after much agonizing, my bf and i made the call to the vet this morning and got an appointment..........from there on, it was an exercise in torture and bad experiences..........they kept us in a hot, little room for at least an hour. Then, when the vet came to administer the drug, she hurt my cat so bad that he cried loudly! i guess it may have been because he was extremely sick and dehydrated, but, it was agony to stand there and watch what should have been a peaceful ending horrific..........i am so depressed, i can't get those moments or pictures out of my mind.........

I'm so very, very sorry.



Nothing I can say will make it better. But maybe you can feel the cyber-hugs I'm sending, together with angels of comfort and peace.
Dayna

I am so sorry that your experience was like this!

Each time I've had to put one of my pets to sleep it has been a calming experience. Not pleasant by any means as I was upset at having to do it but they got a shot first & then the final injection. My daughter did say her cat had a difficult time and since she had cancer and dehydration problems it could be that it created the problem.

I did have a cat die in my arms of cancer and it was agonizing so I know how terrible you are feeling. It is difficult enough to make the decision you did and then think you are helping them to go in a peaceful way so for things to have gone this way for you and your precious Trouble has got to be weighing heavy on your heart. A 1 hour wait was kind of insensitive to me unless for some reason there had been an emergency that held them up.

Again, I am so sorry for the loss of your kitty Trouble and even more so that what you tried to do for him as your final gift of love has left such an everlasting negative memory for you to add to the difficult days ahead. But remember the good times and that he is no longer suffering.

Post some pictures when you feel like it and know I am thinking of you tonight as you are no doubt missing Trouble. This place will be of much comfort to you as we all understand the grief of losing our special angels like many others do not.

god, I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. Like I just said to someone else here, we will replay the last moments in our head over and over again for some time, I think even if they are peaceful. Eventually these memories will be replaced with happy memories of when they were with us and enjoying their life.

He is out of pain now and I'm sure he would hate to see you torturing yourself with these images. You clearly loved him so much and you did the kindest thing you could do for him in the end.

If its really upsetting you though, why not call the vet and ask why your cat had to go through this before he died. They may have some explanation for you, like you said it may have been because he was so sick anyway. At least if you can understand, this might help.

Its such early days and of course you feel terrible now. But I promise you, it will get easier. For now you must just take one day at a time.

I am so very sorry to hear what happened. What I have learned not that long ago was a suggestion from a vet to give the cat a tranquilizer first to put him to sleep so he is just sleeping in our arms. It is easier to cry and hug them then knowing they don't feel the anxiousness. Then the second shot will be done before they wake up. In this particular case, we asked a mobile vet to come to our home and do it and she suggested the two shots..one to let us definitely make up our mind.and one to give our baby peace.

I have heard that when a cat is dehydrated needles can really bother them. It is possible that is what happened with Trouble. If that was your regular vet...you could call and ask her when she has a minute to call you and then discuss your questions with her.

I did that with my Little Guy (my avatar picture). The above story was his twin brother passing.
But Little Guy was an ER decision and I was definitely hysterical. He was taken into another room as he needed an oxygen tent and they wanted to do x-rays and the x-rays were brought to us to see he needed an immediate decision...one that was for him and not for us. I could not stop crying and just told the vet I didn't want my boy to suffer. That was the decision.

Just remember why you took Trouble there and made that decision. I am sorry for what happened.

In my last case, a couple of days later, I called and asked that the vet call me as I wanted to talk about my Little Guy. She did call me early in their evening hours and apologized for taking so long but she talked to me and stayed on the phone with me until all my questions were answered. I simply told her that now that I was not hysterical...I wanted to talk about what happened. She understood and even told me that although she was not allowed to say it at the time, if it had been her kitty, she would have made the decision I did. In fact, she had seen my boy in the back and knew his chest was filling up with fluid and he could not expand his lungs to breathe..the oxygen tent was helping him temporarily but she said she was very very glad I made the decision I did at the time. It truly was the best thing for my boy in his condition.

So I hope you think about calling and asking for a phone call and ask your questions about what happened...especially the dehydration making it difficult, etc. If you ask for the doctor to call when she has a few minutes...she can get the chart to refresh herself about your boy's condition.

It is hard to get thoughts and pictures out of one's mind...I have a horrible time with that myself which is why I can't even read stories of animal cruelty without getting stressed out. In fact, my husband has to cut such stories out of our newspaper so I don't have nightmares.

All I can suggest is keep reinforcing in your mind....WHY it was time to let Trouble go...and know that now he is at peace. When there is no cure and their time comes....it is your love that you are showing when you end his suffering. An animal can suffer 24/7 and try not to let you know it. I have read here where some babies are given fluids through injections and can have a bad time..and that's something to help them get better. But they do not want the injections.

We never make that decision quickly ..without really thinking about it and so when we do make it, we really and truly know it is the right decision. I know you had the experience in your mind as happening very differently than what you experienced. That's why it just might help to talk about it with your vet...the one person who understands your boy's physical condition.

And, as others have also said here....we seem to find out more and more that there should be two injections. One brings sleep so the second one brings them peace. I wish I had always known about that. I would have insisted on it instead of staying in another room when it was being done. That way in my mind I always pictured it as peaceful cause I never saw anything different. I have had many babies over my lifetime and it was only recently I heard about asking for the tranquilizer. Now I know.

It is okay to cry....to just tell your boy you love him and miss him and just wish so badly that he had been allowed to be with you longer with a quality of life. But we will miss them forever and love them forever and always always wish there had been more time.

It was heartbreaking but it is important to tell yourself that ..it is over now. Your boy is truly at peace. No more sickness, no more suffering.

I am sure if you read some stories here you have read how some people did delay the decision and had things happen when a vet was not available and their babies had many hours of problems that they saw while they were passing away. As bad as what you went through....I am glad you did not have to go through what I have read others did. There is some small comfort in this, I hope.

Remember the good healthy memories and try to dwell on them and push the sad ones aside as best as you can. Know he is an Angel now...in no pain...and watching over you.

Hugs and I wish you peace and healing. Take it one day at a time and try to remember the good moments as much as you can.

Take care,
Judy

I am crying with you because I have been where you are today. Right down to the long wait in an overheated room, with all around you quite oblivious to the intense pain you are experiencing , holding your baby for the last time and they just go on with their stuff, no one gives a damn that your world is crashing down, I have been exactly in that situation. It's sheer emotional torture, you sit in this unreal situation while they are all so busy and clinical, they have you sit with your darling on your lap in a waiting room that's about 90 degrees while your heart beats and wants to jump out of your body,you have cold sweats, your world has fallen apart, meanwhile there is the happy chatter of customers who walk in and out for little stuff, vaccinations, check ups smiling faces, happy pets, etc...throughout you never stop stroking your poor suffering and worried pet, it is such an uncomfortable place for a sick animal, why don,t they see this during the hour while they keep you waiting before allowing you go into the small examination room, to wait some more there, like a zombie, waiting for them to deign come in and assist you to let what you have loved more than anything else on earth go to it's dramatically sad end. Know that love, when it is true, is a forgiving love as well. We do not know how else things could have been, but we do know that love was there all the time, no matter what else was going on. Today, I know this, from all the crying and grief, today I feel my soulmate is still there, very close and very loving with me, but it was quite a journey to get there. I am still crying at this moment because your story takes me back a long way back, two years and a few months later. I know that sometimes a cat may be too weak to be given a tranquilizer, usually though their being so weak makes it easier to put them down. My soulmate had a tranquillizer but it was only after all that torture in the overheated so impersonal waiting room and after the wait in the examination room where he stressed a lot more before the first injection, there he simply relaxed a bit but he never feel asleep until the second needle....A member here(ANN) summed it up really well for me ....Throughout their lives we promise them it will be allright....we can't control the end. Courage my darling, it will get better, know that your Trouble will be able to comfort you and show you that kind of love goes on forever.

Toonie,

I haven't cried in a while, but I cry today as I read this. I am so very sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sending you many hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it feels good to be with people who understand the depth of love and agony........yesterday, i felt a little better.........today not so much........i know this will go on for awhile this way, and i will never ever fully forget this pain..........i still grieve about my horse, and that has been 35 years........i used to have nightmares about her, but, somehow, my psyche and subconcious worked it all out and i had this beautiful dream about her one night, and it's been much better in the past four years or so.....as i am able to heal and deal with reading some of the stories on here, i will..........i am excruciatinly sensitive too.........like someone else who said they can't even read or watch about animal cruelty stuff.........last night, i was watching animal planet and they had the cutest little baby penguin on.......he was swimming in his tub and his caregiver was there watching over him and even towel dried him after cuz he was still so young.......i was sooo overcome with love and i just wanted to cradle him in my arms and kiss him..........animals have always been special to me.........and, my kitty boy as I used to call him was just my special guy.........thank you all of you for your love and words of comfort...........i'll be on again soon

one of the things i have done is put his picture on my personal altar at home and i kiss it every morning and every night and i burn incense.........

Hugs to you Sissycat & welcome yours! .

Just letting you know how sorry I am for your loss. My experience was not a pleasant one either. But we just have to remember that they are no longer suffering. I also wish things could have gone smoothly and peacefully, but I feel it did not and the images will haunt me a lifetime. We just have to move on one day at a time. And like you said find the love again to heal our hearts. Funny thing, my boyfriend and I shared our Arthur. I never seen how much love he had for animals until after we lost Arthur. Unfortunately, he is so heartbroken, that he cannot bear to adopt another cat. (for now anyways). And I can't have one where I live, so I go to the shelter and do voulenteer work once a week to fill the void. It's helping a great deal, but challeng that I can't bring them all home. But someday....I'm going to known as the crazy lady with all the cats!...And that was me Toonie mentioned. Seems others have the same feelings. We promise them we will never let anything bad happen to them and when it's out of our hands we feel the guilt of failing them, of breaking our promises..It's really hard to let go of that sometimes..But we do, when our memories of them turns the tears to smiles..It just takes time..hugs..Ann

Ann, I will always be grateful for that so insightful sentence where you explained that dreadful realization that this time, we can not keep our promise that 'everything will be allrignt ''...throughout our lives with them this is our guarantee, that we will always be there for them they needn't ever worry, all will be well. But as life goes on we realize that we can not control all for them. Their illness or grief can be overwhelming, because it goes against our sometimes too strong will to control all aspects of our lives including theirs. I agree that helping the cats we can is quite therapeutic, for some of us, it's hard to allow ourselves to open our hearts again but we do know that if destiny somehow blesses another furry one, we will also accept to suffer some more.

Courage all of you out there, some of you are new and really hurting, others are making their way quietly but we all know how it feels and we try to be there for each other. Sometimes we can not write in every thread but hope all of you new and old know that this place is for all of us who hurt, who remember and keep alive the unique love of special souls.

Well said, Toonie, Thanks.. Ann

TLC---

I am so sorry---I just can't imagine that any vet would let that happen--I have been fortunate that I have never come across that--my vet and all who work there are such great people--they even take time to give support to us humans when they have to go thru this----

I know that we can tell you that Trouble is at peace and not hurting any more--but it really doesn't make it better--but--with time--the pain will ease---and maybe one day--another kitty will touch your heart like Trouble did--

"To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die." -Thomas Campbell


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