All,

I just registered with LS this afternoon and was totally amazed to find such a wonderful site full of loving and caring people.

My loving companion of 20+ years died Wednesday morning from chronic kidney failure. She was a black long-haired kitty
who found me at the animal shelter back in 1988 - only 2 weeks old. I bottle fed her and weened her and we were together
from that time on.

When I awoke Wednesday morning she could not stand and barely could lift her head... and about 30 minutes later she had
a seizure and last gasp of air before passing away in my arms. Ever since then my grief has been overwhelming and the
crying just won't stop - I just want my baby back to give her more kisses and rubs and to tell her how much I love her.

I awoke at our normal 7:06am wakeup and eat time and was in the kitchen before I stopped myself, and after working
outside on the farm I still came into the house this morning and headed straight for the bedroom to check on her as was
my habit.

Today when I found LS it made a huge difference in my not feeling alone with this horrible depression and feeling of guilt
on not spending every moment at her side when she was with me; and now all I can think of is how she died and of what
else I could have done to keep us together.

I just had to tell someone about our seperation who would be able to understand.

Thanks for being here and letting me share.

I so sorry to hear about your baby. My Little Guy and his twin brother were both black, long-haired kitties, ages 16 1/2 and 10 when I lost them and their sister was short haired black and left at age 15. I felt so fortunate having had them so many years.

I was glad to read you had your girl for over 20 years. We always know it is never long enough but then we know too there is a day (we always hope is far away), they will have to leave us.

What a wonderful Mom you are to have raised her for so long. Each year is a blessing. You must have some favorite pictures of her you would like to post sometime. Pictures help us remember the happy, healthy times. Those are the memories we use to overcome the sadness and the pain.

It is true that coming here does let you know you are not alone..every tear you shed...we have been there many times. Every pain that overwhelms you..we have been there too and many here are in different stages...some, like you, have the fresh intense pain of a recent loss, others have the pain of a loss that may not be as recent but really truly always hurts so very much to think about.

We will love them forever and miss them forever. I have pictures of my special ones in all my rooms so I look into their eyes when I enter a room. I took hair from their hairbrush and put it with a favorite toy in a ziplock bag and it is the only way left I truly can physically touch them.
I put my favorite picture of my last one, Little Guy, as my avatar here and also as my desktop wallpaper so every day when I turn my computer on...we look into each other's eyes and when I turn it off for the night..I can say goodnight to him and know I will see him every day when my computer is on. He is lying on the top of a couch looking directly at me.

After his 16 1/2 years....I had a very hard time and still do, when thinking of him. After a short time I could not handle the emptiness and went to my local SPCA and found a kitty who looks very much like my babies and he is the distraction I needed to help me not let the pain overwhelm me every day...a pain I could not stop because the cir%%stances that caused it I could not change.

One Mom here said it best for me: She said:
The pain of losing her will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing her.

We all know that day of pain will come but we would not trade having them in our lives as long as possible...to avoid the pain that comes from missing them so terribly much. Many times we type here through tears...because that bond of love will always be there. There are those here who have experienced a feeling of communication with their baby. I have not been fortunate enough to have that experience but his pictures and his memories are a part of me that can never know separation.

If I could, I would give you a huge, tight hug....with tears streaming (which they are doing as I type this)....and tell you I know EXACTLY what you are feeling (as so many others here do also).

So sorry about your sweet girl. She can never truly leave you because she is a part of your heart and she will reside there forever.

Hugs,

Judy

Thank you LOVETHEM for your wonderful message.

I am getting so much valuable hints from everyone - being only 2 days I pulled back the dresser in the bedroom and fond a tuft of hair just a few minutes ago. It is now safe in an envelope to be a wonderful keepsake of my baby girl.

I am hoping to have some pictures of her on here asap - but she looked so very much like your avatar. She was shiny black with a hint of grey fur on her belly - yellow green eyes which always seemed so wide open to the world.

She always sat with her front paws crossed and her ears perked up until that last morning; whenever I would touch her she would talk to me with a quiet "mewap" sound which I still can hear quite clearly.

As I am still not thinking clearly, I would loving appreciate any other ideas on keeping her close.

Bless you and thank you again

Ubukitty's Pal

All,

After reading so many other messages about chronic renal failure, I am now wondering if that is actually what killed my
Ubukitty. She ate and drank normally right up until about 3 hours before she passed away... but I have seen multiple
messages that getting a cat with CRF to eat is rather difficult but so very important - and with Ubu that just was not
an issue.

Please allow me to give a summary of the last couple of months of her medical history - if anyone than can offer
some info on confirming CRF was the likely issue and/or only issue it would help be extremely appreciated. I am so
very worried that I or the Vet missed something that could have been prevented.

On Sept. 8 Ubu had her first attack or seizure. She was asleep on the bed and awoke with a loud "waaaah" sound like
a baby, the she arched her back and began to salivate intensely while breathing in rasping breaths with her tongue
out. This lasted about 10 minutes. After finally starting to breath more regularly she slept for about 4 straight hours
without moving at all - and then got up and appeared fine. The next day is when she say the vet and the CRF
diagnosis was made (she was not found to be diabetic however) but she was not placed on any meds.

I immediately changed her diet to a low carb version just in case diabetes had caused the CRF and she was fine for about 30 days.

On Oct. 3 we pretty much had the exact same situation happen except this time she pottied on herself and was out for about 8 hours before again seemingly recovering.

On Nov. 3 she had another episode but unbelievably it was much milder than the previous two, so my hopes were raised...

Then she started having trouble with weakness in her rear legs and between Nov 3 and Nov 19 she only pooped twice, both times it appeared very dry and in alarmingly small amounts considering how well she was eating. The only noticeable new symptom was she would only lie on her right side of her body while keeping her right hind leg always completely extended straight out and her left leg pulled up right next to her stomach.

The end on Wednesday was shocking to me since we had slept normally and she ate and drank about 3 hours before her final seizure lasting about 5 minutes in her death... which was the same labored breathing, tongue extended and heavy salivating followed by the same "waaah" sound, arching of the back, and then a quick shudder and death.

I am so afraid I have missed something the possibly could have been provented..

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Sounds like you did everything you could to help her. Gosh, 20 years. I also lost a cat at 19yrs many many moons ago. She got sick, I watched her waste away. I didn't have the heart/strength to put her down. I was selfish, she was my freind, my sister, we grew up together. She passed away in the house. I never should have let her suffer like that. Your baby's passing was quick, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. I know it's so hard. What helped me thru my time, was just repeating over and over, she had a very long and happy life. Same with you, you were so blessed to have had eachother so many years.. I sometimes wonder what is worst losing a long relationship or a short one. I'm here for the loss of my 2yr old cat Arthur. He's was so smart, so loving, and I think of all the years I was robbed to enjoy it.. But, conclusion is, either way, it doesn't matter it's devestating. Remember her with a smile, hold on to the love in your heart forever..Many hugs.. Ann

Sounds like Ubukitty had a good life with you. You did everything you could.
Just like you I kept fur. I went to her favorite sleeping spot and picked many hairs by hand and the baggy is on my dresser. I have pictures on my wall behind my moniter. It was several months before I even moved the things she slept on.
Maybe you will get signs from her too. I am sure you may have read where some of us have signs from our angel babies. Twice now I know she has brushed up against my leg in the kitchen. Anything you can do to remeber her is great.
I am glad we here can help you. If it werent for the kind and friendly people here I just don't know what i would have done. I hope people here realize that just the simplist reply from someone whether it be a quick hello or a long letter makes us feel better. Just to know people out there care and are animal lovers like us.
Hope you share more stories and some pictures when you are ready.

Hugs to you and your angel Ubukitty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ubukitty,

I want you to know again that I love you so very much and miss you. Your ashes came home yesterday and are
now on the mantle with your pictures and fur resting on your favorite red blankie. You have been gone a full week but
it has seemed like an eternity down here.

If you can please come home to me - there will always be a special place for you now and when we are reunited someday.

In your honor I am going to adopt a couple of homeless kitties so they can enjoy our love and companionship - but again
a special spot is always waiting for you to be with us.

Looking back over the last few weeks we had together, I now understand you were telling me not to cry or worry; when
you first were ill you pushed your head against my cheek and had the most understanding and knowledgeable
compassion in your eyes when all the while it was you who should have received such feelings from me but I was too
overcome with grief to adequately express it to you.

That last night when you sat up and placed your head against my chest and rested against my cheek I now know you
were telling me it was time and not to be sad and I will do my best to make your wish come true.

If you listen you will hear me call out to you until we are together again.

Home is always here for you baby girl.

Love, Harold

Ubukitty,

Until next Wednesday, there is one thing on my mind that I wish to tell you.

That last night, when you layed down on your side and seemed to go to a peaceful sleep before the awful events
the next morning...

Even though it was probably best to let you rest I will always regret not holding you that night and talking to you those
last few hours. If anything will continue to haunt me for the rest of my days it is the feeling of losing that last chance
to pull you close and cuddle you. Please forgive me.

H

Harold,

I know Ubukitty knew you loved her just as my Sissycat did. I didn't get a chance to hold her or say a last goodbye. (it was an accident that took her from me and I never could have known it was coming)
It is so wonderful for you to be able to open your heart up to 2 new furbabies that need you so much!!!!!
Wishing you much luck with them. Stories and pictures when you are able.

Hugs!!!!!!!

I'm so sorry to hear Ubukitty passed away. I feel the same way, I am glad I found this site. Like everybody else we all miss our departed pets (kids).

Take care

Harold,

I am so sorry for your loss. Even 20 years seems like too short a time to be with a loved one like Ubukitty. You have no need for regrets as I am sure Ubukitty knew how much you cared for her. The first few months are usually the hardest. With time you will work through the grief but the happy memories will always remain. A part of Ubukitty is in your heart and it will be there for the rest of your life. Take solace in that and may your pain lessen.

Ken Albin

My sympathy to you on the passing of your girl.

Wendi.

Ubukitty,

Hi baby girl. It is Wednesday again and time for me to tell you I miss you more and more and sometimes really don't
think I can live without you.

As the time is passing by I am realizing how much you brought to me even when you had been much less able to be
active over the last couple of years. Knowing you were waiting for me kept me anchored in my other life activities
more than I had comprehended.

I have been working on the electric fence to keep our bovine neighbors away from the chicken cages, but they continue
to press as close to the house as possible and have been keeping me awake at night again - I remember how you
used to watch them out the window and tell me when they were around.

I love you so very much and worry how to fill the hole in my heart; I guess time will tell how we deal with it once and
for all.

More later baby girl.

H

Love your nice post to Ubukitty. Sure she likes it too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello baby,

Well it's been 3 weeks today since we were parted. This morning I lit your candle so you would know you will never be
forgotten or even very far from my thoughts.

I hope you know just how much you changed my life in so many ways! Your companionship through all those years made
me a more complete human being:

- you taught me how to accept and enjoy pure love
- you taught me how to be compassionate and kind without expectations
- you taught me how to appreciate the good times and that the bad times
- you taught me that sometimes just being alive was enough to be happy and thankful
- you showed me that the spirit of a being is what is important regardless if they were a cat or a person
- you brought me so much joy by adopting me and helped my self-esteem in so many ways
- you showed me how to courageously face my destiny without fear

You are my angel in heaven who is on my side just as you always was here on earth. I am so thankful you chose me
all those years ago to be the lucky one with whom you shared your life. To be the special soul chosen by you makes me
feel so wonderful; it is something that I will cherish and be able to take with me no matter what lies ahead - as does the
knowledge that you will be there waiting for me when it's my time to leave this world.

If there was any one thing I would like for others to know about you it was your amazing way you taught me to
"go with the flow" and be happy no matter what. I remember that special moment we had a couple of weeks before
you left when you looked deep into my eyes and had such an expression of empathy and reassurance on your face -
that will forever live with me and which I can appreciate now - which has forever changed how I look upon all living
things... the knowledge and spirit behind those beautiful eyes showed that a man can and should look to other beings
for guidance. You may have been in cat form while here with me but something told me that the life force behind that
body was older and wiser than I can hope to match anytime soon and that I have many things to learn.

As time goes on I hope you are able to see how I learn to appreciate your gift(s).

Thank you so much - I love you more each day!

Hey babygirl,

Well winter has arrived in full force with the wind and then the cold, foggy and dreary days. The worst thing about this
weather is that this was the best times we had for stayin inside and cuddling up together which I have missed much
lately. Also it has prevented me from working on any outside projects which I have been focusing on to keep me busy
and my mind off of the fact that you're not with me now.

For some reason you were really on my mind last night; I was really depressed all evening and cried some while holding
my favorite picture of you... you know the one - where you were perched on the coffee table with one ear back and the
other forward, looking so bemused with me taking your picture. I keep that photo right above your urn with your wooden
kitty sitting right beside it - exactly like it was in the photo. Actually one day this week I glanced at it and thought for sure
that both ears were back as if you were scolding me for something (which happened alot) and then looked again and
thought I saw it with both ears forward like you had forgave me and all was okay (I admit when this happened I had been
wondering why you had left me even though you had told me not to do that).

I really value these weekly letters to keep us up-to-date; I am planning a special note to you this Friday as it will be
one month since we parted. Do you remember the time we were watching the movie "Whatever happened to Baby Jane"
and I told you that if you had to go, I would do like the song says (except with our special changes):

I'm sending a letter to 'Bukitty
To 'Bukitty in heaven above
I'm sending a letter to 'Bukitty
My 'Bukitty that I'm dreaming of...

I love you sweetie and am dreaming of you all the time! Miss you babygirl! We WILL be together again!

H

I was very sadden to learn of your ubukitty's death. I've been reading up alot on kitty's lately, since i adopted a 5 week old few weeks ago and I worry that one day she'll have kidney issue (I read alot of about kidney issues in cats). So I'm starting her of with some good, no grain cat food and hopefully I can spare her from that, but it's anyone's guess if that would even help.

Please hang in there and no we understand what you are going through and I know this place has helped me alot in coming to terms with my Candy's death.

Take care

Candy's Dad
Hal (also Harold)

Babygirl, you departed this world exactly one month ago today and while I have survived without you it has been very
hard and depressing. I have been working on focusing on all the great and wonderful times we had together but
sometimes the anguish and sorrow from us not being together cannot be ignored; that is why I am writing to you so
early this morning.

I have decided to start a journal to record all the memories as they surface for posterity. Now if I can figure out how to
bring it with me to our future reunion we will have a great scrapbook to read and enjoy!

Daddy misses you so much... you will always be my baby and be front and center in my heart. Keep those ears
forward and those paws crossed sweetie!

Love, H

Dear H....

I love the journal idea and if you figure a way to take a scrapbook along, please share with the rest of us so we can do the same! Big party at Rainbow Bridge with all of us, our scrapbooks and babies sitting beside us enjoying the wonderful times together all over again.

Trying to remember all the good times seems to help me somewhat too. What fun we had sometimes! Hopefully the memories of those times will help to heal the pain of losing them over the difficult days ahead. Supposed to be a happy season but many sad parents this time of year.

I swore for the last 2-3 years that I would not have another pet as I had gotten so attached to her and been through so much with her I did not want to go there ever again. HELLO................ even before she was gone we acquired 2 new babies and they have helped with the emptiness.

Thinking of you today. Another milestone on this roller coaster ride of grieving for your Ubukitty.

Ginger