Full Version: The End Is Near
About 3 months ago in october we found out our dog gabriel had prostate cancer. A week later we found out he had cancer all over. It has been hell watching him waste away before my eyes and there is not a single thing I can do. We have him on steroids and pain killers but the last couple days it seems the medicines are not working so well anymore. I think we are almost at the end of the road. I watch him walk out to the yard so slowly limping on his one leg and wonder if we are just being selfish to keep him with us. But when I see him barking and trying to play with our younger dog, still interested in eating and just seems ok for now. . . how can you put him down. How can you end his life when he still has so much in him and I just cant. I know that it sounds I think he was still willing to go on as of yesterday but today. He just does not look well and I just see that look in his eyes that same one my other dog had when it was her time and it kills me. Because I am no tready. It is so hard to think about saying good bye but I think it is almost time. I never knew how painful watching cancer take a life could be. It is the worst thing I have ever been through. It is a constant rollar coaster of emotion. Thinking hey he is doing better today but knowing in the back of your head there is no such thing as better with this. He will not get better and it hurts. It just hurts. You know you grow up taking care of these wonderful creatures. The ones that layed by your side on lonely nights when the kids were not so nice at school and they kissed your face when tears were rolling because everything was going to hell at home and now they are the ones who need the comfurt and I cant do anything to help. I do all I can but nothing I do will make it go away. I know he will soon go to a better place away from the pain and the discomfurt. But I cant help but miss him so much for all he did for me for so many years. God is truely taking my angel away.
Dear Murphy's Mom,
Boy, do I know what you are feeling right now! My Flossie did not have cancer but to watch her the last month KNOWING what I needed to do, AGONIZING over what I needed to do and even the tiniest glimmer that...... she had a good day today, walking good today, trying to play today and eating good the whole time (for her anyhow). I would tell myself this is false hope.... you know what needs to be done but just not able to give in. I finally called to make the appointment. One whole week ahead of time. That week was horrible for me but I knew I needed to follow through to not let her suffer as most days she couldn't even stand without the legs kicking her all over the place. She ran (the funny run she had at 17-1/2 with a back injury over 14 years prior) and tried to play with my H & I just 2 days before I put her down.
I lost a cat to cancer and did not take her in time to be put to sleep and I have never really forgiven myself for that as she did not go peacefully. It is awful to see them struggle and be nothing like they have been all those years. I should have let her go sooner but kept thinking it wasn't right since she seemed to have a lot of good days.
I believe that experience helped give me the strength to do what was best for Flossie even though it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. She was so special to me and we had been through many, many difficult times together. She never gave up. Never. Not even to the end. That last week I spent a lot of time with her outside and if she couldn't walk that day, I carried her all over so she could enjoy the fresh air an open space of the farm we were on at the time.
I don't regret letting her go the way I had to. I wish it was not not the way it had to be. I did have many years with her and she kept me sane sometimes when my world was turned upside down. She knew I loved her more than any dog I've ever had and knew I did everything possible for her each time she needed me.
I guess I can't answer "how do you do it? put them down?" I don't know. Out of love? I really don't know how I did it. I can tell you I really, really drug my feet on it. Down to the last possible minute to make the call. I had to get her ashes back before we left the area. It took up to 2 weeks to get her ashes back & I missed the deadline for that week as they were taken to another city for cremation.
Our daughter's cat had cancer also and she waited like me; made her appointment and ended up taking the cat to emergency at 3am the night before her appointment.
So there are no easy decisions to be made as to "when" or "how". It is a roller coaster and will be a roller coaster when he is gone too..... when is the right time to let go? I think you know your Gabriel better than anyone else so when the mind and the heart can stop the quarrel..... it will be time.
Lots of people here have great thoughts and ideas that have helped them. They all understand what we go through. Most of them have been there. Some many times and have the greatest words of comfort for each new grieving parent, as well as those of us that are not so new here but still need kind words and special thoughts & prayers.
Thinking of you and your Gabriel as you help and comfort him with his journey to the Rainbow Bridge to wait for you.
Ginger
Boy, do I know what you are feeling right now! My Flossie did not have cancer but to watch her the last month KNOWING what I needed to do, AGONIZING over what I needed to do and even the tiniest glimmer that...... she had a good day today, walking good today, trying to play today and eating good the whole time (for her anyhow). I would tell myself this is false hope.... you know what needs to be done but just not able to give in. I finally called to make the appointment. One whole week ahead of time. That week was horrible for me but I knew I needed to follow through to not let her suffer as most days she couldn't even stand without the legs kicking her all over the place. She ran (the funny run she had at 17-1/2 with a back injury over 14 years prior) and tried to play with my H & I just 2 days before I put her down.
I lost a cat to cancer and did not take her in time to be put to sleep and I have never really forgiven myself for that as she did not go peacefully. It is awful to see them struggle and be nothing like they have been all those years. I should have let her go sooner but kept thinking it wasn't right since she seemed to have a lot of good days.
I believe that experience helped give me the strength to do what was best for Flossie even though it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. She was so special to me and we had been through many, many difficult times together. She never gave up. Never. Not even to the end. That last week I spent a lot of time with her outside and if she couldn't walk that day, I carried her all over so she could enjoy the fresh air an open space of the farm we were on at the time.
I don't regret letting her go the way I had to. I wish it was not not the way it had to be. I did have many years with her and she kept me sane sometimes when my world was turned upside down. She knew I loved her more than any dog I've ever had and knew I did everything possible for her each time she needed me.
I guess I can't answer "how do you do it? put them down?" I don't know. Out of love? I really don't know how I did it. I can tell you I really, really drug my feet on it. Down to the last possible minute to make the call. I had to get her ashes back before we left the area. It took up to 2 weeks to get her ashes back & I missed the deadline for that week as they were taken to another city for cremation.
Our daughter's cat had cancer also and she waited like me; made her appointment and ended up taking the cat to emergency at 3am the night before her appointment.
So there are no easy decisions to be made as to "when" or "how". It is a roller coaster and will be a roller coaster when he is gone too..... when is the right time to let go? I think you know your Gabriel better than anyone else so when the mind and the heart can stop the quarrel..... it will be time.
Lots of people here have great thoughts and ideas that have helped them. They all understand what we go through. Most of them have been there. Some many times and have the greatest words of comfort for each new grieving parent, as well as those of us that are not so new here but still need kind words and special thoughts & prayers.
Thinking of you and your Gabriel as you help and comfort him with his journey to the Rainbow Bridge to wait for you.
Ginger
Murphy's mom,
There is no easy way. It hurts us so much because we love them so much. They understand everything and are there for us no matter what. The thought of not having their comfort is just awful.
Like said before it is and will be a long rollar coaster ride and everyone is here to help get you along.
Also like Ginger said, you know your Gabriel better than anyone. Only you can make the decision when the time is right for the journey to the Rainbow Bridge.
Just savor every moment you have left and enjoy, give lots of love and hugs.
Let us know how things are going.
Hugs and prayers for you and Gabriel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is no easy way. It hurts us so much because we love them so much. They understand everything and are there for us no matter what. The thought of not having their comfort is just awful.
Like said before it is and will be a long rollar coaster ride and everyone is here to help get you along.
Also like Ginger said, you know your Gabriel better than anyone. Only you can make the decision when the time is right for the journey to the Rainbow Bridge.
Just savor every moment you have left and enjoy, give lots of love and hugs.
Let us know how things are going.
Hugs and prayers for you and Gabriel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well thank you all for all the words of comfurt for the last 3 months. He finally has told us in his own way it is time. We are going to make the call tomorrow morning. He cant walk on his own, he isnt keeping alot of food down or eating like he did, and he doesnt want to get up to play or even greet us at the door. His tail doesnt even wag. It kills me to see him so sad. And I know we are doing the right thing. I can not bring my self to let him suffer through anymore pain. I love him so much. . . I was watching a movie yesterday and it was called The Bucket List. It was a movie about two patients with terminal cancer. And they pretty much spent the rest of their time living it up. And I believe we were able to do that for him too. We gave him everything and anything he wanted and more. I just wish we could have gone camping one more time or gone on one last wallk. It is so hard to think he wont be there anymore. I am leaving to see family on the 26th and I feel bad leaving my sister and dad here on there own. This will be the third christmas in a row we have gone through losing a pet. Hopefully we will find some peace in knowing he will be free from this cancer. He will be up in heaven just waiting for us with our other baby scooter. I think knowing it is going to happen is the hardest part. That thought in the back of your head that just keeps telling you hes leaving soon. He wont be here tomorrow. Oh I will miss him so much. My little Gabriel. How unfair.
My thoughts and prayers go with you today as you free Gabriel from his pain and suffering. Out of the love you have for Gabriel, you have made a very unselfish decision. As he makes that grand transition, I hope you find some peace in your heart knowing Gabriel will be made whole again. One day you and he will find each other again and be together forever as you live in eternal bliss. Until that day comes, know that Gabriel's spirit will stay alive and well around you and within you. 
Hugs of comfort from my heart to yours,
Beth
Hugs of comfort from my heart to yours,
Beth
I am so sorry to hear about Gabriel. I know what you are going through. We had to let our Casey go on Nov 13th. It was very hard, but he had lung cancer and we could see that he was suffering. It is a decision that is made out of love. I miss him so much, at times I just sit and look at his picture and cry. I know he is in a better place and that someday we will be reunited.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Take care,
Karen
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Take care,
Karen
Your little Gabriel was very lucky to have a mom like you, he takes your love with him and waits wrapped in it for the day where you will be reunited.
I am so releived he is not in pain or sick any longer. But I am also so sad to lose such a very good friend. He was one of a kind just like all the others we come to love. But I know that some day I will see him again. I could just see him feel at ease when he went. But it still doesnt stop all the pain of not having him here at home. . . that I know will take time just as it has before. . . it sucks, but I would do it all over again if I could. There is no love like the love of a pet.
When you said: I am so relieved he is not in pain or sick any longer. But I am also so sad to lose such a very good friend. He was one of a kind just like all the others we come to love. But I know that some day I will see him again. I could just see him feel at ease when he went. But it still doesnt stop all the pain of not having him here at home. . . that I know will take time just as it has before. . . it sucks, but I would do it all over again if I could. There is no love like the love of a pet.
You truly said it all so very well. Your thoughts, your feelings are well known by so many here.
I asked a vet years ago when to know to make the decision and his answer was..when there is no more quality of life. I understand that and used it as my guide. When my last boy had to leave and I had to make that decision in the ER....all I felt inside was it was so important that he not suffer. I know when I get these babies that a day will come when they have to leave and I still get them anyway cause that time with them is worth so very much. The intense pain we have is because we love them so much and it is the pain of missing them...every day.
But then, as I said, you said it all so well and...you summed it all up beautifully with your last sentence..........There is no love like the love of a pet.
I am glad Gabriel was in your life. I am sorry it was his time. (Strange but not that long ago, I too saw that movie..the Bucket List.. and know what you mean).
I always say just because we know we made the right decision..for them...that thought does not make the decision any easier or bearable. It will just exist.
Hugs and peace. Take it one day at a time now. You truly did make the right decision. But when you think of things....try to remember the happy healthy memories....the best parts of being together.
Judy
You truly said it all so very well. Your thoughts, your feelings are well known by so many here.
I asked a vet years ago when to know to make the decision and his answer was..when there is no more quality of life. I understand that and used it as my guide. When my last boy had to leave and I had to make that decision in the ER....all I felt inside was it was so important that he not suffer. I know when I get these babies that a day will come when they have to leave and I still get them anyway cause that time with them is worth so very much. The intense pain we have is because we love them so much and it is the pain of missing them...every day.
But then, as I said, you said it all so well and...you summed it all up beautifully with your last sentence..........There is no love like the love of a pet.
I am glad Gabriel was in your life. I am sorry it was his time. (Strange but not that long ago, I too saw that movie..the Bucket List.. and know what you mean).
I always say just because we know we made the right decision..for them...that thought does not make the decision any easier or bearable. It will just exist.
Hugs and peace. Take it one day at a time now. You truly did make the right decision. But when you think of things....try to remember the happy healthy memories....the best parts of being together.
Judy
Hi. My baby is losing her battle with cancer and we have to put her to sleep this Saturday. I am totally overwhelmed by grief and guilt. She developed a tumour on her foot last summer and ended up losing 2 toes. They weren't able to remove all the cancer cells though and it started growing again. We noticed right after Christmas. This time it has spread. We knew last summer that we were only buying time, but still it is so very hard. Her mind is good. Some days I see the pain in her eyes, but she wants to get up and play with the pups. She still likes to go for a walk. She can't walk too far without making her foot bleed. The tumour on her foot has opened up so we have no choice but to end her life. I know in my head and my heart that it is time to let her go, but I am having such a hard time with this. Her mind is still so good, and Hunny can hold a grudge. I don't want her going to the Bridge mad at me. She has a sister, Lily, up there waiting for her. We lost Lily last summer also. My only solace is that they will be together again. I was hoping that she would slip away in her sleep, but I think she's just too stubborn. I'm sure that she doesn't want to leave us or the pups. She hardly got to know them!! And I wanted to bury her too, but up here in Manitoba the ground is still frozen, so we have to cremate her. Does it sound corny sending her to heaven with a teddy bear in tow and a little letter for her and Lily? Does it sound stupid to send something with her for Lily also? We lost Lily suddenly and expectedly.
Lynette
I am sorry for what is happening and know how hard it is to make the decision. I have had too many special ones have cancer take them away.
your questions of: Does it sound corny sending her to heaven with a teddy bear in tow and a little letter for her and Lily? Does it sound stupid to send something with her for Lily also?
The answers are: No and No
Whatever you want to do that feels right or special to you....IS the right thing to do. Grief is open to all suggestions.
We make the decision to give them peace when there is no cure and we know their quality of life is not fun anymore....but it is never an easy decision and even though we know it is the right thing to do when we make it....that doesn't make it any easier...but it does help us to know we are able to give them peace when we can.
There is no way Hunny will go anywhere mad at you. Unconditional love does not have that emotion present. All they know how to do is love us and we give back as much love as humans can. They know whatever we do, it is for them. If we are allowed to cure something, we take care of it. If there is no cure....we know...in time...we will be asked to give them peace. The worst decision of our life..it always seems to be.
I have seen many here do cremation and have an urn so their special one will always be wherever they are..so if they ever have to move...they are still always together. Maybe it will help to think of it that way...maybe there is a reason the ground is frozen...and you are pointed to only one choice. Just a thought.
Hugs and tears........give your baby a special hug and kiss from me. There are many here who I know will be sending their prayers and hugs also.
Judy
I am sorry for what is happening and know how hard it is to make the decision. I have had too many special ones have cancer take them away.
your questions of: Does it sound corny sending her to heaven with a teddy bear in tow and a little letter for her and Lily? Does it sound stupid to send something with her for Lily also?
The answers are: No and No
Whatever you want to do that feels right or special to you....IS the right thing to do. Grief is open to all suggestions.
We make the decision to give them peace when there is no cure and we know their quality of life is not fun anymore....but it is never an easy decision and even though we know it is the right thing to do when we make it....that doesn't make it any easier...but it does help us to know we are able to give them peace when we can.
There is no way Hunny will go anywhere mad at you. Unconditional love does not have that emotion present. All they know how to do is love us and we give back as much love as humans can. They know whatever we do, it is for them. If we are allowed to cure something, we take care of it. If there is no cure....we know...in time...we will be asked to give them peace. The worst decision of our life..it always seems to be.
I have seen many here do cremation and have an urn so their special one will always be wherever they are..so if they ever have to move...they are still always together. Maybe it will help to think of it that way...maybe there is a reason the ground is frozen...and you are pointed to only one choice. Just a thought.
Hugs and tears........give your baby a special hug and kiss from me. There are many here who I know will be sending their prayers and hugs also.
Judy
Thank you Judy for your kind words.
This is really hard. I know in my heart that we have no choice. My husband found another lump on her yesterday, on the back of her head. So the cancer is spreading rapidly. And I know that even though her mind is good now, it's only a matter of time before things become unbearable for her.
We told our daughter last night. Of course, she cried. But she knew it was coming. We were all hoping for more time, we are grateful the extra time that we've been given. My daughter is pretty strong though. I don't know if she will be with us tomorrow or not. I've told her what happens and have left the choice up to her. I hope she stays home or goes to my parents, but if she chooses to be there in Hunny's final moments, I won't deny her that. I know it'll be really hard for her though.
We are planning on taking her "visiting" tomorrow. We'll go to my parents so that she can say goodbye to them and to their two dogs. I think Hunny has known for a while that her time is near. When we took her to the vets last month, it seemed to be a relief to her. It was as though she already knew, but was trying to keep it a secret from us. But when we saw the vet, everything was out in the open and she knew everyone now knew. She was sad, but I think, in a way, glad that she didn't have to fight it alone now. My poor baby. I feel so bad for her. I wish she didn't have to go through this. She has been very strong and brave. And I am so proud of her. But I know she's not as tough as she lets on sometimes - that's why no matter how I feel, I will be there for her.
I've told Hunny that she'll be joining Lily, but I've always wondered what/if I should have said anything. How do you tell your pet? Or don't you? I don't know. I told her last night that she'll be flying to heaven Saturday afternoon. If she could've cried she would have. I never knew my heart could break so much and so many times.
I love her so much. I just hope I can be strong for her tomorrow afternoon. She deserves only the very best.
I have been agonizing over this decision now for a couple of months and I have played it over and over in my mind. I have been so stressed and worried about the whole thing, I kinda feel guilty about thinking that once it's over, I can grieve for a while and then put this chapter of my life behind me. Not that I want to ever forget her, but I've been grieving now since end of June. I'm tired too.
Thank you once again. Your words are comforting. I really don't have anyone around me who fully understands this pain.
This is really hard. I know in my heart that we have no choice. My husband found another lump on her yesterday, on the back of her head. So the cancer is spreading rapidly. And I know that even though her mind is good now, it's only a matter of time before things become unbearable for her.
We told our daughter last night. Of course, she cried. But she knew it was coming. We were all hoping for more time, we are grateful the extra time that we've been given. My daughter is pretty strong though. I don't know if she will be with us tomorrow or not. I've told her what happens and have left the choice up to her. I hope she stays home or goes to my parents, but if she chooses to be there in Hunny's final moments, I won't deny her that. I know it'll be really hard for her though.
We are planning on taking her "visiting" tomorrow. We'll go to my parents so that she can say goodbye to them and to their two dogs. I think Hunny has known for a while that her time is near. When we took her to the vets last month, it seemed to be a relief to her. It was as though she already knew, but was trying to keep it a secret from us. But when we saw the vet, everything was out in the open and she knew everyone now knew. She was sad, but I think, in a way, glad that she didn't have to fight it alone now. My poor baby. I feel so bad for her. I wish she didn't have to go through this. She has been very strong and brave. And I am so proud of her. But I know she's not as tough as she lets on sometimes - that's why no matter how I feel, I will be there for her.
I've told Hunny that she'll be joining Lily, but I've always wondered what/if I should have said anything. How do you tell your pet? Or don't you? I don't know. I told her last night that she'll be flying to heaven Saturday afternoon. If she could've cried she would have. I never knew my heart could break so much and so many times.
I love her so much. I just hope I can be strong for her tomorrow afternoon. She deserves only the very best.
I have been agonizing over this decision now for a couple of months and I have played it over and over in my mind. I have been so stressed and worried about the whole thing, I kinda feel guilty about thinking that once it's over, I can grieve for a while and then put this chapter of my life behind me. Not that I want to ever forget her, but I've been grieving now since end of June. I'm tired too.
Thank you once again. Your words are comforting. I really don't have anyone around me who fully understands this pain.
My god this hurts. This never leaves my mind. How am I going to handle it tomorrow? I will need to be so strong for Hunny. I can't stop crying now, what will I be like tomorrow?
I just hope I can be strong for her tomorrow afternoon. She deserves only the very best.
Just a couple of things that might help. I found out a few years ago that if asked...the vet will first give a tranquilizer shot that puts them into a sleep. That is the time to hug them and cry and let go of the tears..cause they can't get upset...they are sleeping. Then the vet, before the baby awakes, will say it is time and will give the final one. Whether you stay in the room or not at that time, your sweetheart will not know so I see no reason to stay in the room unless you want to.
I never had the nerve to stay in the room but I never left the office until I was told my baby was at peace. I didn't know about the 2 shots, and only knew I get hysterical about making the decision and so I knew I would upset my friend and that is not the time to do that. A few years back, my boy's twin brother was put to sleep and the vet came to the house and she suggested the 2 shots and so we had some minutes to hug that boy and cry before he was taken away from us by the final.
As far as crying now...do it...and hug her....nothing is happening to her right now so you two can just be with each other. It is okay to cry. She will wonder in her own way but you can hug her and just say..it is okay.. and eventually she will see you stop crying for a while.
And when you go there to the vet....maybe it will help to think as I do (having had times I had to go by myself when I was single).....what I do is tell myself it is not final yet. I can always say No and change my mind and so I drive there with that thought and I go in with that thought and until the vet says it is time...that's when I know there is no turning back but it helps keep the tears in check when I tell myself...I can stop it anytime right now (knowing deep down I won't but somehow remembering I have the choice of when...helps me). Once it is time and your baby is asleep...you can still stop it up until the vet is ready to proceed. And that is when you can let down again...and many times afterward.
Something I read on the forum a while ago is something that the words help me. Maybe they will help you:
"I have sent you on a journey to a land free from pain, not because I did not love you but because I loved you to much to force you to stay."
Right now, it is Friday and it is not THE day so keep telling yourself today and even tomorrow..you are in charge and can stop it....(we know we won't but for me..by telling myself I was still in command of the decision...just helped me get through the time emotionally).
For me, this decision is always the worst hurt of all but there are times it was even worse..those times when I had to make it when my precious one was not in pain...but the quality of life was far gone and no cure. We do it to give them peace and when I look at any pictures, that's all I can think to say...I gave you peace..and that is all I could do for you cause I could not cure you.
(and I type saying that in tears right now myself).
Hugs to you, your family and your special girl, Hunny.
Judy
Just a couple of things that might help. I found out a few years ago that if asked...the vet will first give a tranquilizer shot that puts them into a sleep. That is the time to hug them and cry and let go of the tears..cause they can't get upset...they are sleeping. Then the vet, before the baby awakes, will say it is time and will give the final one. Whether you stay in the room or not at that time, your sweetheart will not know so I see no reason to stay in the room unless you want to.
I never had the nerve to stay in the room but I never left the office until I was told my baby was at peace. I didn't know about the 2 shots, and only knew I get hysterical about making the decision and so I knew I would upset my friend and that is not the time to do that. A few years back, my boy's twin brother was put to sleep and the vet came to the house and she suggested the 2 shots and so we had some minutes to hug that boy and cry before he was taken away from us by the final.
As far as crying now...do it...and hug her....nothing is happening to her right now so you two can just be with each other. It is okay to cry. She will wonder in her own way but you can hug her and just say..it is okay.. and eventually she will see you stop crying for a while.
And when you go there to the vet....maybe it will help to think as I do (having had times I had to go by myself when I was single).....what I do is tell myself it is not final yet. I can always say No and change my mind and so I drive there with that thought and I go in with that thought and until the vet says it is time...that's when I know there is no turning back but it helps keep the tears in check when I tell myself...I can stop it anytime right now (knowing deep down I won't but somehow remembering I have the choice of when...helps me). Once it is time and your baby is asleep...you can still stop it up until the vet is ready to proceed. And that is when you can let down again...and many times afterward.
Something I read on the forum a while ago is something that the words help me. Maybe they will help you:
"I have sent you on a journey to a land free from pain, not because I did not love you but because I loved you to much to force you to stay."
Right now, it is Friday and it is not THE day so keep telling yourself today and even tomorrow..you are in charge and can stop it....(we know we won't but for me..by telling myself I was still in command of the decision...just helped me get through the time emotionally).
For me, this decision is always the worst hurt of all but there are times it was even worse..those times when I had to make it when my precious one was not in pain...but the quality of life was far gone and no cure. We do it to give them peace and when I look at any pictures, that's all I can think to say...I gave you peace..and that is all I could do for you cause I could not cure you.
(and I type saying that in tears right now myself).
Hugs to you, your family and your special girl, Hunny.
Judy
Thank you!
You're welcome. It sounds like something helped...I am glad.
You know, the thing about being in control of the decision is....it is really true. I knew I could say..we will come back tomorrow or next week or......and it could really be true. I have never changed my mind because I know once I have made that decision...I know I will go through with it because I remember WHY I made the decision...and that reason is why I don't change my mind.
But it really helps me to always remember.....until it is final.....nothing is final including that decision.
Hugs again,
Judy
You know, the thing about being in control of the decision is....it is really true. I knew I could say..we will come back tomorrow or next week or......and it could really be true. I have never changed my mind because I know once I have made that decision...I know I will go through with it because I remember WHY I made the decision...and that reason is why I don't change my mind.
But it really helps me to always remember.....until it is final.....nothing is final including that decision.
Hugs again,
Judy
Lynette,
Sending you strength for tomorrow. Thinking of you and Hunny.
I think that is perfect, that you will send~ a teddy bear in tow and a little letter for her and Lily. I think that is wonderful. The place I went through to get Ren's ashes after he passed, made an ink print of his nose, and an ink print of his paw, and a clay print of his paw. That was really special to me, and I didn't get the chance to do that with my others. Something to think about. Nobody had told me about that stuff before.
Bless your little Hunny
~ NM
Sending you strength for tomorrow. Thinking of you and Hunny.
I think that is perfect, that you will send~ a teddy bear in tow and a little letter for her and Lily. I think that is wonderful. The place I went through to get Ren's ashes after he passed, made an ink print of his nose, and an ink print of his paw, and a clay print of his paw. That was really special to me, and I didn't get the chance to do that with my others. Something to think about. Nobody had told me about that stuff before.
Bless your little Hunny
~ NM
QUOTE (lynette @ Apr 3 2009, 01:17 PM) 
I can't stop crying now, what will I be like tomorrow?
Dear Lynette,
I am so sorry about your little Hunny and what you are forced to face tomorrow.
Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you during this oh so painful time of your life. More than likely some of the grief you have inside about Lily is also surfacing which I'm sure makes this even harder on you.But, you love Hunny enough to let her go where she can be whole again and cancer free. No doubt, Lily will be awaiting her arrival and make her transition easier.
Tomorrow will be a sad day as you say goodbye for now...........But trust that one day you will say hello again to both Lily and Hunny.
Hugs of love and comfort from my heart to yours,
Beth
Thank you all for your kind words. I'm starting to get scared now. Only 24 hours to go. One more hour of work and home to see my baby. Oh, how I wish she would slip away in her sleep tonight. Not that I want her to go, but I am totally dreading tomorrow. I just have to keep convincing myself that we have no choice anymore. We did try to do everything for her but even if we had all the money in the world, there is nothing left that we can do.
Thank you all.
Thank you all.
I am sending hugs and prayers to you and your Hunny!!! May you have the strength to help her to make the big transition to a better place.
I know it really really hurts, but we somehow find the strength.
Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know it really really hurts, but we somehow find the strength.
Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sending you my thoughts and prayers as well, courage and may you be surrounded by angels.
You always have and are always still doing everything FOR HER. That is your love for her showing.
My special ones have never won a permanent stay when it was cancer. In fact, my boy's twin brother was lost to cancer 5 years before my boy..and then my boy had an emergency because of it and so my goodbye to both of these was very short. The twin had to go to sleep in less than a week after the diagnosis due to breathing problems. My boy was having eating problems for about 6 weeks but while we were trying to decide what to do...he had a breathing emergency...the first emergency I had to go through and a day I will not forget. If we are allowed to be sure they are free of pain and only know peace....that is something I am always grateful for. The emergency showed me that the decisions I made for others previously was truly done before they became an emergency as my last boy was.
Believe me, you are truly thinking of Hunny in all that you do. It is just a time that we feel the most helpless for we know we have done all we and our vet can do, and yet, we always still wish there was more help for our special sweetheart.
And I know that even though her mind is good now, it's only a matter of time before things become unbearable for her.
These are the thoughts that show how very much you are thinking of her and putting her before everything else. She feels your love and somehow I think they truly understand in their own way that we never want to let them go.
Please do ask your vet about giving two shots.....I wish it had been suggested to me the first time and everytime I had to make the decision...I would have jumped at the chance to hug and cry without getting my baby upset....but it was only through a lady mobile vet's suggestion 7 years ago that I even knew it could happen..and I see by others' comments elsewhere...it meant something special to them too.
Sending you a big, arms wrapped around tight hug, and crying tears with you. I have had some beautiful dogs be a part of my life and I was always reluctant to let them go when it was time, but, like you, as a "Mom", I had to do what was best for my sweetheart.
Even knowing all this, it is never easier to make the decision but sometimes remembering why and remembering the current quality of life and what may be around the corner....well, I can say knowing my baby was avoiding what was coming......has helped me to be at ease that I didn't change my mind when I knew it was the right decision under all the circumstances I could think of. But inside my mind...I was shouting "No"...every time.
Hug that girl again for me, please.
Judy
My special ones have never won a permanent stay when it was cancer. In fact, my boy's twin brother was lost to cancer 5 years before my boy..and then my boy had an emergency because of it and so my goodbye to both of these was very short. The twin had to go to sleep in less than a week after the diagnosis due to breathing problems. My boy was having eating problems for about 6 weeks but while we were trying to decide what to do...he had a breathing emergency...the first emergency I had to go through and a day I will not forget. If we are allowed to be sure they are free of pain and only know peace....that is something I am always grateful for. The emergency showed me that the decisions I made for others previously was truly done before they became an emergency as my last boy was.
Believe me, you are truly thinking of Hunny in all that you do. It is just a time that we feel the most helpless for we know we have done all we and our vet can do, and yet, we always still wish there was more help for our special sweetheart.
And I know that even though her mind is good now, it's only a matter of time before things become unbearable for her.
These are the thoughts that show how very much you are thinking of her and putting her before everything else. She feels your love and somehow I think they truly understand in their own way that we never want to let them go.
Please do ask your vet about giving two shots.....I wish it had been suggested to me the first time and everytime I had to make the decision...I would have jumped at the chance to hug and cry without getting my baby upset....but it was only through a lady mobile vet's suggestion 7 years ago that I even knew it could happen..and I see by others' comments elsewhere...it meant something special to them too.
Sending you a big, arms wrapped around tight hug, and crying tears with you. I have had some beautiful dogs be a part of my life and I was always reluctant to let them go when it was time, but, like you, as a "Mom", I had to do what was best for my sweetheart.
Even knowing all this, it is never easier to make the decision but sometimes remembering why and remembering the current quality of life and what may be around the corner....well, I can say knowing my baby was avoiding what was coming......has helped me to be at ease that I didn't change my mind when I knew it was the right decision under all the circumstances I could think of. But inside my mind...I was shouting "No"...every time.
Hug that girl again for me, please.
Judy
How I grieve for you and understand the toll cancer can take. I made the decision you are faced to make and I waited like you did and I see it all today like it was yesterday.
My Jake died 8 years ago this year. He had osteosarcoma of the knee.
There are not enough pages or words to describe Jake but he was loved and very special but I would like to tell you if don't mind.
My husband and I adopted him from the humane society as a puppy he was a lab/dalmation mix. He was born with hip dysplasia, we had both hips done when he was young and then when he was five he hopped through the yard and landed on this big hug rubber toy and tore the ligaments in one knee, we had the knee wired. When he was 9 I noticed a lump on his good knee and called the vet, the outcome was osteosarcoma. I will never forget that day, he took jake back while I waited and returned without him and told me the prognosis and I didn't know at the time what that was and when he told me I lost my balance and sank to the ground. He said at this point it will grow and get huge and he won't be able to walk on that leg, well that was his good knee that the cancer was growing on and I was devastated, he said he could live a few more years with it amputated and I was horrified by that suggestion. He had lived longer then his first vet had said he would, he gave him five years with two hip surgeries and a knee wired.
I took him home, told my husband and cried, we kept him alive for two weeks and it grew the size of a soft ball. The day we made the decision was a Friday, I called the vet Thursday and my husband, myself and his parents spent the day with him, he was fine, he was happy, he was eating but he couldn't walk anymore. We gave him all his favorite foods the last hour of his life, I will never forget the look on his face and his tail wagging the whole day. I always wonder if that meant he knew this was it and no more pain. We got him in the car, drove to the vet, had to wait an hour in the car with him till the vet was ready, he wasn't going alone, thats all I knew. I have never done this before, I lost my Sam a year earlier to AIHA and he died at home so I never experienced another loss much less a decision of ending a life. We got him in a room, he layed down on the floor, looked at all of us, wagging his tail, the vet came in to administer a tranqualizer and he couldn't hit a vein, it took four times and by then I was gone, crying, saying no I can't do this because everytime he poked jake and couldn't get a vein he would look at me and wag his tail. Finally he drifted off, and I never held him when the last shot was given I was so gone and I never held him when he had his last breathe and I regret that, his last knowledge of his mom was hysterical crying.
Jake was so many things and so special and loved by the whole family, my in-laws loved him so much that they were there the day he died. He is buried in my heart forever.
I cry now as I type this and my heart goes out to you in this time of grief because I know. I haven't cried about Jake in awhile. You will be in my thoughts tonight and tomorrow and know that you have many friends here that know what you are going through. Sorry for the long drawn out story of Jake.
Lots of hugs,
Cindy
P.S. A few days after Jake died I called the vet that had done his surgeries on both hips and knee and told him. I thanked him for giving Jake his life and forever be grateful for all the years he lived.
Hi Lynnette, My thoughts and prayers will be with you Saturday. It is so terriblely hard to do, but you did all you could for your Hunny. On the show the Dog Whisper, they told someone who had to let their dog go who had cancer, was, medicine only masks the problem for a little the while, the desease remains. You gave your Hunny the best life, and in return got that unconditional love that non pet owners will never know. For that you both are blessed.
As for sending a teddy, do whatever your heart desires. Nothing you say or do is ever corny when you love someone; a person or pet. When I had to put my Arthur down, I brought with me a picture of my last cat Daisy, who meant the world to me, that was all I had of her. It was a small photo. It fit in the palm of my hand. I wanted to place it on him, but I didn't and I wish I had. I held onto it and prayed for her to guide him to the Bridge and stay with him until I came for them.
Hunny will always be in your heart and the memories will turn your tears to smile...Hugs..Ann
As for sending a teddy, do whatever your heart desires. Nothing you say or do is ever corny when you love someone; a person or pet. When I had to put my Arthur down, I brought with me a picture of my last cat Daisy, who meant the world to me, that was all I had of her. It was a small photo. It fit in the palm of my hand. I wanted to place it on him, but I didn't and I wish I had. I held onto it and prayed for her to guide him to the Bridge and stay with him until I came for them.
Hunny will always be in your heart and the memories will turn your tears to smile...Hugs..Ann
Lynette
Just to let you know, I am thinking of you and Hunny today and sending you both hugs and prayers.
Judy
Just to let you know, I am thinking of you and Hunny today and sending you both hugs and prayers.
Judy
Well, she's gone. I held it together pretty good. My husband was the one who broke down when she left. I woke up this morning feeling, I don't know, peace isn't the word, but acceptance maybe. Hunny and I went for a walk this morning. I let her decide which way she wanted to go. So we walked towards the market road. She hasn't walked that way since last summer. She ambled slowly and enjoyed her peaceful walk. It was really quiet out this morning. She sure looked weary though. Then just before lunch I drove her to my parents (just next door, she didn't have the strength to walk there earlier) to say goodbye to them and to their two dogs.
Our other dogs said their goodbyes, I think. I broke down just before we left. But managed to hold it together till we were home. Carly, my daughter cried all the way home, an hour fifteen minutes drive. And she cried all night till she fell asleep just a little while ago. Poor thing, the past nine months have been really hard for her, for all of us. She's only 13. But at least she got to say goodbye to Hunny. She wished for Lily to just come home for weeks because she left so suddenly and was not able to say goodbye or "see you later".
See you later was what I told Hunny. Told her I loved her over and over. They sedated her first. The end was really quick. But now I'm wondering if I made the right choice. We could have held on longer maybe. The doctor said this was the right choice, that the cancer spreads fast now.
I feel empty inside. My heart is aching so much for her and for Lily. And yes, I do think that I never really had the chance to grieve for Lily because Hunny got sick right away. Poor Hunny never had the chance either. She lost her sister, then had to fight this awful battle so soon after. But she was brave - right to the very end. I'm proud of her. She didn't want to go, but I guess she knew it was time.
Lumps were popping up all over her now. She had a huge one on her chest. And my husband found one on the back of her neck the other day, so it was just a matter of time before it hit her brain, heart or lungs.
I feel so bad, especially for her. I know she's in a better place where she's whole again and happy, but she didn't want to leave us either.
I know time will slowly heal this pain. But it's going to be really hard not having her lying around or scratching at the door to come in. Many nights I've stayed up waiting for her to come into bed. I miss that already.
Hopefully, tomorrow will be easier.
Thank you all for your kind words. It means a great deal to me.
I'll see how my daughter deals with this, I think I may encourage her to find help also.
See you later Hunny. Sweet dreams. Love you Baby.
Our other dogs said their goodbyes, I think. I broke down just before we left. But managed to hold it together till we were home. Carly, my daughter cried all the way home, an hour fifteen minutes drive. And she cried all night till she fell asleep just a little while ago. Poor thing, the past nine months have been really hard for her, for all of us. She's only 13. But at least she got to say goodbye to Hunny. She wished for Lily to just come home for weeks because she left so suddenly and was not able to say goodbye or "see you later".
See you later was what I told Hunny. Told her I loved her over and over. They sedated her first. The end was really quick. But now I'm wondering if I made the right choice. We could have held on longer maybe. The doctor said this was the right choice, that the cancer spreads fast now.
I feel empty inside. My heart is aching so much for her and for Lily. And yes, I do think that I never really had the chance to grieve for Lily because Hunny got sick right away. Poor Hunny never had the chance either. She lost her sister, then had to fight this awful battle so soon after. But she was brave - right to the very end. I'm proud of her. She didn't want to go, but I guess she knew it was time.
Lumps were popping up all over her now. She had a huge one on her chest. And my husband found one on the back of her neck the other day, so it was just a matter of time before it hit her brain, heart or lungs.
I feel so bad, especially for her. I know she's in a better place where she's whole again and happy, but she didn't want to leave us either.
I know time will slowly heal this pain. But it's going to be really hard not having her lying around or scratching at the door to come in. Many nights I've stayed up waiting for her to come into bed. I miss that already.
Hopefully, tomorrow will be easier.
Thank you all for your kind words. It means a great deal to me.
I'll see how my daughter deals with this, I think I may encourage her to find help also.
See you later Hunny. Sweet dreams. Love you Baby.
Today doesn't feel like the right decision. I feel so empty and lost without her.
Today doesn't feel like the right decision. I feel so empty and lost without her.
The feelings you are having are normal. You will feel all sorts of things. It is ok.
You probably know deep down in your heart it was the right thing to do. Our furbabies cannot actually speak, so we speak for them. She is at the Rainbow Bridge now--no pain, no worn out body---. I'm sure she Thanks you for that!!
And yes (see you later) that was a good choice of words. She is still with you, just as a different form.
Its good when you get to say goodbye to them. Sure wish I could have said goodbye to my Sissycat!!
Please know we are all here for you!!!!
Sending hugs to you and your new Angel Hunny!!!
You probably know deep down in your heart it was the right thing to do. Our furbabies cannot actually speak, so we speak for them. She is at the Rainbow Bridge now--no pain, no worn out body---. I'm sure she Thanks you for that!!
And yes (see you later) that was a good choice of words. She is still with you, just as a different form.
Its good when you get to say goodbye to them. Sure wish I could have said goodbye to my Sissycat!!
Please know we are all here for you!!!!
Sending hugs to you and your new Angel Hunny!!!
See you later was what I told Hunny. Told her I loved her over and over. They sedated her first. The end was really quick. But now I'm wondering if I made the right choice. We could have held on longer maybe. The doctor said this was the right choice, that the cancer spreads fast now.
You definitely made the right decision for her. I'm glad the doctor told you that also. It is true the cancer can spread very fast and cause a lot of pain. You saved her from that. You gave her peace.
Yes, I can understand you feel the word "acceptance" feels like the right choice of words.
Besides the doctor saying it...I will say something else...you said "The end was really quick."
Remember I told you about my boy's twin brother who had to be put to sleep and the mobile lady vet that time came to our home and suggested the sedation before the 2nd shot?
Well, the vet told us..after it was over...that our boy had gone very quickly. She said that told her as a doctor...he was barely hanging on...and reinforced the belief it was the right decision. She hoped that helped us because we all do wonder later if we made the right decision at the right time. I'll never forget her saying that....the quickness was a big sign to her. Hope this helps you.
We never want to let them go..that's only natural...but we mustn't add questioning our decision to our grief. The grief is hard enough by itself.
When you think of Hunny.....remember....you DID give her peace and you definitely saved her from a painful future. I always say when it is cancer, and they hide how they are feeling..how do we ever know when the pain first starts. But then I also think to myself...humans get cancer and I have never know someone who had cancer that was not curable say...there was no pain. In fact, we know there is a lot in the future because humans get morphine when they say it hurts that bad. You saved her from a future the only way you could.
It was the right decision at the right time. My last boy, Little Guy, was galloping around the house a week before he went to the ER. He had x-rays of his chest 10 days before the ER and his chest was clear. 10 days later at the ER, he couldn't breathe due to a chest full of fluid that would not allow his lungs to expand in his chest. Out of nowhere it came...he dragged himself into our living room that afternoon with his eyes closed, barely conscious. The vet said his gums were blue from no oxygen. That's how fast something terrible can come. The vets believed my boy had cancer somewhere in his body but at age 16 1/2 they didn't think exploratory surgery would be helpful. It was his time.
You made the right decision, Lynette. Of course you will miss your girl...she was a part of your life...a big part. Remember now the good and healthy years and be thankful for those. I know I am with my special ones. It is kind of like a member here once said:"The pain of losing her will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing her".
That thought has helped me so very much. I hope it helps you too. Thank you for posting back with an update. You and Hunny have been on my mind each day and it sounds as though it went calmer than you expected...more peaceful...for you and your family. You know if these babies had a choice they would never leave us no matter how they felt. That's why we are the ones who have to make the choice..but it is always done out of love. She knows how much she is loved and now you have a special Angel watching over you and your family...forever.
Hugs to you, Lynette. Peace and healing are my wishes for you and from your post, I think you will be okay. This is the worst time...the emptiness...but remember WHY the decision was made and yes, that's where "acceptance" comes in and that seems to help feeling more peaceful with the decision.
As you said...."the end was really quick". She was ready to go and she was able to go in peace, without pain. That is the most loving gift you could ever give her.
Judy
You definitely made the right decision for her. I'm glad the doctor told you that also. It is true the cancer can spread very fast and cause a lot of pain. You saved her from that. You gave her peace.
Yes, I can understand you feel the word "acceptance" feels like the right choice of words.
Besides the doctor saying it...I will say something else...you said "The end was really quick."
Remember I told you about my boy's twin brother who had to be put to sleep and the mobile lady vet that time came to our home and suggested the sedation before the 2nd shot?
Well, the vet told us..after it was over...that our boy had gone very quickly. She said that told her as a doctor...he was barely hanging on...and reinforced the belief it was the right decision. She hoped that helped us because we all do wonder later if we made the right decision at the right time. I'll never forget her saying that....the quickness was a big sign to her. Hope this helps you.
We never want to let them go..that's only natural...but we mustn't add questioning our decision to our grief. The grief is hard enough by itself.
When you think of Hunny.....remember....you DID give her peace and you definitely saved her from a painful future. I always say when it is cancer, and they hide how they are feeling..how do we ever know when the pain first starts. But then I also think to myself...humans get cancer and I have never know someone who had cancer that was not curable say...there was no pain. In fact, we know there is a lot in the future because humans get morphine when they say it hurts that bad. You saved her from a future the only way you could.
It was the right decision at the right time. My last boy, Little Guy, was galloping around the house a week before he went to the ER. He had x-rays of his chest 10 days before the ER and his chest was clear. 10 days later at the ER, he couldn't breathe due to a chest full of fluid that would not allow his lungs to expand in his chest. Out of nowhere it came...he dragged himself into our living room that afternoon with his eyes closed, barely conscious. The vet said his gums were blue from no oxygen. That's how fast something terrible can come. The vets believed my boy had cancer somewhere in his body but at age 16 1/2 they didn't think exploratory surgery would be helpful. It was his time.
You made the right decision, Lynette. Of course you will miss your girl...she was a part of your life...a big part. Remember now the good and healthy years and be thankful for those. I know I am with my special ones. It is kind of like a member here once said:"The pain of losing her will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing her".
That thought has helped me so very much. I hope it helps you too. Thank you for posting back with an update. You and Hunny have been on my mind each day and it sounds as though it went calmer than you expected...more peaceful...for you and your family. You know if these babies had a choice they would never leave us no matter how they felt. That's why we are the ones who have to make the choice..but it is always done out of love. She knows how much she is loved and now you have a special Angel watching over you and your family...forever.
Hugs to you, Lynette. Peace and healing are my wishes for you and from your post, I think you will be okay. This is the worst time...the emptiness...but remember WHY the decision was made and yes, that's where "acceptance" comes in and that seems to help feeling more peaceful with the decision.
As you said...."the end was really quick". She was ready to go and she was able to go in peace, without pain. That is the most loving gift you could ever give her.
Judy
Thank you - you're words are very comforting.
This morning was rough. Felt empty and lost. And had to deal with one of our other dogs mourning Hunny. Poor Izzy, we adopted her last year just after we lost Lily. She was wondering around for several hours looking for Hunny, even though she saw her leave yesterday. But I guess she thought that she would be back. She whined and cried, and then howled for a bit. Poor thing. I felt so bad for her. Izzy is special to us. She had a rough back ground. Infact, she was surrended by a puppymill June 24th. The day that Lily died. So could be karma!!! She's had problems but she has come such a long way. And I thank Hunny for taking her under her wing when she came to us. Poor Hunny had been sick the whole time she'd known Izzy though. But Hunny watched out for her. If she'd been in better shape each time Izzy bolted in the first few months we had her, she would have searched everywhere for her.
Hunny was a golden with an attitude. Always had to have the last word. Very intelligent. Would do what she was asked, but just had to have the last word.
I miss her so much. I miss Lily too. But even though the house feels empty and so, so quiet without her, there is some kind of relief I guess. We were looking over photos from the last month or so, and we could see the pain and sadness in her eyes. She deserved much more than to sit here and suffer just so that we could hold onto her longer. I wish she was still here. I wish she had never got sick. But I am so grateful that we had 7 extra months with her. Even then I wonder if we did the right thing. Was she suffering all this time and we couldn't tell? I hope not. Were we selfish in keeping her? I sure hope not. She was my pride and joy. Lily too. I hope they are both running around having a grand old time.
Tomorrow will be a better day I know. I'm taking the day off of work. I didn't have the opportunity to stay home the day after Lily left us and I hated that. I wasn't able to grieve when I needed to and for that I resent my job. I think they should have bereavement leave for our furbabies.
I will miss my babies so very much.
I'm sorry that you too have felt this awful pain and I am very grateful for your kind words. They help very much.
Thank you.
Lynette.
This morning was rough. Felt empty and lost. And had to deal with one of our other dogs mourning Hunny. Poor Izzy, we adopted her last year just after we lost Lily. She was wondering around for several hours looking for Hunny, even though she saw her leave yesterday. But I guess she thought that she would be back. She whined and cried, and then howled for a bit. Poor thing. I felt so bad for her. Izzy is special to us. She had a rough back ground. Infact, she was surrended by a puppymill June 24th. The day that Lily died. So could be karma!!! She's had problems but she has come such a long way. And I thank Hunny for taking her under her wing when she came to us. Poor Hunny had been sick the whole time she'd known Izzy though. But Hunny watched out for her. If she'd been in better shape each time Izzy bolted in the first few months we had her, she would have searched everywhere for her.
Hunny was a golden with an attitude. Always had to have the last word. Very intelligent. Would do what she was asked, but just had to have the last word.
I miss her so much. I miss Lily too. But even though the house feels empty and so, so quiet without her, there is some kind of relief I guess. We were looking over photos from the last month or so, and we could see the pain and sadness in her eyes. She deserved much more than to sit here and suffer just so that we could hold onto her longer. I wish she was still here. I wish she had never got sick. But I am so grateful that we had 7 extra months with her. Even then I wonder if we did the right thing. Was she suffering all this time and we couldn't tell? I hope not. Were we selfish in keeping her? I sure hope not. She was my pride and joy. Lily too. I hope they are both running around having a grand old time.
Tomorrow will be a better day I know. I'm taking the day off of work. I didn't have the opportunity to stay home the day after Lily left us and I hated that. I wasn't able to grieve when I needed to and for that I resent my job. I think they should have bereavement leave for our furbabies.
I will miss my babies so very much.
I'm sorry that you too have felt this awful pain and I am very grateful for your kind words. They help very much.
Thank you.
Lynette.
This is the hardest time of day I think. Hunny used to wake me up usually to let her out, but for the past couple weeks she's been lying in the hallway just outside our bedrooms. She just wanted us to sit with her and rub her belly. God, I miss her so much. All I want to do is hug her. She was never a lovey-dovey dog, never kissed, but she had her own way of showing affection. It was so quiet this morning. For the last few weeks all I've done is lay in bed listening for her and when she growled or barked I just felt relief - one more day. I just laid in bed this morning and cried. I'm crying now. It's so empty without her here now. My other dogs are quiet in the morning. Hunny used to wake us all up.
Barney and Izzy hardly ate anything yesterday. And Izzy cried. And Barney was just a wild "child" yesterday. I guess he's dealing with it the only way he knows how. He's too young to understand (he's only 7 months). And Casey didn't have much time to get to know Hunny - only 2 weeks.
Barney knew something was up though. He would always rub up against her, try to play with her sometimes and then he would just go sit and look at her for a few moments. So, I think he knew something was going to happen.
I feel sick to my stomach. It's like she's just outside but we know that she's not coming back in. She loved being outside. She would just sit and watch the world go by. I feel so empty. My heart aches so much. I can't believe that my mum hasn't even phoned to see how Carly is doing! I talked to my sister last night - it helped a bit. She has a golden retriever too and they almost lost theirs a few weeks ago.
I guess I know in my heart that we did the right thing, but letting go is just so painful.
I love you so much Hunny, you too Lily. Now I can grieve for both of you. Lily - your death was painful but we had Hunny's right to deal with right away and we never did get to grieve for you as much as we should have.
I miss you both so very much. I wish I could just hold and hug you - just one more time.
Love you both.
Love Mum.
Barney and Izzy hardly ate anything yesterday. And Izzy cried. And Barney was just a wild "child" yesterday. I guess he's dealing with it the only way he knows how. He's too young to understand (he's only 7 months). And Casey didn't have much time to get to know Hunny - only 2 weeks.
Barney knew something was up though. He would always rub up against her, try to play with her sometimes and then he would just go sit and look at her for a few moments. So, I think he knew something was going to happen.
I feel sick to my stomach. It's like she's just outside but we know that she's not coming back in. She loved being outside. She would just sit and watch the world go by. I feel so empty. My heart aches so much. I can't believe that my mum hasn't even phoned to see how Carly is doing! I talked to my sister last night - it helped a bit. She has a golden retriever too and they almost lost theirs a few weeks ago.
I guess I know in my heart that we did the right thing, but letting go is just so painful.
I love you so much Hunny, you too Lily. Now I can grieve for both of you. Lily - your death was painful but we had Hunny's right to deal with right away and we never did get to grieve for you as much as we should have.
I miss you both so very much. I wish I could just hold and hug you - just one more time.
Love you both.
Love Mum.
Keep writing and sharing your thoughts and feelings....it will help. As for crying...I never thought I would stop when I lost my boy. I cried each day until I was exhausted...and so that does become a part of everything for a while.
Give Barney and Izzy extra talking to and extra hugs and kisses...in time they will accept the change they are feeling....just as you are feeling.
I always think Sickness can come quickly but grief takes a long time to allow things to be more bearable.
Take it all just one day at a time and when you think of Hunny....remember that...you gave her peace. I look at a picture of my boy and when I look into his eyes...I think that thought...that "I'm sorry it all happened but all I could do was give you peace...and that's what I did".
I know what you mean about a set routine you are used to..as well as the rest of the household. This is a big change...it really is...and not one that turns around quickly...but as the days pass and remembering Hunny is at peace, is in no pain at all for sure, and what was happening to her was not something you could prevent.
It finally helped me to think about the fact that what happens does happen because it is their time to leave and when that time comes, there will be nothing we can do to stop it...all we can do is hope we can make sure they have peace. If it is not their time then the vet will be able to cure them...as can happen during a lifetime...and we see to it our babies are taken care of.
If there is no cure for what happens to them...then some power has decided it is their time to go and helping them is taken out of our control.
For some people, maybe it is time to make room for another who needs a home. I really can't think of too many reasons why they may be taken from us. There may not be any. Sometimes it helps to feel there is a reason even though we don't know why. All we know is the day does come when we can help no more.
You are so right........"letting go is just so painful". A very devastating pain that feels so overwhelming, especially when it is so recent we lost them. The healing that time will bring will not take the pain completely away because we will always miss them and missing them causes the pain...but it will become more bearable, especially as we continue to remember the happy, healthy years ...and those become the memories that help us heal....and we also discover that the pictures we thought to take....really become priceless to us. We can smile at those when we remember that at that time...they felt great and all was right with our world.
I'm sorry it was Hunny's time. We never have them long enough and we never will think otherwise.
Hugs to you and your family and your babies. Healing will come but it really does take time.
There are no time limits on grief. We learn to do what makes us feel better at the time.
Whether it is crying, venting through talking or typing, whatever helps us is truly the right thing
to do.
Your Hunny was an Angel always....it is that right now she is sitting on a cloud looking down at you....with a wagging tail that is saying...I am okay and we will meet again. In the meantime she will also always be in your heart..as I like to think of as...her "forever home".
Judy
Give Barney and Izzy extra talking to and extra hugs and kisses...in time they will accept the change they are feeling....just as you are feeling.
I always think Sickness can come quickly but grief takes a long time to allow things to be more bearable.
Take it all just one day at a time and when you think of Hunny....remember that...you gave her peace. I look at a picture of my boy and when I look into his eyes...I think that thought...that "I'm sorry it all happened but all I could do was give you peace...and that's what I did".
I know what you mean about a set routine you are used to..as well as the rest of the household. This is a big change...it really is...and not one that turns around quickly...but as the days pass and remembering Hunny is at peace, is in no pain at all for sure, and what was happening to her was not something you could prevent.
It finally helped me to think about the fact that what happens does happen because it is their time to leave and when that time comes, there will be nothing we can do to stop it...all we can do is hope we can make sure they have peace. If it is not their time then the vet will be able to cure them...as can happen during a lifetime...and we see to it our babies are taken care of.
If there is no cure for what happens to them...then some power has decided it is their time to go and helping them is taken out of our control.
For some people, maybe it is time to make room for another who needs a home. I really can't think of too many reasons why they may be taken from us. There may not be any. Sometimes it helps to feel there is a reason even though we don't know why. All we know is the day does come when we can help no more.
You are so right........"letting go is just so painful". A very devastating pain that feels so overwhelming, especially when it is so recent we lost them. The healing that time will bring will not take the pain completely away because we will always miss them and missing them causes the pain...but it will become more bearable, especially as we continue to remember the happy, healthy years ...and those become the memories that help us heal....and we also discover that the pictures we thought to take....really become priceless to us. We can smile at those when we remember that at that time...they felt great and all was right with our world.
I'm sorry it was Hunny's time. We never have them long enough and we never will think otherwise.
Hugs to you and your family and your babies. Healing will come but it really does take time.
There are no time limits on grief. We learn to do what makes us feel better at the time.
Whether it is crying, venting through talking or typing, whatever helps us is truly the right thing
to do.
Your Hunny was an Angel always....it is that right now she is sitting on a cloud looking down at you....with a wagging tail that is saying...I am okay and we will meet again. In the meantime she will also always be in your heart..as I like to think of as...her "forever home".
Judy
I'm so sorry for everyone's loss of their beloved pets. It hurts so much.
Today, was better. I still miss her and I know I always will. I keep looking out the window for her. She loved to sit outside for hours. But this time I know there will be no scratching at the door to come in.
Although it hurts, deep down there is an acceptance. I can't say a peace, but I don't believe there is anything peaceful about what happened. I've looked at photos of her when she was sleeping, and Saturday was not a peaceful sleep. All I can say is that is was emotionless. I so wished we could have kept her here with us, but we did the right thing. Looking back at the photos I can tell in her eyes how bad it was. The painkillers masked all of her pain, so her friskiness was just an act. I know she really wanted to play with the pups and she tried, but she just didn't have the energy to play for more than a few minutes.
I think I cried more in the last two weeks. I guess I knew the end was near, because I just kept playing over and over in my mind the ending. So, I'm sure I was already grieving for her. There was nothing more we could do for her. I cry now because I miss her so much. I hate this disease. She was supposed to grow old. Before the cancer appeared, my greatest fear was that we would eventually have to put her to sleep because her arthritis was too much.
The staff at the vet's office were really good. Hunny had her surgery done last year at our local vet here in town, but I swore then that when the time came she would not be the one to end her life. She is very cold. I wanted people around who showed compassion. I am going to send her a card though, one announcing Hunny's passing. As cold as she was she did give us 7 extra months with our baby. And for that I am truly grateful.
I am really disappointed with my family though. My mum hasn't even phoned to see how Carly or any of us are doing. My dad made a really ignorant comment earlier when I was walking the dogs. He said asked why we took her to Stonewall Vet, because it is such a long drive (just over an hour). Then he said wasn't that just dragging it out and that wouldn't it have been better just to take her out in the bush and shoot her? I said we're not all as cruel as you. He is such an ignorant man! I have too much respect for Hunny or any of my pets to do anything like that. My husband is a hunter, and even he could not do that!!
Tomorrow I have to go to work. Since Lily died I can honestly say I hate going there. My perspective on life has definitely changed. I don't want to leave my babies any longer than I have to. Yes, I would change jobs if I could, but we live in a small town and there just aren't jobs out there.
Anyway, I just want to say thank you to all of you who have offered such wonderful and comforting words. This really means a lot to mean as it seems I have no support from my family.
Take care and I will be back again for sure.
Good night to all of you.
Lynette.
My dogs are barking like crazy outside. I have to check on them.
Today, was better. I still miss her and I know I always will. I keep looking out the window for her. She loved to sit outside for hours. But this time I know there will be no scratching at the door to come in.
Although it hurts, deep down there is an acceptance. I can't say a peace, but I don't believe there is anything peaceful about what happened. I've looked at photos of her when she was sleeping, and Saturday was not a peaceful sleep. All I can say is that is was emotionless. I so wished we could have kept her here with us, but we did the right thing. Looking back at the photos I can tell in her eyes how bad it was. The painkillers masked all of her pain, so her friskiness was just an act. I know she really wanted to play with the pups and she tried, but she just didn't have the energy to play for more than a few minutes.
I think I cried more in the last two weeks. I guess I knew the end was near, because I just kept playing over and over in my mind the ending. So, I'm sure I was already grieving for her. There was nothing more we could do for her. I cry now because I miss her so much. I hate this disease. She was supposed to grow old. Before the cancer appeared, my greatest fear was that we would eventually have to put her to sleep because her arthritis was too much.
The staff at the vet's office were really good. Hunny had her surgery done last year at our local vet here in town, but I swore then that when the time came she would not be the one to end her life. She is very cold. I wanted people around who showed compassion. I am going to send her a card though, one announcing Hunny's passing. As cold as she was she did give us 7 extra months with our baby. And for that I am truly grateful.
I am really disappointed with my family though. My mum hasn't even phoned to see how Carly or any of us are doing. My dad made a really ignorant comment earlier when I was walking the dogs. He said asked why we took her to Stonewall Vet, because it is such a long drive (just over an hour). Then he said wasn't that just dragging it out and that wouldn't it have been better just to take her out in the bush and shoot her? I said we're not all as cruel as you. He is such an ignorant man! I have too much respect for Hunny or any of my pets to do anything like that. My husband is a hunter, and even he could not do that!!
Tomorrow I have to go to work. Since Lily died I can honestly say I hate going there. My perspective on life has definitely changed. I don't want to leave my babies any longer than I have to. Yes, I would change jobs if I could, but we live in a small town and there just aren't jobs out there.
Anyway, I just want to say thank you to all of you who have offered such wonderful and comforting words. This really means a lot to mean as it seems I have no support from my family.
Take care and I will be back again for sure.
Good night to all of you.
Lynette.
My dogs are barking like crazy outside. I have to check on them.
Another day. Not looking forward to it. Back to work.
Poor Barney, he was throwing up again during the night. Second night in a row. He's hardly eating. I'm worried about him. I guess he's mourning too. He doesn't understand what is going on. But I wish he would eat more and stop vomiting. The vomiting scares me. He seems to stress rather easily. We have him enrolled in puppy classes starting tomorrow, so hopefully that will help him get over his shyness and grief. All three pups were upset when Carly left for school today, all crying and whining.
The house is just so empty without Hunny there. She used to lie on the floor usually right where you were working in the kitchen. And she was such a big girl she took up a lot of room. We were always stepping over her. I miss that so much.
I won't be surprised if Carly phones me during recess today. She's doing ok, but has her moments.
I find the mornings the hardest part of the day. Waking up and she's not there. I miss her so much. I can't even listen to the radio anymore. I found that when Lily died all the music seemed so sad. Music just seems to remind me of both of them. I would leave the tv on for Hunny when I left for work every day, so that she wouldn't be so lonely because we were locking Izzy up with Barney in the back porch up until we got Casey two weeks ago. Then we let Izzy stay upstairs with Hunny, but I would still leave CMT on for them.
We rearranged the house Sunday. We didn't want to leave Izzy by herself, so we made room for the three of them in the basement. My husband also steam cleaned the living room carpet Sunday. Hunny had an open tumour on her foot and he wanted to clean up just for the disease factor. I don't know that it did anything. If felt like we were putting her life away Sunday. Very unsettling. I know we weren't packing up her life or memories, we were just preparing for the pups. But still not a good feeling.
My chest still feels very tight. And just like the pups I don't have much of an appetite. I know it'll take time. Thank goodness this is such a short week. And my husband goes onto nights this Sunday so even though he will be sleeping he'll be home for the pups during the day. They were almost panicking because they were being left alone. Poor things. I hope they can heal quickly.
I find that I'm second guessing my decision to let Hunny go. I know it's too late now, but I just keep wondering if we made the choice too soon. Could we have held on another week or so? I wish that we could've. I miss her so much.
Poor Barney, he was throwing up again during the night. Second night in a row. He's hardly eating. I'm worried about him. I guess he's mourning too. He doesn't understand what is going on. But I wish he would eat more and stop vomiting. The vomiting scares me. He seems to stress rather easily. We have him enrolled in puppy classes starting tomorrow, so hopefully that will help him get over his shyness and grief. All three pups were upset when Carly left for school today, all crying and whining.
The house is just so empty without Hunny there. She used to lie on the floor usually right where you were working in the kitchen. And she was such a big girl she took up a lot of room. We were always stepping over her. I miss that so much.
I won't be surprised if Carly phones me during recess today. She's doing ok, but has her moments.
I find the mornings the hardest part of the day. Waking up and she's not there. I miss her so much. I can't even listen to the radio anymore. I found that when Lily died all the music seemed so sad. Music just seems to remind me of both of them. I would leave the tv on for Hunny when I left for work every day, so that she wouldn't be so lonely because we were locking Izzy up with Barney in the back porch up until we got Casey two weeks ago. Then we let Izzy stay upstairs with Hunny, but I would still leave CMT on for them.
We rearranged the house Sunday. We didn't want to leave Izzy by herself, so we made room for the three of them in the basement. My husband also steam cleaned the living room carpet Sunday. Hunny had an open tumour on her foot and he wanted to clean up just for the disease factor. I don't know that it did anything. If felt like we were putting her life away Sunday. Very unsettling. I know we weren't packing up her life or memories, we were just preparing for the pups. But still not a good feeling.
My chest still feels very tight. And just like the pups I don't have much of an appetite. I know it'll take time. Thank goodness this is such a short week. And my husband goes onto nights this Sunday so even though he will be sleeping he'll be home for the pups during the day. They were almost panicking because they were being left alone. Poor things. I hope they can heal quickly.
I find that I'm second guessing my decision to let Hunny go. I know it's too late now, but I just keep wondering if we made the choice too soon. Could we have held on another week or so? I wish that we could've. I miss her so much.
Miss Hunny so much. It still feels like she's just outside. She loved to spend so much time outside. But I know that she's not coming back in.
What's upsetting is that I don't feel the same immense grief and loss that I felt when Lily left. Maybe it just hasn't fully sunk in yet, or maybe I'm just relieved that my babies are together again. Or maybe it won't sink in until we get Hunny's ashes back. I don't know, but I feel guilty that I'm not crying all the time like I did with Lily. I am immensely sad though, and I miss her so much. She was such a huge part of our lives for the past eight years. I love her so much.
What's upsetting is that I don't feel the same immense grief and loss that I felt when Lily left. Maybe it just hasn't fully sunk in yet, or maybe I'm just relieved that my babies are together again. Or maybe it won't sink in until we get Hunny's ashes back. I don't know, but I feel guilty that I'm not crying all the time like I did with Lily. I am immensely sad though, and I miss her so much. She was such a huge part of our lives for the past eight years. I love her so much.
I don't know, but I feel guilty that I'm not crying all the time like I did with Lily.
Maybe your feeling of acceptance and knowing deep down you had no real choice for her....may be part of why the tears are not constant.
The tears are not over but maybe there is something different this time. As you said about looking at pictures and seeing the pain there. You gave her peace when there wasn't a cure and her quality of life was not the same. You were there for her and saw to it her pain was taken away.
We cry cause we miss them so much and yet I can look at a picture of my boy without crying, just a soft touch to his face and saying....I'm sorry you had to go but I was able to give you peace when you were suffering...and somehow I can do that without tears.
But if I were to just think of him and think about all the things he did that I missed...well, the tears appear and that's okay too.
Watching your pups will keep you busy and just remember WHY Hunny needed peace. Why doesn't stop us from missing and loving them but remembering it in its own way can sometimes give us some of the peace we need to heal.
Judy
Maybe your feeling of acceptance and knowing deep down you had no real choice for her....may be part of why the tears are not constant.
The tears are not over but maybe there is something different this time. As you said about looking at pictures and seeing the pain there. You gave her peace when there wasn't a cure and her quality of life was not the same. You were there for her and saw to it her pain was taken away.
We cry cause we miss them so much and yet I can look at a picture of my boy without crying, just a soft touch to his face and saying....I'm sorry you had to go but I was able to give you peace when you were suffering...and somehow I can do that without tears.
But if I were to just think of him and think about all the things he did that I missed...well, the tears appear and that's okay too.
Watching your pups will keep you busy and just remember WHY Hunny needed peace. Why doesn't stop us from missing and loving them but remembering it in its own way can sometimes give us some of the peace we need to heal.
Judy
It's been a little while since I've been to this site. Life goes on, but sometimes it just sucks. I miss Hunny and Lily so much some days it's just like a huge wave washes over me right out of the blue. And sometimes it's just triggered by a song or by something that someone says. Driving to and from work is the hardest part of my day. That's when the tears flow. But I can still see Hunny in my mind's eye. My daughter and I went for walk the other day with our pups, and I said to her, do you see Hunny and Lily running up there? She looked for a few seconds and then said "no". That broke my heart. So then I said, "look, there goes Hunny running into the field." She looked again. I actually feel peace or happiness, I don't know which yet, when I see them. They both loved going for walks. Lily loved to run off ahead and Hunny loved to wander through the field.
Barney is still trying to deal with her loss. He's eating again which is great. But I think he feels like he must be the "man of the house" now. My husband went back on nights - the first time since Hunny flew to heaven, and both he and Izzy were on edge all night for the first couple nights. Both were barking and wandering around the house. Hunny was our protector I guess.
It seems strange not stepping over her all the time. She always sprawled out on the floor, usually right behind you when you were working in the kitchen. Sometimes it still feels like she's outside.
We still don't have her ashes yet. I hope the vet calls soon. The snow is melting rather quickly now, and hopefully the ground will start to thaw. I'm guessing it will be another month before we can bury her ashes next to her beautiful sister.
Yesterday the weather was just so gorgeous, the warmest day this year so far. The sun was shining, the snow was melting. There's water everywhere and all I could think was Hunny would've loved this day. She would've sat outside all day enjoying the sun and then wandered around the yard through all the water. My heart broke. Spring was both Lily and Hunny's favourite part of the year.
Some days are just so hard. But I know we need to be strong for Izzy, Barney and Casey. In time, I'm sure they'll forget her until they meet her at the Bridge. That's a sad thought, but I suppose that's just how animals deal with life. But then again, it maybe not a bad way to be. Memories can be very painful. I know they can be very wonderful too. And I know I wouldn't trade any of mine for anything in the world.
I know I'm not alone in my grief. There are so many other people who feel the same way. I know there are so many people out there who are just now going through what I've gone through with Hunny, and my heart goes out to them. I hope I never have to make that painful decision ever again in my life. I still don't know if it was the right time. I know it was the right decision, but the right time - I have my doubts. Maybe we could've have kept her here with us for a few more weeks maybe more. But then how do you ever know when the right time is? Do you hold on till they start to suffer or do you let them go before they suffer too much? I don't know. This will be one question that I don't think I will ever find peace with. Hunny was on pain killers, so I honestly couldn't tell what kind of pain she was in. I could only imagine how bad it was. And in my heart I guess I know that she had to have been in pain, that there was just no way she had no pain at all.
I'm just thinking out loud here. I think about Hunny and Lily an awful lot. But I have to admit I don't think about Hunny every second of every day like I did before. She was always on my mind - always. And I cried so, so many tears for her when she was still alive. I felt guilty crying, because it was like saying goodbye to every time I had to leave her, either to go to work, or to bed or even just to another room.
I miss her so much. And I love her. Hopefully, one day I will be able to mention her name without my voice breaking or a tear rolling down my face. Lily too.
I just hope that they are both happy. I hope that they're enjoying "life" again. And I hope that they are running around to their hearts content.
Love you my babies.
Thank you to everyone who have offered such caring and compassionate words. This has been a great place for me. I wish I would have found this site when Lily left so suddenly and unexpectedly last year.
Thank you.
Barney is still trying to deal with her loss. He's eating again which is great. But I think he feels like he must be the "man of the house" now. My husband went back on nights - the first time since Hunny flew to heaven, and both he and Izzy were on edge all night for the first couple nights. Both were barking and wandering around the house. Hunny was our protector I guess.
It seems strange not stepping over her all the time. She always sprawled out on the floor, usually right behind you when you were working in the kitchen. Sometimes it still feels like she's outside.
We still don't have her ashes yet. I hope the vet calls soon. The snow is melting rather quickly now, and hopefully the ground will start to thaw. I'm guessing it will be another month before we can bury her ashes next to her beautiful sister.
Yesterday the weather was just so gorgeous, the warmest day this year so far. The sun was shining, the snow was melting. There's water everywhere and all I could think was Hunny would've loved this day. She would've sat outside all day enjoying the sun and then wandered around the yard through all the water. My heart broke. Spring was both Lily and Hunny's favourite part of the year.
Some days are just so hard. But I know we need to be strong for Izzy, Barney and Casey. In time, I'm sure they'll forget her until they meet her at the Bridge. That's a sad thought, but I suppose that's just how animals deal with life. But then again, it maybe not a bad way to be. Memories can be very painful. I know they can be very wonderful too. And I know I wouldn't trade any of mine for anything in the world.
I know I'm not alone in my grief. There are so many other people who feel the same way. I know there are so many people out there who are just now going through what I've gone through with Hunny, and my heart goes out to them. I hope I never have to make that painful decision ever again in my life. I still don't know if it was the right time. I know it was the right decision, but the right time - I have my doubts. Maybe we could've have kept her here with us for a few more weeks maybe more. But then how do you ever know when the right time is? Do you hold on till they start to suffer or do you let them go before they suffer too much? I don't know. This will be one question that I don't think I will ever find peace with. Hunny was on pain killers, so I honestly couldn't tell what kind of pain she was in. I could only imagine how bad it was. And in my heart I guess I know that she had to have been in pain, that there was just no way she had no pain at all.
I'm just thinking out loud here. I think about Hunny and Lily an awful lot. But I have to admit I don't think about Hunny every second of every day like I did before. She was always on my mind - always. And I cried so, so many tears for her when she was still alive. I felt guilty crying, because it was like saying goodbye to every time I had to leave her, either to go to work, or to bed or even just to another room.
I miss her so much. And I love her. Hopefully, one day I will be able to mention her name without my voice breaking or a tear rolling down my face. Lily too.
I just hope that they are both happy. I hope that they're enjoying "life" again. And I hope that they are running around to their hearts content.
Love you my babies.
Thank you to everyone who have offered such caring and compassionate words. This has been a great place for me. I wish I would have found this site when Lily left so suddenly and unexpectedly last year.
Thank you.
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