Lost my dog of 16 years this week. Terrible experience, but I am doing better as each day passes. I had a lot of guilt of not being present for the euthanasia itself. I was just around the corner, but I could not bear to watch. My girlfriend sat with him, so I was very happy for that. I heard that the animals can sense your grief and it is generally not good for them to see that, and I was definitely in bad shape and would have added stress to the whole situation. But, for some reason I am still feeling some guilt about not keeping myself composed enough to sit with him as he passed. I know he knows I was there, and I did everything I could within my power for him. I just hope I can get over the guilt I am feeling about not being there for his last breath. I miss him dearly.

Hi, Animal Lover, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved companion. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the cir%%stances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is never an easy decision to make but it is the last gift of love we can give to our companions - - at great sacrifice to us - - so that they can go home to the angels with their dignity still intact. There is no "wrong" decision whether or not to be present during the procedure. My first experience in this matter happened when I was in my 20's. A kitty I had been blessed to have for several years was in end stage renal failure, and it was time to let her let go of her failing physcial body. My mom went with me but she could not bear to be in the exam room when my kitty received the shot, and I could not bear not to be there. So, my mom waited in the reception room while I stayed with my kitty. Your precious companion knows you love him, and that you are now having to adjust your life without his physical presence with you. Unfortunately guilt is a part of the healing grief journey - - we ALL go through this horrible grief stage - - so please know what you are feeling is absolutely normal. You did not abandon your precious companion when you couldn't stay with him during the procedure. You did everything you could for him to make his passing comfortable for him - -. Hopefully in time as you progress in your healing journey you will come to understand that your precious fur child's sweet living Spirit is still with you - - that you are only temporarily separated physically. But not having his sweet physical presence with you is a difficult adjustment, and this grief journey is both physical and emotional. So, please do what you need to do to help yourself through the difficult moments. When my number one kitty son Eli went home to the angels 26 months ago, I slept with his collar under my pillow and held onto it or one of his blankets tightly during the deep sorrowful moments. Animal Lover, please know you are not alone - - you are among friends here who do understand how you are feeling, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Animal Lover, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I'm so sorry for you loss. Let me begin by saying I went thru it 3 differerent ways. First my 18 yr old cat was extremely ill. I watched her waste away for 3 mo. I was selfish, I wanted her to live forever. She passed away in the house(I was not there). My second cat was put down without my knowledge, many questions still linger with that one, again, I was not there. That pretty much ruined me and never thought I'd get over that. I always thought, if I had another, I would be there, I have to. Then Arthur. That is a day that will never, ever, leave my mind. I was not calm, he was scared, it was totally awful. There are so many days I wish he had died on his own overnight. My partner did not want to be there, but at the last minute he decided to. That day is the reason why he said he could never get another pet.
You felt like you didn't have the courage to be there and thats ok. Everything I have read say you must be calm. I wish I had known then. You will heal from this, and if you are ever in another situation like this, I'm sure you will find the courage. Don't beat yourself up over this, you were right in trusting yourself..Hugs.. Ann

Thank you all for your very detailed responses. It helps a lot. You are all very kind!

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I lost our beloved Casey (12 years old) on November 13th. My husband was unable to remain in the room. He did not want to have that memory of Casey last moments, there is nothing wrong with that. Don't feel bad, your dog knew you loved him. Some people are unable to be with their pets during this procedure. My vets office sedates the pet first and then gives the owners the option of staying or not staying. The most important thing is that you did not let him suffer. I know how hard it is to say good bye and it will take time to heal. I still have days were I just feel so lost without Casey, but I know we made the right decision. He was suffering with lung cancer and it was just beginning to be difficult for him to breath.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Karen

I feel the same way you do about being in the room. I was never able to. I was too hysterical and our special ones do feel our emotions and I never wanted one to be upset cause I was upset..at a time I am hoping they will feel peace.

I agree with the last poster. It took until 2002 when a mobile vet came to our home to put my Little Guy's twin brother to sleep. She simply said she would tranquilize him first and he would be asleep and we could hug him and cry and say goodbye. My husband held him in his arms the whole time until she said..we had to make the final decision because he would be waking up. And so he never knew how upset we were and we said goodbye. We still did not want to be there for the final ending so she took him into a bedroom and was with him. He went quickly and never woke up.

At vet hospitals I have had people working there tell me how very attentive and loving the ones are that are with our friends to help them find peace. We know those attending may feel sadness but our sweethearts do not feel our pain at losing them.

I can understand an underlying feeling of guilt cause I always have it too but I know it is better for them that all around them is calm and peaceful and the decision always makes me absolutely hysterical as far as crying and saying I don't want them to go but I know I cannot stop it..because it is best for them. There is too much emotion to hide it..I can't do that. I guess I always felt if they saw me, they would fight the sleep and I could not witness that or even want to think anything would be anything but peaceful because they were trying to stay with me. And, sometimes, down deep, I am not sure that if I had to be there for the final shot...I really wonder if I wouldn't stop it because I couldn't bear to see it, and want to take my boy home even though I know we have to come back. I don't want to do that either.

The decision is never made lightly. And once it is made, we know it must be done. It must be done for their peace...we owe them that.

We can't help but feel we should be there...I think that's only natural. But unless we can watch without emotion that they feel....it does not help them for us to watch. It is okay when we do whatever we feel is best..for them...and for us.

I am sorry you lost your boy. My last loss was my Little Guy, my avatar picture. He was just over 16 1/2 years old. He has been with me the longest of all my sweethearts...whether cats or dogs, and I truly understand the pain and the missing when 16 years is involved.

One "mom" here said it best: The pain of losing him will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing him.

That is a powerful statement. It has helped me. It reminds me to remember the good memories of having him as part of my life and I would not trade those years to lessen the pain of missing him. I would always make the choice to have him in my life.

If you feel like it, you can post some pictures here in your topic. Pictures remind us of happy, healthy times and can make us smile. Sometimes it takes time to be able to post those but we find we are always glad we thought to take pictures and we find they help us remember the good days, of which there were so many, many more...than sad days.

Write anytime, your thoughts, and feelings. We all share the same pain so we understand what you are going through. It helps to realize what we feel is so normal and it helps to find that others have been there and are glad to extend a helping hand to find the road to healing.

I'm glad your girlfriend was able to stay with him...that should help give you comfort. I have had to be there alone and wait until I am told it is done. I have been there with support from my husband but neither he nor I could be composed enough to be in the room.

We simply all try to do what is best for the one who is leaving us. That's all we can do.

Peace and healing are my wishes for you...it will take time but time will make it bearable, which is all we can expect.

Judy