Monday night I had to put my beautiful 17 yr old cat Fluffy to sleep. She had been suffering from CRF and over this past weekend started to have some issues. Late Monday night she started having a seizure so I took her to the hospital. She had another one there and we decided it was time. Her little body was giving out and we didn't want her to suffer. I am just a mess. I work from home and we were together 24/7. I basically took care of all of her needs and she was a very loving sweet cat. I had a cat bed on my desk so she could be with me while I worked - she wouldn't have it any other way. She loved to be on your lap and constantly be loved on. Now the house is empty and I feel lost as the routine with her has been broken.
Fluffy was a very special cat to me. I know all owners feel their cat or dog was/is special but you know how there is one animal that just seems to have a special quality? Something about them just rises higher than the rest? She was like that. I've had other cats but she was definately a special being. I was always convinced she was an angel sent to me.
Anyway, I'm working and trying to get through the week and keep myself occupied. I know in the future I'll have new fur babies to bring joy into my life but right now I just feel like I lost my best companion in the world.
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Hello, I am so sorry for your loss you have no idea, what can I say to you right now at this moment? not much and am sorry, just think of the great years you had together and that one special day you will see each other again, God bless you, your Baby Fluffy up in Heaven and all the ones already departed, always here to listen to you all, Jorge Click to view attachment

This is the most heartbreaking time of all. My Little Guy was with me about 16 1/2 years when a trip to the ER meant I had to lose him and with him gone (the last of 3 siblings), my home was truly empty as you describe yours.

I did put pictures of him and his siblings in every room...pictures when they were happy and healthy. They always looked directly at the camera, into my eyes and so I can look into their eyes by looking at their pictures. Also, I made my favorite Picture of my Little Guy become my computer desktop wallpaper...so every morning I turn it on..I look into his eyes and when I turn it off, I say good night, and know he will be waiting for me whenever I turn the computer on.
I saved some of his fur, from a hairbrush, and put it in a ziplock air tight bag, along with a ball he loved to play with and when I need the physical touch, I use that. His twin brother had to leave in 2002 and his fur is just as soft as it was in 2002. It does not dry out or get brittle. Those are the little things I do to help me feel he is not completely gone.

That cat bed on your desk you mentioned.....that's what reminded me to talk about making my boy my desktop wallpaper...a way of him being right in front of me all the time.

One helpful saying a "Mom" here wrote a while back was: The pain of losing her will never ever be bigger than the joy of knowing her. (This one helps me to remember the good times whenever I need to brush away the sadness).

you said: Her little body was giving out and we didn't want her to suffer.

That's what I kept screaming in my head in the ER when I had to make that final decision for my boy.

Another Mom here (Mistletoe) said of her tuxedo kitty whose time had come: "I have sent you on a journey to a land free from pain, not because I did not love you but because I loved you too much to force you to stay."

Even now, typing that one brings me to tears. I think of it all under..not wanting them to suffer and nothing more able to be done..no cure.

As you said, in the future, you will have another. That's what I finally did because I could not stand the emptiness of the home without any furbaby here. We never replace them. They are in our hearts forever with their own unique soul and spirit. But we can start new memories with a new one who needs a home and has love to give when we are ready to share our home again
and we want to hug, hold and love again.

This is such an overwhelming devastating time for you ....but remember by coming here you are not ever alone. The same pain and feelings and love you feel.....we all have the same emotions inside for our lost ones.

Take it one day at a time and do whatever makes you feel better to do. I am grateful for over 16 years and I know you feel the same way for Fluffy's 17 years. It is never long enough but we are oh so very grateful we had that time.

Come here and write your thoughts and feelings whenever you feel like it. Write a note to Fluffy if you feel like it. Whatever you feel is inside you ..trying to get out to make you feel better, even if it is just a little bit.

Hugs to you and your new Angel Fluffy. By being a part of your heart she now has a forever home that she will never leave.

Judy

I love the picture of Fluffy.
Yes, we all have that special one. My Sissycat was my special one. I had 5 cats at the time, but she choose me.

Not really a whole lot I can add to what LoveThem had to say.
Please do come back and share stories and more pictures when ya feel like it.

Hugs to you and your new Angel Fluffy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your gorgeous Fluffy. On December 28 I had to say goodbye to BK. ; his last hours were very much like Fluffy's . BK was almost 24. When we have shared so many years with them, and I had been with Beekie 24/7 for some years also, our worlds become unrecognizable without them.

Many things about the ordering of the universe are a mystery to me but, one thing I know for sure ... love never dies. The pain of her physical absence is keen, but Fluffy is your angel still.

We here share your tears. And you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Dayna

I am totally with you on this, we just lost our Jason to kidney failure, we miss him so much.

It's tough when you spend so much time with them one on one. I'm sure you have lost of pictures and memories to keep you close to Fluffy. She is close to you in spirit.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It's so hard to say goodbye to a special friend, one you have build a tight bond with. My Daisy was my special bond and when she left, I felt my whole world fall apart. Time does heal and it took me 16 long yrs to open my heart to another cat. I lost my Arthur after 2 1/2 yrs. I'll be forever haartbroken, but being here and knowing I'm not alone has helped me a great deal. I hope it does the same for you. The emptiness swallows us up whole, changing our routine can be a struggle. You were blessed to have had such a long time with her and to have found that special bond. I just read what Judy posted about Mistletoe's quote. I didn't see that one b4 and it just made me cry. A lot of us need to hold onto that thought for sure. I recently heard a phsyic on the radio and she said "when a pet dies, they never leave our side". Your Fluffy was an angel sent to you and will always remain an angel by your side..Hugs..Ann

Thanks so much to everyone for your kind thoughts and words. Today I can feel depression coming on. I woke up and felt empty and dread about starting the day knowing she wasn't going to be here. Fluffy was the kind of cat that was my shadow so even when I took a shower she would sit on the bath mat waiting for me to finish. Then she would follow me to my room to watch me get dressed. Then escort me downstairs to start the day. There was hardly a time that she wasn't in my immediate area.
I have found the worst thing about working at home and that is you cannot get away from the house. At least when you work at an office you can leave the house and get distracted with other people in the office or your work or meetings. Being at home I have none of that and feel seeped in this situation. I have been going out at lunch and at night I go to the gym or out for dinner. But I feel like I can't get away from this. Here is another picture of her.
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What a beautiful picture...made me look into her eyes and want to reach into that picture and hug her.

That's always the type of feelings these babies invoke in us, isn't it?

I worked out of my home for about 10 years and I did enjoy having my babies there. It was only the last almost 17 years that I had at least one by my side all the time, the last one being Little Guy, my avatar.

It is hard...very hard...to deal with the silence. After it was too much for me, I adopted a shelter cat....who orders my husband and me around all the time. It is quite a change but if I can't have my boy back....the change helps me.

As I said before, take it one day at a time, and try to think of things you can do that might make you feel better. That's why I put my boy's pictures all over the place..a way of him always being a part of my every day...at least in that way.

Hugs and healing. I am sorry but it really takes time. I always say...Grief can strike quickly but healing takes time. I have found that to be true often. Keep coming here and talking, posting pictures, telling stories about Fluffy.

Judy

Bless your sweet Fluffly! She is so beautiful... I am sure you have wonderful memories and funny memories with her. Just know they never really leave us. The grief comes in waves at first, like Judy said just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time. I also got all my pictures out and looked at them a lot, that helped me feel my babies were with me again.

I'm so sorry for your loss and come here and post about dear Fluffly as much as you like.......

Ren, Zorro, and Nemo's Mom

I learned that with Miles, despite having had wonderful cat and dog friends all my life. She changed me, as Fluffy changed you.

I think this change was a gift, in that the capacity for love and compassion expands after we have that kind of friendship, and our lives are better for it, despite the tears when it happens. That Special One teaches us how MUCH they are all different, that they are not "Interchangable", that each is a special perso&%^ity and soul all its own and as unique from each other as we humans are.

They have their own memories, lives, personalities, temperment, and humor, and when they totally give themselves to us when they are the special one, we have been knighted by Nature for our love and stewardship.

Fluffy is a beautiful cat. It seems she had a good long life (in cat years). I wish their lives were comparable to our lives for longevity. I would love to have my cats for 40 years, as long as they were healthy of course. Intellectually, we now they have a finite life span, but that knowledge does not help when they actually go.

Yes, I have pictures of her on my computer and the beautiful picture of her I posted here framed and in my family room where I spend most of my time. Work this week has been a joke as I couldn't concentrate on my work and was surfing looking for information on support and possible causes for her seizures. I'm the type of person that investigates everything and even my vet was surprised with some of my knowledge. But to me you can't be in the dark about taking care of your companion and should try to know as much as you can about any issues they are having. Especially if you are going to make decisions about their care.

I'm still having some moments of crying though not as bad. I dread going to bed at night as she was always with me or on me. She was such a baby that way. She would get under the covers with me and sleep with her head on my pillow and knead her paws in my hair or neck. She also would wake me several times at night if she was cold to get under the covers with me. Now I have none of that and miss it so much. Though the waking up in the middle of the night I must admit in some ways is a relief as I never really got a good nights sleep in years. Though I would easily give that up to have her with me.

I do see several people posted about intellectually you know they can't live forever. I am so ever grateful for having 17 years with her. Now due to the power of modern medicine it's getting more common for animals to almost double their life span. But I do wonder some times if we keep them around almost too long. Are they meant to live as long as 17+ years? I don't know the answer.

One thing I know is crazy to think was that as we made the decision to set her free I wondered who would take care of her? Would she be alone and scared? She was the type of cat that was sensitive and so loving and depended on us to take care of her. It makes me tear up thinking that she may wonder why we are not with her. Is it weird to feel this way? Maybe I'm placing my fears on her? Lord knows I know she is in the best place possible. But I keep having this irrational thought.

"I couldn't concentrate on my work and was surfing looking for information on support and possible causes for her seizures.
"

I don't know if this will clarify anything for you, but BK. had been in treatment for CRF for two years when he started to seize now and then. Because his blood work still looked good, and his appetite was so good, and he gave every indication of wanting to stay with me, we decided to treat the seizures and see how he did. He did fine for about thirty days. Until on his last day, he started having terrible abdominal cramps. And I had to let him go when his blood work showed very elevated liver enzymes. The vet said that was the beginning of massive multiple organ failure. Presumably, the seizures were an early, early warning sign of that.



One thing I know is crazy to think was that as we made the decision to set her free I wondered who would take care of her? Would she be alone and scared? She was the type of cat that was sensitive and so loving and depended on us to take care of her. It makes me tear up thinking that she may wonder why we are not with her. Is it weird to feel this way? Maybe I'm placing my fears on her? Lord knows I know she is in the best place possible. But I keep having this irrational thought. "


When my precious Mackie dog died of cancer, two years ago I shed a river of tears picturing him all alone in our other house... the house he grew up in, just sitting there waiting for us to come home...wondering where we were. So no, it is not weird for you to feel that way. Or at least if it is we are weird together. I think I just needed to work through that painful scenario in order to really embrace the idea that... I'm going to have to trust that he is near me. And I'm going to have to wait to see him again...in a better place for both of us.

Thoughts and prayers,
Dayna

Today is Monday, Presidents Day and our company is closed. I met my Father for lunch so it was nice to get out of the house. When I came home from lunch the sun was streaming in the backside of house. I could picture Fluffy sitting on the floor, feeling that good old sun just beaming in on her. I started to think is there a reason why we have these animals in our lives? Are we meant to be stewards for them or are they in our lives to teach us things.
With Fluffy she was so sweet and loving she didn't have a mean bone in her body. Only bit me once in 17 years and never hissed or growled. It was like she wasn't even a cat. So I was thinking was she sent to us to teach us how to be patient and loving? How to give yourself to another being?
It's always said that cats pick us, not the other way around. But I wonder if there is a reason why we end up with the beings we end up with. Is it some cosmological reasoning?
Something with Fluffy always made people want to take care of her. Even people who weren't cat people fell in love with Fluffy. There was something about her that drew people to her. I wonder if that was her job so to speak.

Some of the things I can think about I have gotten from my special ones, that I would never know without them:

1. Unconditional Love.

2. We can be ourselves all the time around them...they love us anyway.

3. No judgment about what we say or do or wear or ..whatever.

They teach us these things exist. And then we also learn..they only exist in these precious ones.

And when we lose them, we find it difficult to live our lives without having these beautiful qualities in our lives.

But for those who do not know what it is like to love and be loved by one of these special ones, well there must be a reason beyond our knowledge of why this is so.

We who do know...know we have been given a priceless bond...like no other...and we are
grateful.