My name is Angelique, and my hubby’s name is Marvin. We are going through some rough times right now. We have had to make a tough decision this week regarding euthanasia, and by Monday (1/19) our little boy Eloo will no longer be with us. I cannot believe I am even writing this…
I guess to help me get through this the best place to start is with telling Eloo’s story and illness. We found Eloo and his brother Axle while on our way to some hot springs in the middle of nowhere in the desert sometime in 2001. A friend of ours thought they were bunnies on the side of the road so we stopped and lo and behold, there were two baby kitties SCREAMING on the side of the road. I was bound and determined not to leave them there (behind us coyotes were yipping and all sorts of wild animals were just waiting! EEKS!). So we spent a good few hours laying on our stomachs to get them to come to us and finally they did. Axle could see alright, but Eloo’s eyes had closed shut due to infection and so he was the hardest of all to catch. When we finally got them safe inside my jacket, we brought them home and fed them. The “plan” was to get them feeling better and see if we could find them homes. At the time, we were living in our RV and were limited on space for sure!
They both sneezed and excreted bright green snot for a little while, but were nursed back to health and to a new life. However, Axle seemed to heal faster and more completely than Eloo. We ended up finding a house for rent shortly afterwards and they became our babies. We also had a dog and another kitty named Perfecta that my husband had found and brought home (I am lucky to be married to a sucker such as myself). Everyone was fixed and we always kept them indoors for fear of losing them.
Eloo is short for “Elusive”, since he was the harder of the two to catch and always seems to stick to himself, whereas his brother Axle, pretty much slept on my face and is a huge “mamma’s boy”. Eloo is the funniest cat though
He likes to have his butt patted, just before the tail and when you “do it just right” he rolls around and grabs your hand “nicely” and purrs so loudly. He also has a “chirp” that I have always thought was him literally speaking. When I call him, I hear him respond, “Hmm Hmm Hmm”, with each successive “hmm” a higher pitched chirp than the previous one. He LOVES to hear his name “sung” to him too! We always call him using a playful “Ewoo” with a “w” and he really seems to dig that a lot for some reason. I guess it is like your parents using your full name only when you are in trouble, he too prefers his short name . Another funny thing he does is “boink.” One minute he will be playing and the next thing you know he is boinking straight up in the air like a deer and taking off full speed. We have always thought this was hilarious! He even has his own chair (which neither of us will be able to part with, no matter how stinky and furry it is) which was his prize won after a few years of losing my seat EVERY time I got up. I finally gave in and gave him my chair I guess Eloo’s medical problems first started with his “colitis”. I noticed one day that he had blood coming from his anus and I freaked! I took him to the vet who thought that because Eloo was easily stressed, he was having a bout of colitis. So, they gave us some Laxatone to give him and said it was like irritable bowel for humans when they are stressed. This problem reoccurs at various times and it scares me and hurts me that he has to deal with this.
Eloo also seemed to be the only cat that ever really vomits seriously enough to make me take him to the vet (Perfecta horks hairballs, but what cat doesn’t with major foof?). This has subsided recently to a great deal. With one episode, he was at it all day. Again, we were told he probably was high stress but should be ok as long as he still ate and drank and there were no other outward problems (fever, not eating/drinking).
Then sometime in 2007, we noticed a large lump on his right shoulder, to the right of his spine. So we arranged to see the vet again. We live in the middle of nowhere and our quality of vet care here is somewhat lacking, so this time around we took him to a different vet farther away. This we are told is just “fatty tissue” and nothing to worry about. We did ask if it could be removed, but the vet said it would probably do more harm than good, so we left it at that. We asked him about Eloo’s other medical issues and so he ran some tests and everything came up fine.
I am not sure when his urinating began, but I do remember exactly what started it. A friend brought over a backpack that had apparently been urinated on by another male cat. I smelled it right away and realized that the smell was coming from the backpack he had set on our couch. We moved it outside, but it was too late. Eloo started spraying the couch in that exact spot. Eight couches later, we were at a loss and inquired about what we might do to get him to stop spraying our stuff (he was fixed already). They recommended hormones. We tried that for awhile, but as with humans and hormones, it can affect moods, and Eloo has always been more “provocative” and “pricky” than our other cats, so when he was on the hormone, we had nothing but fights and yowling because everyone was so cranky. The hormone did not stop him from urinating on the SAME spots so we gave up and GAVE him our Winnebago to live in instead. We still had it after all these years and so it was now “Eloo’s House”. He shares it with another kitty (another stray without a home lost in the desert) and they have a love/hate relationship.
Eloo’s most recent problems began when we noticed he was getting an eye infection in his left eye. His third eyelid has come over and the rim of his eye is very red and irritated and I can tell this bothers him. We took him into the vet and she could not find anything “inside” the eye or any scratches on the cornea. She recommended keeping it moist with eye drops. It did not clear up and so we got some teramycin and tried that, tried antibiotics (two different strengths, one getting him very sick not eating or drinking) and it just would not go away.
We took him in again (I honestly lost count of the times we have taken him in this year alone for vacs, medical issues and follow-ups, this added also to vet visits for other pets too) and she was at a loss and had never seen an eye like this. She gave me the number of a specialist in Tucson (200 miles RT), but when I called the price they wanted just to look at him brought me to the floor. I knew at this point, we would be dealing with a REALLY rough decision.
Do we take him all the way to Tucson, only to possibly not be able to afford the treatment or testing? What if they don’t know what it is either? The ride alone is enough to tell me this may not be a good idea, so with our vet, we decided to monitor it and HOPE like heck it would go away. Well it hasn’t.
Now we are in an even worse position. Even if we did get the eye fixed, his other medical issues have never really been addressed (we feel) and still cause him discomfort (although not chronically). Now my Eloo is having a hard time seeing, and dealing with issues he has never healed from, yet he is still my baby!
We have had them now for almost eight years and the idea of losing one of them is devastating to say the least. It is unreal to even think about it. Both hubby and I knew that we might have to make the decision to have him put down, but neither of us is really ready because Eloo is still a fairly healthy cat in a lot of ways. But he has his days and when it gets bad, I think to myself I must be selfish for not putting him down. Then on days when he is doing so well, I feel selfish for ever thinking of putting him down.
After talking with my husband this past Monday night, we had made decision to euthanize. She will be coming to our home because she understands how many times Eloo has been to the vet this year and wants him to be comfortable and not stressed. Thank God because neither hubby nor I could drive home afterward because we will be bawling and have major difficulty breathing, let alone driving.
This is so hard because he is still here and still a somewhat happy cat, but we are so torn about what the right thing to do is. I cannot just ignore his eye but we cannot afford the first appointment either. I feel so awful.
As I speak, Eloo is curled up here in the house with me (I bring him in during the day when I can keep my eye on him and his peeing). He is on his favorite pillow and sleeping so soundly and looks so adorable. Sometimes I can hear his breathing is hard, but today he is doing fine and it makes me feel so guilty that we are putting him down in a few days. Right now, it just feels unreal, but I know it will be harder as we get close to the day and I am constantly going back and forth in my head about what is right and I just do not know.
When we moved into this house, I got angry with him for urinating and so that is when he ended up in the RV, but now that we are having to put him down on Monday, I feel guilty putting him out there at all and want him to be in here with us, but have learned we just cannot unless we want him marking areas. This is so hard on the whole household and neither my husband nor I know how to react. We have ZERO support where we live (in the middle of nowhere and without any peer support).
It is so hard already, especially since he is doing all right today, but it is going to be even harder on Monday and I am overwhelmed with emotions that do not make any sense. Part of me wants to say forget the euthanasia and let him live his life because ‘people’ go blind and get eye infections all the time, but then the other half says it is unreasonable to not put him down because of his numerous medical issues. Then I start wondering whether or not he could possibly have something pushing on a nerve, like a tumor, causing his eye to look so horrible.
I will never understand why we ever have to make such terrible decisions, why living, loving things have to hurt or suffer in any way at all. I just hope I can make it through this. We have other animals, so it will be helpful to have them around, but there is no way this is going to be easy and I dread every second of it.
Thanks so much for being here, and for listening. I am so sorry that we are mostly brought together by the loss of our pets, but I am glad at the same time that we are together, because most people do not understand the bonds that we form with our pets.
So far, I am doing ok, just feel cold and mean for what we are doing. I have cried, but the more I cry, the more it hurts...
Eloo’s Momma - Angelique
