I tried to post this last night, but I am a dork and could not log in...

I was so out of my head during this awful time that I got the day wrong on my original posts about Eloo. His transformation occurred on 1/23/2009, not the 22nd. Our little Buddy Boo Eloo had to be put down due to a tumor on his eye that we later learned afterwards was cancer. He was less than eight years old, but he lived a great life and even to the end he was purring.

We FINALLY received his ashes on Friday. It took almost a month. Neither one of us wants to “open” the little white sealed box that we were given…I guess we were expecting some corked nice looking genie vase looking earn and not this creepy white plastic box. Marv picked him up when they called to say he was ready and said he was find until they handed him this box. What a horrible feeling knowing this was what was left of our Buddy Boo. But both of us also know it is not him and that his spirit is in the Rainbow for sure (read below).

So much has happened that I meant to write about, but had no strength to come here and post. I have to be honest and say that when I do come to the forum, I end up crying so hard I cannot even breathe. I cannot help but read the posts and I feel so terrible for the losses and for our own. I will never understand why expressing pain (crying, sobbing) can be just as painful as the pain itself. Does anyone else get sick? Look like you got hit with golf balls in the face that stuck there?

However, it has become a little easier with time. I still am not able to look at his pictures, but I can think of him a little easier without the tears rolling uncontrollably every day. We will probably never get rid of his hairy, furry office chair either. So instead, I wanted to come here and pass on what happened the day that Eloo passed.

On our way home from the vet, with sobs and empty cage, both of us were upset because neither of us wanted Eloo to be put down on a crappy rainy gray day, but that is how it ended up. So while driving, we were crying and once we got to our driveway (we live in the middle of nowhere), a rainbow (double) appeared in the East. It was gorgeous and I immediately felt it was a sign from Eloo that he was ok and after reading posts here about the Rainbow Bridge, it was confirmed that everything was cool, it just still hurt REAL BAD.

Then, maybe one or two days later, I was looking out towards our barn because I saw a tail scurrying in the door. Sometimes there is a gray foofer (kitty, hubby and I call kitties foofers) that hangs out looking for birds. However, it was not gray foofy, it was an orange kitty just like Eloo! I ran out the back door as soon as I saw it come out, but he was gone.

Since then I mostly have feelings that I am hearing him meowing at the door and since I woke up so early to feed him when he slept in our RV, I still get up early and feel like I need to do the same things I did. Now when I go outside it is quiet, no Eloo purring and hanging out with me in the sun for belly rubs...

Another odd feeling I have when I am outside, I want to call for him and hear his name. We used to “sing” his name to songs (mostly to the tune of a Cake song called “Never There”) We would sing to him, “Ewoo, Ewooo, Ewooo, Woooo, Ewooo” and he loved it!

He ALWAYS came when he was called. Also, now that he is gone, I have noticed right away how much he purred compared to the others. He purred the most of all of our foofers! (We have a whole crew of rescues that are now spoiled rotten! Our Buppy Judah (dog), Eloo’s brother Axle, Perfecta, Mina, Haley, Toni, Tammy and Lewie (girl we thought was a boy, but the name stuck). Whenever we went to the vet and they listened to Eloo with the scope, he was always purring and they could not hear anything else.

I wanted to share a few of these things that I thought were signs that Eloo was all right. We both still miss him terribly and will for the rest of our lives I am sure. Eloo was one in a million as they ALL are!

Again, to those who are facing the possibility of euthanasia, we had to have Eloo euthanized and even though we could hardly bear it, it was done much more humanely and quickly than I could have imagined. I seriously told my husband I wanted to go to the vet when it was my time too. It was very difficult emotionally to keep composed, but I cannot stress enough how I wish other pets of mine could have experienced euthanasia as opposed to the horrible deaths I feel they endured (one hit by car and the vet at the time recommended I keep him alive for two days and would get better but he was definitely in pain and I was too stupid and young to know I didn’t have to listen to him, another kitty named Little Guy [I see another on here with a Little Guy too!], I was manipulated into believing a stomach tube for feeding would help him, only his health decreased so violently I ended up feeling guilty for not euthanizing him before it got so bad).

Thanks all for being animal lovers and for being supportive during the worst times most of us have ever experienced. I swear I would go insane if I thought you guys did not exist!

BTW, anyone in Arizona? We are in Willcox.

Angelique

Angelique,

Boy can I relate to much of what you have experienced. Your Eloo evidently took much extra care and understanding and you went above and beyond what most people would do. My Flossie was one of those too and I sometimes wonder if that makes the letting go so deep. We get so attached with all those special needs that it seems impossible that they will not live forever.

I too have waited too long for prior pets and felt unbelievable guilt. I also told my husband I wanted to go to the vet when it is my time.

I've lost animals in many different cir%%stances that were unpleasant and the 2 that I put to sleep and stayed with them were to me the most humane thing I could have done. Like you, I wish my other pets could have gone so peacefully. 3 others were put to sleep but I was not with them.

I've only had 2 cremated & got just a box with a plastic bag of her ashes for the first one. Flossie came in a small urn that is sealed. Not expensive at all but for some reason I wanted to SEE the ashes. Maybe because that is how the first ones came to me. Also, I had gotten a container for the cat's ashes & selected one just like it for Flossie in a different color as I knew I would need it some day. Now I have this urn instead that is not as nice. Do I open the urn? And what will I find? Just ashes & nothing to contain them so I can put them in the little container I wanted her to be in? For now I'm leaving it the way it is..... I'll decide when the time is right I guess.


I've read about your Eloo from when you first began posting and understood the painful decision you were about to be faced with. What an unbelievable homecoming......... a double rainbow!!!! How wonderful you have other pets in your life and how wonderful THEY have you.

Ginger

Oh those beautiful signs they send us!..Which is what brought me here to begin with..Yours is so perfect. Something you'll treasure always. B4 I lost my Arthur, I never knew about the Rainbow Bridge. Our vet sent us a card with that in it. I will never look at another rainbow again without thinking of all our losses. Is that what that song is about "somewhere over the rainbow"? Don't know, but it always makes me cry..Hugs to you and Eloo..Ann

Thank you for sharing your story here about your Eloo and also about euthanasia (my boy is probably the other Little Guy you read about).

I smiled reading about your "double rainbow"...what a beautiful special sign.

I understand what you mean about coming here and reading posts that make you cry..that happens to me also. When I feel I need an uplifting...I go the the New Beginnings Section and read posts there. These are all about happy, healthy, new babies who needed love and a home and found it. Those are pictures I can truly smile at.

I hope you see that orange kitty again! And I am glad to read about your family of rescues. These are all lucky babies to have found you..sounds like a beautiful family of lots of unconditional love.

My Little Guy was a loud purrer also. My husband used to hear him across the room when he was in my lap (the cat...not my husband ).

Yes, it is painful writing about pain but it helps in a way to let it out and sometimes that is the only way it may lessen for a while. It is all a natural part of our grieving process when our grief involves our loss of such special friends.

I wish you and your husband peace and healing. I'm sorry you did not have your boy longer but that is never left up to us. You always did your very best for him and I know he knows that.

Judy