Our dog Buddy passed away on Oct 15th/08. I was his mom. I fed him and took care of him and we became sole mates. I adored him. He was a gorgeous soft coated wheaton with human like eyes and boy oh boy could they communicate to us;especially to me. He got sick suddenly with pancreatitis and then kidney failure and within 40 hrs or so and no improvement we had to let him go. At first I was so brave-he was apparantly in pain so I was glad it was over. There was NO WAY I wanted him to suffer. As soon as it was over, my husband and I could not beleive it. It was surreal. I just cried and cried going thru the feelings that I have heard about. But it is not just the crying that worries me. I am so distraught that I can't imagine how I am going to get thru this. I don't care about anything anymore. I am just going thru the motions of life. He was my baby and now he is gone. I know that I will never be the same person. I lost my sister, my father and my mother which were all so devastating. Losing Buddy if I can be honest is almost worse because he was with me all of the time. I think I loved him too much. So many pet owners treat them as animals. We treated Buddy like a member of the family and maybe I was letting myself in for this big fall. Now I also have this HUGE guilt that maybe I should have done something to make him well again. I would have done anything even mortgaged my house if I could have to have him with us. I just don't know what to do.

Hi Deb., I'm so sorry for your loss. We can never love them too much. I know exactly how your feeling. Everything you said applies to me too. Not being the same as I was, going thru the motions of life. They just show us such an unconditional love that's hard to describe to others who haven't experienced it. They are sick or hurt and all we focus on is thier pain. End the pain, we can't bear to see our babies suffering. And then, it's like, this sick feeling waves over you, what have I done? How could I have done it. I always say, it's a head and heart battle. The head knows it was right, but the heart trys desperately to get them back. Buddy was a member of your family and a hugh part of your life. Gone in the physical sense, but always and forever in the mind and heart. LS is great place to be right now. We are all here to help you get thru this. We all understand. Post pictures, stories, or just little notes to Buddy.. Peace, speedy healing, and Hugs.. Ann

Deb, I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your darling Buddy. He was very lucky to have you as his mom. Your loss is very new and the pain is intense now. Please know that you did everything you could for Buddy. When our babies get seriously ill, some things are just out of our control. The last loving thing we do for them is end their pain. Your Buddy lived a wonderful life and you made so many happy memories together. Oh, I know it's never long enough for us. We'd want them to live forever if they could. But, there are so many babies that needs homes. When our babies leave us, they are making room for the new babies.

I lost my white lab Lizzy Oct. 15, 2007 to cancer. Although I had a few months to prepare myself, the pain was so hard to deal with. She was only 9 1/2 and a complete shock as she had always been so healthy. She had gotten me through my Dad's passing, a divorce and a move away from family. She was my baby and my protector. She also was the best friend of my other lab Elly. In Jan. I adopted another white lab puppy. Having a puppy in the house gave me a reason to get up in the morning. She made me laugh again. Oh, I still miss Lizzy every day...and no dog could replace her.

Grieving is a process that takes alot of time and patience. Everyone handles their grief in a different manner. But do know that in time your tears will dry and be replaced by smiles. May the happy memories of Buddy, fill your heart with joy and bring you comfort and peace.

Nancy

We treated Satch as a member of the family too. It hard to explain to people who don't have this type of relationship with their pets. Satch was my wife's soul mate and she feels guilty too about not getting him checked out earlier. I remind her there was no reason to suspect any problem because he was totally himself up until 2 days before he passed (he was running and fetching his tennis ball). I feel if he lived on meds he would've been just a shadow of his former self. Seeing him sick almost hurt more than after it was over. I hope this helps.

Hi Ann, I received so many replies, but yours stood out to me. You helped me so much! What you said that really hit home to me was "the head and heart battle". I read this and thought about it for a long time. You are right-my head made the decision to end our dog's suffering with an unselfish love-without question-he was ill and in pain. Then we crash-right? I think it is then that our hearts take over and we cannot believe we did this. We want them back in our hearts but we know in our head that it was right. Today was still horrible for me-but I could actually function.
Thank you so much for bringing things into perspective for me. I will love and miss my Buddy forever but we have to do the right thing for them even if it hurts us so badly.
Thks so much,
Deb

Deb - I know that feeling and I think that must be a pretty normal response. I really was the "walking dead" since my Ziggy was shot 2 months ago. I am only now starting to try to organize my life again, and even so, I am forever changed since the loss of my two young sweet cats over the last year. Some people will not understand, but on this forum, we know. Last night I could not sleep because I am still not okay with what happened. Maybe we think by not accepting what's happened, somehow things will go back to how they were.

Sending my highest healing thoughts to you...

Jan.

Hi Deb---------you are in the right place as we all completely understand-----Remember tomorrow when you wake up that you are one day closer to being with your baby forever-------Grind through the days as best you can.The time will pass(I am and old coot and the time really seems to be blasting by)-----Make it your goal.I cry alot for my baby but I know it wont be all that long till forever with my boy--------We are all here for you anytime-----See you at the party at Rainbow Bridge--------Peace my friend,
Your pal on the forum.........Bubba..........

Hi Deb. I'm so pleased you take comfort in what Ann said and she's so right. Please try not to let the "what ifs" eat you up so badly and remember that it's the quality of life and not the quantity of life that matters. My current doggie is named Buddy, too. I know it will be gosh awful for me whenever his time comes but, like yourself, I sure as heck don't want him to suffer. You did the right thing, Dear One.

My deepest condolences on your loss of such a special, cherished fur baby as Buddy. Please try to remember also that he's only a breath away. And a breath away is not far at all to where your beloved Buddy is. Honest and for true. I hope you can view and hear videos but, if your PC doesn't have that capacity, I'll put the lyrics for you to read about how Buddy is there with you now and just a breath away. Please turn up your volume.







I send Lots of Comforting Hugs, Love, Peace and many Angels to You and Buddy!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi Deb, I'm so glad I was able to help. It's been 4 1/2 mo for me and I still battle. When I start missing my Arthur real bad I bring myself back to "that day". I hate going there, 'cuz I keep thinking I should have done things differently, and the head makes me stop and remember the pain, the problems, the suffering and even, more than likely, a struggling recovery, the length of it, the complications, the worrying, etc. It doesn't make me miss him any less, mind you, it just brings me back to earth to accept and deal with the reality of it all. Once again, you made my day that I was able to help. This is why I'm still here. Thank you Deb..Hugs. Ann

Hi, deb, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Buddy. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the cir%%stances or how long we have had the privilege of their company. This grief journey has many different stages and intensities, and what you are feeling right now is very normal. Your life has changed forever - - you have lost the physical presence of a very integral part of your life. Losing a beloved companion is as bad as, if not worse as, losing a human family member or friend. Our beloved companions give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we surrender ourselves to them completely without reservation. And this is one of the many reasons why losing their precious physical presence with us is so debilitating in the beginning of our grief journey. It is both a physical and emotional loss, and that is why we need to do whatever comforts us to get us through the deep and painful grief in the beginining. When my number one kitty son Eli died almost 2 years ago I slept with his collar under my pillow for many months, and kept some of his things close by to hold onto when I was overwhelmed with the gut wrenching grief. My little kitty boy, Noah, slept on Eli's comforter so that he could snuggle down into Eli's scent. They were the best of good buddies, and Noah still misses his big adopted kitty brother - - as we all do. But eventually the deep grief will ease so that you can embrace the good memories of your beloved Buddy, and then when this happens you will know that Buddy's sweet living Spirit is still with you and is a part of your life as he always has been. Your relationship has just temporarily transformed to a different dimension. Deb, please know you are not alone in this grief journey. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, deb, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Ann,
Thank you so much for responding. I had a good day yesterday, I could function. Today I was alone, my husband is out of town and my two son's were out. It was a bad day for me. I felt unwell, kind of dizzy. I came home to an empty house. That is the worst part . I work from home and my office is where Buddy's special couch was. He sat there looking out the front window and my desk is right beside. Again though, your words have helped me. I have been going thru a thought that if I waited longer, perhaps they would have been able to get him well enough to come home (even though I was told that was NOT possible) You mentioned the struggling recovery, where we would be so worried watching the suffering and the length of it, and the complications. Also my vet said even if they could have helped him recover, it would be shortlived and he would have been very sick and sufferring. So again, your comments made me see what is real. We cannot keep them alive for our own selfish reasons. Thks Ann

Hi Deb,

I too am so sorry to hear about Buddy. You know they love us so much that we can't help but love them back with everything we have. Even though it devastates us to lose them just be happy that you are filled with so much love and are able to share that love with Buddy. You were lucky to have each other. I feel like you. I have lost some important people in my life as had my partner but losing a furkid can be worse. We thought we were a little strange but I have read the same thoughts on quite a few postings here. It makes sense when you think about it. They are our beloved family, we live and love them every day, eat with them, play with them, they sleep on our beds and they love us back unconditionally. How many people out there can just give such love where it just flows out of their whole being. You never will be the same. You will always will have the grief. You never will be the same. You will always have the love. Having the love is worth the grief. He was lucky to have such a wonderful Mom. You are in my thoughts. Take care....Barbara

Dear Deb,

When the heart begins to accept what the mind already knows, the healing begins. The death of a furry family member who is loved so much throws us into such turmoil and grief. That sudden blow that hits us without warning turns our world comletely upsidedown and nothing seems right.

Putting Buddy's needs ahead of your own was a wonderful gesture of love. It was a hearbreaking decision for you to make because I know you didn't want to let go of the life you had with Buddy. But, you loved him enough to give him one last gift. He loved you just as much as you loved him. You knew it and so did Buddy.

The missing never stops, but the grief will subside little by little. As the happier memories of all the times you and Buddy spent together begin to seep in, the deep pain and anguish will move further away. Though Buddy's body has persihed you can be sure that his loving spirit is alive and well now and forever.

May you be blessed always knowing in your heart what a special and unforgetable kind of life you and Buddy shared together.

Hugs of comfort and love from my heart to yours,
Beth

you said in your first post: At first I was so brave-he was apparantly in pain so I was glad it was over. There was NO WAY I wanted him to suffer. But it is not just the crying that worries me. I am so distraught that I can't imagine how I am going to get thru this. I don't care about anything anymore. I am just going thru the motions of life. He was my baby and now he is gone. I know that I will never be the same person. Now I also have this HUGE guilt that maybe I should have done something to make him well again. I would have done anything even mortgaged my house if I could have to have him with us. I just don't know what to do.

You did what was best for Buddy...and that is what is important....meaning also..you did the right thing. I understand your comment about not wanting him to suffer. My Little Guy's story last September was a trip to the ER and finding out his chest was full of fluid which was keeping his lungs from expanding and he couldn't breathe hardly at all...it was all of a sudden that it happened like this and when I saw the x-rays I kept saying quite loudly through my tears to the vet...I do not want him to suffer...I said that over and over. And yes, afterwards, when it is over and you know they are not suffering anymore...the reality hits you. What helps me the most is remembering WHY I made the decision....it was totally for him and what was best for him. We have to live with the pain but we don't have to accept any guilt. Prolonging their problem with no cure would have been for us...we can't repay that unconditional love that way.

You did everything you could do. You get through it by looking for the peace and healing that comes with remembering the good happy healthy times you were together and being thankful we had them come into our lives. You get through it by remembering what he was going through that led you to that decision. True, none of us will ever be the same person but in time as we really concentrate on how happy these sweethearts made us...just by being with us and a part of our lives....and remembering they needed our help to find peace and as hard as it always is to do....we put their needs before our own and make the decision they are not able to make for themselves.

There can be no room for guilt. You did not want Buddy to suffer. I did not want my Little Guy to suffer. Neither one of us wanted to make that oh so final decision but they needed our help...for all the years of unconditional love they so freely gave us....I believe the only thing that can even begin to repay that...is not to let them suffer...when there is no cure..and the quality is not there anymore.

Of course, we want to keep them forever and we certainly will love and miss them forever but it is not meant to be...that they physically remain with us forever. It helps me to believe that they do have a time they will have to go and when that time comes...we cannot prevent it...the ending is out of our control. Otherwise, the vet would suggest the cure and we would do it, no matter what it took. But that is to make them well...not to buy a few hours or weeks and then have them and us go through it all over again and they suffer again....we will not allow that.

Just remember why you did make the decision and that he is at peace. He can never leave your heart and your memories and will be there forever. I know it is not the same but that is all that is given to us. Also, remember the joy he brought into your life and how it would have been so different without him. That's when a saying of one Mom here helps me. She said:
The pain of losing him will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing him.

We would never ever trade them being in our lives...so we could avoid the ending that always comes without fail. We only hope we have many years before it all happens. We worry about the future but these babies only live in the present...they don't worry about something they don't think about. Maybe we should follow some of that example as far as being so very grateful for the time we had them, and, that when it was time...we were able to give them the peace they needed so badly because we were able to put their needs before our own.

Remember your boy with smiles. He would want it that way. I always remember how it bothered my furbabies if I was unhappy. Buddy knows you will never forget him..he knows he is a part of you and your life forever...but he also knows you had no choice and his comfort was more important than the pain you would be feeling..that's as close to unconditional love we imperfect humans can get.

You took beautiful care of your baby. It was his time and you were there for him when he needed you the most. If it was not his time...your vet would have been able to give you a hopeful prognosis for the future. But we know this time truly always eventually comes and we only hope we are strong enough to do what is best...for them. You and your husband did the right thing for Buddy. The bond you have with this best boy can never be broken ..he is a part of your heart and nothing and no power can take that away from you.

He is an Angel at peace, watching over his loved ones.

Sometimes it helps to post pictures of our best friends, especially ones that make us smile..remembering when the photo was taken. Sometimes we use our topic here to write to our special boy...just to say how much we truly miss him. Whatever makes us feel better to do is the right thing to do. There are no rules about grieving. But even when we succeed in taking our baby steps towards peace and acceptance...there are times...the pain will come back and overwhelm us and we just sit and cry until there are no more tears because we are exhausted.
All very normal to feel and do.

Take it all one day at a time and come here and write your thoughts and feelings whenever you feel it will help you. There is always many here listening. We all share the same pain so we understand exactly how you feel. You are not alone.