My neighbor told me about this site, and I thank you for having this available.

We lost my sweet girl, Zoe, last week.
The first sign of a problem was 2 weeks ago when I took her in for a bladder infection. I gave her medicine for a week, but she didn't seem to be getting any better, so I took her in again last week. She wasn't really eating, but was drinking and even caught a snake on Tuesday! I had to leave her at the vet on Thursday; she was weak and he wanted to put her on fluids overnight. He said it "didn't look good" and it took a while for it to sink in just how bad it was. Guess it was denial. Her blood work wasn't good and they did a biopsy of her kidneys, which were enlarged.

My husband went by that night and was really suprised at how weak she was.
We went back on Friday and they didn't have the results of the biopsy. We talked to the vet and agreed that we didn't want her to suffer, but we wanted to wait as long as we could to give her a chance to recover.

He called us 1/2 hour later and told us to come back. He still didn't have the pathology report, but had redone her blood work and it showed her kidneys were crashing. He said he was hoping the levels would improve, would have been bummed if they'd stayed the same, but they were worse. He said there really was no chance she would recover.

So, we made the decision to put her to sleep. I held her, because I really felt I owed that to her. She was such a sweet girl and such a great companion to me. I'd only had her for 8 years and had really expected at least another 5 or 6 together. She was my first pet that was MINE. We had dogs growing up, but they were really my brothers' or "family pets". Zoe was my little girl. After she passed, her face relaxed and her eyes were blue again. She seemed at peace, so that helps me believe we made the right decision.

Her little sister (a gray tabby) is very confused and can't figure out why she can't find her. She comes to me in the middle of the night and wimpers and I know she's upset that she doesn't know what's going on. Her brother (siamese mix) is being a finicky eater, which I've read is normal behavior as well.

The vet is convinced it was cancer because it happened so fast. I'm happy she didn't suffer a prolonged death, but this is all so hard because we couldn't see it coming. I know that's selfish, but it hurts so much.

Then I also have spurts of anger. We got a card from the vet saying "sorry for your loss". On the one hand, that was a nice gesture, on the other, our doctor didn't sign it - another one that I've never met did. What, do they have so many animals die they can't keep them straight?!?! I know our vet cared, he was stroking her even after she'd passed, but it just angers me about the card. I know, ridiculous in the grand scheme of things...

Thanks for letting me vent.
Zoe's Mom

Dear Zoe's Mom,

I am so sorry you lost your special Zoe! and you are right...that being "blindsided" as you were makes it doubly hard!! Of course, you could find plenty of people here who would say no..what you experienced was better than "knowing" for a longer period--but let's face it there just is no favorable way for our beloved pets to leave us. None! there is no set of cir%%stances anywhere that we would agree would be a good way for them to go..not any whatsoever. I have yet to see one post that reads: my pet left under the best cir%%stances!! nope--because we just don't want them to leave under any cir%%stances at all.

I sure can relate to you because Zoe was indeed plenty young! My cat (that is him there in my avatar) was also only 8. I thought I would have him until at least he was 15 or 16 or whatever!! I never dreamt I would lose him --he was my "youngster"..I have an older indoor cat..a senior. And Ginger was indeed "all" my cat...like Zoe was "yours".

I certainly can understand your feeling bad about the vet's card. It is funny some of the things that stick in our craw during these trying times!! I am happy to report that my vet DID sign our card--but I almost did tell a young woman at the other vet's (an emergency facility) to SHUT UP. I was millimeters away from saying that to her because she was all happy and chirpy and my cat was dying. So..suffice it to say I think ol Kubler-Ross was pretty accurate about the stages of dying/grief. You know, one of them is anger. I know all those emergency people did try to save my beloved Ginger...but the truth is I am still pretty mad at them...I don't know if it is valid anger or not ..but as you say it is small potatoes compared to the big picture. The big picture is that you had a wonderful friend who was recently out catching snakes but has inexplicably vanished from physical presence! Your friend is no longer with you in solid form and it is a HUGE shock! It is a heartache of mammouth proportions and all of us who post here totally "get" what you wrote.

I am so glad that your Zoe didn't have to suffer needlessly or for a long stretch. Now she is at the rainbow bridge with my Ginger and all our pets--she is 100% perfect and young and whole. She will be reunited with you one day again--until then you will carry Zoe in your heart. Just as she was fiercely loyal to you in life so will she be in this new place--she loved you completely while in her earthbound body and she loves you now while she cavorts at the rainbow bridge! She feels no pain and she is in total bliss. I am so sorry you lost her--but I am so happy you had her!!

My heart goes out to you and I wish I could give you a real life hug. {{{{{{{{{ZOESMOM}}}}}}}}}}}}...You were so brave to be there for Zoe..right up to the very very last. That could not have been easy--but you were there for Zoe..not only during the easy and happy times of your lives together but during the hardest most difficult time! You were there when she needed you most..and you did not shrink from your responsibilty. You put Zoe ahead of you and you stayed right there so she would not be scared to make the transition. There can be no greater love than that. My hat is off to you --it took courage and you were there for ZOE!
I am thinking of you..please know you are among friends here! Zoe's photograph is just gorgeous.
Love,
Patti

Dear Sharon,

You came to the right place. I am very sorry for your loss of Zoe. Your sweet girl Zoe was very beautiful. I had to put my dog to sleep and now I know it was the right thing to do but for a while I didn't. Guilt is a hard thing to over come but in time you will see you did the right thing too.

If Zoe's brother and sister are upset because they miss Zoe maybe sitting down with them and telling them Zoe went to heaven might help. I think animals understand alot more than we think when we just talk to them. Any way it can't hurt.

Just remember you gave her a wonderful home and lots of love.

Love and Belief,
Stymy's Mom (Vicki)

What you did for your girl was a great thing. She didn't have to suffer because your great concern for her helped her to the next part of her journey. You thought of her instead of yourself, and that is very brave. When it happens so quickly, there isn't as much chance for closure.

I also feel sorry for your other two cats. I know that one of my other kitties grieved after Oswald (the other one wasn't as attached to him). It is tough not being able to explain to them what is going on, but I truly believe that they know. I believe that they knew Oswald was sick - animals are great at sensing that - but one kept looking for him and acted very strange for a few weeks.

I never got a card from the vet and I was very upset about it. Your emotions are very raw now - it is understandable that you were angry.

Please accept my condolences for your loss. She was well taken care of and loved - in time you will remember the good stuff as well, later in the grief process.

Sharon, I am so sorry for your loss of Zoe - she really looks like a love in her picture........

I just went through this same exact thing with my little boy Buster. I was so blessed to have had him for 15
years, I know your time was cut shorter with Zoe, still the pain I know is so strong. I didn't have the biopsy
done, but x-rays showed one of his kidney's was very enlarged and pressing on his bowels so we made the
decision right then and there to end his discomfort. And at that point he was only displaying signs of discomfort
and lethargy and of course not a strong appetite. But he hated the vets so much I just couldn't put him
through too much. It's been just over two months and I still miss him so very much. I don't think you can put a time limit
on grieving. His little brother Max took about a month before he returned to himself and he has taken on a lot of Buster's mannerisms. Your other kitties will adjust, it just takes time and a lot of extra attention.

I'm glad your neighbor guided you here - we all feel your sadness......God Bless you and your family.

Karen

Hi Sharon
Yes, you did come to the right place. There are so many wonderful, caring, and understanding people here. I too, lost my Max very suddenly. We brought him to the vet for a rash and he had a heart attack. I was angry at the vet because I felt that if you had a heart attack at the hospital (where he was) they should be able to hook you right up and save you. But now, 2 weeks later, I feel that Max felt this would be the best way to leave me. He knew I couldn't handle anything at all when it came to losing him, so he went suddenly so I wouldn't have to see him getting old or sick and knowing what the evevitable would be that would happen. I feel our pets even look out for us when they decide not to be here physically any more. Yes, suddenly is tragic, a long illness is tragic, growing old and weary is tragic. We want our best friends healthy and happy and here with us forever. But they are happy and healthy and young again once more. They are still looking out for us.

Carol

Hi Sharon. I'm so sorry at your loss of beautiful Zoe. My Arnold died quite suddenly, too, and it was quite a shock. Our local vet didn't send us any card at all (no problem, I'm still mad at him for not paying more attention to this situation and giving us more lead time to try to help Arnold). We did get one from the animal hospital - TWO WEEKS after Arnold died. David and I opened it and just sobbed all over again. I know they meant well, but it was really painful to get that card. Ah well - I guess there is no good way to do any of it when we are grieving for the loss of our little buddies. I'm glad you found this site - it has helped me immensely!

Nanci

Hi Sharon,

My heart goes out to you on the loss of your Zoe!!

You did all the right things. I know the sadness is huge right now, but you will heal in time---one day at a time.

In the meantime, we are here for you.

And don't forget that Zoe is in perfect bliss---no physical or emotional pain. She's all around you, just not physically. And when it's your time, you will be fully reunited!

I'm sure you and the 2 kitties will take comfort in each other.

I'll be thinking of you. Love and prayers,

Kathy

Hi Sharon,

The death a pet is a very difficult thing. Having to make the decision to euthanize is even more difficult. Please know you did the right thing. Zoe had been a great companion to you for eight wonderful years. You loved her very much and she knew that.

It's sad you couldn't have had more time together. But just remember how you were always there for her--taking care of her every need. Even at the end of her life, you were there--making certain she left this world in a painless and dignified manner. Zoe thanks you for having the courage and love to do what was necessary.

Please continue to come here and talk about her as often as you need to. It really does help to talk to people who understand and care.

Thinking of you,
__Jim

Thank you to everyone for your very kind thoughts and for understanding (unfortunately) how truly painful this is. Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind. I feel like I can never truly relax, or I just start crying.

We have a game we played with her. It was actually a kids toy - a Millenium Falcon that shot foam discs. Zoe would get so excited when she saw me get that toy out. Her eyes would get huge and she would run behind the sofa and peek out. When I'd shoot a foam disc, she would literally leap into the air and stop it. She was so fast! And she rarely missed. I miss that.

This is just so hard. I keep thinking of how I picked her up on Thursday and carried her to the car. She slept on my lap all the way to the vet, so soft, so trusting. I had no idea she'd be gone the next day. I still can't believe it.

One thing about Zoe, who I called "Her Serene Highness Princess Zoe", was that she would have been so happy being the only cat on the planet. Her little sister, Phoebe, is much more social. If it had been Phoebe, I doubt I would even consider getting another kitty, and that would have been just fine with Zoe. But, I feel so bad for Phoebe. She would come to me in the middle of the night, wimpering, and looking for Zoe everywhere. She knew Zoe liked to lay on my shoulder at night, so she would lay on my stomach "waiting for Zoe to come out of hiding". It was so sad.

So, my husband and I went to the Dumb Friends League. The first 2 times, I just cried and it was too difficult. Too soon. Then Sadie picked us. I guess she's doing her job - Phoebe isn't spending as much time wimpering about Zoe as she is annoyed with Sadie.

And I feel guilty. Sadie is sweet, but she's not Zoe. And it's not fair of me to compare them. I'm really trying, but then I feel guilty as if Zoe would be angry with me for "replacing her" which I know isn't true - our pets love for us is so non-judgemental and there is definitely no replacing her.

Thanks for listening, I'm just a little lost right now.

Hi Sharon,

I wanted to tell you, I feel the same way about the card my regular vet sent, rather, the vet's office sent, after they got a fax from the ER hospital that our dog had been put down. You see, my Jake had the seizure at about 8pm on a Sunday nite (we were watching Six Feet Under of all things) and we got him to rest that night, slept all nite, and I was proud of myself, I got on the phone first thing in the am and tried to get our vet to see him. He wanted us to drop Jake off and leave him all day when all that needed to be done was a 5 min blood draw.. so we asked NICELY via phone if we could just stay and wait to take him home. Well, the b#*$%d vet said ok, c'mon in, he wasn't busy -- but he spent a good 10 mins just chewing us out for not following his "office protocol", never even took our dogs temp and did a crap exam on him, barely even checked his pupils.... gave us NO advice re: care or follow-up etc, just said basically "dogs have seizures", AND had the nerve to charge us over $170 for the whole ordeal -- $55 for the exam he did not even do. We were already so upset just about our dog and what had happened that we were just shocked speechless at the vets behavior, I wish now we had just said , forget this, and walked out - to another vet.

AT any rate, the ER hospital faxes their reports to the reg vets each day, and so we got this sympathy card from them after Jake died. It was signed by one of the front girls simply "*** *** Animal Hospital" It made me sick. I threw it out. At the end of the week we got another card from the ER hospital which was very nice, as were all the people there who took care of Jake and finally put him down with us.. and this card was signed individually by every person who works there. What a difference. That one, from people who only cared for him one night, had so much more meaning than the one from the vet we had been going to for the past 10 years. I saved it to put with Jakes things.

I feel the same way you do, this is so hard, I can't believe it either, he's never coming back. Me too never relaxing, just crying at the drop of a pin with each new memory of something he did and how he will never be here to do it again. I miss him so much. We too were not expecting to put him down that morning, we thought we would be bringing him home. I have a friend whose dog had a stroke and had similar symptoms and it all cleared up for her, her dog is back to normal now a year later. So I had hope... not to be. We also have another dog, a 15 year old cattle dog who looked for Jake for about 10 days afterwards but she seems fine now. I saw her peering down the back steps looking for him, several times, it broke my heart, of course I burst into tears.

Good for you for getting a new cat, give it time, you'll get used to her.

One funny thing I have to say, we went on a 2 week vacation a couple of years ago, and our neighbor was watching our dogs for us -- but she felt sorry for them, she actually moved them into *her* house while we were gone. When we got back, they were like, "oh yeah, hello there" but they wanted to keep living with her!! I think half the attraction was they always watched her cat out the window, and for once they got to actually be inside "enemy territory"! For about two weeks, every day when we got back from our daily hike, they would jump out of the car and go straight to her house next door instead of coming up on our porch!!!!! We finally had to put them on leashes to break that habit, but I felt so betrayed -- I thought, geez is that how shallow your love is... haha! Boy it hit me hard, dogs really do live in the moment and of course, that is one reason they are so full of the joy of life. Kinda hurt my feelings that I was so easily replaced by my neighbor, but you know, I wish I could be more like that myself, well, especially these days.

Thanks, j4lorn.
I read Jakes story when I first joined this board. I am so sorry you all had to go thru that. You wonder are they jerks or is that how they deal with the pain? Maybe he needs to look into changing professions! I'd expect anyone who works at a vet to be SO caring, our babies are so precious!

We normally see Dr. Bean but he wasn't available when I had to take Zoe in, so we saw one of his partners. He seemed very caring and knowledgeable and I doubt the outcome would have been different but I wonder. After reading more about renal failure, I have some peace at knowing she didn't have to suffer all of the awfulness that comes as the disease progresses, she was already so weak and miserable. But I'm waiting until Dr. Bean comes back from vacation to take Sadie in for her checkup. He saved Phoebe when she swallowed an 18 inch long piece of cross-stitch fabric thread, so I have this unreasonable expectation that everything will be ok if I see him.

I am tempted to say something to him about the card...

Sharon,

Zoe is absolutely adorable. I can picture that playful look coming over her face as she saw the toy come out!! ...And peeking out from behind the couch---that is absolutely precious. With time, you will be able to think of those memories with a smile, and even laughter. And it helps knowing that memories are not all we have (I've had a couple of people tell me that about my Little Girl, as though it would be a comforting thing). Their spirits are every bit as much with us now as they were then---it's their bodies that have passed on. Plus, we have a full reunion to look forward to one day!

I feel sure that Zoe is proud of you for adopting Sadie!!! Love isn't jealous, and Zoe knows she hasn't been "replaced." Not at all.

Because you are such a caring Mom, you knew Phoebe might need some company, and so you adopted a needy kitty. Eventually, you will find that your heart stretches to make room for loving her too. Loving Sadie is something you can do in Zoe's honor.

I will be thinking of you. Sending prayers and love,
Kathy

p.s. I too have had bad experiences with vets and sympathy cards. I can't imagine how they could be so insensitive! It doesn't seem human. How could they not understand the depth of what we're going through???!!!!!

Do you think our babies know when they are getting close to leaving?

I've been continueing to obsess about the last 2 weeks I had with Zoe, wondering if I should have or could have done something differently. Well, Zoe always slept on my left shoulder. Sometimes it would be on my shoulder, most times in my left armpit, using my shoulder as her pillow. ALWAYS.

Well, the last week or 2 she would come up there and lay down as if to tell me goodnight, then she would move down and curl up between my ankles and go to sleep. It was one of those things I noticed but didn't really think too much of at the time...maybe that was her way of slowly moving away from me?

Hi Sharon,

I shouldn't be writing more, but I had to see what was new, and just wanted to say that I think they DO know. We just lost Z, and I hadn't a clue (getting hit by a car is a little hard to predict, maybe--and I have no idea why she decided to wander that far that day and not other days or if she had but she got lucky/came back so when I called she could hear. . .don't know.) But what was ODD was our other cat (also named Zoe.) Zoe pretended (and I do think it was something of an act,) to think Xena was a pain, and my husband likes to say that Zoe was celebrating Xena's loss--but one thing we did notice (even though no one caught on to Xena's being absent for two days,) was that Zoe wasn't.

I mean--I think part of the reason I didn't realize Xena was missing was that Zoe came in on her own--and immediately came to us for extended love. Zoe is very snooty--when she wants love, she wants it now and you WILL give it to her, but there are certain times and places and on the couch at 7 p.m. is not usually it.

I'm not sure, of course--but I think SHE knew something was wrong with Xena. Maybe it was only that she was gone and she was glad, but just the fact she came in on her own Saturday--very unusual--makes me think she knew something was wrong, and maybe, I don't know, didn't want to make things worse by putting herself at risk too. Or something.

Anyway. I do think they know, and even if it's just instinct and has nothing to do with us, they will in some ways try to prepare us, too.

Your words about driving your cat to the vet and having her sit on your lap, all soft--kill me. I so know what you mean. When our cat Mildred was dying--the first of the seven in the last seven years to go--and we finally figured out that we should take her to the vet, and then they let us know that her kidneys were failing and she was being poisoned--we went to see her one last time. (None of us was able to be with her when she died--and now, having been there with our dog, I'm not sure I could have borne it, but we did say good-bye.) Oh my gosh. She was SO sick, the poor thing had been sick for a week and I just kept hoping she'd come out of it (denial). But when we went in there, it was like she was doing roll call--who's here? Okay--good, good. We passed her around and held her, and though she felt awful (though they'd given her some IV fluids so she may have felt better than when she was at home,) she kind of stretched herself out and laid her head on our forearms, not as if she couldn't hold her head up, and then looked up at us like she was just glad to see us, like she was giving us a cat hug. Even Steve, who was about 5 at the time. She did it to all of us (except Isaac, who couldn't bear to come in and stayed curled in a fetal position in the back of our car.) And then she went.

And see--it's seven years, but it still makes me cry.

Sometimes they seem so thoughtless and full of themselves--and maybe that's the beauty of cats--but then, they'll act like they get it, and you're just slain. Like they've known all along, but they don't want you to get ##y or take anything for granted, so they withhold that information until they deem we have a "need to know." Very smart.
(Random thought.)

It's hard, I know--I can imagine, and maybe that's why I don't know what to say--but you did good for your Zoe.

Cindy

My Sadie definitely knew and by the time they had both stopped walking round and round in the garden together in the rain, Jude knew too.

I was left in the dark till she took her last breath at 9am in the morning.

Sue

An update. I took Sadie in for her first checkup with our regular vet today (everything a-ok) and asked him about Zoe. He doesn't think it was cancer since both her kidneys were so enlarged He really thinks she got into something like antifreeze or something - impossisble, but terrifying to think about.

Anyway, on the way home I stopped at a former neighbors house, and she said when she lived across the street, they almost lost their dog because it ate a mouse that had gotten into d-con!!! We live by open space, so there are lots of mice, voles, chipmunks, squirrels, bunnies, cyotes etc running around. Anyway, now I'm thinking that would explain Zoe's rapid demise. The other kitties bring us mice (dead and alive), but she never did, so I"m thinking she ate them...yuck, but it would answer the questions in my mind. I'm going to ask Dr. Bean about that theory when I go back in 2 weeks.

-Sharon

Hi!

There's one place you might want to try and find out info.............

It's the ASPCA animal poison control center.....

www.aspca.org

A wonderful site, and a lifesaver, when our sweet Ms. Lucy was poisoned --- (by Right Guard deodorant spray)......
An "ex-vet" (if I can even call him that), told me to use that to deter her from cords, wires, etc.......

But, it's a helpful site....

Love, Denise

I guess I should clarify my post. We don't use d-con. We use traps.
I'm afraid several of the neighbors don't want to deal with traps and would rather the mice go away and die, so that is where I'm thinking it came from.

But thank you for that link -- it has a lot of good information!