and I feel like it just happened yesterday. I don't feel any different. I know that the process is long and slow, but I was hoping to at least be able to function. I'm just moping around and crying every time I think, picture or read something nice that is written about her. I can't seem to get rid of the guilty feeling. I called and spoke with my vet the other day and he said that it was just a case of bad luck. I was hoping that maybe he would say that the GI upsets that she was having manifested and trigged this bloat. I don't know what I looking for. He told me that he only sees about two cases a year; three if it's a bad year. Why did this have to happen to me? I was so happy and then this happened and now I'm so sad. My husband still does not understand. We've had quite a few arguments this week. He didn't have a bond with her and keep saying things like "snap out of it" and "oh, Missy's legacy lives on with problems for our family". Ya know, cruel comments like that. I am very disgusted with him right now. He's just going on with his life like nothing ever happened. I think he's almost relieved that he doesn't have to spend any more money on her. It makes me very sad.
Thank you for listening!
Full Version: A Week Since Missy Left Me....
A "week" is really a "blink" of the eye in losing such a beautiful friend. It takes time, and usually a lot of time, to make the pain bearable.
Take each day one day at a time. Do what makes you feel better to do..that will help.
There is no response I can think of to the comments you heard. I would just not answer at all.
I would probably even go out for a walk....so I could cry as I feel.
There are no time limits on grieving...no matter what you hear. It produces a pain like no other and yet it is the same pain shared by all who have lost a special one.
Come here and vent, write your thoughts and feelings. Tell us some happy moments in times past of Missy that can make you smile.
Above all, remember you are not alone anymore. You have a family here...ones who have the same pain and so understands.
A week.....I was still crying my eyes out. While I don't do that everyday now...in a way I still do..when I come here and read about the pain of loss....I know it so well that I cry again while I type but that's okay to do.
I'm sorry your vet said "bad luck"...I understand why a real reason could help you so much more but if that is the best he could say...at least you tried to find out more.
Remember too, everyone truly grieves in their own way and just maybe for your husband..he simply holds it all in and doesn't want to give into it. Maybe his comment about "snap out of it" may mean he loves you and does not want to see you hurting when it is about something he can't do anything about. Sometimes feeling helpless and frustrated can make us angry..more at ourselves for not having the solution to help.
That said....it is good you found this site..for you can come here anytime and say what you want, ask questions, whatever helps you through that day or night or whatever you need.
There are always many here listening and willing to help you. Some of us are exact at the point in time of loss that you are and feel the most intense pain as you do..while other have had some time go by and make the pain more bearable.
Whatever it is.....we are listening...talk to us...
Hugs,
Judy
Take each day one day at a time. Do what makes you feel better to do..that will help.
There is no response I can think of to the comments you heard. I would just not answer at all.
I would probably even go out for a walk....so I could cry as I feel.
There are no time limits on grieving...no matter what you hear. It produces a pain like no other and yet it is the same pain shared by all who have lost a special one.
Come here and vent, write your thoughts and feelings. Tell us some happy moments in times past of Missy that can make you smile.
Above all, remember you are not alone anymore. You have a family here...ones who have the same pain and so understands.
A week.....I was still crying my eyes out. While I don't do that everyday now...in a way I still do..when I come here and read about the pain of loss....I know it so well that I cry again while I type but that's okay to do.
I'm sorry your vet said "bad luck"...I understand why a real reason could help you so much more but if that is the best he could say...at least you tried to find out more.
Remember too, everyone truly grieves in their own way and just maybe for your husband..he simply holds it all in and doesn't want to give into it. Maybe his comment about "snap out of it" may mean he loves you and does not want to see you hurting when it is about something he can't do anything about. Sometimes feeling helpless and frustrated can make us angry..more at ourselves for not having the solution to help.
That said....it is good you found this site..for you can come here anytime and say what you want, ask questions, whatever helps you through that day or night or whatever you need.
There are always many here listening and willing to help you. Some of us are exact at the point in time of loss that you are and feel the most intense pain as you do..while other have had some time go by and make the pain more bearable.
Whatever it is.....we are listening...talk to us...
Hugs,
Judy
I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I've been there. I know some people do not understand how we can become so attached to a pet that we grieve as much or more than with the passing of a human relative/friend.
You cannot understand why he does not feel what you do & he cannot understand how you can feel this badly. I don't think either of you can force the other one to feel one way or the other.
My Flossie was special to me.... not my husband. He didn't dislike her at all, she was just special to me. Can't totally explain it... it just WAS. I spent lots & lots of money to treat her medical problems over the years. He would have put her down at the first one. Not because he didn't love her... because she was only given a 45% chance to walk again. Walk she did. For 14-1/2 years longer. Several other expensive medical problems over the years came & went.
Just over a week ago I had to make the decision that it was time. I still cry too....... I miss her like the devil. My husband does not grieve in the same way & I try to act brave & not discuss her except to remember fun times we both had with her & not cry during those discussions. I guess I'm saving my crying time for when I'm alone to keep it between her & myself just like our special bond was. He misses her because he has mentioned things about her not being on her pillow or blanket but it's in a different way.
He just had a dog adopt him & let me tell you it will be as difficult for him as this is for me right now. He now knows what a special bond is. He was raised on a farm & had dogs growing up.... even some special dogs he talks about but this dog literally PICKED him & will not leave his side. I told him the other day that maybe now he realizes just how special Flossie was to me. He thinks it's because he is retired & she can spend the whole day with him. NOT...... I wasn't retired when I had Flossie except for the last 2 years.
If you try to be somewhat understanding of your husband NOT feeling the same loss as you, maybe one day (SOON hopefully) he will come to realize just how much that Missy meant to you. It doesn't mean he doesn't care; he just has a different way of feeling the loss than you do. Maybe he is feeling that you loved Missy more than him because you are having difficulty dealing with her passing. It is a different kind of love and he may not understand that. He's probably going on with his life on the surface only. Feels helpless.
I still have to MAKE myself do things that need to be done. I thought I'd have so much free time as she took up much of my time the last several months and especially the last 3. My husband said one day... "You know you need to pick a date" I said I know, I will. I did and that date was March 15, 2009. We didn't make it..... I had to pick another one. October 30, 2008. Longest week of my life.... no, HARDEST week of my life, that week went all to quickly it seems now. This week has been the next hardest and long as I wait for her ashes to return.
Come here often.... it has helped me. I cried tons the first few days. I still cry at bedtime because her pink blanket is empty. I had to take some time away from reading the posts here, take walks, try do do things that had to be done, tell myself she is not in pain, she understood, yadda, yadda, yadda. We each have to find our own way..... many people have gone before us & are willing to share what works for them. Read those & try them all till you find what works for you.
Hugs to you & Missy
Ginger
You cannot understand why he does not feel what you do & he cannot understand how you can feel this badly. I don't think either of you can force the other one to feel one way or the other.
My Flossie was special to me.... not my husband. He didn't dislike her at all, she was just special to me. Can't totally explain it... it just WAS. I spent lots & lots of money to treat her medical problems over the years. He would have put her down at the first one. Not because he didn't love her... because she was only given a 45% chance to walk again. Walk she did. For 14-1/2 years longer. Several other expensive medical problems over the years came & went.
Just over a week ago I had to make the decision that it was time. I still cry too....... I miss her like the devil. My husband does not grieve in the same way & I try to act brave & not discuss her except to remember fun times we both had with her & not cry during those discussions. I guess I'm saving my crying time for when I'm alone to keep it between her & myself just like our special bond was. He misses her because he has mentioned things about her not being on her pillow or blanket but it's in a different way.
He just had a dog adopt him & let me tell you it will be as difficult for him as this is for me right now. He now knows what a special bond is. He was raised on a farm & had dogs growing up.... even some special dogs he talks about but this dog literally PICKED him & will not leave his side. I told him the other day that maybe now he realizes just how special Flossie was to me. He thinks it's because he is retired & she can spend the whole day with him. NOT...... I wasn't retired when I had Flossie except for the last 2 years.
If you try to be somewhat understanding of your husband NOT feeling the same loss as you, maybe one day (SOON hopefully) he will come to realize just how much that Missy meant to you. It doesn't mean he doesn't care; he just has a different way of feeling the loss than you do. Maybe he is feeling that you loved Missy more than him because you are having difficulty dealing with her passing. It is a different kind of love and he may not understand that. He's probably going on with his life on the surface only. Feels helpless.
I still have to MAKE myself do things that need to be done. I thought I'd have so much free time as she took up much of my time the last several months and especially the last 3. My husband said one day... "You know you need to pick a date" I said I know, I will. I did and that date was March 15, 2009. We didn't make it..... I had to pick another one. October 30, 2008. Longest week of my life.... no, HARDEST week of my life, that week went all to quickly it seems now. This week has been the next hardest and long as I wait for her ashes to return.
Come here often.... it has helped me. I cried tons the first few days. I still cry at bedtime because her pink blanket is empty. I had to take some time away from reading the posts here, take walks, try do do things that had to be done, tell myself she is not in pain, she understood, yadda, yadda, yadda. We each have to find our own way..... many people have gone before us & are willing to share what works for them. Read those & try them all till you find what works for you.
Hugs to you & Missy
Ginger
I concur with Judy. I have just joined this site. It's 10 1/2 weeks since my boy went and I don't think I cried yesterday. And for the past few mornings I haven't woken up with that awful sickening feeling that is full of regret and loneliness. When Magion comes to me in my dreams or I feel him around, then I don't wake with that feeling. Lately I haven't been remembering the dreams - which I want to, but I know he has been there because of how I feel when I wake. I know the guilt and regret so well, as do many others on this site, no matter what we did or didn't do it seems, it is there. The anger toward oursleves and others and the low levels of tolerance also seem to be part of this and I've come to realise that the amount of regret and guilt felt is also a reflection of the depth of feeling, of love. It only exists because you loved, genuinely loved your Missy.
The pain goes on and at the moment I am not crying - but as I've come to know, the tears are but a breath away and anything can make them come and it doesn't matter where you are - I have sat at my desk at work tears streaming down my cheeks unable to fucntion because I miss my boy so much and I can't believe he's gone. I don't want to come home at night to an empty house - the pain is immense and I didn't attempt to go back to work until 2 weeks after and then had another week off a week or so later. I am still not functioning - taking a number of days off each fortnight, not able to get motivated to do much at all. It is the closeness you feel for your loved one that causes this intense pain of separation. I'm sorry your husband isn't more understanding - you know the vows, in sickness and in health, I expect that extends to in happiness and sadness - to be there for one another. Your pain is yours and needs to be expressed. As his wife, you ask for his love and understanding. There are some grief counselling organisations that offer support for those who are supporting someone who is grieving and how to be there. Maybe he could benefit from knowing how he can help - maybe he just doesn't know what to do. I am seeing a therapist, a grief counsellor and attend a support group, initially for grief and loss now for loneliness.
I hope you can gain some support from this site - I know I have and I only joined the other day.
Peace,
Wendi.
The pain goes on and at the moment I am not crying - but as I've come to know, the tears are but a breath away and anything can make them come and it doesn't matter where you are - I have sat at my desk at work tears streaming down my cheeks unable to fucntion because I miss my boy so much and I can't believe he's gone. I don't want to come home at night to an empty house - the pain is immense and I didn't attempt to go back to work until 2 weeks after and then had another week off a week or so later. I am still not functioning - taking a number of days off each fortnight, not able to get motivated to do much at all. It is the closeness you feel for your loved one that causes this intense pain of separation. I'm sorry your husband isn't more understanding - you know the vows, in sickness and in health, I expect that extends to in happiness and sadness - to be there for one another. Your pain is yours and needs to be expressed. As his wife, you ask for his love and understanding. There are some grief counselling organisations that offer support for those who are supporting someone who is grieving and how to be there. Maybe he could benefit from knowing how he can help - maybe he just doesn't know what to do. I am seeing a therapist, a grief counsellor and attend a support group, initially for grief and loss now for loneliness.
I hope you can gain some support from this site - I know I have and I only joined the other day.
Peace,
Wendi.
Oh yes people can be so cruel while we are in pain. My own family was ok with me grieving for the first few days, but then I could tell they were getting tired of it and some of the little things they said would hurt my feeling so very bad. It has been 22 weeks since my loss of Sissycat and just yesterday my son in law just had to make a remark. He thinks it is funny.
I know that there are people out there in this cruel world that don't care anything about animals.
There are many steps to get through the grieving process. Don't let anyone rush you. Take all the time you need. Guilt was a big hurdle for me. I am not healed, but I do have to say I am better.
I cried alot yesterday. It had been a long time since I had a good cry.
I know you have many great memories. Someday when you are ready please share some stories with us.
Many hugs to you!!!!!!!!
I know that there are people out there in this cruel world that don't care anything about animals.
There are many steps to get through the grieving process. Don't let anyone rush you. Take all the time you need. Guilt was a big hurdle for me. I am not healed, but I do have to say I am better.
I cried alot yesterday. It had been a long time since I had a good cry.
I know you have many great memories. Someday when you are ready please share some stories with us.
Many hugs to you!!!!!!!!
Dearest Sweet Missy, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Not only do I sympathize with you, I also empathize with you. I'm not married, however I do have my brother who lives on the other side of town who loves to philosophize about "Letting Go." I wanna smack him silly sometimes and it's on my "To Do" list. By the way, I am 54 years old, my brother is 60 years old and my loss took place 10/16/07.
It's still so fresh so I sure do feel you, Dear One. Oh, I am much, much better. I sure am. When it first happened and a few months afterwards I was a basket case and honestly had every appearance of being a candidate some institution for the permanently insane. Oy.
Like I said, I am doing much better now but there are still those times and gosh darn it, your friends and family will sympathize with you for a while. But, soon they just don't understand why you're feeling and/or behaving the way you are. They don't realize that the loss of a beloved fur child can many times be more devastating than the loss of a human best friend, brother, sister or even a parent. Please click the following link. I'm going to give you a link to click that will take you directly to a thread here at LS in the Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles area. You will see that all you're feeling and some pretty strange grieving behavior you're exhibiting ... Is all validated. This is very, very helpful information and addresses a whole lot of what you've said in your post so please make it a point to read at least the two articles printed there even if you don't click on the links to the others. Here's the link to click ...
Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - Emotions and Behavior Caused By Pet Loss
It would be nice if your husband would read parts of it as well, but from what you said on your post I wouldn't push it. Not at this point anyway.
Next, here is something very comforting which brings you closer to your fur baby. I'll give you the direct link also. You can light candles online, it is free and you may light as many and as often as you wish. You'll be able to leave a message, a greeting, a prayer or some tears. It's an extremely lovely and loving experience for both you and your fur child. Please click here ...
REGARDING: VIRTUAL "LIGHT A CANDLE"
I personally find it comforting to come here at LS and speak with my baby. I give him pictures, songs, poems and more. My gosh, he decorated my life and I sure do owe him for that, bless his heart. Well, that's just me.
Lots of people come and talk to their fur or feather kids here as well as making posts telling how you're feeling, what's happening, that you can't stop crying and your hubby is being an unsympathetic pain in the ... You know. Some of us have no where else to go but here. Believe me when I tell you, LS is a God send to me. Honest and for true ...
It may be so very difficult to even see your PC monitor or key pad through your tears but it's by sharing and caring that helps us get through what appears to be just about the most gosh awful terrible thing that ever happened. The more you talk, the more you share, the more you vent ... You will begin to feel a difference.
Please believe me when I say I do weep with you for your loss. I do. Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers as I wing many loving Angels to you for comfort, strength, guidance and gradually ... Somewhere down that road ... To acceptance.
Many Comforting Hugs!!!
Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
PS. Do take all the time in the world you to grieve. Also, please don't forget to try to chat here whenever you feel up to it. Don't concern yourself with trying to be of assistance to anyone else at this point when you yourself feel such devastation. We are here. Take your time. More Comforting Hugs!!!
It's still so fresh so I sure do feel you, Dear One. Oh, I am much, much better. I sure am. When it first happened and a few months afterwards I was a basket case and honestly had every appearance of being a candidate some institution for the permanently insane. Oy.
Like I said, I am doing much better now but there are still those times and gosh darn it, your friends and family will sympathize with you for a while. But, soon they just don't understand why you're feeling and/or behaving the way you are. They don't realize that the loss of a beloved fur child can many times be more devastating than the loss of a human best friend, brother, sister or even a parent. Please click the following link. I'm going to give you a link to click that will take you directly to a thread here at LS in the Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles area. You will see that all you're feeling and some pretty strange grieving behavior you're exhibiting ... Is all validated. This is very, very helpful information and addresses a whole lot of what you've said in your post so please make it a point to read at least the two articles printed there even if you don't click on the links to the others. Here's the link to click ...
Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - Emotions and Behavior Caused By Pet Loss
It would be nice if your husband would read parts of it as well, but from what you said on your post I wouldn't push it. Not at this point anyway.
Next, here is something very comforting which brings you closer to your fur baby. I'll give you the direct link also. You can light candles online, it is free and you may light as many and as often as you wish. You'll be able to leave a message, a greeting, a prayer or some tears. It's an extremely lovely and loving experience for both you and your fur child. Please click here ...
REGARDING: VIRTUAL "LIGHT A CANDLE"
I personally find it comforting to come here at LS and speak with my baby. I give him pictures, songs, poems and more. My gosh, he decorated my life and I sure do owe him for that, bless his heart. Well, that's just me.
Lots of people come and talk to their fur or feather kids here as well as making posts telling how you're feeling, what's happening, that you can't stop crying and your hubby is being an unsympathetic pain in the ... You know. Some of us have no where else to go but here. Believe me when I tell you, LS is a God send to me. Honest and for true ...
It may be so very difficult to even see your PC monitor or key pad through your tears but it's by sharing and caring that helps us get through what appears to be just about the most gosh awful terrible thing that ever happened. The more you talk, the more you share, the more you vent ... You will begin to feel a difference.
Please believe me when I say I do weep with you for your loss. I do. Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers as I wing many loving Angels to you for comfort, strength, guidance and gradually ... Somewhere down that road ... To acceptance.
Many Comforting Hugs!!!
Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
PS. Do take all the time in the world you to grieve. Also, please don't forget to try to chat here whenever you feel up to it. Don't concern yourself with trying to be of assistance to anyone else at this point when you yourself feel such devastation. We are here. Take your time. More Comforting Hugs!!!
Hi, sweetmissy, unfortunately there is no easy resolution to the grief we experience when we lose a beloved companion. And unfortunately, society in general, including our immediate family members, are not always the source of comfort and encouragement through the healing journey. But we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us; you are among friends here who do understand the deep grief and healing journey after a loss. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, sweetmissy, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
I so much understand what your going thru. My partner has moved on from day 1. It's only 'cuz he is so heartbroken. But he does not greive around me and the mear mention of Arthur, I end up losing it and he gets angry. At me or maybe cuz he's sad too and doesn't want to "go there". Others don't understand either. We don't know how long it will take to heal. It is only up to us in our hearts. I'm still a mess after 5 mo. I am feeling a little better, mainly because I have LS to come to, to vent, to read, to feel and understand. Only when we can truely accept our loss, then we can move forward, baby steps if need be. I read post from others not directed toward mine and lately things have clicked. It's hard to describe. Like, someone might say something so small, yet it has a great impact on me. This is all still so new to you, but in time I think and hope you will understand what I mean, you will know it, when the time comes. I've been here almost every night for the past 5mo. because no one wants to hear it anymore and I'm just not done with it..so stay here, post picts, stories, tributes, or vent.. I do hope this site helps you.. Hugs Ann
Thank you so much for your kind and comforting words. I am also sorry for your losses. It's such a nice feeling to know that there are people out there who understand what I am going through and are there to comfort me. I know that Missy is in a good place and that God will take care of her. I just wish I could have had a few more years with her. She was going to be 9 in January. I know that eventually her day would have come, but she was taken away too soon. I know I shouldn't blame myself for what happened, but I cannot stop thinking about that dreadful day. That's all I think about. I really hope that as time goes on, it does get easier. I've been doing so much reading on the internet about this bloat/torsion. I could probably write a book with all the information I have obtained. If only I had know about this horrible condition before it took my precious girl away.
This experience has taught me to never take anything or anyone for granted. All the times I yelled at Missy and my other two dogs for barking when the doorbell rang or when they saw someone outside. The continuous barking drove me nuts...especially when the babies were napping. Now I would do anything to hear Missy's bark again. There were other times I yelled at her that I wish I could take back. Even on the day she died. She was walking around my truck and it didn't cross my mind that she was acting out of sorts or maybe in discomfort. I immediately thought that she was up to no good and waiting for me to go in the house so that she could poop out there. The poor thing was just trying to find a place to get comfortable. I feel like I cursed her.
I am hoping to be able to share some wonderful memories with you all. I know that time will come, but right now, I just feel sick to my stomach.
Thank you for listening.
Kristin
This experience has taught me to never take anything or anyone for granted. All the times I yelled at Missy and my other two dogs for barking when the doorbell rang or when they saw someone outside. The continuous barking drove me nuts...especially when the babies were napping. Now I would do anything to hear Missy's bark again. There were other times I yelled at her that I wish I could take back. Even on the day she died. She was walking around my truck and it didn't cross my mind that she was acting out of sorts or maybe in discomfort. I immediately thought that she was up to no good and waiting for me to go in the house so that she could poop out there. The poor thing was just trying to find a place to get comfortable. I feel like I cursed her.
I am hoping to be able to share some wonderful memories with you all. I know that time will come, but right now, I just feel sick to my stomach.
Thank you for listening.
Kristin
My Candy passed this passed June and I still feel it. It does get a little better after several months, if you keep busy or have something else to keep your mind distracted, but I find that when I look at pictures of Candy, I still get very, very sad. I miss her so.
I feel your pain.
Hang in there and know we understand what you are going through. This kind of pain can be unbearable at times.
Take care
Candy's Dad
I feel your pain.
Hang in there and know we understand what you are going through. This kind of pain can be unbearable at times.
Take care
Candy's Dad
I'm back again and it's been three weeks since I lost Missy. I don't feel any better; I actually feel worse. After having three weeks to relive that awful day over and over in my head, I realize that I am to blame. I keep trying to think of all the good I did for her in the three years that she was with us, but it is all being overshadowed by the fact that I let her down when she needed me most.
Why did I not think those were obvious signs that she showed? Missy was a strang dog at times and did show some of those signs whenever she had an upset tummy, but now I think back, it was so obvious that something was wrong. I should have known with all of the restlessness. The vomiting wasn't a clue, but the little bit of foam on her mouth should have been a red flag. Instead I thought that she was eating grass. The getting up and lying back down in the backyard should have definitely been a red flag for me....that was a different sign. Little did I know that she was just trying to get comfortable from the discomfort. I have no idea what I was thinking that day....I guess I was too preoccupied with whatever I was doing to notice that something was wrong with her. I can't understand why when I saw her lying in the living room, a place where she never went, why I didn't go over to her to see if something was up. It never even crossed my mind. I just left her to be by herself. It breaks my heart that I let her down. I totally ignored all of the signs. This all went down within 3.5 hours from what I can remember. How could I have not seen that her abdomen was distended? Everything I read on the internet says that the distended abdomen is very obvious and can be seen across the room. My husband could see it when he returned and that is when I called the vet. It was too late then. I keep thinking over and over again that if I had taken the time and gone over to her to see what was going on, I could have woken up the girls from their nap, made a few bottles, got my son together, jumped in the truck and raced to the vet. Even though the vet was forty minutes away, it still would have been early enough to get her into surgery and had a good chance of survival. I believe at that point, she would have been in the early stages and could have been saved. Of course now I think that maybe I had in the back of my mind that it was too much of a hassle to pack everyone up for a trip to the vet. That could be the guilt taking over...I don't know. I never thought she was going to die. I really just thought she had an upset stomach. Why wasn't I educated on this bloat/torsion disorder? The vet never mentioned anything to me and I never had any reason to look it up on the interent. I'll never forgive myself for her death. I don't know what to do. I feel awful and am slipping into a deep depression. I've got three little ones that need me and lately, I have not been able to function. I do what I need to do with them and then when they go down for a nap, I just sit here on the internet crying my eyes out. I can't even look at pictures of Missy without bawling.
My husband had asked me if she had gotten bit by a snake and died or had a heart attack of some sort and died suddenly, would I still be feeling so guilty and I said no. I would have felt horrible, but I don't think I would be sitting here blaming myself for her death. It's the fact that I sat here for three hours and saw that she was not feeling good and did nothing about it. I wish I had been out that day. I made a horrible mistake that I can't take back. I just need to know how I can get through this.
Thank you all for listening to me beat myself up.
Why did I not think those were obvious signs that she showed? Missy was a strang dog at times and did show some of those signs whenever she had an upset tummy, but now I think back, it was so obvious that something was wrong. I should have known with all of the restlessness. The vomiting wasn't a clue, but the little bit of foam on her mouth should have been a red flag. Instead I thought that she was eating grass. The getting up and lying back down in the backyard should have definitely been a red flag for me....that was a different sign. Little did I know that she was just trying to get comfortable from the discomfort. I have no idea what I was thinking that day....I guess I was too preoccupied with whatever I was doing to notice that something was wrong with her. I can't understand why when I saw her lying in the living room, a place where she never went, why I didn't go over to her to see if something was up. It never even crossed my mind. I just left her to be by herself. It breaks my heart that I let her down. I totally ignored all of the signs. This all went down within 3.5 hours from what I can remember. How could I have not seen that her abdomen was distended? Everything I read on the internet says that the distended abdomen is very obvious and can be seen across the room. My husband could see it when he returned and that is when I called the vet. It was too late then. I keep thinking over and over again that if I had taken the time and gone over to her to see what was going on, I could have woken up the girls from their nap, made a few bottles, got my son together, jumped in the truck and raced to the vet. Even though the vet was forty minutes away, it still would have been early enough to get her into surgery and had a good chance of survival. I believe at that point, she would have been in the early stages and could have been saved. Of course now I think that maybe I had in the back of my mind that it was too much of a hassle to pack everyone up for a trip to the vet. That could be the guilt taking over...I don't know. I never thought she was going to die. I really just thought she had an upset stomach. Why wasn't I educated on this bloat/torsion disorder? The vet never mentioned anything to me and I never had any reason to look it up on the interent. I'll never forgive myself for her death. I don't know what to do. I feel awful and am slipping into a deep depression. I've got three little ones that need me and lately, I have not been able to function. I do what I need to do with them and then when they go down for a nap, I just sit here on the internet crying my eyes out. I can't even look at pictures of Missy without bawling.
My husband had asked me if she had gotten bit by a snake and died or had a heart attack of some sort and died suddenly, would I still be feeling so guilty and I said no. I would have felt horrible, but I don't think I would be sitting here blaming myself for her death. It's the fact that I sat here for three hours and saw that she was not feeling good and did nothing about it. I wish I had been out that day. I made a horrible mistake that I can't take back. I just need to know how I can get through this.
Thank you all for listening to me beat myself up.
Guilt is just one of the many phases of healing to go through. It is very difficult. I have been there and blamed my self. Just about 6 months since my loss. I have my bad days, but now I have more good that bad. Hope that gives you just a little hope.
The people here are so understanding.
Wish I could give you a real hug, but since I cannot a great big sqeezeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs to you and your Angel Missy
The people here are so understanding.
Wish I could give you a real hug, but since I cannot a great big sqeezeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs to you and your Angel Missy
I am so sorry that you are having a difficult time. It seems like often times guilt is a part of the grieving process. The what-ifs will truly do you more harm then good. Maybe we just want someone to blame, so why not ourselves. Many of us blamed the vet for missing an illness, or possibly an incorrect diagnosis. I went through that with my vet.
In your situation with Missy, you had never even heard of bloat. I had never heard about it, until a friend's dog had it. Please remember, that our fur babies tend to hide their feelings/pain. I lost my lab Lizzy last Oct. to cancer...she was 9 1/2. She had always been healthy and happy, and truly loved life. I was shocked when I found the lump on her tummy. I thought, oh I'll just have surgery to have it removed. Sadly, by the time the tumor was visible, it was end stage cancer. I had a very cold hearted vet at the time. Claiming Liz would last maybe 6 weeks. I found a new vet, and at least she was in good hands this time. Meds temporarily shrunk the tumor, and she lived 4 1/2 months. My heart was heavy, just knowing our time was limited.
Although I had time to prepare for Lizzy's passing, I was still very heart broken. Lizzy was in distress the night before I had her put to sleep. That morning I had to take her to the vet alone. My boyfriend refused to go with me. But, I knew I had to put Lizzy out of her pain. She was ready to go and she went peacefully, with me by her side. I still miss her, and always will. I never knew she'd be taken at 9 1/2. I felt very cheated!! I still ask myself why a good and loving dog has to get cancer. Why not a mean and nasty animal?
I have another lab Elly, so I wasn't completely alone. But, without Liz there was a huge void. I've had two dogs for years, and love to watch them play. So, a glimmer of hope came into my life when I adopted a lab puppy one year ago. She made me smile and laugh again, despite the pain that I was going through. Mandy is all white and she resembles Liz. I had searched and emailed alot of breeders, before I found just the right baby for me.
What I can suggest to you is this. Every time you feel guilty, change your mindset. Think of a good memory you shared with Missy. Missy certainly would feel bad if she knew you were blaming yourself. Your grief is still very new, and it takes alot of time before you feel better. Some people do not understand the grief felt, after the loss of a fur baby. Just ignore them. I wish you peace.
In your situation with Missy, you had never even heard of bloat. I had never heard about it, until a friend's dog had it. Please remember, that our fur babies tend to hide their feelings/pain. I lost my lab Lizzy last Oct. to cancer...she was 9 1/2. She had always been healthy and happy, and truly loved life. I was shocked when I found the lump on her tummy. I thought, oh I'll just have surgery to have it removed. Sadly, by the time the tumor was visible, it was end stage cancer. I had a very cold hearted vet at the time. Claiming Liz would last maybe 6 weeks. I found a new vet, and at least she was in good hands this time. Meds temporarily shrunk the tumor, and she lived 4 1/2 months. My heart was heavy, just knowing our time was limited.
Although I had time to prepare for Lizzy's passing, I was still very heart broken. Lizzy was in distress the night before I had her put to sleep. That morning I had to take her to the vet alone. My boyfriend refused to go with me. But, I knew I had to put Lizzy out of her pain. She was ready to go and she went peacefully, with me by her side. I still miss her, and always will. I never knew she'd be taken at 9 1/2. I felt very cheated!! I still ask myself why a good and loving dog has to get cancer. Why not a mean and nasty animal?
I have another lab Elly, so I wasn't completely alone. But, without Liz there was a huge void. I've had two dogs for years, and love to watch them play. So, a glimmer of hope came into my life when I adopted a lab puppy one year ago. She made me smile and laugh again, despite the pain that I was going through. Mandy is all white and she resembles Liz. I had searched and emailed alot of breeders, before I found just the right baby for me.
What I can suggest to you is this. Every time you feel guilty, change your mindset. Think of a good memory you shared with Missy. Missy certainly would feel bad if she knew you were blaming yourself. Your grief is still very new, and it takes alot of time before you feel better. Some people do not understand the grief felt, after the loss of a fur baby. Just ignore them. I wish you peace.
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