Hello to you all..... Your words have been a great comfort to me. Last night I was overcome with sadness and was blessed to find this board. My cat Samurai, 'Sam', will be leaving me on Monday. It has been a painful battle for him and for us, his family. He is a 17 1/2 year old Siamese cat that my husband and I got right before we married. He was a feisty 8 week old kitten. He was diagnosed with mouth cancer in August and his decline has been rapid. The last few days I have realized that we should let him go. His cancer has disfigured his beautiful face and he has whittled down to a skinny little wisp. Eating and drinking is difficult...... he rarely looks comfortable sleeping any more... and I think he is getting a bit confused. On thursday I found him laying on my bed where he had accidently wet the cover and was just laying in the spot. He has survived one rupture of the tumor which left him bleeding profusely from the mouth. He is worn out and my heart is broken. He has been there for all of the years of our marriage, moved 4 times and tolerated the births of our 3 children. To think I got this cat when I was 24 and now am 42..... he has been a true companion.
Making the call to schedule his appt. for euthanasia took me 3 calls and 3 days... it has been so hard.
I have mixed emotions.... I feel peace for him that he will run free in Heaven and his blue eyes will sparkle again. Profound sadness for me... I have cared for him like my human children and he has been my friend. I feel some panic watching the clock tick away and dread carrying his little body out of this house for the last time. We just moved here in August. I will be going to a vet clinic I have never been to since we have moved to a new state. My old vet has been wonderful--- sending meds and calling to check on him. But I can't make him endure an hour and a half car ride to have her put him to sleep. Sorry for the long post..... Thank you for reading. Mila and Sam

I am so sorry you are having to say goodbye to Sam. Having lost Daddy Cat to cancer at 17 years of age I can sympathize with your struggle and decision. It is a selfless act on your part but so difficult nonetheless. May Sam slip easily to Rainbow Bridge. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

Ken Albin

Hi, Mila, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in what you are facing come Monday with your precious Sam. It was not quite been 2 years ago when I was facing a similar trip to the vet's office to release my number one kitty son, Eli, from end stage Lymphoma. He had been diagnosed in September 2006 during his regular annual checkup, underwent emergency surgery the following day which resulted in the removal of his right kidney because it was thoroughly cancer involved, underwent 6 weeks of palliative chemotherapy, and had 2 months post-chemo in relative comfort. Oh how I begged God all that weekend to take him peacefully - - to not make me have to make the decision - -but instead He gave me the strength and courage Monday morning to do what needed to be done for my Eli. Six years and seven months earlier my precious Black Lab, Oslo, had alerted me that there was a little creature in the drainage pipe at the end of our driveway at the street. It took me about 2 hours to get the little critter out - - a feisty kitten just barely 7 weeks old. From that point forward Eli thought his big doggie brother was the "Cat's Meow." Eli had has health challenges which required regular medication, but he lived a healthy - - and I'd like to think - - a happy life. My heart is breaking for you, Mila. I know that Eli is now healed in our Father Creator's loving arms and playing with the angels until it is my appropriate time to join him in eternal joy. But I still miss him - - he knew how to keep things lively. Mila, please know you and Sam are in my thoughts and prayers that the new vet and the staff will be compassionate to you and to Sam in your time of need. And please let us know how things are going for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Mila
How my heart breaks for you. 2 1/2 yrs ago we had to put our cat down due to CRF. Kit was 18 yrs. She came to us about age 3 from a friend who was terminally ill. Our kids were older then but she was really attatched to our daughter and slept with her. When she came home from college and even when she moved got married and had her own daughter Kitty was here for her when they came home. We kept her going as long as we could, but finally we said if she has another decline we cannot put her through more medications. It was so difficult, but in the end we knew she was at peace. We buried her under a tree in direct view of her favorite spot to sit on our deck. People on this site have such kind hearts and it helps to read stories and know you are not alone. I came here for my dog that was recently hit by a car and killed, it helps to share. Also I never thought of some of the sweet ideas people have shared to pay tribute, paw prints and clipping hair to keep, writing poems and songs. Thoughts and prayers to you and for dear sweet Sam.
annf

I am so sorry to hear of Sam. However, always keep in mind that you gave him a very long and happy life. It is very sad to see them go, but, best this way to not have to see him suffer. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Sam, and that he has a peaceful journey to the rainbow bridge. He will make so many friends there and be happy and healthy once again. . Peace and Hugs.. Ann

Thank you all so, so very much for reading my post and reaching out. The stories you share are comforting in that I know I am not alone. It has been quite a journey with Sam and I can't believe it is coming to an end.
I talked to him about going..... I am so worried that I won't be able to let him go. This morning he got up from his heated bed and met me in the kitchen for his baby food. Went to his water bowl and then asked to be let in the shower to drink there. Now he is watching me from his bed..... I offered to cuddle him on the couch but he doesn't seem to get comfortable like that anymore.
So I keep telling myself, 'He's having a pretty good morning.... maybe it isn't time.' But perhaps the spring in his step is because he knows he is almost free. Looking back I think I missed a couple of times he was giving me a sign--- until last thursday when he wet on the bed. He has found litter box since.
This will be a hard day. As a mom I have to make it alright for all of them---- my 3 kids, my other cat and dog, and my husband, and Sam. But as a nurturer and mother you always want to fix things and make them better. I can't make Sam's cancer go away and I feel so bad.
I do have faith that there is a Heaven for him but I will miss him so.
Thank you for reading......Mila

Hi, Mila, today is going to be a difficult day. What you are feeling right now is called "Anticipatory Grief". It is a grief journey all by itself because you know the closing of your life together with your beloved Sam is close but you still have his precious physical presence with you. As a caregiver I know what you mean about "making things alright" but unfortunately neither our physical bodies -- nor the physical bodies of our precious companions - - are designed to live forever on this side of eternity. But I assure you, Mila, that when Sam's sweet Spirit is no longer confined to his failing physical body, he will be reunited with our Father Creator of ALL living things, and you will see him once again at your appropriate time to join him in eternal joy. If you would like to know this for certainty, I would be glad to send you a study I have done on the Scriptures about animals in heaven through our Lightning Strike e-mail. But for now, it is a matter of getting through this day - - perhaps even just the next minute, next hour. Euthanasia is one of the hardest decisions we will ever make - - it is similar to stopping life support for a human family member or friend. It isn't supposed to be easy, but it is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to us -- so that they can go home to the angels with their dignity still intact. My Eli had stopped eating completely and fluid had begun to build into his abdomen. I knew I couldn't let him starve to death or suffocate from the build up of fluid in his body. But even "knowing" this did not take the stabbing pain from my heart knowing that I would have to wait my lifetime to be able to hold him again in God's heavenly home. Mila, please know you are among friends here who do understand what you are going through. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. And please know you and Sam are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Mila,

I am so very sorry to hear about your beloved Sam's illness and the painful decision to put your precious baby to sleep. I know he was your constant companion for all of these years. I had my Candy cat for 22 years - from the time I was in kindergarden. Even my son (now 20 years old) remembers my Candy cat. I also lost my little Macie two years ago after 18 years together. She had a problem with her kidneys and went through almost two years of weekly treatments (which she hated) before she gave up her fight.

I hope that you find comfort in all of the good years you spent together and the good times that you shared. I know that this is the worst decision we can ever make, but your little one has suffered so much. It sounds like he has let you know it is time and that it's ok. I know that this may be small comfort to you as you face tomorrow and my heart sincerely goes out to you.

You are in my prayers,

Allanna

Moon-Beam and Allanna,
Thank you both for taking the time to post your kind words to me. Sam is having a pretty comfortable day although I did notice him sneezing a few times and pawing at his face after he had a drink.
My 6 year old son spent some time gently brushing Sam and talking to him. He is afraid he won't recognize him when he gets to Heaven some day! I think children learn alot about love and compassion from having animals in their lives.
Please keep us in your thoughts in prayers especially tomorrow morning as Sam makes his journey to the Bridge. This place has been a calm in the storm for me. I's sure it will continue to be that way in the coming days as well.....

Thanks to you all for your compassion.
Mila

Mila, just a quick note: children do grieve differently from adults. There are several articles and books referenced on this website in the Pet Loss Support and Articles section about this that might help you help your son in his grieving the physical loss of Sam. It's a one day at a time journey, Mila, and we are here for you for as long as often as you need us. Please know you, your son, and Sam are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I am sorry to hear of what you are going through. It is a very personal decision, and one you are battling with as Sam has his up days and down days. If those down days number more than the up then ... but it is one day at a time, one moment. And you will know tomorrow if that is the day or not. Follow your heart. Don't be locked into any decision if it doesn't seem the best at the time. Speak with him and listen to him quietly. Maybe meet the doctor who you expect to be seeing beforehand, so you feel comfortable or have him/her come to you and Sam. Be gentle with yourself.

Peace.

Wendi.

wendi~
First, thank you for posting. I was coming on here tonight to say I thought we had changed our mind. Sam has been eating and drinking and using his litter box all weekend. We have an appt. tomorrow morning with a new vet and I am going to call first thing and ask them if they will just see him first and talk to us. I know his cancer is terminal. I am not fooling myself that he isn't going to leave us soon. But I don't know if tomorrow is the right day.
I will also call my old vet and see what she has to offer. I am afraid I am making a hasty decision. After he had the potty accident on thursday I was expecting a decline over the weekend. He can still jump to his bed and eat and drink. But if the vet doesn't think he is getting enough nutrition based on his weight than we will have to take that in to consideration.
Your words mean alot..... thank you taking the time to post.
Sincerely, Mila

I have been thinking of you Mila since I posted on here earlier and just came back to check on things and found your response. I'm glad Sam has been doing his usual things over the weekend.

Magion had cancer as well, Lymphosarcoma, in 2004, he had surgery and 5 months of chemo. It was the kidney disease diagnosed in early 2005 that left him anaemic that took his life this year in August. His teeth also weren't good and I had processed his food in the food processor for some time. He wasn't eating well those last weeks but he would eat bits. He too had accidents on the bed during that time every so often, after having subq fluid getting caught short going to the litter - and at first this disturbed him, but I bought some baby change mats and just slipped them under him when he needed to pee. He was so clever that when I had a change mat folded up at the top of the bed near his bed, he saw it there once and clearly told me he wanted to pee. I got it out for him, slipped it under and pee he did.

Magion used to surprise me with his strength when he wasn't well those weeks. He would have days when he would be off the bed and walk down to his room, and jump into his house - sometimes with a little help if he missed the first time. I also took him outside a couple of days before he went when it was sunny (winter here) and he enjoyed the sun for abit and walked back inside, no problem. We shared some lovely moments during that time even in the midst of all my anxiety and fear. And I tend to remember all the anguish as I wanted him to feel better, to get over this and get his strength back. But I couldn't have given up those moments.

It would be a heart wrenching decision to make because you and the professionals that provide their service have to determine whether the individual is suffering and to make that determination we need to put our own judgements upon what they are experiencing.

They have alot to teach us. I hope Sam's good days continue to outweigh the low days. Still you can only listen to your heart and the knowledge of your relationship with your boy.

I hope all goes as you would like.

Wendi.

Wendi,
Thank you again for your story and kind words. I think adding to anxiety over putting Sam to sleep is the fact that we are going to a clinic where they don't know us----to see a vet who has never seen or treated Sam. I think if he examines Sam and gives me a better idea of where we are I can move ahead. Sam has been up this morning and had his food and been to the water bowl. (He eats little jars of baby food now that he can lick up. He also had problems with his teeth in Dec. '07 and had quite a few removed.) He then chose to go downstairs to his other bed to avoid the morning bustle, I think.
If this vet doesn't think he is getting a enough food and water or is in pain my decision will be clear. As much I as I love this cat I will not be selfish and make him suffer. His life has been long and happy up to these last few months----- we have been blessed to have him for so many years.
I hope you continue to check in----I appreciate your kindness.
Sincerely,
Mila

I am so sorry. Cancer got Miles, and it still hurts to remember it all.

In the past it has claimed our Tonkinese Harmony, and our Aussie Terrier Matilda. It had me wondering if there were something wrong with where we live, but the most common answer is that as with humans, we try our best to keep our friends healthy, and in doing so, they simply live long enough to contract it.

Dear Mila and Sam.

Sending thoughts and hugs to you today. There is little more to say at a time like this other than I pray that whatever needs to happen will happen for you today. Many warm peaceful thoughts to you.
annf

Jon~~
I just read your tribute to Miles. What a sweet story----- and loving relationship you two had. I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking the time to post. All of the people that are taking the time to tell their stories and offer kind words mean so much.
We, too, were adopted by a raggedy little gypsy cat in Oct. '06. She followed Sam home from one of his short jaunts around our old home. She was emaciated, full of fleas, had a runny nose and was just pitiful. She would not leave and made it clear that she wanted to be friends with our dog, Riley by rubbing against his legs. He was horrified! Sam had taught him that cats would give him a swat if he got too close. But our Smokey was different and they have become the best of friends. SHe is now quite fat---- too fat really. She also tries to sneak Sam's baby food once he has left his plate and will gobble with all her might when she sees me coming. So I had to laugh at Miles doing the same.
Thanks again,
Mila

Hi, Mila, just read your post of this morning and a second opinion is always a good idea - - when it doubt, check it out. I hope the consulting vet will be able to give you some insights and options that will help you help Sam in continuing quality of life as best as possible until there is no question or doubt in your mind and heart. Please let us know how things go with Sam, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon-Beam and friends,
We took Sam to the new animal hospital to meet with the vet. We met the most compassionate articulate woman and I feel like an angel has been sent our way. SHe sat on the floor in front of Sam and I and talked to us for over 30 minutes. SHe was gentle and caring and really made me feel at ease. We discussed his quality of life and what the final step will be. I know we are down to a small number of days.... she upped Sam's prednisone to offer more pain relief and help with inflamation. I know it helped because he sat and washed his face for a bit before laying down on his bed. He hadn't really shown any interest in grooming for awhile. I have been gently cleaning his body with baby wipes and his face with just a warm cloth.
He has a lovely spot to rest in our family room in front of a huge window. I have been keeping a heating pad on it for him and he seems to like being where he can watch the activity of the kids and other animals. He always has liked to be in the same room I am in ..... he's been my shadow for a long time.
The cancer has become exposed at the corner of his mouth and I am keeping a close eye on any sign of infection or rupture.
I am thinking of all of you....although I don't know your faces, your words and caring have meant so very much. I am sorry we had to come together in way that unites us in grief but am thankful to have a place to come for compassion and understanding.
Mila

I am so very sorry about Sam. My Little Guy was 16 1/2 when I had to make the decision and make it quickly.

I am glad you have had Sam for the years you have. As I started reading your posts here...the pain of separation hit me again and I read the rest through tears....tears for your boy and the memory of my boy.

I am also glad you saw a vet who has given you the precious gift of more time. Each day with them is a true blessing.

Hugs to you and your family and give Sam a special hug and kiss for being such good boy (as if these babies could be anything else).

Judy

HI, Mila, thank you so much for sharing with us about the vet consult. I am so very glad that the vet took her time to go over all your questions and give you the information you needed. We are here for you, Mila, each step of the way. Please know you and Sam are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi,

I am so sorry to hear about Sam. I also lost six older cats in the last 18 months or so. Most from cancer including of the mouth and one to kidney disease. I know how hard it is to let them go. I spent months nursing them , also did the babyfood and heating pads for all my babies. The hard part is deciding on the right time. The hardest one was my 17 1/2 year old part Siamese soul mate cat with kidney disease. We had been giving him fluids for about half a year and he did fine but at the end also started having trouble getting to the litter box and at the last couple of days found it hard to get around. Mentally I knew that it was time but emotionally it was hard to let him go. He was the first one to get sick and I just LOVED this cat. I think what helped was looking at video from a couple of months earlier and seeing just how bad he had gotten. I also knew that at that point he was not going to bounce back like he had before and that he was not enjoying his days. With hindsight I would have done it a couple of days earlier but I wanted to give him a chance to improve which didn't happen. I still miss him every day and of course the other furkids. It was agony every time I did it and had to make that decision. Having gone through it so many times I think a few days early is better than a few days late. Unless they are enjoying their time here there really is no pleasure for them and I feel that for people and myself that is also true. You are the best judge of the pleasure he is getting out of life and I feel for the anguish you are going through. I am glad you found a compassionate vet ; that can make all the difference. He is lucky to have such a caring and wonderful Mom. THinking of you and Sam .....Barbara

Dear Mila I am so sorry to hear about Sam It sounds like you have had a fantastic relationship for all these years ! I know exactly how you feel after loosing two of my fur babies this year our little Teddy Bear started to have fits 8 weeks ago and know we give him fluids every 40 mins as he has kidney faliure as he is nearly 15.We have had him for so long.But if I can give you some advice from my wonderful vet is that YOU will know in your heart when the time is right to let him go.We to do not want Teddy to suffer in any way so please listen to your heart you know Sam better than anyone !
My thoughts and prayers are with you and Sam.
Warren *********

I remembered reading something about mouth cancer in one of my old Cat Fancy magazines.
There was a study being done about a drug called L-NDDP. It was open to all cats who had inoperable mouth cancer.

Apparently there is a drug called Cisplatin compound which can be effective for cancer of the head and neck in dogs. In cats, it has negative effects, however the L-NDDP is supposed to be able to offset the negative effects so cats can be treated with the Cisplatin compound.

This was in the 1990's so I don't know what happened but maybe if you Google these drug names or treatment of mouth cancer...something may have come up to help.

We just always want to keep on trying. I'm glad your new vet was a help and giving more precious time with Sam.

I wish that trial had come up with something. Maybe your new vet has heard of it?

Just wanted to pass along anything I could think of that might help. My magazine has the doctors names and an old phone number in Florida, I think.

Hugs and a special hug to Sam...what a good sweet boy.

Judy

My friends,
Sorry to be away for so long. Taking care of Sam, 3 sick kids, the holiday, and having my server go down kept me away. But I am grateful for your comments and thoughts.

Sam left me today. My sweet boy has gone to the bridge and I can barely type these words.

The last few weeks since we saw the vet have been 'ok'. I watched Sam carefully, increased his meds as needed, kept him warm and comfortable. He had some really good days. It wasn't enough and the cancer beat me.... and took him. Yesterday and some of the day before he was getting restless. I realized he couldn't eat from the plate any more even when I held it up. So I let him lick the food from my fingers. He couldn't get enough water and was getting dehydrated. I tried to pour into his mouth but he couldn't get enough. He was starting to meow--- walking around, meowing his pitiful little wail. Then a few times he went and sat at the garage door and meowed---like he wanted to go out. That is very unusual for him because he hadn't really ever been out that door----- mostly our front door.
I went to our son's school to volunteer and had asked my husband to call the vet and see what her schedule was like. I was only going to be gone an hour or so but couldn't bring myself to make the call. While I was gone he called me and said Sam was bleeding badly from his mouth and I should come home. The vet's said we could come right away. I can't say more right now--it's too hard.
17 1/2 years with an ornery, talkative Siamese is a long time. But not long enough. My house is empty. Now I have to wait for my kids to come home and tell them.

I am so sorry to hear about Sam. I know this is a very difficult time for you. I wish you and your family well. I know how empty you feel, it has been three weeks since Casey left us and I still feel empty. Casey was with me for almost 12 years and the house feels empty without him. I wake up every morning and the first thing I do is look at his picture and tell him how much I love and miss him. Hang in there, things will get better. You gave Sam a wonderful life and many years of love. Sam was very lucky to have been adopted by such caring people.

Take comfort in knowing that Sam is in a better place and is no longer in any pain.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Karen

Karen- Thank you for posting. I am so sorry for your loss of Casey. I know you know how I feel---- as do so many other kind people on this board. I have spent the last couple of hours sitting in our quiet house watching the snow fall. My vizsla, Riley, has been laying across my lap keeping my company. Our other cat Smokey is hanging out close by too.

I am so very thankful for having a place to come with my grief. My Samurai, 'Sam', has been a treasured friend.
I hope in the next few days I can figure out how to post some photos of him. He was a gorgeous boy.
Mila

Judy,
I was just re-reading your post about the trial on feline cancer. You were so kind to post that info. Perhaps someone else, too, will see that and be able to use it.
But your comment that Sam was a 'good sweet boy' brought a smile and more tears ... our new angel of a vet said the same thing to Sam today as he was leaving this world. I still can't believe the day has come and he is gone.

Mila

ALL of you that have posted on this thread have been so kind. I pray for you all in your loss and grief.

mly8,
my sincerest sympathies to you on your loss of sam. i have been keeping up with your thread on sam and just couldnt bear to write. im so sorry.

i know the empty house feeling all to well lately. i lost my two cats 2 yrs ago, two months apart from each other. one was 14 the other 18. i still grieve for them but i do smile more so now then i did two yers ago. i cry for them ,i miss them,

and then may of this year we lost our oldest dog tee at the age of 13 yrs young. your right the length of time we have with them is never long enuf.

i wear the girls(cats ) lazered on a pendant around my neck close to my heart. i have tee's pawprints tattooed on my leg with her name and year she was born and the year she passed(2008).

you'll never forget sam. he is in your heart forever. he's your soul and part of your soul. he loved his mama. hes safe now ,free of pain and i just know in my heart he is romping with all 3 of my girls at the bridge..

again i am so sorry..my heart breaks for you...i wish you peace and healing..with al my heart..

michelle

Michelle~~ Thank you for posting. I am sory for your losses and hope time is healing some of the pain.
I am so tired and worn out tonight. The kids were pretty good after school and went out to our barn to write messages on the box they gave us for Sam at the vet. My husband is preparing a place for us to bury him tomorrow on our property.
Even with the kids and another cat and dog, this house feels so different. Even in his frail state, Samurai had a strong life presence. The balance of my home feels so off..... without Sam.

Mly8,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your Sam. 17-1/2 years is how long I had my Flossie that I had to let go 5 weeks ago today. So I know what you are feeling right now. Even our regular Vet said he thought she would live forever.

I too had to take her to a Vet that I had never met as we were out of our home state. I was, like you, concerned about that. As it turned out the visit was much easier that I expected as the entire staff were absolutely wonderful, caring and understanding of the difficulty I was having. They left us alone after the shot to relax her for quite a while and then after the final injection they gave me a hug & said to stay as long as I wanted with her... just open the door when you are ready. When we opened the door the tech carried her ever so gently like a baby in her arms to another room. I knew I had chosen the right place for her final visit.

We have a new kitty & a young dog. Both we had inherited about 4 months before we had to let Flossie go. My kitty is a Siamese also and has been such a comfort to me with his antics. They have such personalities that I can just imagine how much you will miss your beautiful Sam. Knowing how Mr. Jingles is, I am sure like you said he had such a strong life presence. Some pets are just that way for us aren't they? I've loved every one I've ever had but some have just had a special connection to me. Flossie was the strongest connection for me. And I feel like Mr. Jingles will be my next one.... he really is already after just 5 months.

I try to remember the fun and companionship Flossie & I had and remember her when she was young & healthy. I still sometimes head for the place she slept to gather her up to take our last walk of the night before going to bed. She slept on a pink blanket I laid on the bed and I still have it there. The first few nights neither the dog or cat would get on it. They knew it was reserved for her I guess. They do lay on it now. I think Flossie must have given her permission so they now know it is OK.

When you feel like it, please post some pictures of your special kitty Sam. I'd love to see them. A hug to you & Sam from Mr. Jingles & me................. Ginger

Hi Mila,

I am very sorry to hear of your Sam's passing. I know you are going through an extremely devastating and painful time. I'm thinking about you and your family and wish you the strength to get through this very tough time. My sweet Fraffy left me the day before Thanksgiving and I'm still walking around in a fog. I can't believe she's gone. Maybe Sam and Fraffy are playing together now. Although Fraffy never really got along with other cats for some reason. Maybe she's turned over a new leaf.

Sam will always be with you, in your heart because the love you had for eachother is eternal.

Melanie

I've been following your posts and am so sorry you had to say goodbye to Sam. My thoughts are with you.

Ken Albin

Ginger, Melanie, Ken, --Thank you all so much ; and to anyone who has stopped to read and thought of us for a moment.. i am very appreciative.

It has been a long and hard day. Sam's care has been such a part of my 24 hour routine that I can't get used to him not being here. I keep thinking I see him out of the corner of my eye..... or I'll think, 'Sammi should eat now..' I really really miss his little face.

When we were riding to the vet yesterday, as I held him in my arms, I flashed back to when we got him at the pet store in spring of '91. Two months away from getting married... I was excited to start a new life and wanted a little fur ball to share it with us. I remember sitting next to my (soon to be) husband with a cardboard pet carrier and popping open the top so the ornery kitten could sit on my lap. Now I was holding him for the last moments and I felt that 17 years couldn't possibly have passed---- and my kitten was leaving me.

I hope to try to post a photo again later..... thank you , Mila

Ginger, Melanie, Ken, --Thank you all so much ; and to anyone who has stopped to read and thought of us for a moment.. i am very appreciative.

It has been a long and hard day. Sam's care has been such a part of my 24 hour routine that I can't get used to him not being here. I keep thinking I see him out of the corner of my eye..... or I'll think, 'Sammi should eat now..' I really really miss his little face.

When we were riding to the vet yesterday, as I held him in my arms, I flashed back to when we got him at the pet store in spring of '91. Two months away from getting married... I was excited to start a new life and wanted a little fur ball to share it with us. I remember sitting next to my (soon to be) husband with a cardboard pet carrier and popping open the top so the ornery kitten could sit on my lap. Now I was holding him for the last moments and I felt that 17 years couldn't possibly have passed---- and my kitten was leaving me.

I hope to try to post a photo again later..... thank you , Mila

Mila,
I am sending you many hugs!!!!!!!!!!
You know just maybe you did see Sam out of the corner of your eye.

Wow 17 years? You must have so many wonderful memories. I just hope I have that many years with my furbabies.

Yes, pictures when you can.

Hugs to you and your angel Sam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mila

I am so sorry about Sam. I read where you mention getting him in the Spring of 1991. My Little Guy, his twin brother, and their sister were born to a feral cat in my backyard on Memorial Day 1991.

My Little Guy was the last to leave....an ER visit where he couldn't breathe due to fluid in his chest..and the instant decision to let him leave us rather than put him though a lot of pain that would not cure anything. He had been under care and his x-rays were clear a week earlier but cancer was suspected and his twin brother, Keeper, had developed Lymphoma and from our first notice of something to making the decision to let him go was only a week. (about Keeper..I mean when I say..only a week).

Yes, we are so glad to have them so many years and feel lucky for that..but we truly never want them to leave us...they become a part of us...just like our heart is.

Something that helped me was I did frame pictures and put them in every room so I always saw them and especially my Little Guy...who almost died as a kitten from pneumonia but he was a fighter and lasted the longest. The vet said only exploratory surgery could tell if he had cancer internally and really felt at his age of over 16 1/2...that was best not to do to him and I agreed.

But back to the help.....I took hair from his hairbrush, as he loved to be brushed, and put it in an airtight ziplock bag along with a small rainbow ball (a favorite toy) and a paper with his name, as I had done that for the other 2 I lost. His brother left in 2002 and it amazes me that to this day...the hair in that bag feels exactly as alive and soft as it did when these babies still wore it. Sometimes when the pictures aren't enough and I really want to feel something physically....I take the fur and stroke it and know it was a part of all of them. One bag for each one with their own fur.

Also, my favorite picture of Little Guy lying on top of a couch looking right into the camera..and into my eyes..is my desktop wallpaper. When I turn it on each day..he is right there, healthy and happy, and when I turn it off at night, I know he will be there for me the next day and the next....and so on.

There are so many other ways I have read in this forum where others have kept their babies close by doing certain things. It helps them and what I have done helps me. I hope some ideas appeal to you for in the future, as time passes, I think there will be something you will be glad you did ..that will give you comfort.

Hugs...and I am glad I was able to send a kiss and hug to Sam earlier this week.

Judy

Hi Mila,

I hope you are ok. I know it's tough. I wanted to say I have thought I have seen my Fraffy out of the corner of my eye too. Still can't believe she isn't here.

It might be hard to think of many of the happy times right now but someday soon you (and me) will be able to think of the happy, joyful moments instead of dwelling on the bad.

Sending you many many hugs Mila!

Melanie