I just wanted to intrduce myself. My name is Julia and on October 11th, we had to put our Shadow down. She had breast cancer that spread very quickly. It was only a week from the time we found out, to the time we let her go. Her tumor was bleeding and was large and cut off the circulation to her back right leg causing adema. She was in so much pain and wouldn't eat or drink. She was a border collie-lab mix and was nine years old. She was so loving to our 4 and 3 year old kids. She was our girl. I miss her so much. I miss everything about her. I feel gulity. The could've, should've, would'ves are driving me nuts. We had her cremated and should be recieving her ashes this week. Friends think we're crazy for this and for grieving so much.
thanks for listening...

Dear Shadowgirl,

I'm really sorry about your loss. It sounds like it all went very fast. I know only well your pain. I went through something similar with my Candy (she had lymphoma) and know only too well the guilt we can put on ourselves with all the "if I only done this" or "I should have done that" or "why didn't I do something earlier"?. At the end of the end, I think all of us just do the best that we can for our babies and it sounded like you did every you can, and for that you should be proud.

And don't worry about folks who think your nuts for feeling the way you do, I think each of us here have heard something similar. I think it's helpful to have a place like this where all of us who understand the level of pain, love and sacrafice we give to our pets know that they give us so much happiness that when something happens to them, the pain can be overwhelming.

I hope when you feel up to it, you will post some pictures in your Shadow's memory.

God bless and again, I'm deeply sorry.


Candy's Dad

Hal

Hi, Julia

I am so sorry to hear about Shadow and I understand so very much about fast cancer, about what you have gone through, and how you feel now as far as missing her so very much. With cancer like that there can be no guilt..no could've, etc. As far as friends not understanding...it is better to come here and talk...it is better not to talk about your grief with them if they do not understand how truly painful it is.

In the Tributes Section, I recently posted a topic called A Dog's Prayer..along with pictures of 2 special dogs I had..the first one I lost to cancer. Of the 3 cats I lost after that, 2 of them, including my Little Guy (in my avatar picture)..I lost to cancer. Little Guy's twin brother...it was a week from seeing something wrong until we had to give him peace. He could hardly breathe due to a mass in his chest that came out of nowhere.

My dogs always had their problems around age 10 or 12. You gave Shadow the peace she needed and deserved. It is not your fault she got cancer. It is simply the horrible disease that takes so many of these wonderful babies. It is so cruel that such a disease takes them over when all they have ever done their entire life is give we imperfect humans..unconditional love... which is something so rare we are not capable of giving it to each other. I don't know why these beautiful best friends are punished with these diseases.

My first dog I lost to cancer, Gypsy, a German Shepherd was spayed cause I was told by doing that she would not get cancer in that area. She did get it at age 5 and almost died in surgery and the vet hoped he got it all. I was told at that time that cancer cells look identical to safe cells and during surgery they try to get it all but don't know 100%. She was good for a couple of years then the lumps starting coming in the breast area and she had some more surgeries and was all clear on x-rays. Then within a year when she stopped eating, an immediate xray showed her entire chest and lungs, throat, heart areas all had massive tumors. None were outside like when she had surgery before. There was no way to avoid what happened. I was shocked.

That's why I say please don't even think about guilt about your girl. You did everything you could for her and so did your vet but cancer always wins eventually. You gave her peace. Of course you will miss your beautiful, wonderful sweetheart. We just have to remember the happy healthy times and pictures and stories help us do that eventually.

One Mom here said it best so I always repeat this:
The pain of losing her will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing her.

We know such a day is coming...it always does and the pain is overwhelming but we would never trade having had them in our lives..to avoid the pain. We are so thankful they were a part of our lives. We will love them and miss them forever. We will never forget them because they are a part of our hearts and that bond can never be broken or forgotten.

I found that instead of always asking myself Why..about things there are no answers, I believe that these babies have a time they will have to go and when that time comes...it is out of our control. We cannot prevent it and we should not feel guilty about any part of it. All they ever ask of us is to release them from suffering when we know it is there. To let them go when they desperately need to go is the most loving decision we can give them because when we do decide we know we are in for a lot of pain and grief. Their pain will end but ours will just begin and the ache we feel inside is truly there forever. In time, it is not as intense...but it will never be gone completely. Stopping their suffering by making the final decision never ever makes that decision come any easier. We just have to remember WHY the decision was made which reminds us it truly was the right decision to make..........for them. And, it always should be what is right...for them.

For me, what has helped my pain was having another at home to hug or in my last case, where my home was empty...to get another from my local SPCA...to have at home to hug.

Your children must really miss such a loving friend and maybe knowing that Shadow is truly an Angel now and has gone to a place called the Rainbow Bridge where she will have friends so she will not be alone and that we will all be together again with our special ones. It is a ways away from now but it is there in the future. And even though she has gone there...she is still always with us because love will never disappear completely. It surrounds all of us and when we feel it, we know it is our special Angels giving us a "hug".

Take Care...I wish you peace and healing and it all takes time. But come here and write your thoughts and feelings anytime. Maybe post some pictures of Shadow. We love pictures because they remind us of the happy healthy times that we were gifted with and how glad we are they were part of our lives and will be part of our hearts forever.

Judy

Julia,

I am so sorry to read of your loss, I as well as everyone here know first hand the pain of losing a furkid, it can be devastating. Please do not feel guilty or be to hard on yourself with the could’ve, should’ve would’ves because we all second guess ourselves and always think we would have done something different, but the truth of the matter is we do not have control over life. The last time I saw my little Fleetwood he was purring and playing with me like nothing was wrong. I left for a short vacation and two days later I receive a phone call that he is gone. I felt so guilty about not being there for him that I almost couldn’t function anymore. But the pain gets better over time(it doesn’t go away, just gets easier to deal with) and when I have my moments wishing I had been there to help him, I remember his cute face or silly antics I know he is alive and well in my heart, and I smile.

Hang in there Julia and don’t let anybody make you feel bad for grieving over a pet, those people do not know or understand the pure and unconditional love our furbabies give us or the deep pain that come with the loss of one. Shadow will always be there in your family’s heart and when you least expect it you are going to catch a glimpse of Shadow running down a hall or in the backyard. Just know she is checking in to make sure you are doing OK.

Mark
Missing Fleetwood

Hi, Shadowgirl, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Shadow. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the cir%%stances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. I smile at the description of your baby girl because my first doggie child, Samson, was also a Border Collie / Lab mix. Cancer in our furkids is, unfortunately, usually very devastating to their bodies. Euthanasia is similar to stopping life support for a family member or friend, and it is the last act of love we can give to them - - at great sacrifice to us - - to let them go home to the angels with their dignity still intact. It is now recognized in the mental health profession that the loss of a beloved companion is as devastating, if not more so, as losing a human family member or friend. Our furkids give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we surrender ourselves to them completely. The grief stages are also identical including the horrible stage of guilt. Unfortunately, we do not have the privilege of foresight, only the benefit of hindsight, and it is the hindsight that is the source of our guilt. It is very important for you to remember that you did the very best by your Shadow at all times according to the information that you had the time. Shadow loves you and does not blame you for anything that happened to her. Her sweet living Spirit is still with you as it always has been reaching out to you through time and space. Shadowgirl, each of us here do understand the deep grief you are feeling, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. You are among friends here. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, shadowgirl, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Julia, I am very sorry to read of the loss of your dear sweet Shadow. I am sure you will find alot of comfort from this board. Please know that we understand how difficult it is to lose a beloved pet. If people are not animal lovers, they will not understand. Grief takes time and it is filled with many ups and downs. But we will be here to help you through the grieving process. Please don't dwell on the what if's...Shadow would not want that. You provided her with a loving home and I know she was very grateful. When a bad thought pops into your head, immediately replace it with a happy thought of Shadow. In time your tears will be replaced with smiles when you think of her.

I lost my white lab Lizzy at 9 1/2 to cancer on Oct. 15, 2007. I was shocked when I found the lump as she was always a healthy girl. I was even more devastated, when I learned it was inoperable due to the location of the tumor. She was given meds to shrink the tumor, which allowed me more time to spend with her. She was truly and amazing dog! Despite having cancer, she would wake me up at 5 am with her ball in her mouth...ready to play. I can still picture her by my bedside. She gave me many years of happy memories, and taught me to be strong no matter what life throws at you.

I believe our fur babies are gifts sent from above. We take care of them and love them the best we know how. But there comes a time when we must return our gift. When our babies become ill, we don't want them to suffer...and sadly must say goodbye. And maybe a new fur baby will find it's way into our lives again.

I asked Liz to send me a baby like her....and believe it or not she did. I adopted Mandy (white lab) and she is so much like Lizzy. She joined my other lab Elly and they are best friends.

I wish you comfort and peace during this difficult time.

Nancy

Dear Julia,

I'm so sorry to hear you had to let Shadow go. Letting go of someone we love is by far the hardest and most heartbreaking thing we can do. Putting Shadow's needs ahead of your own demonstrates just how much you love her. Friends may think you're crazy for grieving as much as you are. Some friends may not. For those that do think in this way obviously they have never experienced the kind of relaionship you and your family had with Shadow. It has been said that those who have never experienced the love of an animal also have a soul that has not been fully awakened. Shadow was and always will be an important family member never to be forgotten.

May you find comfort and peace as you walk this journey of recovery. You are not alone as we all walk together with you.

Hugs of comfort and love,
Beth

I am so sorry for your loss of Shadow. I know it hurts real bad. And the quickness of it all makes it very sad, however, Shadow did not suffer for a long time. You gave her the best 9yrs. and a painless passing. You were very blessed to have had her that long. You have nothing to feel guilty about. The hardest thing to do is to let go of something we cherish. You are NOT crazy for taking this hard. Grieve all you want for however long you need to. Shadow was your child, a member of your family. A lot of people just don't seem to get it. It really is (to me) no different than lossing a loved one. So don't let any make you feel different or strange or stupid because your heart is broken. Pleas post a photo or 2 when your ready.. Hugs.. Ann

Julia,

Welcome to the site. I have only been on it about a week and a half, but it has helped tremendously. I just lost my Min Pin Penny on the 12th, and they believe it was toxemia. Basically she was fine at 2:30pm, and was deathly ill by 3:30. The vet got her through most of the night, but when he returned at 10am she had passed. So it was so sudden. That was a shock to me, honestly I'm still feeling like "is this actually possible?". I was thinking of your story and even though I was sooo fearful for about 24 hours, I can imagine that what I was feeling at that time was extended for a full week for you and your family. You and your family must have already been emotionally drained by the time she actually passed. That would have been tough.

However, I read your post, and feel a special empathy. You speak of your children and I'm sure that Shadow was a major part of the workings of your family. I know that right now I feel really "out of sync" with life. Penny was such a part of my every day everything that her being gone really throws me for a loop. My husband just deployed as well, so I'm trying to work it out sort of on my own, and he is having to work it out on his own. If people think you're crazy, just read our stories, cuz you're not. I began reading a book about pet loss, and the author states that in some ways grieving for a pet can be more difficult than for a human. I suppose it depends on the human. However, he writes that dogs (and cats) tend to be our "alter-egos"...they contain all of the innocence, dependence, unconditional love, and almost childlike qualities that we used to have, but as we grow older, we lose them to an extent. Pets maintain that for us, and we can be completely and totally ourselves with our pets. Maybe we can even be more ourselves with our pets than with our spouse. There is never any judgement. They just love, and accept love. It's an amazing union. People who do not understand simply have never found a true bond with a pet, so I guess we can't expect them to get it.

I don't know about you, but for me, I start to feel a bit better, and then the next moment I have this extreme pit in my stomach, and get so mad and just want to scream. But I think that will be the cycle for who knows how long. I'll just accept it, and almost embrace it. Shadow will always remain in your life! I know for me, the memories and lessons Penny has taught me will never leave me. In some ways that's a comfort. Do you feel better now that you have her ashes? Sometimes I think I'll feel better once I have her back (unfortunately where I'm at there is a 2 month wait, so that's tearing me apart a bit.)

I'm thinking of you and your family. But I bet Penny and Shadow have already met and are running through endless fields and chasing lots of birds...I'm sure all of the pets we speak of with so much love are all bestest buds!

One day at a time:)
~Shannon

Thank you to everyone. It's nice to find a place where people are so nice and understand.

I still can't get over the empty feeling. My mom passed away suddenly almost four years ago and it feels like that scab has been ripped open. When we told our children that Shadow died, it was hard. They kept asking when she was coming back. We had to tell them she wasn't and that she was in doggy heaven. Now they're asking when will we get another pet. We just tell them we will when and if mommy and daddy are ready. I know they're just 3 and 4 and don't understand.

Does anyone still go to the door to let them in and forget that they're gone. Or swear you hear their bark or footsteps. Or still expect to see their face peeking at you in the window excited that you're home?

Thanks for listening to me ramble on...

Julia

Yes Julia............Sometimes I hear the jangling noise Goliath tag made when it tapped against his collar. On two separate occasions I know I heard him barking. At times I still see his sweet little face against the doorwall window with his paws up on the glass. I'd seen and heard these things so many times they are imprinted in my memory permanently and hope they stay with me forever.

It took me alot of time and tears to come to a place where I can now remember and hear my sweet Goliath's "hellos" without crying. Today I smile and just says "Thanks so much for your visit!" His loving spirit is still with me even though he's passed to the next world.

Your Shadow is still with you too......separated by worlds but not by hearts.

Much love and comforting hugs,
Beth

Julia, my Mandy is almost a year old now. She looks alot like my Lizzy now. Often times I've been frozen in my footsteps. I look at her and my mind plays tricks on me, and I almost call out Lizzy's name.

Just remember that's about them, not about you. The lack of understanding towards the grief of losing a pet is also to not know the deep joy and love that our pets bring us in life. Your deep grief for Shadow also shows you are sensitive and loving enough to receive those special gifts that some people will never know.

take care

Jan.

Hi, Julia, clinical studies have proven that the death of a beloved companion can also resurrect feelings of other losses in our lives. And when the companion has been shared with a human family member or friend who has died, the grieving of the loss of the companion can be compounded by the memory of the other losses. Also, children grieve differently than adults, so you may want to check out some of the articles in the Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles. If this is their first death experience they are having in their family, this can form their feelings and perception of death and loss that will be with them for the rest of their lives. It has been almost 2 years since my number one kitty son joined the angels, and there are times when I call his name when I come in the door when I get home, and sign his name with my other furkids when I write to family and friends. Julia, this grief journey has many twists and turns. Sometimes you may feel that all is going well and then something may come along that will make you feel like the bottom of your heart is falling out - - again. But we are here for you through all the different stages of your grief and healing journey for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Julia, and please let us know how you’re doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam