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Lightning-Strike Pet Loss Support Forum > Pet Loss Support > Death and Dying Pet Support
Jlacy
My very best friend and constant companion has suc%%bed to Splenic Hermangiosarcoma. I have done EVERYTHING to save his life (including removing his spleen) but we both lost the battle. He has no quality of life now. He has stopped eating and cannot get up the stairs as of yesterday. I have an appointment at 10:00am this morning with the vet and in all probability it will be his last day because he can never live as a dog ever again.

This is perhaps especially hard on me. I live alone and work from home and my dog has been a constant at my side for the past 8 years. When I left the house, he was with me almost ALWAYS. He was the best dog I have ever owned and incredibly of good nature, stunning in looks, smarter that some people I have met and loyal and loving above all else. He is a stumpy tail 1/2 masked Blue Merl Blue Heeler named Cowboy.
I'm having a hard time dealing with putting him down but as I tried to be the most responsible pet owner ever, I can't just let him waste away.

When he was diagnosed I knew there was little long term hope but that did not stop me from trying. I had a battery of Vets see him in both Holistic and medical practices. I changed his diet to a combination of cooked meets and fresh veggies and Hills ND. He got his medicine everyday without fail and on time. I fought, he fought, we both lost and I did not gain months but two weeks after his spleen was removed.

My house is quite this morning, he is in the other room as I type this. I'm trying to imagine coming home today to an empty house. I'm trying to celebrate his life but all I can do is cry.

I'm so sorry Cowboy, if there was anything in the world I could have done, I would have done it. You enriched my life beyond words. You always made me smile and I was always so proud of you for the personality you are. Your passing will not go un-noticed as I will make a donation in your name to the Dog Cancer institute. You will never be forgotten by all who knew you and I promise to see to that. I love you too much to see you suffer and as I always wanted only the best for you, I cannot let this just take you for the sake of one more day for me to be by your bedside. Just know that you did not live in vain. Your presence bought smiles and laughter and above all else real joy to everyone who was so privileged to know you. You're illness has taught me a new appreciation for life in all forms and this may be the greatest contribution you gave to me. I thank you for bringing me life and sharing your life with me. I was the one who was gifted by your presence and you will always have a very special place in my heart and my memories. Whatever happens this morning, I want you to know what you mean to me.

Love,
Dad
Zita'sMom
What a beautiful boy.

Cowboy wil be with you for a long time. In your thoughts, in your dreams and in "visits" I'm sure. Our time here in the physical world is just a blip in the whole spiritual picture and you will be back together again. In fact I wonder if our life here is like dreaming and we are with them the whole time but just not aware of it while we are "awake".

Your Cowboy has been lucky to be loved by someone as special as you.

Jan.

QUOTE (Jlacy @ Sep 25 2008, 10:39 AM) *
My very best friend and constant companion has suc%%bed to Splenic Hermangiosarcoma. I have done EVERYTHING to save his life (including removing his spleen) but we both lost the battle. He has no quality of life now. He has stopped eating and cannot get up the stairs as of yesterday. I have an appointment at 10:00am this morning with the vet and in all probability it will be his last day because he can never live as a dog ever again.

This is perhaps especially hard on me. I live alone and work from home and my dog has been a constant at my side for the past 8 years. When I left the house, he was with me almost ALWAYS. He was the best dog I have ever owned and incredibly of good nature, stunning in looks, smarter that some people I have met and loyal and loving above all else. He is a stumpy tail 1/2 masked Blue Merl Blue Heeler named Cowboy.
I'm having a hard time dealing with putting him down but as I tried to be the most responsible pet owner ever, I can't just let him waste away.

When he was diagnosed I knew there was little long term hope but that did not stop me from trying. I had a battery of Vets see him in both Holistic and medical practices. I changed his diet to a combination of cooked meets and fresh veggies and Hills ND. He got his medicine everyday without fail and on time. I fought, he fought, we both lost and I did not gain months but two weeks after his spleen was removed.

My house is quite this morning, he is in the other room as I type this. I'm trying to imagine coming home today to an empty house. I'm trying to celebrate his life but all I can do is cry.

I'm so sorry Cowboy, if there was anything in the world I could have done, I would have done it. You enriched my life beyond words. You always made me smile and I was always so proud of you for the personality you are. Your passing will not go un-noticed as I will make a donation in your name to the Dog Cancer institute. You will never be forgotten by all who knew you and I promise to see to that. I love you too much to see you suffer and as I always wanted only the best for you, I cannot let this just take you for the sake of one more day for me to be by your bedside. Just know that you did not live in vain. Your presence bought smiles and laughter and above all else real joy to everyone who was so privileged to know you. You're illness has taught me a new appreciation for life in all forms and this may be the greatest contribution you gave to me. I thank you for bringing me life and sharing your life with me. I was the one who was gifted by your presence and you will always have a very special place in my heart and my memories. Whatever happens this morning, I want you to know what you mean to me.

Love,
Dad

Jlacy
QUOTE (Zita'sMom @ Sep 25 2008, 11:46 AM) *
What a beautiful boy.


Cowboy and I Thank you Jan. The fight is still not over. While his gums are whitish and he's sometime lethargic he still has some fight in him and so do I. My vet did blood work today and told me his Paxil count was 18% which it should in the range of 30-35. About all I can do is feed him liver and spinach along with mega vitamin C to help with the absorption of Iron. I will also be adding b6 and other green vegetables to try and stay off the inevitable. I had his spleen removed about a month ago and changed his diet the day after. He has gained 5 lbs in a month which of course is a good sign. As long as he shows signs of not giving up, I'm not about to either.

My son saw him yesterday and believed that today would be the day which so did I. Cowboy perked up later this morning and was able to get up and down the stairs. Neither my son and I thought today would be the day after seeing that, so I battle this hideous cancer that is killing my puppy until the end. Thankfully, the end was not today.
moon_beam
Hi, Jlacy, I am so glad to read that you still have your precious Cowboy with you this evening. Anticipatory grief is difficult because you know your time together is limited while you still have your beloved companion's physical presence with you. As you know it is quality of life issues now, and each day you have together is a precious jewel to treasure. Jlacy, please know you are among friends here who do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you and Cowboy are in my thoughts and prayers, Jlacy, and I will look forward to knowing how things go for the both of you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
LoveThem
I am so sorry to hear about Cowboy. He sounds like a very special best friend.

You are at the time we all dread....the decision time. I think it helps to remember why the decision was made. You said it all very well in your post. And yes, it is so very empty without them. But even though he was in the next room and the thought he was there was a comfort......realizing what has happened to his quality of life is what is heartbreaking.

When I was by myself some years ago, I had a beautiful dog for 10 years before cancer took her but we fought a few cancer battles and won except when it was her time to go...there was no choice...no hope...no cure...no quality. She even went to work with me the last few years and would lie under my office desk for 8 hours a day...always a constant companion.

You did everything you could think of to help Cowboy and he responded by trying his best to go through everything as best he could.

This is the most hurtful time of all. It is a time we feel truly helpless and we know that the only help we can give now is to give them a peaceful exit. Their soul and spirit live on by being a part of us. What we wouldn't give for more quality time but then we have to be grateful for the time given us.

I quote one Mom here a lot cause what she said felt so powerful to me: Her words were:
The pain of losing him will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing him.

I truly believe those words and they have helped me and thinking of them even right now I can cry for you and for Cowboy as well as for the ones I have lost.

I wish you peace and healing but it will take time. I always took the silence as long as I could and then one day I would find another one and open my heart and home to them. It is the noise that I crave. It is the unconditional love that I need. And it is my wanting to love and hug a best friend again that makes me welcome another into my home. I could not take the silence for too many months. Even here, after reading a sad story...if I need to smile I go to the New Beginnings section and read how a new beginning means so much for so many. Sometime it is said one door closes so another opens.

Right now whatever helps you, whatever makes you feel better...is the right thing to do. There is no time limits on grief.
There are no rules. There is no judgment. We here have the same pain.....have made the same decision more than once... and know the emptiness and helplessness that threatens to overwhelm us. It takes time to control the sadness.

We will love these best friends forever and we will miss them forever and no one else can ever replace them in our hearts.
In time, we will smile at the photos of them happy and healthy and remember those days as good times. And for some of us,
if the silence is too "deafening", we may open our hearts and home to another who needs a home, knowing that in doing do,
they are never a replacement for what we lost but they are a new distraction to build new and different memories with.

With my last one, Little Guy, it was my first ER decision. I had no time to prepare myself. But then in a way time does not help because we will always be just as devastated no matter what.

I understand completely what you are saying about everything you have with Cowboy and what you have been through to keep him and he has done to stay with you. It truly sounds like the right decision, knowing because it is right doesn't make it any easier.
I agree with all you said about putting him before your own feelings and desires to keep him. That is the one way we can repay that beautiful unconditional love we always receive from them....is to, as hard as it is, be unselfish in making the decision that is best for him....not what we want for us. When we truly love them...we will not willingly allow them to suffer..if we can prevent it.

Hugs to you and to Cowboy. You have a bond that can never be broken. He knows how much you love him and you know how much he loves you. That love will never go away. He is a part of you forever for he will be in your heart and your memories forever and no power can ever take that away from you.

He is and always will be your very best friend. And, it is okay to cry.........

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