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Lightning-Strike Pet Loss Support Forum > Pet Loss Support > Death and Dying Pet Support
Casey's Mom
I lost my Casey on Sunday morning at 11:35 and I am completely devastated. Casey was my best friend and baby girl. I rescued her from the animal shelter 16 1/2 years ago when she was just 6 weeks old, and she has been the biggest part of my life since. I'm beating myself up over every time I fussed at her over the years ... I can't help it. She was the sweetest girl in the world, and never failed to show me how much she loved me. She died in my arms and I miss her more than I thought possible.

She had a place in everything that I do every day ... she would lay at my feet while I was putting on makeup every morning, she would meow "MaMa" when she saw me after I got home from work every day ... we had a routine each day of taking care of her and now I'm so very lost. I never realized how un-alone I was until Sunday afternoon, and even though I want to be home a greiving, home isn't the same place anymore. I see her everywhere ... my life centered around her and taking care of her (especially lately when she started to not feel 100%), and now I just don't know what to do with myself. Coming home from work yesterday to a completely empty house for the first time was horrible. I coulnd't do anything but lay on the couch, hold her picture, one of her bed cushions and a towel that was hers, and cry and keep asking myself if there was anything else I could have done for her. I still tell her goodnight when I lay my head down on my pillow because I've done it for almost 17 years and I just can't stop abruptly. The first day was awful, the 2nd day was awful, and the 3rd day is still awful ... when does the grief get any better? I feel like I've lost a part of myself. I know that she's healthy and waiting on me, but I am hurting so very much right now. I know that God will send me a sign from her when the time is right ... He has answered all of my other prayers for her in His way ... I just need to know that she is okay and happy and taken care of.

I apologize for rambling, but my thoughts are just so all over the place right now ...

She will always be my precious baby girl and I will always be her MaMa ... I just feel so completely lost and alone right now.
Dianaa
Dearest Casey's Mom,

Oh, your Casey sounds so precious and beautiful-- I'm so so sorry to hear about your loss. I know so well what you're going through. I lost my Yogi just nine days ago and it is still so fresh and so hard.

I will tell you a few things I learned here that really helped-- let yourself cry and cry and cry, as much as you need to.

Write down your thoughts and feelings about Casey-- let yourself go and don't worry about making sense or anything.

Talk with a sympathetic friend about Casey, let it all out.

I also began a ritual of visiting a special "Yogi place." It can be their grave, but it could also be a place that Casey loved, or a special tree or anything. I go there every day, at least once a day, to talk to Yogi and tell her how much I love her. I find it very helpful to have that daily contact.

And trust that it will, slowly, slowly, get a bit better. For me it's been very cyclical-- the whole first week was terrible for me, but I found the waves of grief would come and go. Now I can go for a few hours feeling human and then I have what I've been calling a "sadness heartattack." They hit and they pass.

Don't worry though-- Casey will always be close to you. It's part of her gift-- the pain does begin to subside and you're able to feel the sweetness of her love and presence.

Take good care of yourself through these difficult days, and do keep returning here-- this is such a wonderful site, filled with so much compassion and wisdom.
Big hugs,
Diana
Casey's Mom
Thank you for the kind thoughts and hugs Diana. I'm so sorry about your loss of Yogi. Thank you for offering me words of comfort when you are also going through such an awful time. The crying is not a problem ... believe me. Just trying to hold it together at work is difficult, so I am planning to take a break and go down to my car for a while to let everything out. I've been reading the posts here and am very comforted by everyone's kind words.

I'm really dreading the holidays. My birthday is 4 days after Christmas, and the thought of having Christmas and my birthday without my baby girl is heartbreaking. Thankfully I've taken lots of pictures of Casey over the past year.

Thank you again for all of your advice and warm thoughts. I'll remember you and Yogi in my prayers.

Lisa
moon_beam
Hi, Lisa, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Casey. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the cir%%stances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Your tears are healing tears that will eventually be replaced with smiles as you remember your life together with Casey on this side of eternity. But unfortunately there is no easy way to get through this grief journey. Almost two years ago my number one kitty son Eli needed to be released from his failing body due to end stage Lymphoma - - 2 weeks before Christmas. How well I remember the gut wrenching sobbing - - thank goodness for the restroom during the day at work where I could have some privacy for a few minutes to release the built up sorrow and regain my composure to resume my job. Then there was the driving to and from work. And even though I have other furkids home - - who also were grieving the loss of Eli - - our home was changed forever because Eli's physical presence is no longer with us. It was a good thing that I had a job during the day so that my furkids did not have to listen to mommy crying all the time - - just when she was home. My little kitty boy Noah was very close to his big adopted kitty brother and he went through a very difficult grief journey. I had to be strong for him - - and my other furbabies - - to let them know that everything was going to be okay - - eventually. The loss is both physical and emotional, so it is important that you do what is comforting for you to help ease this loss. I used to sleep with my Eli's collar under my pillow and would hold it close to me or one of his blankets when the physical ache of not being able to hold him in my arms became unbearable. My Noah slept on one of Eli's comforters where he could snuggle down into Eli's lingering scent. The mental health profession now recognizes that the healing journey of the loss of a beloved companion is identical to the loss of a human family member or friend. The grief stages are identical, and it is recognized that the first year post-loss is the year of "adjustment" - - for it has all of the "firsts" without our beloved companion: The first day, the first week, the first month, the first holidays, the first birthdays, the first EVERYTHING - - is a reminder that the physical presence of one of our family members is missing. But this is a journey that does not need to be traveled alone. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Lisa, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
beth26
Casey's Mom-

I completely understand how you feel! I went through the same feeling of loss on August 1st. I had my kitty for 16 1/2 years and felt such a huge loss too. The feeling of losing your "home" when you lose your lovely pet is so familiar. All those connections you had with Casey is so hard to lose. My thoughts are with you!

-Beth
LuvLabs
Lisa, I am deeply sorry to hear of your loss of your dearest Casey. I am glad you found this site, and I hope we will be able to comfort you through your sorrow.

Through your post I can see that Casey found a very loving home. I know you are in pain right now. I hope that the happy memories of Casey will come shining through, and bring you peace. You were so very fortunate to have Casey for 16 1/2 yrs. I understand we would love our pets to live forever. But, I often remind myself of this. Our fur babies are precious gifts given to us to care for. They provide unconditional love, in return for their care. Often times we are closer to our babies then we are to anyone else. For they can be fully trusted and non judgemental. I also believe that each pet teaches us things. They are given to us for a reason. And when they grow old and their body is tired, we must give our gift back. However, our babies leave paw prints on our heart....they truly remain with us forever.

Nancy

ann
I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. I understand what you are going thru, 'cuz I'm going thru the same. You were certainly blessed to have had her all those years. My baby was only 2 1/2. Like you, I took care of him everyday. Couldn't bear a day without him. I see him everywhere, the house is as empty as my heart. I gave up 5 weeks of planned vacation this summer, 'cuz I couldn't bear not being with him. It's so very hard. It's getting close to 6mo for me and I still cry. I got caught at work crying just last night. Even still, time doesn't complete heal the hurt, but the pain will ease. . Make a photo album or scrape book, write little poems. Post them here if you like. Everything Nancy said is true. She was with you forever, her forever, and she never wanted to be anywhere else. You gave her the best life. And as much as your heart is broken now, keep remembering how happy she made you. Keep talking to her(I talk to my Arthur all the time especially in my car. Thank goodness for handless cell phones 'cuz if people see me they're probably thinking I'm a little strange.)It will lessen with time, how long, is only up to us. I read a lot of posts here and lots of times I will come across one that really helps me. I hope you find comfort here..Casey will be sending you lots of signs so pay attention..Hugs.. Ann
AngelCareOne
Dearest Lisa, I'm so terribly sorry about your loss and can truly feel your pain and anguish. It's palpable, your heart is breaking and world appears to be tumbling down around you. My own loss was one year ago just this past month on October 16, 2007 and I still cry lots especially due to the circumstances of Alex being taken, he had not even reached half of his life expectancy and, like your fur kid, he was the wind beneath my wings, my heart, my soul and my life as well as my very best friend and constant companion all day long. So very lonely now. I do understand. I sure do . . .

So, you see, I weep with you, Dear One. To me, these are the most gosh awful difficult times in our lives bar none. I'm trying so hard to think of genuine and sincere words that will be of some small comfort to you. Like yourself, I also know that I will see Alex again and that does bring me comfort. If your PC has the capability to view a "flash show" (I don't know what else to call it), then please turn up your volume and click on the kitty Rainbow Bridge below.


Please click on Kitty Rainbow Bridge




I pray that helped you at least a little. I know it does for me. Also, I highly recommend reading a couple of articles right here on this board in the area called "Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles" where I made a post with links to Websites as well as printed two very, very helpful articles which may aid you on your road to healing or at least to understanding your feelings. The name of the post is "Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - You Are Not Going Insane" as I titled and illustrated it. Both articles are rich with help to understand, validate your feelings and help you cope, however the second article has actual case histories of real people like us, what happened to them and their fur babies, how they felt, reacted, more and what got them through this terrible time of grief, sorrow and devastation.

Another thing I find very comforting is coming here just to talk with my Alex as well as bringing him images, photos and videos that he loved so much when I had him and as those I know he'd enjoy lots. I know he sees and hears them, too. Speaking with your fur kid here really helps many of us and we do that. So, please don't hesitate to talk with your most beloved, cherished fur baby Casey.

You can also light virtual candles for Casey, yourself or any reason you wish. Please click right HERE to take you directly to a different post and thread in the same area mentioned above. It's "Light a Candle" online, it's completely free, you can light as many as you wish as often as you wish and each candle burns virtually for 48 hours. Please do click on that link to read about this very lovely and loving experience. So calming, soothing and it's like your fur baby Casey is right there with you ...

Which brings me to one last thing for now. The greatest knowledge which brings me comfort is knowing that my baby isn't really gone and is right here with me only a breath away. Lisa, just a breath away is not far at all to where your precious Casey is to you, Dear One. I'll type in the lyrics in case your PC doesn't have the capability to hear and view videos but I sure hope you can see and hear this one. If so, please turn up your volume to see how your fur baby Casey is right there with you now ... And is only just a breath away.


Please click on Angel




"To Where You Are"

Who can say for certain maybe you're still here. I feel you all around me. Your memory's so clear.
Deep in the stillness, I can hear you speak. You're still an inspiration. Can it be? That you are my Forever Love. And you are watching over me from up above!

Fly me up to where you are beyond the distant star. I wish upon tonight to see you smile!
If only for a while to know you're there. A breath away's not far to where you are.

Are you gently sleeping here inside my dream? And isn't faith believing all power can't be seen.
As my heart holds you just one beat away, I cherish all you gave me everyday!

'Cause you are my Forever Love watching me from up above.
And I believe that Angels breathe and that love will live on and never leave!

Fly me up to where you are, beyond the distant star! I wish upon tonight to see you smile.
If only for a while to know you're there. A breath away's not far to where you are!

I know you're there! A breath away's not far to where you are!



Big Comforting Hugs, Love, Peace and Many Angels to You and Casey!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
Casey's Mom
Thank you all so much for all of your kind words, prayers and support. I absolutely need all of them right now. I'm feeling guilty about everything ... from vaccuuming my house (which I haven't done yet) to going out of town tomorrow to visit my best friend, because I feel that in some way it is disrespectful to Casey. I'm still questioning everything and reliving every moment of my last night with her. I'm picking it apart ... praying that I didn't do anything wrong by trying to syringe feed her a tiny bit of food (which I know that she swallowed okay) to worrying that the beef baby food that I gave her on Friday night hurt her in any way (I remember the ER vet told me once a year ago that it was okay to give them that to stimulate their appetite as long as there were no onions/onion powder in the food).

This is killing me. Has anyone else had this type of guilt? Is this just part of the grieving process?

Thanks in advance for any help that anyone can give me.

Lisa
Bubba
Hi Casey's Mom---------You are in the right place,Lisa.This is the place of absolute and ultimate understanding of this gut wrenching loss.Alot has been posted already but if I may suggest,Get a copy soon of the book 'Cold Noses At The Pearly Gates' by Gary Kurz.By far the most compelling,biblically based argument for an afterlife with our departed babies that I have read and I read all the time.
We hera at LS ache for you Lisa.Post often.
Your buddy, Bubba.....................
Casey's Mom
Thank you Bubba ... I saw that book mentioned on the Rainbow Bridge website I think, and definitely think I need to get it. I definitely have very deep Faith, and I know that God was with me when Casey left me and has been carrying me every moment since. I will never understand how anyone that ever owned a pet could ever doubt that that pet has a soul ...
AngelCareOne
Dearest Casey's Mom, (I am sorry as I did believe your name is Lisa. My apologies), I very much recommend that book as well. So very many pearls of wisdom. For now, if you haven't yet taken a look at those articles, you'll see special categories or stages described and explained in that second article and one of those stages/phases of grief is "Guilt." Please do take a look at least at that one stage and see what it says as it may be of great help to you. Each stage is printed in bold so you can't miss it. Again, it's in the area on this board called "Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles" and titled: 'Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - You Are Not Going Insane' and tagged "Emotions and Behavior Caused By Pet Loss."

Here is a direct link that will lead you there if you'll please click Here. You're suffering so much pain and devastation and reading at least a little of those two articles at this time may be of some help to you. I can barley see the PC monitor for my tears as I do truly and deeply feel your sorrow, grief and more, Dear One.

As far as animals possessing a soul, yes. They most certainly do. Not only did I serve as a nurse in the human medical field for 26 plus years but also served in Animal Rescue and Rehabilitation for almost 30 years. Both vocations were a labor of love and I still do what I can with animals of most species when I'm asked. If I'm not able to serve "hands on" then I still freely serve as a consultant and I never charge. I wish so much to share much of what I've experienced so you'll know what I know.

You may or may not be Catholic but even the Pope declared all animals have souls back in 2002. Please see the following excerpt if it will be of any comfort to you, Cassy's Mom ...

"Benedict XVI Continues Tradition of Papal Concern for Animals" (Pope John Paul II Also.) . . .

When he was asked about the rights of animals in a 2002 interview, he said, "That is a very serious question. At any rate, we can see that they are given into our care, that we cannot just do whatever we want with them. Animals, too, are God's creatures . . . Certainly, a sort of industrial use of creatures, so that geese are fed in such a way as to produce as large a liver as possible, or hens live so packed together that they become just caricatures of birds, this degrading of living creatures to a commodity seems to me in fact to contradict the relationship of mutuality that comes across in the Bible."

Cardinal Ratzinger was echoing official church teachings, as laid out in the Catholic Catechism, which states clearly that "Animals are God's creatures. He surrounds them with his providential care. By their mere existence they bless him and give him glory. Thus men owe them kindness. We should recall the gentleness with which saints like St. Francis of Assisi or St. Philip Neri treated animals. . . . It is contrary to human dignity to cause animals to suffer or die needlessly."

Compassion for animals was also a prominent theme in John Paul II's papacy. Pope John Paul proclaimed that "the animals possess a soul and men must love and feel solidarity with our smaller brethren." He went on to say that all animals are "fruit of the creative action of the Holy Spirit and merit respect" and that they are "as near to God as men are." Animal lovers everywhere were overjoyed! He reminded people that all living beings, including animals, came into being because of the "breath" of God. Animals possess the divine spark of life"the living quality that is the soul"and they are not inferior beings, as factory farmers, fur farmers, and others who exploit animals for profit would have us believe. After he became Pope John Paul II, His Holiness went to Assisi, the birthplace of St. Francis, and spoke of the saint's love for animals. He declared, "We, too, are called to a similar attitude."

There's so very much more I wish to share and want to make sure you're ready to hear. At this point, it appears to me that you need comfort and assurance more than anything else ... Except, of course, your fur baby. I am so sorry!

Please do read at least the "Guilt" section of the second article at that link to the area on this board and that may lead you wishing to read the rest, the other article and the one for which I left a link but didn't print.

Please let me know if there is anything in the world I can do to help. Any questions I can answer. I'm here and will try to be here as much as I can to see you through this. Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers as I wing many Angels to soothe and guide you through what mush be just about the most gosh awful time in your life.

Many Comforting Hugs, Love, Peace and Angels to You and Casey!!! wub.gif wub.gif wub.gif

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox.
Casey's Mom
Thank you so much Dottie! (My name is Lisa - you were right) Your words have brought me a lot of comfort. I know that my faith in God will carry me through this awful time in my life. I absolutely do have faith that Casey and I will be together again, and that it is my human nature that brings the grief and sadness. I read in a book the other day that if we were given everything on this earth that we longed for, then we would never believe in Heaven or strive to be there. I truly believe that. You are welcome to share anything at all with me, Dottie ... I appreciate any and all help and comfort. I know that Casey stayed with me as long as she could, and when she knew that I could accept it, she felt that she could go to the Bridge. I feel so very blessed to have been able to call her my baby for 16 1/2 years and wouldn't give anything for that time. Since I don't have any children, she was truly my child.

Thank you again for your kind thoughts and comfort. Please keep me in your prayers.

Take care,
Lisa
magdalene
Lisa,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's only been a few days, and I know when it was only a few days for me it felt like my heart was literally breaking. I know it's probably not much comfort now, but I promise promise promise, it will get a little better. It just takes a lot of time and a lot of grieving first.

It helped me to make a scrapbook of my baby. And I put her ashes in a little box on my mantle and I light candles next to it a lot. I still talk to her, and it's been over two years. Coming here helps me, because here are people who understand how much it hurts.

Guilt is part of the grieving process, but you have to try to let that go. You didn't do anything wrong. You took good care of your Casey. She knew she was loved. And she loved you.

Magdalene
AngelCareOne
QUOTE (Casey's Mom @ Oct 30 2008, 01:30 PM) *
Thank you so much Dottie! (My name is Lisa - you were right) Your words have brought me a lot of comfort. I know that my faith in God will carry me through this awful time in my life. I absolutely do have faith that Casey and I will be together again, and that it is my human nature that brings the grief and sadness. I read in a book the other day that if we were given everything on this earth that we longed for, then we would never believe in Heaven or strive to be there. I truly believe that. You are welcome to share anything at all with me, Dottie ... I appreciate any and all help and comfort. I know that Casey stayed with me as long as she could, and when she knew that I could accept it, she felt that she could go to the Bridge. I feel so very blessed to have been able to call her my baby for 16 1/2 years and wouldn't give anything for that time. Since I don't have any children, she was truly my child.

Thank you again for your kind thoughts and comfort. Please keep me in your prayers.

Take care,
Lisa

{{{{{{{Lisa}}}}}}} You are such a dear, loving, wonderful person and fur kid Mommy. What a treasure you are and I really mean that, Hon. Please know that not only is it okay to grieve but very important to grieve in the way you choose for as long as you choose. You'll read about that in those two short articles and why. Well, when I say "in the way you choose," you know I don't mean for you to paint your body red, run out in the street, swing a telephone over your head a cluck like a chicken. Sorry, I know that sounded funny but that's what some people do when they snap and it can only get you beat up, arrested or taken to the funny farm. Again, sorry. I got that line from an episode of the old, old Dick Van Dyke Show TV series.

Of course, it's most acceptable and understandable to (in private) go to the floor, beat your fists on a cushion or carpet (don't want you to hurt yourself), scream, cry, shout ... Just to get it out. If you don't release or "turn" that little valve on top of the boiling pressure cooker to release a little steam, man oh man ... You know what happens then. Eeekkkk. So do express your grief, sorrow, pain, loneliness, devastation. Here at LS, you will be understood no matter how long. Hey, last month on October 16th was one year for me but I think I told you that. In the beginning and for months, I did scream like I was being tortured, cried like a wounded canine or primate. Just make sure your neighbors know you're all right should they hear you or they may become concerned that you're being attacked. Yes, that happened and bless my neighbor for calling the authorities to make sure I was not under attack. Still you know what I'm saying ... Take ... Your ... Time ... To ... Grieve.

There are those close real life friends be they coworkers or friends at church or what have you that will sympathize for a short time then look at you like you with confusion, disinterest, avoid you ... Forgive them. They don't understand but sure would if they read those articles written by physicians who are professionals in this area. It is normal to feel as much or even more grief from the loss of a beloved fur or feather kid as from a parent, sibling or even spouse. That's right. The same or even more.

You said you have no children. That is also covered in those two articles. Lisa, I was so very, very, very relieved to find those articles because I thought I was going insane. Oh My Gosh. Then, all I felt, my behavior and more were all validated, explained and I found those who reacted even "crazier" than I did. Those poor souls. No, I never "should" on anyone so I'm certainly not going to tell you that you "should" read them. However, I hope to gently coax you in that direction because ... Well, because and I'll leave it at that except to say that I guarantee you won't regret reading them and will read them again and again and again.

Lisa, I read one other concern of yours causing you guilt ... Let me scroll down to make sure I have it right. BRB. Okay. Here's part of a quote from you which appears to be a very big upset, worry and you're eating yourself up, Dear One ...

QUOTE
I'm picking it apart ... praying that I didn't do anything wrong by trying to syringe feed her a tiny bit of food (which I know that she swallowed okay) to worrying that the beef baby food that I gave her on Friday night hurt her in any way ...

Lisa, I've told you about my expertise. What you don't know are two things. 1. I'm very gosh dang good at what I do with animals and if I'm not sure, I either consult or refer to someone more familiar with that breed. And ... 2. I don't lie except for 2 exceptions which are to hide a surprise birthday party or to "fib" a compliment to a live friend. Hey, it's a little white fib and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Other than that, I either tell the truth or I say nothing at all ....

So here is the truth. Regarding your great "guilt concern" that I quoted you expressing: You did nothing wrong. Promise. I did see where you wrote that your fur baby could swallow, you remembered what the ER Vet had said, and you did fine when you fed Casey via the syringe. You did absolutely fine and not a thing in the world wrong. Would I have done anything differently? I doubt it except I may have just tried fluid instead then again I may have done exactly as you did. Honest and for true. Now, you've heard it from a trained professional who would either tell you the truth or say nothing at all.

Hon, do you have any other questions at all? I can assure you of so much that you "might think" Casey was adversely experiencing when she, in fact, was not. Please do let me know. I'm here, Lisa.

On another note, even though it never matters to us how young or old our fur kids are when they go to The Rainbow Bridge, you have many, many wonderful years to reminisce about the great times ... That is after your own personal grieving period which may take some or a long time. Ahhh, but when you're ready somewhere down the road, what great memories of all kinds you'll have to smile about, share and keep Casey alive each time you tell her story of all she is and does. Yes, I have a song about that, too. I mostly express myself using images, songs and the like. Here though, I am hoping and praying that I'm of some help. I want to help more. Don't be afraid to say something because one of us at LS will be here for you!

More Comforting Hugs, Love Peace and Angels to You and Fur Baby Casey!!! wub.gif wub.gif wub.gif

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox[
moon_beam
Hi, Lisa, yes, guilt is always a part of the grieving process - - unfortunately. We always second guess ourselves and go through the "what if" "if only" "why didn't I" "I should have" torture. Please believe me you did everything you possibly could to help your precious Casey. And yes, I have given baby food to my furkids when they have not had an appetite, too, and always syringed fed my babies to try to get some food into them when they were very sick. Please don't feel guilty about going to visit your friend. If you don't feel up to it, could you call and ask to reschedule your visit for another time? Then again, visiting your friend may be what you need right now. When we are going through the grieving journey making decisions on any level is difficult because of the high emotional stress we are under. One of the best gifts you can give to yourself is to try to remove as much stress as possible - - keep things as simple as possible until you are feeling stronger and more sure of yourself again. And I promise you this will happen, but you need ot give yourself the opportunity for it happen in your own time - - not on someone else's expectations. This grief journey has so many twists and turns. Just when we think we have come through the diffiuclt parts we can find ourselves blindsided by a memory which makes us drop to our knees in grief as though our loss has just happened. So, please know you are not alone in your journey, Lisa. And please know that Casey is with you wherever you go - - for she is forever indelibly ethched in your heart and your memories. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Lisa, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Casey's Mom
I want to thank everyone for all of their kind words, thoughts and prayers. Tomorrow will be one week since I lost Casey ... it seems like just yesterday one minute, and then an eternity ago another. I did go visit my friend, and her kids really helped lift my mood a little. My friends are like my sisters, and they really tried to help me. The way home wasn't as great ... kept thinking about returning to an empty house. Then when I did, I automatically went back to Casey's room and she wasn't there. This is about the time that everything started going downhill for us last Saturday night, and I'm reliving every minute ... both being so incredibly sad that I can't describe it and thanking God for allowing me to hold her all night for her last night.

I think I've been able to piece together what happened to cause Casey's passing ... we think she had a stroke. Dottie - hope you're reading this ... could her being in the ER with the really upset and mean cat have caused this in any way? I just have to figure this out in my head ...

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow and not sure what to do with myself. Please keep me in your prayers ...

Thanks to all for their help,
LisaClick to view attachment
AngelCareOne
Hi, Sweet Lisa. You betcha I'm here and reading. Let me put your question in quotes then answer you ...

QUOTE
I think I've been able to piece together what happened to cause Casey's passing ... we think she had a stroke. Dottie - hope you're reading this ... could her being in the ER with the really upset and mean cat have caused this in any way? I just have to figure this out in my head ...


Lisa, I honest to gosh feel very certain that the mean kitty being in the ER DID NOT cause Casey girl to have a stroke but to be certain, I'd need more specific medical history regarding Casey. I'm basing my very educated opinion upon all you've posted so far regarding Casey like her age of 16 and 1/2 years old, how she "came to not feel 100%" and that continued as you also shared and there's more.
You've not really given me a lot to go on but I can tell you from almost 30 years of experience that it is highly unlikely and would certainly surprise the heck out of me ... Actually, it would be a first to my knowledge (but please don't hold me to that) if that kitty acting so mean and cutting up in the ER had anything at all to do with ... Well, to do with anything whatsoever which did happen to your fur baby Casey when she was there, especially not a stroke.

Also, you said, and I'll repeat this so please forgive that ...

QUOTE
I think I've been able to piece together what happened to cause Casey's passing ... we think she had a stroke.


So, you really don't know for certain if Casey did have a stoke and only a necropsy would reveal that. Hon, what leads you to believe she may have had a stroke? Were there any past/previous symptoms or other health problems such as chronic and/or acute hypertension (high blood pressure), episodes like TIAs, any other type of seizure disorders ... Or are you feeling that it's because of the mean acting kitty in the ER? See what I'm saying?

No, Hon. With what I know from you about Casey along with all my many years of experience in the animal and human medical fields, that would not have caused a stroke ... Well, not even in a very sick human if there was a really mean person or more acting up right there nearby in the ER. Did that help you at all, Dear One? I pray that's of comfort to you. Hugs!!!

And, Oh My Gosh! What a darling, sweet, precious, beautiful. awesome photo! You know that I'm going to take it to a couple programs and make something pretty for you, Lisa. I hope you'll like it.

Please, please, please don't hesitate to ask me anything at all. If I don't know the answer I'll tell you while I phone around to see if there is an answer. If I do know, I'll tell you as gently as I possibly can. I hope you know that. Okay? Kisses to You and Casey!!!

Big Comforting Hugs!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. I'm not sure if you know what a TIA is. It means Transient Ischemic Attack and is a mini-stroke so to speak. Many times they are nothing much and other times the symptoms are a bit more obvious. Hey, I've had them since I was in my 20's, never let them stop me and just kept on trucking while right in the middle of a TIA. See? It can be that mild in intensity. More Hugs!!!
ann
Casey's gorgeous!..You have to keep telling yourself over and over she lived a long and happy life. I know you have guilt. A lot of us do. Should have, could have, would have. It eats us alive. I think the guilt comes because we feel like we failed them. They trust us and how could we let anything happen to them. In a perfect world nothing happens, everyone and everything dies of old age. You have nothing to feel guilty about, none of us do, including myself. It's all part of the greiving process. Hugs to you and Casey. Ann
moon_beam
Hi, Lisa, I'm getting caught on the posts, and as a trained Veterinary Assistant I agree with Dottie that being in a noisy ER with other animals who are not behaving very well is usually not the cause of a stroke, heart attack, etc. But as Dottie pointed out a necropsy - - the animal version of a human autopsy - - is really the only way to determine the cause of death. I am glad you had a good visit with your friends, and I can certainly relate to your feelings of returning to "reality" - - the apprehension of returning home knowing there is emptiness waiting there. But these feelings are only temporary, Lisa, because right now you are in deep grief, and everyone here understands how you are feeling. Hopefully as time progresses you will begin to embrace the truth that Casey's sweet living Spirit is still with you as she always has been - - that your relationship with her has only temporarily transformed to a different dimension. This grief journey is both physical and emotional, Lisa, so it is important that you do what you need to do to help ease the emptiness you are feeling right now - - like holding something that belonged only to Casey or sleeping with something that belonged to her. Talk to her, Lisa, for she is listening as intently to you now as she always has. And hopefully as time goes on you will be thinking of her and find yourself smiling - - and then you will know that Casey is always with you in your heart and your memories - - which nothing and no one can ever take away from you. Perhaps in time you may want to do a memorial for her - - like a scrapbook or garden - - or donation to the local shelter in Casey's name, etc.. The mental health professionals now agree that the loss of a beloved companion is as devastating as, if not worse as, losing a human family member or friend. The grief stages are identical. The first year post-loss is one of great struggle because it is filled with all the firsts: The first hour, the first day, the first month, the first birthday, the first holidays, the first whatever - - are constant reminders that our beloved companions are no longer physically with us. But the emphasis is on the word "physical" because they are still with us - - always with us - - through time and space. Lisa, we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Casey's Mom
Wow - yesterday was rough. I visited Casey's grave at my Mom's house and then cried for what seemed like hours when I got back home. And now back at work on Monday ... it's like I have two "1 week" events ... yesterday was the 1 week anniversary of Casey's passing and today is 1 week since we buried her. No one at my office can relate to what I'm going through ... they think of pets as a nuisance and trouble. I feel sorry for them that they aren't able to feel the unconditional love of a pet ... or just don't care to.

Dottie, Ann and moon_beam ... thanks for your support. The reason I think Casey may have had a stroke is due to her doctor. I spoke with her and described some unusual things that happened on Casey's last night, and she said that it sounded like Casey may have had a stroke and thrown a blood clot. She had a sudden burst of energy - like something startled her - when she was laying on my chest about 1/2 hour after we got home from the ER. She tried to run to the front door - she has NEVER doen that before - and then after that she was really weak until she passed. I know it could be any number of things ... just trying to make sense of it ... even though I know that I won't be able to make sense of it in my heart. Dottie - in answer to your questions, Casey has always been a healty cat until a few years ago. She was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism, had radioactive iodine treatment, and then it was discovered that she had kidney problems and a heart murmur. The walls of her heart were thick and she was on atenolol for about 1 1/2 years. Once she had the bad reaction to too much sub-q fluids about 1 1/2 years ago, we stopped the atenolol per her cardiologist and as of her last sonogram 2 weeks ago, her heart was healthier than ever. The thickness had gone back to a normal level and her heart was beating strong. That good news came along with the bad news that her kidney levels were through the roof ... and that brings me here. I do know that she did not have HCM - her cardiologist confirmed that for me, and she was the only vet that I would take Casey to. She really saved Casey's life last year after the sub-Q incident. Anyhow - that's why that was in my head. I don't know what her kidney levels were at the time of her passing, but I do know that she hadn't eaten well in over a week and she was a little dehydrated. I was just afraid that she got too stressed out from hearing another cat in such a horrible state and that may have caused her to have the stroke, but I feel better knowing that that couldn't have caused it from what you all have said. Casey has always been so strong, and I know that once she showed me that she didn't feel well, she was most likely in bad shape. I know that cats are great hiders of discomfort.

Just trying to take it one hour at a time, one day at a time for now. Your support means the world to me ...

Lisa
AngelCareOne
QUOTE (Casey's Mom @ Nov 3 2008, 10:21 AM) *
Wow - yesterday was rough. I visited Casey's grave at my Mom's house and then cried for what seemed like hours when I got back home. And now back at work on Monday ... it's like I have two "1 week" events ... yesterday was the 1 week anniversary of Casey's passing and today is 1 week since we buried her. No one at my office can relate to what I'm going through ... they think of pets as a nuisance and trouble. I feel sorry for them that they aren't able to feel the unconditional love of a pet ... or just don't care to.

Dottie, Ann and moon_beam ... thanks for your support. The reason I think Casey may have had a stroke is due to her doctor. I spoke with her and described some unusual things that happened on Casey's last night, and she said that it sounded like Casey may have had a stroke and thrown a blood clot. She had a sudden burst of energy - like something startled her - when she was laying on my chest about 1/2 hour after we got home from the ER. She tried to run to the front door - she has NEVER doen that before - and then after that she was really weak until she passed. I know it could be any number of things ... just trying to make sense of it ... even though I know that I won't be able to make sense of it in my heart.

Dottie - in answer to your questions, Casey has always been a healty cat until a few years ago. She was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism, had radioactive iodine treatment, and then it was discovered that she had kidney problems and a heart murmur. The walls of her heart were thick and she was on atenolol for about 1 1/2 years. Once she had the bad reaction to too much sub-q fluids about 1 1/2 years ago, we stopped the atenolol per her cardiologist and as of her last sonogram 2 weeks ago, her heart was healthier than ever. The thickness had gone back to a normal level and her heart was beating strong.

That good news came along with the bad news that her kidney levels were through the roof ... and that brings me here. I do know that she did not have HCM - her cardiologist confirmed that for me, and she was the only vet that I would take Casey to. She really saved Casey's life last year after the sub-Q incident. Anyhow - that's why that was in my head.

I don't know what her kidney levels were at the time of her passing, but I do know that she hadn't eaten well in over a week and she was a little dehydrated. I was just afraid that she got too stressed out from hearing another cat in such a horrible state and that may have caused her to have the stroke, but I feel better knowing that that couldn't have caused it from what you all have said. Casey has always been so strong, and I know that once she showed me that she didn't feel well, she was most likely in bad shape. I know that cats are great hiders of discomfort.

Just trying to take it one hour at a time, one day at a time for now. Your support means the world to me ...

Dear Sweet Lisa, I put everything you said into a few paragraphs because I always copy each post to a blank email and enlarge the text so these old eyes can see better. Also, I separate each thought when making the paragraphs as it's easier for me to study and analyze all you've shared regarding things like Casey's thyroid, heart mur mur, failing kidneys and so forth. I wanted to tell you that so you'll know that I didn't change a word you said nor made any "corrections" because you did just fine explaining. Thank you and I know you understand, Hon.

I'm going to go out on a limb again and please remember that this is my very educated opinion based upon all my many years of assisting and treating humans, doggies, kitties and other beautiful creatures. God love them all. So, remember what I'm going to say is an educated opinion based on all you've just shared and not necessarily fact. Okay? Okay.

Lisa, it doesn't sound in the least that Casey had any type of CVA (cerebral vascular accident) be it from a blood clot in her brain, an aneurysm, nothing neurological related at all. You said that she rallied a short while just before going to The Rainbow Bridge. I hope that translates. By rallying, I mean got more energetic from what you described. Hon, that never happens when one is in the process of experiencing any kind of CVA. Never. However, it many times happens especially in an older doggie with those failing kidneys. Now, that happens often. I could get very technical about why if you wish but won't do that at this point in time.

Also, Casey was very advanced in age and "things wear out" in the body ... All the organs as well as eyesight, hearing and so on. Lisa, I pray to God that I don't come across right now as having no feelings while explaining this to you because honest and for true I have tears in my eyes and streaming down my right cheek. I am so sorry! It's just that you come across to me as one who needs to make some kind of sense about what happened to Casey. Lisa, in elderly doggies that have two or more in combination of the health issues you've described, they are not suffering. They're not feeling pain but do feel very, very tired. I don't mean to sound anthropomorphic but they honest to gawd hang in there to make sure their Mommies and Daddies will be okay because they love, care and worry about them. All they want so badly to do is go gently into that goodnight having feelings of peace and knowledge that the ones they love so much will be okay. Now, that part is fact and not opinion.

Lisa, please grab a cool refreshing beverage before continuing because this is going to be a little long. From the very beginning of my nightmare starting 10/16/2007, I've shared bunches and bunches with my friend Debbie. Oh, she is so wise! I'm going to copy and paste three emails between Debbie and me that just took place yesterday. In fact, if you'd like to see them and don't mind giving me your email address via a Private Message, I'll forward them to you so you can read for yourself and know all I'm going to say is so including the date of yesterday. I'll just post the parts of the two emails which have to do with my loss and Debbie's newest fur baby beginning right now ...

"Hi Dottie!

That was so cute! I liked it when the chick was sliding down the dog and all lined up down his back. I noticed the cat pawed at something when the chicks were around and thought it was a chick, but it was a toy mouse! Pretty dog and cat too, don't you think?

Thanks for sharing.

I hope you're feeling better. Swing by CBS sometime!

Love,
Debbie"

*Note: Lisa, I had sent Debbie a really darling video of a precious Pit Bull doggie, mixed Siamese kitty and over half a dozen tiny baby chicks who had imprinted so believed the doggie and kitty were their mom and dad. Oh, I'll put the link here for you so you can enjoy too, Dear. It's one minute and 32 seconds and all an amazing "Moment of Ahhh!" Turn up volume and click here. Talk about imprinting gone awry. Awww! I hope that made you smile. Also CBS means Catbird Seat and is a lovely message board. And now here's my response email to Debbie's email above beginning now ...

"Hi Debbie,

I'm so glad you got a kick out of that video. Awww! So awesome, sweet and dear. If only all (humans) could get along like that, what a great place the world would be. You betcha.

Errr ... Since you asked, I'll tell you just a little but this ain't no "pity party" cuz you know how much I hate that. It's more of a Joe Friday on the old Dragnet TV series: "Just the facts, Ma'am." Heh. Sooo ...

I miss Alex so gosh awfully terribly fierce. My Friend, I haven't been able to eat or sleep but at least I keep busy and do put on my happy face, voice and appearance. I find that when I comfort others so grief stricken and devastated it helps me a whole bunch, too.

I write to Alex practically every day and sometimes twice a day giving him pictures and images he loved so much when he was alive. Oh, and the videos we watched together, too. Really very beautiful indeed! I've only made about 3 sad posts with images and songs (videos) to speak what I want so much to say but that's in the "Pet Loss Support" area of the board. In the Tribute area, I only give Alex the most wonderful. beautiful, songs, videos, pictures, images, poems and the like. I owe that to him, Debbie. I sure do.

And, I talk with him lots and lots, too. Mostly, I reassure him that "Mamma's doing just fine so don't you worry a bit, Sweet Baby Boy Alex." Oh, I do remember how upset and worried he would get whenever I was sad or very sick. He'd try to cheer me up in ways I'd love to share with you. Sooooo Sweet! Awww! But, there was always the, "Mama! Mama! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" He always used that phrase to express sympathy and, on occasion remorse. After repeating that a few times and even during saying it, Alex would cry ...

Debbie, I know wherever he is that he sees and hears me. So, I try my da*nedest to keep reassuring him that I'm fine and also keep telling him how very, very much I love him.

Well, that's enough for now. How's your new kitty doing? With your other fur babies yet? Getting along together or what? Spill it woman. Hehehe!

Hugs and Love You Oodles and Boodles,
Dottie

PS. I do visit The Catbird Seat practically every day to read and enjoy. Such a pleasure and thank you so much, Hon! More Hugs!!!"

Lisa, here's Debbie's most sincere, heartfelt, loving, compassionate and oh so wise response to me in email beginning now ...

"Hi Dottie *tight hugs*

I wish I could take away your pain. It is something that is necessary to heal a badly injured heart and soul and everyone faces it at sometime in their lives.

I miss my Mother, but it is a part of life.

If I had a child like your Alex, it would be extremely difficult to get through, and you'd go through the "only if" scenarios over and over again.

My kitties are like my children and I still grieve for each and every one of them that I've lost over the years. They are precious jewels that are so fragile and are only with us as long as a shooting star. We are lucky God gave us these little gifts of friendships/companionships to help us travel down life's highway.

It's ok to be sad and cry and miss Alex. It is good you are finding comfort in comforting others because we all need it at one time or another. Soon those that have accepted the loss, which is so damn irrefutable, and move on. We can't escape our memories, so we must pick at them like a scab until it no longer hurts as much.

I hope after a while you will find a peaceful acceptance and know we WILL see our beloved pets when it is our turn to cross that boundary of mysteries.

Take care,
Debbie"

Sweet Lisa, I hope and pray that my sharing Debbie's message to me has at least half the comforting and warm feelings for you regarding your Casey baby as it does for me and my Alex baby. And, Debbie explains all things great and small so very, very beautifully. It is truly The Circle of Life!

Tons of Hugs, Love, Peace and Many Angels to You and Fur Kid Girl Casey!!! wub.gif wub.gif wub.gif

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
Casey's Mom
Thanks Dottie. I know that I just need to let it be and just concentrate on healing. I guess my mind just wants to try to make sense of this when my heart can't. I appreciate your evaluation of everything, though. I think I must have expressed myself wrong when I said that Casey had a burst of energy ... she just seemed startled and jumped off of me and ran for the front door. The "burst of energy" lasted for about 5 seconds ... so she didn't really rally at all. I'm just going to put to rest me trying to figure everything out ... if God meant for me to know everything that happened, then I would know. I have to trust Him to give me what i need, and shield me from what I don't need.

On a different note, I read about your precious Alex and I am so sorry for all that happened. Those monsters need to be punished and I pray that someone takes your case on a contingency basis. Have you thoguht about contacting the ASPCA in your area to discuss this? I know that thye prosecute animal abuse/cruelty, so maybe they could point you in the direction of some lawyers that specialize in this sort of case.

Some friends sent me flowers today to cheer me up. Very sweet. I'm just ready for the day to be over so that I can be alone with my thoughts. I'm still praying for a dream, a sign - something from my Casey. People are asking me if I'm going to get another cat ... I tell them that I absolutely will ... just not now. Now is not the right time, and only I will know when the right time is. For now, I just want to remember my sweet baby girl and cry when I need to ...

Lisa
moon_beam
Hi, Lisa, it is quite understandable that you want to try to "make sense" of what happened to your beloved Casey. Each of us go through that. Our hearts are so filled with grief that it is hard for our minds to comprehend that our beloved cmpanions are really physically gone - - with the emphasis on "physically." This is all part of the normal grief process, Lisa. Hopefully with the information that Dottie has shared you have a better "technical" understanding of what may have / not happened with Casey just prior to her passing. There is nothing you could have done differently - - you did everything you knew how to do and more. As Dottie compassionately says, there comes a time when the physical body just can't deal with age and organ failure - - in Casey's case kidney failure. Unfortunately our beloved companions' lives are shorter than ours, their bodies are smaller than ours - - which means that their ability to endure physical illness over a prolonged period of time is shorter than ours. We never ever ever have enough time with our beloved companions on this side of eternity, for we will always want just one more minute, one more hour, one more day, one more lifetime with them. What we do have is their indelibly etched sweet living Spirit in our hearts and our memories to carry us through the physical separation until it is our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. The adjustment to this physical separation is our healing journey from our grief of losing their physical presence, which is never an easy journey regardless of the cir%%stances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. This healing journey has many unpredictable ups and downs and twists and turns and highs and lows. Just when we think we have moved beyond the worst part, something can come along which brings us to our knees making us feel as though the loss of our beloved companion has just happened. Hopefully as time progresses these experiences will be less and the many blessed memories you have of Casey will become more dominant and you'll find yourself smiling when you think of her instead of painful grief. Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, Lisa. You are not alone in your healing journey. And please know you are close in thought and prayer.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Ken Albin
Lisa,

I can tell from your posts how much you miss Casey. Yes, being scattered and confused seems to be a normal part of the grieving process for most people. When I lost a treasured furkid I always went through periods of depression and scattered thoughts that just wouldn't come together. It's ok to feel confusion and pain. It says a lot about how much you love Casey.

I love the photos of Casey. They are truly beautiful.

Take care,
Ken Albin
Casey's Mom
Rough day today. I'm on the verge of tears at my desk and don't have the opportunity to take a break. Please pray for me ... I thought about Casey's last night all the way to work and can't shake the sadness. If i can just make it to noon maybe I'll be able to find a quiet place for a few minutes ...
AngelCareOne
Hi Lisa! Just a quick note for now and I promise, promise, promise that I'll be back. I did read your response in post #22 and the others which followed. Please forgive me for taking so long getting back to you. I just want you to know I did read and comprehend all you said and will get back as soon as I possibly can. God Bless You, Hon!!!

For now, please know that you and Casey are in my thoughts, prayers and I'm winging many Loving Angels to guide and comfort you as well as give you the strength, answers and peace you so desperately need at this time.

I will be back, Lisa. Tons of Healing, Comforting Hugs and Love!!! wub.gif wub.gif wub.gif

Your Pal Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
AngelCareOne
Hi again, Lisa. I'm sorry it took me so long. Please let me share some very informative and truly healing information. First of all, in the "Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles" area here at LS there's a terrific thread with several links and I even printed out two of the articles written by authorities who not only know all about our pain and grief but have been through it themselves. The thread is titled "Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - You Are Not Going Insane" and I chose the illustrations myself. Please do read both that I posted as well as the links.

The second article contains case histories of actual people, what happened, how they felt and what they did to cope. That's the one I really feel would benefit you, Hon. Still, that first article is way important, too. It validates everything you're feeling and experiencing, you are justified and not alone. I was so relieved when I found that one to read because I honest to gosh thought I was going out of my mind and becoming insane. But no. Please read it. Read them both. Okay? Here, I'll give you the direct link to that thread in that area of the board so you can click it will take you there directly instead of you needing to hunt for it. Please click here: The Emotions of Pet Loss.

Next, there's something that I and many, many others find very comforting and it brings us closer to our fur babies as well as giving both us and our fur kids peace. It's a virtual "Light a Candle" online. It's free and you can light as many candles as you want and as often as you desire. The post about it is also in the same area here at LS and I'll put a link here for you to click taking you directly there. Okay? Please click here: "Light a Candle." Lisa, it's a very lovely and loving experience, honest and for true. That post isn't long at all but says so much! I believe you'll go there very often indeed!

Winging Many Loving Angels to You for Comfort, Guidance, Strength, Hope and Peace!!! wub.gif wub.gif wub.gif

Always,
Dottie xoxoxo
Casey's Mom
Thanks again Dottie. I did go just now and light a candle and have the mini-candle opne on my computer to watch for the next 2 days. I've also printed out your post to read tonight when I get home. i appreciate more than I can tell you the support and kindness you've shown me since I joined this board. Everyone has been very kind and helpful ... I feel like I'm asking so much to just be able to have people listen to what I'm going through. My family and friends are very supportive ... but they are not going through the same thing that I am or expeiencing the loss of a beloved pet right now ... people here are and it makes me feel connected to know that others can relate.I hope that I am able to offer some level of help and comfort to others on this site at some point. Just trying to get through one hour ... one day at a time for now and praying a lot.
moon_beam
Hi, Lisa, oh how well I know what it is like to be "trapped" at your desk when those overwhelming grief emotions swell - - they just about take your breath away at the same time. In the beginning it is sometimes a minute at a time process to get through - - my heart goes out to you, Lisa. I hope you will have a peaceful evening tonight --.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
oldanteeks
Hi Lisa,


I know just what you are going through. As my Mom said to me...It's not something you get over , it's something you get through because you have to and there is no choice. It's been a little over two weeks since I lost Gracie and I lose it every day at some point. Sometimes I just go into the bathroom and sob and I would like to say it makes me feel better but it doesn't really. You can't end the pain but I know eventually we will be able to deal with it better. It's nice to have loving friends and family but we still have to go through this and everyone here understands . We all cry together....hope you feel a little better soon. You and Casey are in my thoughts....Barbara
Casey's Mom
Seem to be doing a little better today - i.e., I haven't broken down yet. I'm just so completely emotionally drained all the time now. I just try to keep remembering how lucky I am that I had Casey in my life for as long as I did, and how glad I am that I had the chance to tell her everything that I wanted to tell her on her last night. I'm upset because I can't quite remember the last time that I looked into her eyes that night/morning before she passed away. She seemed more comfortable lying next to me than on my chest and it seemed easier for her to breathe that way and I just wanted to do everything that I could to make her comfortable every minute. I truly never thoguth she would pass away until just a few hours before she did. I just have a perpetual feeling of sadness that hangs over me and is now my companion. I love my sweet baby girl with all my heart and can't wait for the day that she greets me in Heaven.

Thanks for all of your support and kind wishes. I know that so many of you responding to my posts have just suffered recent losses too. Please know that I keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers as well as you keeping me in yours. It really does help to just share my feeleings with you all every day and feel your support.

Take care,
Lisa
AngelCareOne
{{{{{Lisa}}}}} Hang in there, Hon. You're doing pretty well at this time. Your "being able to breath" (as I put it) may continue to get better and better. And those sweet memories will most likely become more tangible and vivid putting a smile on your face and perhaps you'll sigh with feelings of gradual acceptance of all that happened.

Please, don't be discouraged should many of those painful, terrible thoughts and feelings flood back because that's kind of how it goes. At least for me. I go from being pretty okay to crying hysterically back to enjoying many memories of all the wonderful, funny and dear times that Alex and I shared. Then, it goes back and forth again and again. But! Each time those gosh awful feelings and tears become less and less intense and far more easier to bear. Lisa, I pray it's the same for you and even takes far less time. Still, do take your time. Take all the time in the world, Dear One. Blessings!

Tons of Healing Hugs and Many Loving Angels wing to you for Peace and Acceptance ... Knowing ... Yes! Knowing that you and your most precious Casey will indeed be Reunited for all of Eternity on that "One Sweet Day!" wub.gif wub.gif wub.gif

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
moon_beam
Hi, Lisa, be thankful for the "calm" moments, and eventually they will be more frequent. Those last moments with our beloved companions are very precious ones. Have you thought of doing a special memorial for Casey - - like a scrapbook or a garden or a donation in her memory, etc.? When each of my companions have gone home to the angels I have done memorial scrapbooks and a booklet that I made specifically for the vets and interested friends. The booklet has pictures and poems, etc., and the vets really appreciated receiving them. I found doing this was very healing for me and helped me to stay focused on their lives during our journey together on this side of eternity - - which is a preview of what our lives will be like when it is my appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. Please know you are in my thoughs and prayers, Lisa. May you have a peaceful evening tonight.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
LoveThem
I just read about Casey. I am so sorry it was her time. My Little Guy (the last of 3 siblings)..I lost in Sept of 07. He was 16 1/2 years old. He was born in 1991 in my back yard so I raised him from a teeny tiny kitten. He weighed 16 pounds his whole life. He is lying on the bed in my avatar.
I miss him like you miss Casey.

You mentioned about vacuuming and at that post said you hadn't. I did take fur from all 3 of mine from their hairbrushes and put it in separate ziplock bags (air tight), along with a note whose fur it is and a favorite toy. My boy's twin brother, Keeper passed in 2002 and I marvel that today in 2008, the fur in that bag is as soft as if it was still on him. Sometimes when I need to have a physical touch...I touch their fur...something that actual was a part of them. That helps me. Also I have put pictures in every room so I feel like my boy and his siblings are greeting me coming and going. My Little Guy is my computer wallpaper so looking into his eyes when I turn on my computer and saying goodnight when I turn it off..is still part of my every day.

I know one Mom here had a great saying: The pain of losing her will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing her. That helps me a lot to think about. I know I would never trade any of those 16 1/2 years of having him...to avoid the devastating loss when the time comes..as it always does. But my memories and pictures help me remember the happy, healthy days and I know I was truly his world as he was such a part of mine.

Write here your thoughts and feelings. Do whatever makes you feel better to do. You are never alone here. We all share the same pain. That's why we understand what others go through and if it helps to know how we cope...then that thought helps us also.

Take care...I truly understand missing such a sweetheart and the wish that is always there....that it would have lasted many more years. It truly is never long enough.

Hugs
Judy
Casey's Mom
You guys are truly the best. Judy - that one sentence that you relayed to me about the pain of losing her will never be as great as the joy of knowing her is so very true! I wouldn't give anything for having had Casey in my life - I feel truly blessed to have had her give me her unconditional love. I think that she chose me that day in the animal shelter. O did snip a little of her fur ont he day that she died and I have it in a ziploc bag in the safe. I'm definitely going to make a memory box for her with a picture and her paw print. After she passed, the ER hospital was kind enough to let me bring her up there to make her paw print in clay because the clay I had at home wasn't working. I bought a shadow box the other day, and just want to wait for the right time for me to assemble everything. I know that I need to try to get back to doing normal things, but I feel like I'm wiping away her presence in my house. I don't know when I'll be able to store her beds (she had 4 that she picked from each day!) because I feel that it is disloyal. I will keep them and have them for my next kitten when the time is right, but for now I have to keep them in their place in my living room.

I've only broken down once today and I was totally caught by surprise. I was at home - luckily - and was able to just get it out of my system for the moment. I'm still not sleeping well ... I fall asleep on the couch every night, then wake up a few hours later and go to bed, then can't go to sleep right away. Still praying for a visit from Casey in a dream or a sign from her while I'm awake. I know they will come in time. I think my head and heart are too full of the sadness right now to manage any other train of thought. I know that it will become easier to get through the day eventually ... just waiting for that day. Right now, the sorrow keeps her close in my mind - does that make sense? I know that the sadness will be replaced with happy memories, but my human brain and heart are still so very lonely and the feeling of emptiness is still so strong. I still talk to her every day and tell her good morning and good ngiht ... I don't know any other way to start and end my day besides praying. Maybe she still hears me ...

Lisa
LoveThem
Lisa

Just remember...whatever makes you feel better to do...that is the thing to do at that moment.

I can understand the loneliness, the restlessness, all too well. I had that all the time until I finally got myself a shelter cat (who happens to look like my boy...well I WAS looking for that too).

I have read here where many people do have dreams of their babies or hear them. I don't know why but I have never had that experience. So some do have it and some do not have it and I am sure everything is still normal whatever happens.

I'm glad you have the fur and I can understand not wanting to move anything...that is what makes you feel better now and so that is what to do. (I mean, not moving anything).

Your memorial sounds beautiful. Yes, I believe Casey hears you and my Little Guy hears me.
They can't help it as they are a part of our hearts and being there...can never leave us. They are bonded to us forever. When I look into my boy's eyes in a picture.....I feel as if he is looking back through his spirit and that his spirit surrounds me all the time..and is a forever thing just like love is.

It is truly heartbreaking and yes, we will miss them forever and there be days the pain of missing them will hit us hard and so we cry. But again, we both agreed.....having them, and knowing them....is worth the pain..as hard as it is.

We then have to remember the good healthy happy years and smile at that memory for that is the one they would want us to think about.

All we can do is take it all one day at a time and do the best we can and hold onto the beautiful memories that will always be so much a part of our lives.

Hugs...and keep writing your thoughts and feelings..and even a note here to Casey if you feel like it (I do that in my Little Guy's topic). Talking to her everyday sounds beautiful..I do that each time I pass my boy's pictures. When the pain was its most intense at the beginning...I would try to pretend he was in another room and when I called his name...he would always appear..but then knowing he really wasn't coming...I stopped that as I found his not coming made me more depressed.

So we try anything that we hope makes us feel better and whatever works..keep on doing.

Take care and know you are not alone in your feelings and your pain. We all share the same pain of missing our best friends.

Judy
moon_beam
Hi, Lisa, my ISP was down last night so I wasn't able to do anything I wanted to do - - like logging on to see how you were doing. Your memorial "Shadow Box" sounds so very special. Just take your time - - you will do it when it feels right to you. Unfortunately cleaning is eventually a necessity -- but you will NEVER erase the memory of your precious Casey from your heart or home. You shared your home with her, and her presence will always be with you in some form or fashion - - even when you embrace the companionship of another precious furbaby. You can tell your new companion all about Casey, too - - eventually - - for your new furbaby will feel Casey's sweet living Spirit there with you. And yes -- Lisa - - she hears you and is listening as intently to you as she always has. Don't be surprised if one day you hear her precious purr or feel her rubbing against your legs. If or when you do, you will know the deep sorrow in your heart is lifting enough so that you will know Casey is still with you. This healing journey is a one day at a time journey, Lisa - - it's going to be awhile before the heavy emptiness and restlessness and grief emotions will ease. So please remember we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Lisa, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Casey's Mom
It's been 2 weeks now since I lost Casey ... I have good days and not so good days. I'm trying to start making her shadow box memorial, but I want it to be perfect and I'm afraid I'll mess it up ... so I'm going slowly. Once I finally get it all put together I'll post a picture.

I finally vaccuumed a couple of days ago, and it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. Sunday was hard. I went to church on Sunday morning and tried as hard as I could to be back home by 11:30 (the time that Casey passed) and I didn't make it. That was hard. I just wanted to be there at that time to remember her. I moved one of her beds to an out of the way spot still in the same room (one that she really didn't lay in too much), so I guess that's a start.

I still am sad every time I come home and she's not there, and still sad every morning when I wake up and she's not there to be with me in the mornings before work. I know that I'll eventually be able to bring another furbaby into my life, and I will absolutely tell her all about Casey. I never realized just how quiet it was in my house until I was the only living soul there. Still not sleeping well at night ...

Thank you all for your caring, kind words. Please continue to keep me in your prayers.

Lisa
ann
Hi Lisa, Yes you will remain in our prayers. It's only been 2 weeks, it's so hard at first. I stopped counting the weeks, now it's the months. I am feeling better and moving on, yet I still cry and miss him so much. It will ease with time. To me it was like a painted line, if we stay put, we hold on to them, love them, never forgettng anything about them, and then it's fear that if we step over that line it means we are moving on, letting go, stop loving, stop remembering. That doesn't happen we never forget, or love them, we're accepting that they are gone from our life(for now) It takes a long time to accept this, but we have to, and we will..I most certainly understand your pain and struggle..Hugs..Ann
LoveThem
Still not sleeping well at night ...


It's been a year and I leave my TV on all night so it is never 100% quiet and I fall asleep.
My Little Guy never left my side...he was close to me when I woke up and watched me fall asleep and if I happened to wake up, he was lying by my side in an instant, waiting to be petted.
Yes, we do miss a lot and the emptiness can be overwhelming.

I cried a lot for a long time. Like you say, someday you will be telling another furbaby about your Casey...well, to stop my crying everyday..I did get my distraction and that is what helped me so very much.

It takes time for the pain to lessen but the loneliness never truly goes away. My new boy galloping through my house (like my Little Guy used to do) is such a distraction...I can't allow myself to let the pain overwhelm me anymore...and I don't want it to. I want to just miss him, with tears, but without the awful hurt deep down inside.

Time will help you..and think of the good memories when you find yourself sad..that can help too.

I wish you peace and healing. Take it one day at a time.

Hugs,
Judy
Casey's Mom
Yesterday was Casey's 1 month bridge day and it seems like everything has come back to hit me again all over again. I was up half the night on Saturday night crying and remembering that last night with Casey and so sad all day on Sunday. I returned unopened cat food to Petsmart last weekend and broke down in line. I thought I was doing better ... and I do have days when I don't cry now, but then the lonliness just overwhelms everything else and I just lose it. I know that it is too soon to adopt another kitten right now - I have no doubts that I will get another baby, but not now. I looked at some at the rescue adoptions at Petsmart the day last week that I was there, and it just doesn't feel right yet. I know that God will tell me when and He will send the perfect baby - or babies - for me to bring into my life. I miss her so very much that it hurts my heart. I feel like I'm back to square one.

Please, please, please keep me in your prayers.

Take care,
Lisa
LoveThem
It is so very normal to be overwhelmed again....and again... that is cause we love them so very much that our missing them is simply too HUGE to lessen quickly.

You have to do whatever feels right and makes you feel better. If you want to cry....do it.
If you want to come here and write your thoughts and feelings...do it.
If you want to come here and write a note to Casey.....do it.

These are some of the things we try that seem to help.

As far as another one, you will know when it feels right. I just decided it was time to look and see IF I made a connection. I did it because I was crying all the time, every day and after so much time...I realized I didn't feel better after crying..so I thought what would help me and I knew I needed a distraction from my pain...and that is why I started looking.

Just remember.....whatever feels right is the thing to do. That's what helps the healing.
Posting pictures and telling stories sometimes will help.

There is no time limit on grieving. We take it one day at a time and do the best we can.
You are not alone..we all go through what you are talking about. It is part of the process
we seem to have to go through.

It is okay to grieve. It is okay to cry. It is okay to miss your best friend..it is okay.

Hugs and healing I wish for you. It takes time and sometimes different amounts of time for different people. What is best for each one of us is the normal and right thing to do for ourselves.

Judy
Flossie's Mom
Casey's Mom,

I am 2 days from my 4 weeks without my wonderful Flossie. I know I would feel the same as you about getting another baby now. I guess I was lucky that just 4 months before I had to let her go a small dog adopted us and my niece gave me a kitten.

I didn't really want either one as I knew in my heart that Flossie's time was limited. Of course I was hoping for more than those 4 months. I knew for a month she was not having a quality of life that we both wanted and it was a horrible month.

Even though I did not want these two furry ones, I am very glad they are here. Having to look after their needs really does distract from the lonlieness. This is only how it works right now for me. I still cry every day. I will for a long time I'm sure , but having a cat to snuggle with me every night and be there in the morning does help. Having the dog to walk and come running to you with such a happy wagging tail really makes you feel like you are important.

Having lost many before this I know you will eventually have better days. It has been different amounts of time for each one I've lost as well as different intensity. Flossie was my all time best dog and will be missed until the day I join her at the bridge. Take whatever time is right for you before you add your new baby.

You are in my prayers tonight and for as long as you need to be.

Ginger
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