Dear Bubba,

I just can't believe it's been a year since God took you. In some ways, it feels like just 5 minutes ago you were in my arms. In others, it seems like you've been gone an eternity.

You are still on my mind all of the time. The pain is still so real. I guess it's a blessing that I didn't know, a year ago today, how rough this first year would be. The loss of you brought me to my knees.

You are still the screensaver on our cell phones and computer. I still kiss your picture every night before I go to sleep. I still pray for you to return to me, in some way. Laila, Cait and Raven still write poems to you. You were one in a million. And you will always be my baby boy.

I sure do hope you will remember mommy when we meet again. I still miss you so very much. All those years together. All that love. For 18 1/2 years, you were more than my best friend. You were part of me. And forever will be.

Mommy loves her Bubby.
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Hello--------I had a baby boy named Willy(a bulldog) for almost 11 years and he passed on 9-3-08.His nickname was Bubba and all the things you said above apply to me as well.God bless your baby boy Bubba.See you at the 'Bridge'...........
Bubba...............

You wrote a beautiful letter to your boy...and I love his picture.

My boy is my desktop wallpaper (thought of that reading about your screen saver).

We do love them forever and miss them forever and wish so badly we had had more time, no matter how long or short it ever was.

Hugs to you and your boy, Bubba...what an Angel!

Judy

I'm so sorry for your loss, but yet happy that you were so lucky to have found that special love for 18yrs. Yes, they certainly do become a part of us, and that's why a part of us leaves with them. Hoping the days become easier for you. It's hard, I know. I've reached the 7th mo mark since my boy's passing. Time flys when you think of 1 thing day in and day out. Wouldn't it be great if we all knew what would happen tomorrow. One thing I do know is that, for me, there will be another special pet in my life someday. He/she will never replace the ones I've lost, but will fill my emptiness with their unconditional love...hugs..Ann

What a wonderful tribute you wrote to your fur baby boy Bubba. We sure do miss them, don't we? I can certainly see how you do and your Bubba kitty is so very beautiful indeed. I take comfort in knowing that my baby is still here with me and only just a breath away. Really, a breath away is not far at all to where your fur baby boy Bubba is to you right now. This song says it far better than I can. If your PC doesn't have the ability to view or hear videos, I'll type out the lyrics for you.

"To Where You Are"

Who can say for certain maybe you're still here. I feel you all around me. Your memory's so clear. Deep in the stillness, I can hear you speak. You're still an inspiration.
Can it be?

That you are my Forever Love. And you are watching over me from up above!

Fly me up to where you are beyond the distant star. I wish upon tonight to see you smile! If only for a while to know you're there. A breath away's not far to where you are.

Are you gently sleeping here inside my dream? And isn't faith believing all power can't be seen. As my heart holds you just one beat away, I cherish all you gave me everyday!

'Cause you are my Forever Love watching me from up above. And I believe that Angels breathe and that Love will live on and never leave!

Fly me up to where you are, beyond the distant star! I wish upon tonight to see you smile. If only for a while to know you're there. A breath away's not far to where you are!

I know you're there! A breath away's not far to where you are!


I pray you are comforted, can feel your precious fur baby Bubba right there with you and know he'll never leave your side. Winging millions of loving Angels to soothe you and bring you Peace!

Many Comforting Hugs!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Thanks so much you guys. It's the comforting words of others who have experienced the same kind of loss that help us keep on putting one foot in front of the other.

Today I actually went and picked up Bubba's permanent urn (had his ashes in a temporary urn for the past year) that I ordered a year ago today. The lady at the pet crematorium was so understanding and just saved it there for me, for the day when I was ready to go back to that place. I knew today I had to go. So now, it really is all final.

The past year has been really rough for me. I've tried to fake my way through by keeping busy with work and my kids. But underneath everything was this deep grief that turned to depression. I painted on a smile and a laugh for everyone I met but at the end of the day, I was just left with this tremendous void that, no matter how I tried, I couldn't fill.

This has been undoubtedly the worst thing I've ever gone through. I miss him so much. I had no idea I could make so many tears for such a long period of time. And, one of the hardest things to deal with is the fact that those around me (except my mom and my 3 daughters) don't understand the love we can have for our furbabies.

A year later, it's still hard for me not to look for him so I can kiss his face before going to work in the morning and as soon as I walk in the door at night.

But, more than anything, the hardest thing for me to face is the realization that there will never be another like my sweet Bubby. No matter how sweet they are in their own way or where I look...he was definately that special one you find only once in a lifetime.

Maybe this time next year I'll be writing the book I've meant to start for 10 years. Kind of a "Marley and Me"-type memoir. All about the adventures of Bubba. Sometimes he was so bad! He gave me over 18 years of laughs and undying love. I'll forever be grateful for that. Thank you, Bubble. Mommy loves you forever.

Dottie, wow!! What a beautiful gift you sent me. Thanks for also attaching the lyrics. They brought sweet, healing tears. You are an angel and I feel the love. Again, thanks, you guys. You are awesome.

In peace, Cherie
~Bubba's forever mommy~
Click to view attachment

That picture you just posted of Bubba lying on the light rug.....it looks exactly like my Little Guy.
My boy had a twin brother who I lost to cancer in 2002 and I lost my Little Guy in Sept of 2007. Both were born in 1991 so I was lucky to have them for a while.

But your picture took my breath away. It is like looking in a mirror and seeing my boy too.
They always look so hugable in all their pictures.

Just beautiful.

Hugs, peace and healing.
Judy

This was your first post on the Board, and you were there for me. I never forgot it.
I was especially touched by the graphics memorials you made, of him laying in the meadow.
In about sixty days, Miles will be joining him the one-year meadow. WHile Miles did not last 18 years, she is nevertheless a part of me, past present and future. I hope something can happen that will bring you some happiness again, before you meet him at the Bridge.

It makes me think that nowadays many human marriages do not last 18 years.
Few friendships do. So his friendship is as special as any you will ever make.
And it's real, isn't it?
Still is.
They touch us forever and never really "leave", do they?

(This post is kind of long...sorry for babbling...)

Judy and Jon,

There is something about a big, black, long-haired kitty, huh? I will never, for the rest of my life, be without one. An ode to Bubba. It's comforting to me and, wherever I might be, it will only feel like home with that visual. I hope they are all raising caine as leaders of the "black cat pac" at the Bridge. Jon, I have never forgotten your sweet tributes to Miles. They mirrored exactly what I was feeling. I remember your wife's painting of Miles and your saying something to the effect of "when I looked into her eyes, I knew there was someone living in there. I cried when I read your posts. We've been on a long, winding journey, haven't we?

Ya know, it’s almost a relief that the day I’d been dreading--the one year anniversary of him leaving--is behind me now. I’d scheduled myself off from work the 8th and the 9th--in preparation. I knew exactly what I’d do--write to him and reconnect with old friends here who understood that pain. This was MY day, and my kids knew that. Every other day was for them. But this one, more than any other, was for me to remember my boy. I think I now know that something else took over that day to numb me from the pain of the flashbacks of our last days together and those final moments with him. Staying numb is how I’ve managed to go on, much of this past year.

But, late at night, on the 7th, I remember saying to my mother “I feel him here, watching me somehow…” I knew he was very close by--but I couldn’t put my finger on it. It wasn’t anything tangible. And Samson (my big black Bubba look-a-like who I adopted as an adult “stray” a couple weeks after Bubba left) began acting skittish and paranoid --as he did in the first couple weeks after I brought him into Bubba’s home. I knew he could still smell him everywhere. And he got really freaked out when I tried to bring him into my bedroom to cuddle up with him before going to sleep after work--as I’d done with Bubba many thousands of times. That night, especially, he was different. All 4 of my kitties were different. None would stay in my room, despite how many times I called them, tried to tempt them with shaking of their kitty treat bag (which usually brings them running) or carried them in there. Each one ran out immediately. It made me even sadder to think I was alone with my tears and they wouldn’t even try to console me. Bubby was my consoler and comforter.

About 8 months ago, I started questioning my faith…in everything. My “signs” from him had abruptly stopped and I just couldn’t feel him anymore. Like he was a million miles away. And I tried every trick in the book to reconnect with him. I’d prayed desperate pleas to God, I’d lit numerous candles, attended the ceremonies and have spoken aloud to him in the car so many times I began to question my own sanity. I’d adopted BoBo, who I was told by an Animal Communicator, would be Bubba reincarnated. But I knew, after a couple weeks that he wasn’t Bubba. That Bubby was gone and I felt so empty, like all that love was in vain and I was trapped in this void. I then started therapy . It was during one of those sessions that my therapist then said something to me that I haven’t forgotten and to which I cling for hope that maybe he is still here, somewhere.

My statement was, in essence, that I had lost my faith. Because, if there was ever a way for those loved ones who have passed to reach out from the after life, to send us signs, Bubba and I had the strongest bond I’d ever known and he would definitely find a way to do so again. And I was fearful that all the other signs and messages I’d received in the first few weeks after his death were just my imagination, or wishful thinking on my part.

He then told me that perhaps there was another possibility that I might need to consider. Maybe, he said, there is, in fact, an afterlife (which I have to believe to make living this life worth it)…but those on the other side cannot easily communicate or get thru to us. They can see us, yes, but cannot directly make their presence known.

I cling to this now. And maybe someday it will just be enough, that knowing that he is somehow in the room, watching. But, it still does not bring me comfort, at this point. I still miss that interaction with my boy. I still wish he would try and visit me in my dreams. Maybe my subconscious is still being protected. I did dream of him a few days ago--but, yet again, I didn’t see his face. So I know it wasn’t a visit from him. Just me planting him in my dream. Has anyone else ever felt any of this?? Or have I, in fact, lost my mind???

In peace, Cherie
~Bubba's forever mommy~


DEAR ANGELS,

PLEASE TAKE CARE OF MY BEST FRIEND,
MY SWEET BUBBY.
HE DOESN'T LIKE TO SLEEP ALONE.
HE HATES THE SOUND OF THE VACUUM
AND ALUMINUM FOIL.
HE LOVES CORN AND SPINACH AND
PANCAKE SYRUP.
AND KISSES ON HIS EYES.
http://petsupports.com/bubba.htm