Hello,

I'm new to using this online posting forum and blog type tool, but I am hoping I will figure out how to put up a photo of Fizzy one of these days. I've been looking into everyone's postings and words of comfort and support to each other, which has helped ease my own pain a bit over the last 6 weeks. I live in Northern California currently and have had no success in finding pet loss groups meeting in person, although there is one listed on several sites as taking place in Sacramento. A 4 hour roundtrip last week brought to my attention that it doesn't take place as indicated and it would seem to not have in perhaps years, as no one at the location(s) had heard of the group. So I am particularly grateful that there is this group of people meeting online at this site and that I am not alone in loving and missing a treasured animal companion. One so frequently gets responses that indicate a lack of understanding of how special, deep, and important the relationship with one's animal friend/family member/love can be to a person. Or, as in my case, I feel I have no one in my human social circle with the patience, interest or emotional capacity at this time to listen and share my grief. I am so grateful that my other cats, particularly Gustav, the eldest at this point, also missed Fizzy and obviously grieved his absence.

Fizzy, AKA Fizzball, there's so much I could write, so much I feel, although he graced our lives for such a short time. He wasn't very old, maybe 3 years old when he materialized in the neighborhood. He was such a sweet, affectionate, loving, cheerful, and patient boy-cat. Sometime in the late summer Gustav, his buddy, was diagnosed with kidney disease and hyperthyroid disease, so I was trying to deal with his care (getting past my needle phobia and learning to administer fluids on what turned into a daily basis), as well as numerous other major dis-stressors. When Fizz started getting sick mid- to late December 2008, I thought it might be because of ... there were numerous possibilities. He seemed to get ill at the beginning of a week, then things would start looking better and normal with him and I would put off a vet visit thinking it was the change in food or whatever. It all came to a crisis point January 13, 2009, however, and the vet told me Fizzy had a huge tumor and he was obviously in distress at that moment and she recommended euthanizing him.

It was an unexpected loss, having been going through anticipatory grief concerning Gustav's conditions, not having put together all the symptoms and concluded Fizzy was so terribly ill earlier, and having been expecting that after only 1 1/2 years he and I were just beginning to really settle in with each other and were going to be together for a lot longer.

I have all these emotions, I think everyone is familiar with them on this site, and today, having seen a photo at the vet's of a cat who looks incredibly like Fizzball, I'm crying for losing him, for not having been able to do more and give him more than I did, etc. I am trying to remember his love of life and joy and sweetness and how he is still near, even though I can't actually snuggle him. I am trying to remember all the reasons for my gratitude for his blessing us with his life, as short as our time was. But today the sorrow outweighs the rest of those feelings.

Thank you for letting me share.

Hi, catlovealways, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Fizzball. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the cir%%stances or how long we have been blessed with their company. I can relate to how you're feeling about not "putting the pieces together sooner" regarding Fizz's behavior. My number one kitty son, Eli, was diagnosed in September 2006 with end stage Lymphoma. The summer here in Virginia had been brutally hot and humid, particularly in August. Eli was preferring to stay inside in the AC instead of mock hunting the squirrels and creepy crawlies in the grass. His appetite was decent, although sometimes when I observed him eating he acted like maybe a tooth was going bad. It was so close to his annual physical that I waited until that time to take him into the vet. I was not prepared at all for what I saw on the abdominal x-ray. He had emergency surgery the next day which included the removal of his right kidney because it was totally involved. I was a bit miffed at the vet for doing that instead of calling me and letting me make the decision to put him to sleep while he was still under anesthesia, but she explained that his vital signs never not once during the surgery faltered. He did have a strong will, and even during his weakest moments in recovery from the surgery he managed to scare the wits out of me with his determination to do the very thing he wasn't supposed to do. I know by the time our furkids are showing symptoms that the disease - - whatever it is - - has taken hold and the prognosis is usually not very promising. But my heart still ached for my Eli. On December 11, 2006, I had to make the decision to let him join the angels because his body no longer could handle the stress of the illness. I wish we could talk to our furkids in a common language so that they could tell us when they don't feel well and where it hurts. I will now say to you what I have had to say to myself: You did everything you could for your beloved Fizzball with the information and exhibited behavior you saw at the time, just as I did everything I could for my Eli, just as everyone here does everything they can for their furkids. Unfortunately we don't have the gift of foresight, only the benefit of hindsight, and it is the hindsight that is the source of our "if only's", "why didn't I's", "If only I had's", etc.. Eli was 6 years and 8 months old when he joined the angels. I know his sweet living Spirit is still with me and his surviving fur companions, but we still miss his physical presence a lot. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, but it is one that you do not have to travel alone. Each of us here do understand how you are feeling, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, catlovealways, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I'm so sorry for your loss of Fizzball. That is the best thing you can do right now is remember him in all the good ways you shared. I lost my Arthur at only 2 1/2yrs. The part of that that hurts the most is all the years I thought were going to lie ahead with him was not to be. When they are with us for a long time they become a part of us and that is hard too. None the less, when that special love connection is gone is simply hurts. I/we look forward to seeing picts. I'm sure you'll figure it out. LS will help too. I hope this site brings you comfort in the days ahead..Hugs.. Ann

I am trying to remember all the reasons for my gratitude for his blessing us with his life, as short as our time was. But today the sorrow outweighs the rest of those feelings.

Very natural for this to happen. I am sorry you and Fizzy had such a short time together. I, too, would have thought there would be more time in your place. Sometimes the quickness of a loss can hurt more than one we are trying to prepare for. It is like a double hammer hitting us over the head.

I am glad to read you have other cats to help keep your home from feeling the emptiness that complete silence brings...in my case, I found that unbearable.

In time the good feelings will outweigh the sad ones but then again, when we least expect it, we can be overwhelmed with sorrow and tears...just out of the blue. That's normal, that's okay. We are allowed to let go when we feel the need to do that..no matter how much time has passed.

I have lost more than one sweetheart to tumors. You did your absolute best for your boy and he knows it. I feel they have a predestined time to leave us and we always hope it is a very long way aways but sometimes it just isn't and there is nothing more we can do when that time comes.

You mention Fizzy materializing one day to become a part of your home. What I think reading that is...he was meant to be with you from that time onward. He would receive so much being a part of your home and he had someone to shower with his nature and unconditional love. If it was fate, his time was not to be long, I am sure he could not have found a better place to be than with you in your home.

My boy, Little Guy, was a feral kitten born in my yard years ago to a feral mom who was so beautiful but I could not touch her. Eventually we moved away and I feel sad as I am sure she was alone when she passed and I just hope it was peaceful.

Fizzy was not alone when he developed his illness and you and your vet made sure he was comfortable and when it was time....he went peacefully. That is the best gift we can give them in return for what they give us from being a part of our lives and a part of our hearts.

We will always wish they could be with us longer..no matter how short or long they are here..it is never long enough and never will be. We can be grateful they are a part of our lives forever and grateful when we can give them peace when they need it and can't ask for it themselves.

He is your Special Angel and will always be with you because he is part of your heart and your memories forever.....his "forever" home now.

Hugs and I wish you peace and healing...it takes time to adjust but we are always glad we knew them and they were a part of our family and our home.

Judy

Judy, Ann, and moon_beam: I appreciate your answers to my message about Fizzy. Thank you for your kind replies, sympathetic messages, and shared experiences. It helps to read your messages. I have limited time on the internet, but I wanted to at least let you know.

You are very welcome. We all share the same feelings of loss. Write anytime you can.

Hugs,
Judy