I see him everywhere. I keep praying please god, send him back I can't take this. I keep looking out the window where we buried him. We have another cat, 2 dogs and 2 birds and yet the house feels EMPTY. Why is that? Because he was everywhere and into everything. We yelled at him constantly and yet he was also tremendously affectionate. Crawled into bed with me every night. I can't stop crying. I have this permanent heavy feeling on my chest and I keep thinking it might have been okay to keep him alive for a bit longer, maybe we could have enjoyed him for a couple more weeks.....I am really missing his fine chiseled features and his enormous owlish eyes and his stiff prickly whiskers. I miss my Elliott and I keep crying and the dogs just stare at me. Our 'family' does not feel the same anymore. Grief is so horrible, it's just the most gut-wrenching thing and I can't imagine that our home will ever feel as normal and joyous as it used to......I dont' know what to 'do' to pull myself out of this more quickly, I am so, so SAD. This HOUSE does not feel RIGHT without him! I miss him coming up and snuggling under my left arm while I'm sitting on the couch (always the left arm for some reason....he never wanted to curl up under the right arm). I hate this......every single room is a reminder that he no longer exists. He doens't exist and that causes me so much pain. I miss my cats, all my darling, sweet and unique boys: Elliott, Jet and Arliss. Death is a hateful thing and I am really finding it difficult to see the sense in it all. There is an enormous gaping hole in my house. I so want to know that he is okay and knows how much we cherished him. I can't stop crying! WHERE is he? I just want to feel him near me, but I am not getting anything but this big hole. Just a big gaping, aching HOLE.......

Hi, Mikki, this grief journey is one of the most devastating experiences we will have on this side of eternity. Our fur and feather companions give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we surrender ourselves to them completely -- the better part of ourselves, and this is one of the many reasons why losing their sweet physical presence is so devastating. Of course your home feels empty, and of course your family isn't the same as it used to be. One of your primary family members has gone to join the angels. I believe that even the house structure mourns the loss because the "energy" of one of the household members is missing. You will never "get over" losing the physical presence of your beloved Elliott, Jet-boy, and Arliss. One of the reasons why you can't feel anything positive right now is because you are in deep grief, and what you are feeling is normal. Unfortunately there isn't any way to rush this grief journey, Mikki. It's a one day at a time journey that for quite awhile feels like it will never go away, and you are living in a dark abyss going through them motions that seem meaningless. But I assure you that Elliott and your other precious furbabies DO exist, Mikki. Their sweet precious living Spirit is with you even now in your deep grief, and one day I promise you will be able to feel Elliott reaching to you within your heart and memories beyond the Bridge. He knows you love him with all your heart, and his love for you is as strong as it always has been. One day you will be able to remember Elliott and find yourself smiling, and when this happens, Mikki, you will feel the warmth of Elliott's presence surround you. You can still talk to him and share with him everything that happens in your life because he is still with you. The only thing that has changed is that your relationship has temporarily transformed to a different dimension. I know this doesn't help much right now because the ache in your heart and your home and your life is so overwhelming. Go ahead and cry, Mikki, because these tears are healing tears to your heart and soul. Oh how well I know these tears - - gut wrenching sobs that betray a grief-stricken broken heart. But one day your tears will be turned to smiles, I promise. And each of us are here for you to help you through this agonizing transition in your life. You are not alone in your grief journey, Mikki. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Mikki, and please keep letting us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Mikki

It's too bad you don't live next door then we could commiserate together... Nobody in my immediate circle and family (though they all are animal lovers) really "gets" the depth of my grief. I think they just think I'm a nut case. My Ziggy was a special cat that I adopted after my grief of Zita going missing last October. So now I am grieving two cats. I believe Ziggy has shown her presence, but I completely feel the same huge gaping hole you talk about.

Sometimes these little critters are the "one" comfort we have that gives us joy in the turbulence of life. When they leave us it we don't have the "escape" they offer us. I'm not sure what to do with that thought exactly. Today I went to the ocean and just sat for several hours with my dog. I still feel like crap! I do believe in life after death, it just doesn't make the physical part of it any easier.

By the way I have 5 dogs and another cat, and I love them all to bits, but Ziggy's personality was HUGE and so lovely.

The only thing I could sorta do to cope today was the affirmation - "I have peace in this moment." Just trying to focus on my breathing and in the very present moment and not all the nightmarish thoughts that keep circling round my head.

take care

Jan.

wow, Jan--you are a rich woman! Rich in that you have an enclave of fur creatures to help you cope---and an ocean that you can go to, to boot!
I so get what you feel about Ziggy. I actually had that kind of relationship with Jet, a cat I had for 16 years and who died 2 1/2 years ago. Ironically, after Jet died, Elliott assumed the role of creeping into bed next to me every night. Although I was grateful for his comfort I found myself more often than not bemoaning the fact that he wasn't Jet! now there's a source of serious guilt. Elliott was adorable in his own unique way, but half the time he was snuggling with me I was missing Jet! Now it's Elliott who is gone.....I miss them both. It's awful and empty......very hard to stay positive sometimes. My former philosophy for coping with animal loss, was that it opened up the space in my house for another unwanted animal to move in. I am in no way ready for that, but I know at some point, bringing home another unwanted kitty from the shelter will help to ease the pain.....but for now, I just have to let the crying jags take over when the come.
Take care of yourself,
warmly,
Mikki

Dear Mikki, what you are going through is completely normal! It feels like you did something wrong and no matter how you try, you can't fix it. Let the tears flow for as long as it takes, as they are healing tears.
We have all gone though it a few times and sadly to say, time is the best healer. The only thing that really helps is the tears you cry, and remembering the beautiful memories you shared. There is no time limit, as we each have our own and deal with it our own way. For some of us getting a new pet helps, but don't do that until you are ready. We lost our beloved Simba to heart trouble when he was only 5 and it broke our hearts. We missed him so badly, that we went to the SPCA, and after a couple of visits, looked into the eyes of a beautiful kitten and knew how much he needed us. It was hard in the beginning, as we felt guilty, but with a lot of help from the wonderful people on this site, I can't imagine life without him. My father says God sent us these wonderful creatures on loan to love and enjoy till their time here is finished. I know how much it hurts, but please take comfort in the time you had with him and the precious memories. Bless you.

Deb

you continue to shore up my emotional well-being and I so appreciate that. I actually had a split second today where I thought about Elliott and smiled (in between bawling and shouting his name). So, I know it will happen. Bed time is the worst time for me, that's when I really, really miss him and my other deceased kitty, Jet. It is wierd tho, my husband and I talked last night about how different the energy is in this house, his manic energy is just so ABSENT. Ugh....making myself all sad again. Thank you for being there.........M.

OMG Deb I love what your Dad told you: God sent us these wonderful creatures on loan to love and enjoy till their time here is finished.......that is so beautiful. And I am so glad to hear that you got another kitty. I like to think that my pets move on because they know (ahead of our knowing) that there is another animal that is in dire need of our home......so I will trust that I'll know when the time is right. Thank you for your support!
Mikki

Dearest Friend Mikki, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I can feel your great devastation because that's how I feel, too. Truly, I do feel you. Please let me try my best to help in at least some small way at this time then I can come back later to offer more. You may find this very helpful to you. Please click here: Coping With Pet Loss. I've found that knowing we're not alone and that our feelings are real, justified, validated, others understand and we aren't losing our minds ... I personally find that helpful when, like yourself, going through what must be just about the most gosh awful terrible difficult time in your life. My deepest condolences, Dear One.

I also find it comforting to know that your Elliott is not really gone. He's right there with you at this moment. If you're very still, you will be able to hear him whisper to you because a breath away's not far at all to where your precious Elliot is, Mikki. Let me try to explain what I'm saying and how I know that it is true. Yes, it is indeed the truth.







Mikki, please know that you and Elliot are in my thoughts and prayers as I wing many Angels to you for Comfort, Hope, Faith, Love and Peace!!!

Your Pal,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dearest Mikki, I also find it very comforting to know that your fur child Elliot sees you, Blesses you and knows that you Bless him, too!







More Comforting Hugs and Loving Angels to You and Your Fur Kid Elliot!!!

Your Pal,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi again, Mikki. Can you feel Elliot? Love like Elliot's is so very special and unique. That kind of love can touch you one time and last for a lifetime. There is some love that will not go away! And that's your beloved fur kid Elliot.







Big Hugs and Winging Many Angels to You and your Fur Kid Elliot!!!

Your Pal,
Dottie xoxoxox

Thank you, Dottie---i am at work today and having a hard time. I want to cry and yet i don't. I dread going home, too.......I couldn't sleep last night. I dreaded going to bed because that was mine and Elliott's 'special time'. it used to be mine and Jet's special time until 2.5 years ago when Jet died at the age of 16. And after he died, Elliott started coming in every night and curling up under my arm. and for the longest time I felt wistful that he wasn't Jet and now I feel very guilty about that. really guilty. I was just getting to the point where I was really appreciating and cherishing that Elliott had taken up where Jet had left off and now this.......thank you Dottie for hanging in there with me and sending your lovely songs and words of comfort. I sincerely appreciate it.
Mikki

Later, 8:00 pm
I actually managed to go several hours without crying. Of course, it's nighttime so it gets worse, when I'm home in the evening and Elliott would hang out. I feel this constant heaviness on my chest that is crushing. Where O' Where is my sweet little Elliott? I miss his solid, lean body and his intense eyes.

I love all the people that come to this site. It gives me hope that there is goodness in the world. I feel so sad......

Mikki- how are you doing today?

I was reading all these posts, and it is just so good to know that there are so many people out there that share the same love for cats/dogs as we do. My husband loves our pets, but I don't think he understands the extent to which I LOVE the pets. It's been 4 weeks today since my precious Ren kitty died, and it feels like a few days. I still remember the feeling of his body going from warm, to colder, to colder, to cold after he passed. Ren was a sphynx kitty so he was hairless. It's just every kind of emotion. I'll never forget that, his little body laying there becoming cold....... UGH that just makes me want to cry and cry.

I hate the thought of living the rest of my life without "seeing" him again. Why? Why does it have to be that way? I just don't know. I wish wish wish my poor kitty could have lived longer than 8 years. But, I have to be thankful for the 8 years he did have. I just still can't believe he is gone. Today is hard day.

Take Care,
Ren (4 weeks Rainbow Bridge), Zorro (2 1/2 months Rainbow Bridge), and Nemo(3 years Rainbow Bridge) Mom

I have the same sad memories. I thought my Ziggy was trying to throw up when she let out a distressed sound and backed up in her cage. I put my hand in and told her she had to try to keep her food in. But she was still and had stopped breathing.

Now I know that her bowel was severed and there was no way she could keep her food in - and the vet didn't bother to do the exploratory surgery necessary to find out, or even give that as an option. It could have been fixed - she could be alive. Why, why, why? She was a healthy cat, full of life and love and then senselessly shot - why? Why her, why at that moment, when she so rarely went away from the house? And why did I get that particular vet, when countless other vets would have done the right thing? My own vet couldn't believe what the other vet had overlooked. Why didn't I "get a feeling" about Ziggy being out of the house? Why didn't I ask the vet more questions? Why, why, why? I don't know. All I know that is no matter how many times I thrash this through my head, I can't "fix" it. I can't get Ziggy back. That's all I want, Ziggy. But I can't have her. She was only 5 years old, and was such a happy, healthy cat. None of it makes any sense except that some broken person decided that day to make an innocent creature suffer and make my life hell.

I had just moved the cat house and scratching post into my new office so Ziggy could be my "office partner". Zeus won't even come in the room, because it's where he saw her so sick for 5 days.

I have been through lots of difficult stuff these past couple of years, but this really breaks me up inside, and I don't know how to come out of it...

Jan.

Hi Nemo's Mom,
I''m sad to hear you are having a bad day today; I know that those painful feelings can creep up when least expected.....I had a little bit better day today.....sort-of.....I find that if I am distracted to some degree then I am okay.....coming home from work was a bit rough though. I walk past his grave---he and Jet are buried right next to each other next to the gate. I did that on purpose, I wanted to 'see' them every day when I left the house. I wish I could plant flowers on their graves but it will have to wait until Spring......your story made me think about holding Elliott's body while John dug a grave for him. He was still warm, but so very, very limp.....so unlike his usual wired self. That part was tough. I do miss him so much, I can't image it will ever go away, but I know from my experience with Jet that it becomes less devastating over time. Our home just doesn't feel whole without him.....do you have any other animals? Holding my other boys (tabby cat, Otis and my 2 dogs, Speck and Fletcher), can help relieve the pain. going to bed at night is the absolute worst, that's when I miss him the most...
Mikki

Oh Jan, your story is so, so heartbreaking. What is with people who hurt innocent animals? I read somewhere once that violence is a sign of extreme pain. Not that it helps you to know that, but it maybe explains why people behave so terribly. I hope you will be able to stop beating yourself up: how could you possibly have known the extent of his injuries? When my cat Arliss died 10 years ago (Jet's brother!), I was devastated. I had never lost anyone or anything that I loved and I was a complete mess. I would talk about him and cry to absolutely anyone who would listen to me.....I remember going to the book store and asking the clerk there to help me find a book on pet loss and I started crying. She was so lovely! Over time I realized that grief actually has an important place in my life: I became so much more sensitive to other people who were in pain. not that I was cold-hearted or anything, but grief has a way of softening people....that was my great epiphany, that was what I was able to 'get' from Arliss's death. It was awful, he was only 7 and such a sweet, sweet kitty. But I learned to reach out to other people which was something that was incredibly difficult for me. I learned that there is a world filled with some wonderfully kind and loving people. With Elliott's death, I didn't think twice about reaching out to others, which is why I found this website....so, Arliss's death had a purpose although I couldn't grasp it at the time. His passing also opened up a space in our home for me to bring home another unwanted cat from the shelter...I ended up choosing two: Otis and Elliott. So in a strange way Arliss leaving brought me to Elliott. Interesting to think of it that way......we will bring another cat into our home again, but not right away.
Take care, Jan and know that you are loved and supported.
Warmly,
Mikki

Hi, Mikki. I want to stop by, give you more Hugs and let you know I'm thinking about you!

More Big Comforting Hugs and Winging Many Loving Angels!!!

Your Pal Always,
Dottie xoxoxox