I needed; I needed someone to understand, even if I sounded stupid. I really cant handle this pain. But I want to thank you for your kind and caring words to me. You did help.

Hi, Jasper's Mom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Jasper. Oh, I do know how special Rottie's can be from friends of mine who had one. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the cir%%stances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. The grief healing journey that follows a loss is very painful for awhile both physically and emotionally, so it is important that you do what is comforting for you to help you through the deep sorrow moments. It sounds to me like your employer needs some education about the benefits of companion animals and the now recognized professional clinical understanding that the loss of a beloved companion is as painful as the loss of a human family member or friend - - if not more so. The grief stages are identical. The most important thing for you to understand is that you did the very best for Jasper in his hour of need. With both legs affected there were other medical complications that would have set in, and you know Jasper would not have wanted his life to be so severely diminished. I do know how painful making this final decision is but it is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to us - - to let them go home to the angels with their dignity still intact. Hopefully in time you will come to understand that Jasper's sweet living Spirit is still with in all that you do and everywhere you go. Jasper's mom, please know you are among friends here who do understand how you're feeling, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my toughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Just checking in on you....and sending Birthday Wishes to Jasper too!

I am sure today is going to be hard for me and already I dont know what to do with myself.

If you are by your computer you can always just come here and tell us about your day..writing can help pass the time until we think of something else to do that may make us feel better.

Whether it is a note to Jasper and/or just a post updating how you are doing...this is the place where that has a lot of meaning...we understand and we are with you. The best we can do here is send you a cyber-HUG...consider it sent.

Take care and show us a picture of your boy if you feel up to it. Your time with him was unfairly too short...kind of makes one feel they have been "robbed" twice.

I learn to accept these awful situations by telling myself that fate or whatever has a time set when our best friend has to leave us and when that time comes, short or long, we can't prevent it. We won't be able to cure them from an illness, we won't be able to prevent an accident if that is what happens...it is something that will be totally out of our control so all we can do is be grateful for the time we were allowed to be together (and boy, I am typing this through tears myself).

Hugs,...and I'll be back.
Judy

I laid around all day and cried, holding his picture and his ashes with the hopes that sleep would over come me, for even a hour. It seems no matter how much I cry I cant sleep! I am tired of my family telling me to put it behind me there is nothing I can do but move on. I forgot to cancel the mini birthday cake I ordered, as he so loved people cake, and I told them I would be over for it! Instead I paid for it, and told them to give it to someone with kids! That took me all over 30 minutes--saw no use in having it here, for fear I would throw it against the wall!

I still have to bring myself this week to call his regular vet and let them know what happened. So not looking forward to that! Can someone please tell me if it is NORMAL to wish you were dead also?? Should I be worried for feeling like this? I have nothing in my life to take my mind off him, to even try to move to move on! I really just want to hold his little face once more, and get a kiss from him, and kiss him back! I want to hear him snore,as he lays on his back hogging the couch! I miss my boy so much I cant stand the pain and emptiness. I really would love for this to all be a really bad dream, and that I am gonna wake up at any time!

Jasper; Mommy loves you and misses you very much. Be well my beloved friend, and be happy. And I cant wait to be with you again! I found your bone in the couch that you hide under the cushions. Thank You! Hugs and Kisses My Little Man on your birthday!

p.s. as soon as I can get myself together enough I will put a picture of him--I promise!

As far as thoughts, when we are grieving our mind can get full of many thoughts. The pain of missing them is so great, it seems hard to stand it. When you are by yourself and especially don't have the circle of people you need as an outlet..it makes it worse. That's why this circle is here.
Here is where there is understanding.

I'm sorry about the birthday cake. How could you know? It's like being in shock, wondering whether you are coming or going. I read what your family said. But we know you can't put it behind you and move on until you feel you are ready to do that. No one can tell you it is time.
There are no time limits on grief. It has to run its course.

As far as calling your regular vet...sometimes it is hard to talk when one is in such pain. You might think of sending him a note in the mail with a brief explanation and maybe saying when you are feeling better you will call him and talk to him about what happened. Maybe in time he can explain to you what he thinks happened and let you know just how right your decision was. Remember, just because we make the right decision doesn't mean we have to feel okay about it.

It was all a shock especially cause it was so fast. There is no easy way to lessen the pain of such a loss. We all still have that pain inside...only time and sometimes distractions makes it bearable. Eventually the good memories overcome the sad ones. It is hard to get passed just wanting them back (we will always want them back) but in time we accept what we have is being glad they were a part of our lives and always wish it were longer.

It is also very hard when one feels truly alone in the home. You have to cry and vent until you are exhausted from doing so...that's how it starts with me. Then one day I realize that none of that made me feel better. Having my boy is what would make me feel better. But that is impossible so I wound up doing the next best thing for me....I went to the no kill SPCA shelter here and went to adoption shows until I made a connection with one who reminds me of my boy. It is always in the eyes for me. I looked into a pair of eyes and wanted to keep looking into them every day and so I brought one home. He is not my boy. We can never replace and what we do is never try to replace them. We start slowly making new memories with one who has love to give, and needs a home, and our heart and home needed that unconditional love and a personality that needs attention...that was my distraction that helped me. I could not stand the silence of the empty house.

Years ago, when I was by myself, I had to put down my boxer/shepherd, age 3, due to epileptic fits. Fortunately, a short time before that, I saw an ad in the paper for shepherd puppies right around the corner from me and went to look at them. Well, I brought one home. My other girl enjoyed the puppy and vice versa. When her fits started coming closer together and I knew I was going to have to make the decision.....I went alone with her....and I came driving home alone...crying the whole time...and there was this little puppy all eager for attention who needed to be fed and taken care of..and we wound up taking care of each other. She was my salvation.
She licked away my tears and I could hug her and cry and it helped me.

We all find our own way eventually of dealing with this situation. We have to do what feels right to us to do....what we think will make us feel better about a situation we cannot undo. The baby we lost always wanted us to be happy....that's what their unconditional love is all about.

I still have the dog collars and dishes from years ago and would never part with them. They belonged to some very special best friends and they will always have a meaning to me.

I know as one leaves me, I need to find another and sometimes I wonder if that is the Plan of life for if the first one never left, I would never have known the others. All I know is every one I have I know will get the best care I can give, will never be abused or starve, or suffer from an illness if there is help available.

Two sayings I have read in posts here have a special meaning for me and I know they touch others too...maybe they will help you.

1. The pain of losing him will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing him.

2. I have sent you on a journey to a land free from pain, not because I did not love you but because I loved you too much to force you to stay.

We know when we make the decision, it is the right decision for them. We just are never prepared for the pain the loss brings.

Try to focus on the good memories and remember you have saved your boy from a lot of suffering. You gave him peace when he needed it. I now can look at a picture of my boy and look in his eyes and tell him I am sorry I couldn't help him anymore but I know I gave him peace from suffering. I didn't want to let him go but I kept telling the vet I didn't want him to suffer and there was no cure....I could not prolong what he had to go through to give me a little more time with him...peace was the only gift I could give to return the love I had from him.

I did call my vet later on and talked about what happened. She told me she was not allowed to say so at the time but she was very glad I decided to let him go. She would have done that had he been hers. She was the one who saw his condition in the emergency. It was so sudden that he couldn't breathe yet he dragged himself to us so we could see him and help him. But like your boy...it was too late to give them any quality of life back.

Well, I'm crying and I've probably made you cry more but hopefully, reading this long post has helped you in some way.

Again, keep coming back and writing. The tremendous loss and grief you feel is NORMAL.
There is no instant cure. It is something we have to work on ourselves...one day at a time; sometimes one hour at a time.

I am so very sorry. I have been there in that pain and I know it just hurts so badly you think it will never stop but I guess exhaustion helps lessen it in time. Don't let anyone make you feel you have to rush to move on. That just doesn't happen with a loss such as this. You are entitled to grieve. If others don't understand....don't talk to them about it because you will just feel more frustrated. Come here if you want to talk.

I know it is devastating and I wish I really had the magic words to make you feel better.
Just know you are not alone. And most importantly, your grief is completely understood here.
It is a pain we all know and share and try our best to deal with each day.

Hugs and peace,
Judy

I am so sorry for your loss. I cried along with you. I know exactly what your going thru. A lot of us have been there. Time will help. Right now, it's so new, that the shock, guilt and empitness, is over powering. I'm sorry you lost your job. I can't imagine how missing one day for this reason could get you fired. Jasper was your child. To me pet/child not much difference. We take care of them, love them, protect them, feed them. This is what many don't understand. I've been in the same place as you. Crying uncontrolably, longing for that last touch. I still do. I still cry, some days not as bad as others. It takes time, a lot of time. We have to move on and change our whole routine. That's been the hardest for me. The first few months I spent a lot of time organizing my Arthur's photos, doing anything I could think of to preserve his memory. Like you, I cried, didn't sleep, didn't eat, and nothing seemed worth really living for. I pretty much died that day. Many years ago I suffered the loss of a pet that, when I think back now, was far worst than this one,(don't get me wrong this one was pretty bad), but I lived thru it and moved on and I know I will recover from this. We never fully let go, we don't have to. They will be with us forever. You and Jasper were lucky to have had eachother in this life, even for the short time it was. LS has helped me so much. Just knowing there is a place to come to and be understood is priceless right now. I hope it will bring you comfort too. You are not alone.. Hugs.. Ann

My Dearest Jasper;
Today is one week, and I thought yesterday was hard being your birthday! Wow! Was I wrong! Of course your human brother and sister arent much help lately, blaming me, saying I should of done more, etc. Where were they when I had to take you alone!! There are not enough words to tell you how I feel; or how much I miss you, and long to have you give me your all chewed and wet rawhide! Or to have you laying next to me in bed snoring up a storm. I miss going for walks with you, Oh I have tried to walk that way again without you, but sat on the ground and cried,and needed my best friend! I dont know if I can do it, as you were always with me, but today I may just try to go up my mom's--your grandma's to gather up your toys and such from there! I must admit I am very scared she threw the stuff away and I just dont know how I will handle that.

Oh my sweet pea--I hope you know how much joy and peace you brought to my llife-how you from the day I brought you home helped me get out of that dark place I was so deeply into! Thank You for your friendship, your love, your understanding, your compasion,and most of all for being in mylife!

How I long to hold your face again! Every where I look I see you or remember you! I remember when you were a baby and would not sleep thur night, every morning at 2 a.m. for a month you would sit and cry, and I would come down stairs and lay in your kennel with you till you went back to sleep; till I gave up and would just scoop you up and bring you upstairs with me so I could sleep also so I could go to work. Yes I spoiled you, and I so dont regret it for one second. I would do it again if I had just one more chance with you.

My handsome boy I hope you are at peace and no longer in pain, and that grandpa sonny and grandpa george are not spoiling you to much. I really hope and pray that it is not as hard on you being away from me, as it is for me, please know I love you and cant wait to see you again. You have truly let paw prints on my heart and soul. I guess I never really thought I would grow so fand of a cold wet nose-my little man! I miss asking you to smile, and you sitting down and smiling at me!

Jasper I really hope this starts to get easier to deal with; cuz I fear I am headed right back to that place I was at before I got you!

Be well my love, I will talk more later, Mommy xoxo

Rottimum

I so know your pain. You replied on my post so you know I too lost my Roman suddenly. It has been 2 and half weeks since he passed. I have my good days and of course the bad days. I miss him so much and I like you see him everywhere. You will get lots of support in this place. I honestly do not know what I would do without the wonderful people here. You will find some comfort from them. I know I have. We are all in this together. If you need anything just send me a message. You and Jasper will be in my thoughts and prayers.

My Dearest Jasper;

I truly felt your presence with today as I walked into grandma's house. Thank You! She had all your toys laid on your bed with your blankie; and I just laid on it with your photo and ashes and cried, and actually I slept for the first time in a week for about 2 hours.

Couldnt bring myself to do much of anything else, but lay on your bed, oh how it smells like you! Grandma wants to keep your stuff there for awhile, so I let her. Even though it was hard to not take it with me. I took us for a ride by your birth parents house with the hopes that they would be outside, but nope they werent. I so wanted to stop and knock on their door to see if they were having babies again, but I decided not to, as I dont think I will ever find a another friend like I had in you! Maybe I just cant bring myself to fall in love with another for the fear of losing again! My heart cant go through this again! I had you and you were wonderful, every place I took you I had people tell me you are so not like other rottis. There was not a mean bone in you-you had nothing but love to give and wanted nothing but love in return. I have as of now decided to go on the rest of my journey with out another best buddy.

It still hurts to breathe, and the crying is still constant, and as I look at the hour it is nearing the time I was rushing you to the er vets; how we didnt get a speeding ticket that day is beyond me! I miss having you with me, while I run to get gas, or money out of the atm; even for milk, cuz I reach for those slimjims at the store only to remember you are not with me and I cry! Your handsome nose prints on every window in my suv; your "car" blankie still is in my truck. With that treasure you found on our last walk, I cant part with that stick-as you have a chew marks in it!

Be good in heaven Jasper, and dont forget your manners-shake hands, give kiss and rub noses. I cant wait to be with you again, and listen to you snore! Oh how I wish I taped that!

I Love You with all of my being my wonderful best friend; Mommy hugs and kisses

P.S. To all the wonderful people who have left me kind words, I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart! Your words have helped me and I will be around for a long time with you all! God Bless You All!!!!!!!

Here is a picture of my Jasper Born 2/28/05 Died 2/22/09 We are at Grammy's house, and I said to him sit and smile, and he dropped right were he was. He so loved the camera--a big ham!

What a super happy face! Your memories will last you a lifetime. I can why he is so loved..Big Hug..Ann

My sister-in-law had a Rottie. The three little girls grew up with him. He was a gentle, loving teddy bear who let them ride him like a horse when they were little. But there was NO possibility of him ever letting harm come to them. If a stranger entered the yard and so much as looked at the girls, he forgot he was a teddy bear, and gave them a LOOK that made them suddenly remember urgent business elsewhere. He never had to do more them that. He was a loving uncle who spoiled the girls and would not hurt a fly, but still remembered that he had a job to do.



We all understand, here.

When Matilda was dying, my wife called me at work, and asked me to make a "wooden box" at lunch in the company's shop..

One person thought it was funny. Things were never the same between us, ever again. The loss of an animal friend teaches us more about people than we ever wanted to know, but I think it reveals deeper things about them, and helps us to decide WHO we want in our lives.
As to the place, though jobs are scarce at present, you are well rid of them.

If it were me, I would discuss the act of terminating a person in a major depressive episode with an attorney.
That kind of company deserves no mercy- No more than they showed you. Clean them out.

I had a neighbor some years ago who worked with Rottie rescue. He had a big male who had been removed from a "home" where he had been chained in the backyard...largely over a bed of fire-ants. he had no fur, and not much flesh on the lower half of his body. And yet he was loving and gentle, and though a little bit shy, just one of the most adorable kids I've ever known. I could very easily murder the unmentionable "thing" who had done that to him.

I so sorry for your loss...your Jasper was a magnificent boy.



Love and prayers,
Dayna

I can't Thank You all enough for your wonderful words, and your kindness. I personally cant see how anyone can hurt on purpose any animal. I wish punishment for them was more strict, as in an eye for eye--what they do let be done to them!

Am sitting here watching it snow, as I live in the NorthEast-Penna-to be exact, and my boy would be going in out all day long; pretending he had to potty to go and run around in the snow. And then when I got home from work he would act like he hasnt been outside in it at all and give me the saddest look saying I know it snowed outside, can we play! And big sucker that I was would put everything else on hold, and go play with my little man!

I have not felt this horrilbe since I lost my dad back on 2/13/00; seems all the crappy things happen to me in feb--starting to really hate that month! I have now lost 3 very important people in my life in that month! Yeah I have always considered my doggie a person; call me crazy. I just really wish the intense pain would ease up a bit, so it didnt hurt to breathe. I wish my boy would come over right now and slap me with that huge paw to play or go outside, as he always did when I would be online! My cat wont even come near me, I know she keeps looking for him, cuz at night she lets out these horrible cries, I know she misses him as he was her "mommy" see we walking in the woods, and found a box and it was making cries, so my boy went right up to and used his paw to open it, here was this little kitten throw away to die, and Jasper grabbed her in his mouth and brought her to me and dropped it on the ground-as to say can I keep it! I scooped her up, and went home to clean her up, and I ran to get her food, and made calls to my vet about her, who told me to bring her right down. Jasper would wash her and she would crawl all over him, often sleeping on his side or on top of his head. He never hurt her, only showed her love. I remember thinking to myself, if he was a female he would of been a great mommy! That little thing back then would make the big rotti back away from his food dish so she could see what he was eatting. Often getting into the bowl as he was eatting, licking his face. What I would give to see those two together again!

I truly miss my boy;and often find myself walking around the house talking to him. I am tired of my sister telling me its a part of life, yeah I know that, sure dont make it any easier. Its a shame my family cant or dont want to understand how I am feeling or why I am so depressed. And maybe if they did I would not feel so alone. I dont know, I just miss him and want him back! I need a big wet kiss, and have him sit on my lap--cuz he so didnt know he was a big dog, he thought he was a lap dog! I miss the numb feeling he would give my legs!

Well I thank you all for reading and kind words. I may sound like a fool to some who read, and I dont really care; Noone really understands the point I was at before I bought my dog, and how he pulled me out of a place, that I really pray noone ever gets to; or has anyone they are close to go to that place, its not a good place to be. And I am truly struggling with not going back into to that place;but it is getting harder and harder to not!
GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

I adored your kitten story about that baby and Jasper.

Your loss is so very recent (2/22) that it is really normal for everything to be a "struggle" right now. This kind of loss is too painful to really even describe. But we all feel it so we know how it feels.

We all take everything one day at a time...baby steps. These best friends become so much a part of our lives...they fit in so well....we are lost without them. Again, normal feelings. Your boy became a part of your life at a time he was really needed and I know we are always grateful our babies found us, or we found them, and they became a part of our lives and our hearts in such a way that forms the strongest bond of love and a connection that no power can break.

The pain is missing them so very much and wanting them back so badly..with them healthy.
We do have reminders everywhere but in time the reminders can tell us to remember they were a large part of a healthy happy life with us and we are glad of that.

I can't imagine not giving a home to my Little Guy because I know there will come a time he has to leave and I can only pray it is a very long way in the future. I know that pain from before, from losing others and yet they are worth it. Every one was so full of love and personality that was theirs alone and each one I wanted to stay forever...but we are not in charge of that. And so, I know I cannot have an empty home and eventually I find a new one (never replacing the one I lost) with whom I can start a different set of happy and healthy memories. I know each one I have will always have the best I can give them and will never be abused as so many homeless are. It is these positive thoughts that help me when I am overwhelmed by sadness from my recent loss.

We will always miss them because we will always love them and that's why we must expect the pain to appear until enough time has passed that we are able to have bearable pain instead of overwhelming pain.

But when it is a recent loss.....it is definitely devastating and overwhelming....and all we can do is cry, vent, and try to do whatever helps us through it...because our sweethearts never ever wanted to see us sad and as Angels...they are still watching us and listening to us...and sometimes when we look into their eyes in a picture they posed for....we may feel that connection again from the love we see there.

I wish you peace and healing. Write again and again and let your thoughts and feelings out.
We have been exactly where you are now and it is a place none of us will ever forget..it is impossible to forget completely. You are not alone in how you feel as we all share the same feelings and pain and we never forget our special ones.....never.

Judy

My Sweet Boy;

The pain and sorrow is still so hard to bare, it seems I cant find anything to do that dont make me think more and more of you! But today I will push myself to hit the pavement and try to find another job, as I do have bills and need to try to somehow move on in baby steps. And its hard to even think of doing anything. I have been slowly gathering up all the pictures I ever took of you, and going to finally put together that photo album I have been wanting to do for years, but never got around too. At least then all your wonderful pictures will be together for me! I also found the box I had all your old collars in, from the day I brought you home, and I looked at all those different sizes till your last one-your necklace as I called it. My how you grew into a big strong boy! I so miss you! I so love you!

I so hope and pray you have pain no more; and you can run freely and are having yourself a good time, and being the good doggie you were taught to be. I hope you are having endless slim jims, and tons of your chicken strips.

I have also looked online for a new urn for your ashes, and I have found the one I want; as I love the one you are in, I dont think its a proper one for my buddy-who deserves the best I can get. And I think the one I found even you would approve of. To just make the decision if I want the one of you laying down or standing up! Decisions I truly thought I had a long time in making.

My buddy, my dearest, sweetest friend I hope you can still feel the love in my heart and know you are constanlty in my thoughts and prayers and tht you dohear me talking to you all day long!

I love and miss you terribly;
Mommy xoxoxoxo

Dear Jasper's Mom,

You have been dealt a double whammie with the loss of Jasper and then the un-caring employer pouring salt in the wound. I can sort of relate to that situation myself.

My Grandmother lived with us the last 12 years of her life. She lived to be 100...... She wanted to be taken back to Montana & be buried next to her Mother so when her time was up, I made arrangements to do that for her. I needed more than the 3 days to do that but had plenty of vacation days to cover a couple of extra days. Now mind you I came in every single day of her final days in the hospital, used my lunch hour to visit & before work and after work to spend with her. Even came in to do what REALLY needed doing the morning after she passed before going to the funeral home to make final arrangements.... worked all day the next day and till time to leave for the airport. My return flight took me all night with long layovers & the co-worker who picked me up told me she was told to bring me straight to work even though I told them I would return the next day as I had to be up all night. I didn't let her take me there & when I returned to work I was promptly called in and "repremanded" for being gone so long. I lost complete respect for my boss as he was so cold. It was only my Grandmother. I immediately began looking for another job. There is a TV anchor on CBS that I CANNOT watch to this day (26 years later) because he looks exactly like that man!

I think we are so attached to these special ones in our lives because they are NOTHING like that man or your previous employer.

They love us unconditionally, are grateful for anything at all that we do for them, are ALWAYS happy to see us and ask very little of us.

One of the sweetest dogs I met was a big old baby of a Rottie named Bear. His master died in December and his wife took him to the hospital during his final days for a visit. They have 3 dogs (2 Rotties & a German Shepherd) and he asked for Bear to visit when given his choice. He jumped in the car a couple of times when Ray left for work & would not get out.... those days he was going to work too!. Ray took turns with the dogs going along sometimes so Bear decided he was going.

Some of the big dogs have been labeled mean or vicious which is so unfair. Pits have a bad reputation also & I have known the sweetest pits. I don't have the space for a big dog to get the exersize they need but have had big dogs in the past.

I wish you good thoughts and memories of Jasper and good luck in your job search. Better days are ahead even though there will be some rough ones too.

Ginger

Well Little man; I am home I went job hunting, only to be told sorry we arent hiring now, but will let you put in an application in!

I took a ride also past your birth parents house, and they were outside!!! I actually gathered up the courage to knock on the door, and was welcomed with open arms! Told them about you, and what happened, and they cried along with me, however your mommy is is ill and will be joining you soon; so no more babies for her! Actually they told me you and borthers and sisters were her last litter! Welcome her when she comes home! And give her a big kiss for me as my way of saying thank you for such a wonderful son!

I came home defeated and usually when I feel this way you would drag your blankie to me, and lay down on the couch with me, since I dont have you I dont know what to do to make me feel ok. I have all your dog food and canned food here that I have been trying to decide what to do with it; I think I am gonna donate it to the local ASPCA in your name! I think you would like that, just dont know how easy it will be for me to walk in there!

I need to see your smile right now, so I can feel ok! I miss those kisses, and my god I miss cleaning your ears, and then having to lay down so you can "check" my ears! The silly games we used to play! I did find a special container for your toothbrush! And I was most happy with myself over that.

Jasper our time together was way to short! But I have been THANKING GOD for putting you in my life! The joy and happiness you gave me. I just dont think I will ever be able to make peanut butter cookies again, who is gonna taste the done ones to make sure they are OK!

YOU are my shinning star! The very best thing that ever happened to me, I am grateful to you for your love, compassion when I needed it, your wonderful listening skills; even though you wanted to play tug of war, and most of all for YOU being the most WONDERFUL YOU that YOU can be!!

I miss you, I love you; Always and Forever, Mommy xoxoxoxoxo

My dear sweet boy;

I took your food down the the ASPCA; they were very happy for it! I guess they saw the sorrow in my eyes and asked me if I needed to talk, so I told them a bit about you and since I took that huge box of new raw hides down to them , they asked me if I wanted to give them out with one of the workers there, and I said I would like to try! Well I gave all those sweet faces one, crying all the way thur, a few gave me kisses which made me cry even more over missing you! I dont see how their mommies or/and daddies could do that to them, or how they couldnt/didnt want the love, friendship,and compassion of their dog! It did me in, I cried all the way home and then laid on the couch and cried even more!

And yet I remember when the day I yelled at you and I am sorry, but it really was MY bath water, that was why I was laying the tub of water. But then I am sorry for yelling at you, cuz I didnt close the door all the way, and you always did lay in the bathroom while I showered. As I sit here now and think of that day, I was so sore, from digging up the garden, and pulling weeds, and then rough housing with you, all I could think about was laying in hot water! And You my sweet boy wanted to be with me, and thought it was YOUR bath water! I try everyday to think of all the good times we had together, and all the times you made me laugh, or smile, and it brings me to tears! Now who will go up grammies with me to watch dancing with the stars with her, and get up and try to dance with grammy when she says "you and I are going on that show"!!

I wish I video taped everyminute I had with you! So I could watch them over and over again! Having only memories right now seems so unfair! It is really hard going on with out YOU! It really hurts so badly I cant even put the pain into words.

I miss you and love you very much! You are forever MY SWEETPEA!!!!!!!! Luv, Mommy xoxoxoxo

Hello My sweet man;

This is really hard being home all day with out you here with me! The job market sucks around here! I so could use some of your puppy love; as it always made me feel better!
I cant believe its 11 days with out you in my life, and I still feel like I am sinking faster and faster. It just dont seem to be getting any easier! And worse yet, tomorrow is Grammy Stella's birthday, and this is the first one you wont be going to at the nursing home to see her, and grammy said not to tell her as she isnt doing to good! So I will have to lie and not cry in the process. All the girls will be asking where you are; cuz you are such a constant fixture with me, they wont know what to think! This is so very hard!
Sweetie if I dont find a job soon, I dont think I will ever come to terms with losing you, as I have all day to sit and think about you-and I DO!

I love you and Miss you; Mommie xoxoxoxoxoxo

11 days.....it honestly can't get easier within that short of a time. But eventually, with more time, it does become bearable. When it is so recent...it is harder to believe they are not just in the next room..but in time that thought does not really occur anymore.

Yes, I see what you are talking about when visiting the nursing home. As to the part of the girls asking about your boy, I don't know if it would help you but I know when I start talking is when I break down. I think for the staff, I would just print a little note that briefly explains that Jasper is now an Angel and I am trying not to talk about it because I will start crying. That way, they will understand and maybe just a hug would feel good.

As far as telling your granny....do what you feel like doing at the time...and if it is to ask Jasper to help you be strong in not telling her..do that. It does sound like a hard situation. But I guess if you think of it as not upsetting her if she is not well...that thought may give you strength to think of a reason Jasper is not there (although you might want to think of different ones before you go and which one you are most comfortable with). I would probably take a small tranquilizer if I had to not be upset at a time when I feel I am upset all the time...that would calm me down. But then you may feel it is okay to tell her and cry together...you don't have to describe it to her...just that something came up and it was his time so you had to let him go in peace.

Or, none of the above. I don't know if any of this helps but I know what it is like to fight oneself inside about trying to be calm while inside feeling torn apart.

I wish you peace and healing and a Hug to you and Jasper. Hope everything turns out okay.
Judy

Good Morning My Sweet Boy;

I am finally starting to sleep a bit- at least getting in a few hours. Last night I laid on the couch and my sweets I swear you were here!! I was woke up by being kissed, maybe only a dream, however it felt so real, I got up and looked for you! But no you!

Am thinking about moving in with grammy; I know she could use the help, and well with no job, and not hearing yet if I can collect, I dont know how long I can go on like this! I wish you were here so we could for a walk in the woods again. It is really so hard without you, I have no reason to make myself do anything.

Our friend, Shelly, got a puppy and sent me pictures of her, she is a sweetie, but find it too painful to read her emails and look at the pictures. I wished her luck with her puppy and told her I would write more later. So be my good boy and watch over her new puppy--ok my love!

Your "baby"-Sassy; finally started to come to me again. But she keeps looking for you and your bowl! She isnt herself, I know she misses you too. Am worried about her, as I am having a hard time get her to eat, I may actually have to go out and buy dog food again, as she is so used to sharing your bowl of breakfast in the morning, she wont eat her wet stuff. I would put it in your bowl, but then I sit and cry even more! I dont know what to do!

What I would give to have your little face by again. Nothing seems right with out you! I miss you so very much that it hurts! To have just one person in my lie understand that would be great.

I love you and miss you more and more everyday! Love, hugs and kisses, Mommie xoxoxoxoxoxo

Morning MY Sweet Man;

WOW was last night hard! Everyone asked where you were, even though I handed them a note ; Grammy Vivian tried to get to them all before me, but you know there is always that one person who has to ask you 50 zillion questions. I had to go sit in my truck and cry so Grammy Stella wouldnt see it!

First words out of Grammy Stella's mouth when she saw me "where is your mutt"! I lied and told you were sick, and I had to take you to vet and you got a shot; and were laying around sleeping! She was sad not to see you! It was so strange to have birthday cake and not have you there to have a piece! Your favorite icing-whipped cream!

When I got home I just sat here and cried and cried till I cried myself to sleep! Sweetie I miss you! And I am not sure if doing this is helping me or hurting me! I know I have noone to talk to, but I am having all I can do to not write to you 100 x's a day, last night when I got home I even forgot you werent with me, and I opened the back on the truck waiting for you to jump out-and NOTHING! I couldnt even make it in the house without crying!

I love you and miss you more and more every day! You took my heart with you that sunday!
All My Love Hugs and Kisses, till we meet again; Luv you, Mommie xoxoxoxo

My Dearest Jasper;

Mommie is in the process of making some really hard decisions, and I so could use your guidance right now! As my life seems to be falling apart at a rapid rate! I dont think I could hit any lower than where I am right now! I so need you by me so I could take you for a walk and we could talk, like we always used to! Bless your heart you would want to run, and I would start talking to you, and you would slow your pace down to keep up with me and listen! I really miss that right now! As I so need it! And I have noone I could talk to! No one would tell me I am right or wrong! Maybe I got to use to you always being there for me, and listening when I needed someone, and always acting like you cared! Sweetie, I so need your little face right now! I am an emotional mess. But I guess if you are watching over me you already know that!

There is a lady on the board here that may have found her parrot, honey watch over her parrot and help her find him. And pray that it is him and she will be with him again! How I wish you were lost and I could find you! But I know I wont find you till we meet in heaven at the rainbow bridge!
I so look forward to that and want that I wish it would be right now! Oh what I would give to be with you right now so I could lay with you and play with you, and do what ever you may be doing up there in heaven! I so hope you are with my dad and my grandpa, and they are spoiling you, like you could get any more spoiled then I made you!

Nothing is the same without you, I cook and its no good, cuz eI have no one to share my supper with, I have your plate and I long to put food on it, and just watch you, eat it and then come over to me like I forgot about you and supper! You sure did think you were pulling something over on me but I knew! And I didnt care! Please come and visit me in my dreams when I am lucky enough to sleep!

I love you my SweetPea, my honey pot, and take notice I didnt call you the word you didnt like! Even though you will ALways be all of those cute words I used to call you, and oh how I so miss the looks you used to give me when I did it!

I miss you Baby Man; all my Love, Hugs and Kisses, Mommie xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Write to your boy as much as you want to...that's what this is all about...feeling free to do what seems to help at the time.

Sounds like from your other post that Sassy is grieving too. Looks like some hugs are in order here. This time in the beginning is really the hardest to work through. When we come here, we realize that we are really not alone...that so many have gone through exactly the same pain, the same everything. We realize we are in a group, shoulder to shoulder, and we feel alike. Each one of us has lost one or more very special babies and all we can think about sometimes is just how unfair life is to our babies and to us.

But then we have others we take care of, who depend on us also. Sometimes, we have times where we are alone and have lost our only best friend. All of this causes the most devastating pain but we know they are worth this pain. We would not trade one minute of time with them...to avoid going through this pain. Sometimes we have to stop and take a breath and realize how many days we were together with our special one when all was OKAY. We are so grateful for that time.
We never want it to stop but we are not in charge of that. At least, we were allowed to have them when we did.

Peace and healing takes time.....it will become more bearable but even then we are allowed to slip back into grieving and crying if we feel that again...and it does seem to arrive again..but not as often as in the beginning. I guess because we just exhaust ourselves so much...it is hard to keep doing that.

We will love them and miss them forever but they are also forever a part of our heart and can never leave us again. They are too much a part of us.

Your boy hears you cause Angels are always listening.
Give Sassy a hug and a kiss...she doesn't know what is going on...but she feels the emotions of grief.

Judy

Dearest Jasper;
I am trying to write at night instead of the early morning! Tomorrow will be a crappy day 2 weeks that you are gone! The pain still feels like it just happened! I know for all the very kind people on here that leave me messages that it takes time and the sorrow is natural but I would rather have you! They are wonderful people and I truly think you would love them and lick them to death! And you know what I think everyone of them would welcome it!
You know today I sat and thought about everything you used to do, and I laughed and cried, and I even started talking to Sassy to help her, she so misses her "mommie" ! I dont know how I will ever be able to plant flowers or our veggie garden with out your help! After all who is going to go in back of me and pull each plant up after I plant it and then give me that "I didnt do it" look! Even Grammie was saying to me on the phone I can plant flowers off the steps but it wouldn't be the same cuz noone is gonna pull them right back up! I know it was a game for you, cuz after a few times you would actually let them stay in there! But I will miss that, and maybe this year I wont do gardens, and then maybe I will and get a stone with your name on it and put that in both gardens.
You were the world to me, and I so miss you, and long to have you back pain free of course! I know also that I am asking alot, so I truly hope you are having fun up there running around pain free and jumping and all those great things your loved to do! Find me treasures little man so when I do come and join you you can show me all of them! I hope you have a special place up there to "hide" your treasures, like you did at home.
I also found today while going thur your pictures to start a baby book of you, for me, a picture of you sleeping upside down in grammie's bath tub! I remember the day it was taken, you were in the house with her, cuz it was so hot outside, and I was cutting her grass, and she came out side crazy yelling you must of gotten out cuz she cant find you! I knew that couldnt of happened, as I was outside, so I was searching in the house for you, thinking you got your little butt stuck under her bed again, and yeppers grammie found you sound asleep in the bath tub!!! You were an amazing puppy, that grew into an amazing man!
I miss you so much and I hope you feel the love I have for you still even though we arent together!
Keep smiling Little man! I love you! I miss you! Always and Forver, Mommie xoxoxoxoxoxo

My Dearest Jasper;

It has been two long weeks since I last held you, felt your kiss, had you "slap" me with your little paw! 2 weeks since I laid on the floor of the er vet and held you as you took your last breathe! The pain and sorrow is at times so hard to bear, that it actually takes my breathe away! I have nothing that keeps me busy as to try and heal, our years together were cut way to short; however know this, I would NOT trade them for anyone in the world; as YOU were the world to me! And you always will be! Please know that I was only kidding when I would make you lay there and watch all those Richard Gere movies over and over and tell you if he showed up on our door step and he was afraid of you you were gone! As I would never ever choose anyone over you, who else in the world would be so happy to see me when I got home! I miss eating popcorn with you! I dont even make it anymore! Actually nothing tastes right now.

I sit and wonder if I did the right thing, of course you had no use of your back legs, but should I have brought you home and carried you to potty and to your food bowl, and searched for oh heck i dont what I would search for, but some miracle-I guess! Deep in my heart I know you are no longer in pain, I am just greedy, and want you with me! I am tired of people telling me to snap out it, or it was only a dog! You WERE so much more to me then anyone will ever understand! And you WERENT just a dog, you were my best friend--nope you are STILL my best friend!

Just know that I love you and miss you very very much! Love you; Mommie xoxoxoxoxoxo

Wishing you sweet Jasper dreams..Goodnight..Ann

Hello My Love;
You have a new Angel to watch over, his name is Fred--a kitty so that is right up your alley! Please dont wash the fur off him, remember he is NOT Sassy; so he may have his own grooming habits!

Today my dear I tried something new, not sure if I can actually do this or not, however I am gonna volunteer at the local SPCA. However on the walk thur someone had dropped off over the weekend, a Rotti, oh was he crying, missing his mommie and daddy. I did lean down to pet him and gave him a kiss from you. Of course it made me feel bad;I so dont understand how people can do that. As you have listened to many times after us watching tv and hearing some of the horror stories!

I miss you so much little man, and if this is a good choice for me to do I really need you to let me know, somehow someway. Sitting in the hosue isnt helping me, and neither is being unemployed. So I figured split my time job hunt in the moring and in the afternoon volunteer. But it was way to sson for me to see a little rotti, who was maybe all of 6 or 7 months old.

Hmm. after two weeks of coming here I just now realized I really screwed up the heading for my posting about you and to you! They must think I am a tart! I miss having you slap me while I am trying to type on the computer, and I really spend little time on it anymore. As I have noone that wants me to hurry so I can roll around on the floor with them.

Jasper, Sassy found where I put your food bowl and has taken to sleeping in it. I dont have the heart to pack it in a box, since she seems quite happy and has finally started eatting better for mesince she found that! So I moved into the bedroom for her. I dont think you would mind, since you would let her eat your supper and breakfast with you anyway.

I do so long to have my face washed by you and to have you try to get as much of the couch as you can with out me totally being on the floor! I miss you!!!!!!! I will not say its getting earier cuz its not, not a second goes by that you arent in my thoughts and tears dont come to my eyes! I so pray you still feel all the love I have for you and I always will have for you. I just pray that one dday it is more bearable for me to go on with out you!

You sleep well tonight my love, and keep your new angel close by as Fred may be a bit scared without his mommie.

I love and Miss you! Always and Forever; Mommie xoxoxooxoxooxo

Hi Rottimum, Just wanted to comment on your decision to voulenteer. A few months after losing Arthur, I did deciced to go to my local shelter to see if I could get into a program with them. First, I went there once a week to hang out with ther kitties; just to see if I could handle it emotionally. It was challenging, but when the sign up meeting arrived, I jumped right in. I've been doing it 3mo now. They have so many people who vouleenter that I can only do it 1 day a week for 1hr. Needless to say I always over extend my stay. It still has it's challenges, you feel bad when certain ones get passed up, and you just want to take them all home. But you can't. All you can do is release some of the love you have with you pet towards the shelter ones. It makes me feel good to do this.. In some ways I feel like I'm giving them hope that there is a place for them outside of the shelter. Even though all they know is getting scratched behind the ears for a few minutes.
Once you get into it, you'll really enjoy it. It by no means doesn't make me miss my Arthur, infact it makes me miss him even more. But just knowing your time will be very appreciated. Let me know how you make out.. Best of Luck..Ann

Dearest Jasper,

Sorry I didnt write to you last night, please dont think its because I forgot about you, or I dont care! I miss you so much it hurts. What these kind people here dont know is about Richard, the human man in my llife-the one you would tolerate and I guess now I know he would tolerate you! See last night he came over, and I was laying on the couch crying holding your picture, and he said to me, Oh get over it; move on, you care more about that damn dog then you do me! And you know what he was right! Even though he hurt my feelings by NOT being understanding and caring over the last few weeks, how he would change the subject when ever I tried to talk about you or my feelings! So after more harsh words from him last night, I gave him back his ring, and told him to have a good life and I hope he finds that person that makes him happy, and dont have pets! I guess I couldnt believe that even after the hell his kids have put me through, that he couldnt be there for me, when I needed him! So last night I just held your picture and talked to you as if my sweet baby was still here with me, and didnt come online to write to you! Oh how I could of really used you here with me last ngiht!

My love I dont know how much more I can take, Sassy is sick, and on meds, which also caused more added stress, having to go to the vet, and have Doc ask me about his buddy; and I told him about you, and as I was crying. He said he will do everything he can for Sassy, and he thinks it has to do with her losing you, that she made herself sick, cuz all tests came back clear-Thank God-I cant lose another piece of my life. He wanted to keep her over night, but saw the look on my face, and said ok she can go home with you, but I want her back here at 8 a.m. sharp tomorrow. I went and bought dog food, the kind you and her always shared in the morning, and gave her some of that, but nope she wont touch it. SweetPea I guess she misses you as much as I do.

Since she lays in your bowl to sleep I have taken to sleeping on the floor by her while she is in it! We miss you baby boy. I so hope you are well, and pain free, and you can run and play NOW! Again please remember your manners, always sit nice and offer that paw when you meet someone new, and then kiss them! And remember not all people like their noses rubbed. And you be a good boy and watch over all new Angels that come up there with you, and make them feel at home.

I cant wait to be with you again! I miss you so very much, and it is so so very hard to go on with out you.

Love, Hugs and Kisses-plus a big nose rub, Mommie xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

dear jaspers mom
my heart just breaks for you. i truly am so sorry for your loss (es). i just finished reading your posts and i find myself in a puddle of tears for you. jasper was not just a dog, he was your best friend, your companion and your family. ive been thru this a number of times and its never easy. it hurts so bad. its a pain like no other. im feeling it right now with the loss of my fred. i felt if i could have absorbed his diabetes i would have taken it on myself. if i could have given him a kidney i would have. if time heals (which it does) dont you wish it could be next year already? i wish i could take your pain away. all i can say is feel what you're feeling and let what everyone else thinks roll off your back, talk to your jasper and dont worry what other people say. i know i talk to fred everyday. i listen to his song every minute of every day and i cry a lot. we have a special relationship that no one else can share. we understand each others language. we loved each other like no one else can. you are SPECIAL and dont you forget it. you will heal. you will never forget but there will come a day when the sun will shine a little brighter. i know it doesnt seem like it right now but it will i promise. im sure jasper has wrapped his little paw around my little fred and riley. and i know that jasper is ok now and he can run after my little ones. and they love the winds as they gently blow and they all pick a little spot where the sun shines britest , where they can rest. theyre ok now. no more illness, no more pain just happiness. and we will be joined with them soon.
my prayers are with you.
freds momma, patricia

Morning All;

Yesterday I had to take Sassy back to the vet at 8a.m. well he kept her-he has her on iv, they found nothing in all the tests they ran, and he really does seem to think she is depressed over the closeness she had with Jasper.
I am so worried I am going to lose another one that I am sick. Bad enough I am trying myhardest to deal with the loss of my beloved Jasper, and if I lose "his" baby, I just dont know what I will do.
I just wanted to let you all know and I thank all of you for your kind and very comforting words. I dont know how I would of gttenby these last 3 weeks without all of you and this wonderful board.

Jasper; please talk to your baby and tell her to stay with me. Its not her time to leave me-please baby do that for mommie. I love you and miss you my sweet handsome man. I will write more later.

Thanks you again; Lisa

Dear Lisa what a difficult time it is for you, I send you my most sincere hopes that Jasper's love and courage and and all things positive will surround you and help you go through this. Bless you and may you be protected and surrounded by angels at this most difficult time in your life. It is very likely that your Sassy is suffering the effects of deep mourning for your Jasper. This is what happened to my cat he had a severe crash about 10 days after his brother died. Before then, he fooled us all and would act totally normal, we thought it strange that he was not more affected because he had been with this brother for thirteen years. I think that just like for people he was in denial. But when it hit home to my beautiful Yukon that his little Felix would not be back to share his life, he took it worse than I could have ever imagined possible, for him, losing his brother was just as devastating as my own biggest ever emotional loss was for Yukon. But how do you get Sassy to ease out of this grief when you are receiving such hard punches yourself? How does one pick another up when one is so so down herself ? My dear I don't know, I can only wish you superhuman courage, courage that failed me. Can you take Sassy in your arms and rock her very often to soothe yourselves somewhat? It is so very hard what you have to go through, I hope for you that many others here will have good advice, you hang in there and hope, pray if you believe. Jasper's love is still with you, wrap yourself in it, believe in a benevolent universe, things will work out, remember it's always darkest before the dawn.
Take care and may you find the strength that you need to carry you through. I hope that Sassy will soon be back home to take care of you like you take care of her.

Hi Lisa,

First, please accept my deeptest condolences on the recent passing of your beloved Jasper. Losing one that is loved so much causes the deepest of hurts like no other. That deep guttural razor sharp pain that comes along after seems absolutely unbearable and we can often find ourselves wondering if this flood of emotions will ever subside. This long journey you have begun is a very long road. Please know we all walk with you and you are not alone.

It is natural and common when another furry companion becomes depressed after the death of one they too were close with. Provided the vet hasn't found anything physically wrong with Sassy, in time she will come around. Just like your surroundings are entirely different, hers are too. Being forced into living each day in a way neither of you are accustomed to takes time.

When my Goliath died in my arms so suddenly, I was left completely immobilized. My world was turned upside down and I felt paralyzed. Little by little I spiraled into such a deep hole of depression I nearly lost hope that I could ever find my way back out. Quite honestly, at that point I really didn't care whether I did or not. My other dog, Gidget, fell into a depression right along with me. She began isolating herself much of the time and ate very little. This followed with peeing in the house and soon after she developed a nervous twitch. Throughout the day and night Gidget would make rounds of the house looking for Goliath everywhere and she would come and get me to open the closet doors so she could look there too. It broke my heart over and over again because I knew what was bothering her and I couldn't do anything but mourn right along with her. It took time, but slowly but surely she and I began to heal together. Luckily I was on a medical leave from work, so she and I were able to be together 24/7 for 10 weeks. After about two months her symptoms of mourning began to lessen and a month or so later she stopped peeing in the house. Six months subsequent to Goliath's death we adopted another puppy that Gidget fell in love with instantly, and we did too. Today she is very happy and content.

Shower all the extra love and attention you can possibly muster up on Sassy. Trust that she will come around given time and so will you. This journey of healing you both are walking is anything but easy. I wish there were a way around it, but you can only work through it taking each day one at a time.

It was here at LS I found inspiration, hope, and a renewed will to live. Physical wounds are easy to fix while a broken heart is not. As you walk this long road you will pick up the pieces of your broken heart along the way. Jasper's body may have perished but his loving spirit is alive and well and walks right along with you and Sassy.

Hugs of comfort and love from my heart to yours,
Beth

Dearest Japser;

Hello my love! It has been 3 weeks since you crossed the rainbow bridge, without me, and I miss you more now the ever. Did you find your baby? As you see my love, I also lost Sassy! Guess she just didnt want to stay here with out you, Doc did everything he can, and still she gave up. I am devasted; two of my beloved pets in 3 weeks. I miss you both so much, but I hope and pray now that she is with her mommie again she is at peace and happy. Tell her how much I miss her, and love her.

It is now truly very lonely here and empty. I just dont want to go on with you two!

Sweet man this is just too hard right now; I miss you and love you both! Be well my loves, and wait for me.

Love you both Mommie xoxoxoxo

How tragic for you to have lost two furry kids in such a short amount of time. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. You haven't even had a chance to come to terms with the deep anguish and pain after losing Jasper before having compounded that with Sassy's departure. All I can say through tears myself is that I am feeling with you. This is far too sad for me to even know how to begin to soothe you and help ease your pain.

Hugs with comfort and love,
Beth

Dearest Jasper and Sassy;

I miss you both so very much I just dont know how to deal with the pain or the loss, it is so darn empty here with out you both. Life seems so unfair that I had to lose you both! I cant help but ask WHY! I truly have nothing now. I feel I have lost it all!

Sassy I hope you are happy being with your "mommie" now, and you sorrow over losing Jasper, is now easy for you to bear now that you are with him again. Jasper please our girl safe, and stop washing her--now is the time she can do it for herself. How I miss that; watching you wash her, and her making no effort to even try to wash herself, cuz her "mommie" would do it.

Yet again I have to go and pick up ashes; this is just so darn hard. I miss you guys so very much! Pleaselook for me when I come over. ANd remember how much I love you both, I just dont think I will ever be able to sleep in bed again. Watchover each other. My god the pain is so intense, I feel like every part of me is going to explode.
I love you both very much, and miss you both more then you will ever know. Love hugs and kisses, Mommie xoxoxoxoxo
I just cant do this, its way to hard.

Hello my little loves;

I miss you both very much, and am trying to understand why it all had to happen. So not easy. I tried spending the day up grammie's but every thing I went to do remind me of you two! Oh Jasper and Sassy I am truly lost and missing you both so much it hurts. I just hope you two are very happy and pain free.

I just dont see how I will ever come to terms with any of this. Days are hard and nights are harder! I am very lonely.

Sleep well my wonderful angels, and know mommie misses you both very much, and that I love you both very much!
Hugs, kisses, and tons of LOVE, Mommie xoxoxoxoxoxo

My dearest babies;

I have not forgot about you, I am in the process of packing up my life and going to move in with grandma; I have been taking boxes to grammies everyday. I hope you are both happy and safe. I miss you both so much it hurts, time is not easing anything for me, and the lack of job and money is not helping me.

I will write to you both again, after I get settled at grammies!

I love and miss you both, always and forever, mommie xoxoxoxox