Hi All, Not sure where to post this or even if I should. But I need to vent a little I guess. Today I decided to stop by the PetCo store. They were having a feline rescue adotion program going on. Not that I was going to, just wanted to see how I felt about seeing some kitties. Didn't do well. Walked out of the store bawling, and continued all the way down Rt 114 in traffic. Missing my Arthur so BADLY!!. Well, I told Dave about it. He said (sarcasticlly) Did you start crying? Of course, I said. I said I guess I'm not ready yet. He shook his head. I said what does that mean, you don't want another cat? He said absolutely not, Arthur dying was too heartbreaking and I don't ever want to go thru that again. Not that it surprises me. Maybe in time he'll feel differently. I said there was a kitten there that reminded me of Arthur and he was all inquisitive about him.....Earlier in the day I noticed Piper had climbed the tree and gotten onto the garage roof and wouldn't come down. I'd hope she come down on her own. My 85 yr old Father who lives with me got up on the ladder, onto the roof and got her down. This is a man who trips on his own feet.(I left for work and didn't see it) He never wanted Piper and was pushing my brother to take her back. They didn't want her anymore and dumped her on us(like they do with a lot of their stuff) anyways, he's so convinced she got chased by a fox(one chased her up a tree last year)that now he wants to get rid of her too. I like the cat. I think she was curious about the gutters we had put on the other day. I don't want to leave her in the house all day, I don't want him climbing ladders, and most of all I don't want to get rid of her. I'm a cat lover that can't have or enjoy them without someone around me complaining. I'm just very distraught right now. No one around me is taking any consideration of how I'm feeling right now and it's pissing me off. I ALAWYS accomodate everyone even if I don't like it just to keep the peace. I'v always been that way. The minute I put my foot down I get crap from people. I really didn't need Piper's little episode today. She's not a smart cat and probably will do it again. Unless I tell him to get someone down here to cut the tree. Maybe I'll suggest that.. sorry people. I'm just so tired of being depressed and heartbroken and faking it all day. No resposnse needed just needed to vent a little(well alot)..Thanks.. Ann

Hey Ann-------Yep------even those close to you start to not "get it" and seemingly are able to move on.personally I have decided to not bring up the subject of my babies' passing to ANYONE anymore.It's useless AND the depression really does make one tired.So I say SCREW em all and carry your baby (literally,yes I AM NUTS) with you and start subtracting the days till you meet again at the BRIDGE.It is OUT of our hands.Keep to yourself as there is no human (except here on the forum) who will ever understand.Not to be morbid but start to accept and get comfortable with your own death.THAT is reality AND the only way to ever see our babies again.I'm not saying I want to go anytime soon but I am picking out luggage for when the train arrives sometime down the line.My weird thinking on this subject helps take a tiny bit of the indescribable grief away and gives me a realistic goal.All this B.S. is impermanent.you know stuff:houses,cars, clothes,bigger houses for more stuff,stereos,shoping mall-useless sales...........ALL IMPERMANENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When you finally see your baby again.....PERMANENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Bring PLENTY of Kitty litter.......your gonna be there awhile..................I hope my psychotic ranting helped-----Its how I cope---------PEACE and LIGHT...Bubba..........................

Hello Ann, I am sorry to hear what you are going through! ironically I am feeling the same way, i lost my titan a week ago he was very ill. Since then I feel the same profoundly sad, empty, confuse! , family and friends look at me thinking I am crazy!!! one of them said get another cat! What??? they are the crazy ones. They don't understand, they don't know about the special connection I had with my handsome Titan (DSH 10 yr). I personally feel sorry for them because that means they will never know what unconditional and pure love is. Love can not replace... My baby and your baby are in a beautiful place waiting to met us again, and what bubba said is right we will see our babies PERMANENTLY!!!!! So wait for that day patiently and god help us with the pain the we have.. God bless you guys

Ann,

Don't apologize for your feelings, or venting - that's what these forums are FOR! ('else we'd all go insane with grief and frustration!) I only stopped by for a minute today, but for what it's worth, my own 2 cents -- I'd be telling everyone in your family that OVER MY DEAD BODY will my other cat go anywhere, period! And too darn bad about whatever reaction they'd then throw my way (even if I had to "deal" with that, too, later on). I wouldn't be screaming this, but saying it more firmly than concrete, and looking them straight in their eyes.

Marisol,

I don't feel a whit sorry for those non-understanding types. I only feel sorry for the animals who suffer because of them, and we grievers who also suffer for their lack of compassion towards us. Some day they will have a loss themselves that feels like ours does, and when they do, THEN they might understand. If they then don't, they'd just better not ask ME for help. One fine day this view might change in me, but for now, it is what it is, and I'm accepting that, even if no one else does.

Hi ann and bubba!

Today is one more day missing my baby Titanito and I know is the same for you guys... I don't want to watch tv, no music , nogoing anywhere. I work at the local animal shelter now is been 10 years and i can say the pain and frustration has been ac%%ulated for over the years. Of course there are happy stories but also many others of neglect and abuse where I just don't get how people can be so insensitive and cruel. Everyday I have to find the strength to comfort others that are grieving over the lost of their babies, and ironically I am suffering the lost of my baby at the same time. By the way Titan was rescued when he was 4 weeks old abandoned in a cardboard box in the street.
We are lucky to have found a place like this were we can share our pain and we are supported..

love

Not to sound like a broken record(or Ipod as it were) But dare I say Sunday Sept. 21st-08 is almost over and We are ALL one step closer to the BRIDGE.GOD BLESS ALL OUR BABIES WHO ARE PATIENTLY WAITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BUBBA........................

You got it!!!!!! You are right ...today is one more day closer to the time to see my baby again...Thank you for your support

love

Mariso, you are an angel if you can work in a shelter---there is a shelter less than a mile down the road from me and I've thought so many times about volunteering, but I am afraid it will just break me......bless you for doing your part to help those who cannot help themselves. And I am sorry for your loss. I feel so fortunate to have found this sight, not sure I could go on if I didn't have a place to 'go' where others would understand.
Warmly,
Mikki

Hey Guys, Thanks for the support. No Piper isn't going anywhere. I let people walk all over me alot, but not when it comes to any precious animals I have. (even if she does bite) Poor cat had a very neglected up bringing. She's not too sure of the attetion she's getting, but I think she likes it. I do keep quiet about my feelings too. It's useless to talk to anyone. Except here. My bond with Arthur was strong for the short time I had with hiim. Dave was talking about the landlord's dog and how he is controlling thier lives. I think he was making a jab at me. Truth is I did let Arthur rule my life and I LOVED IT!..so be it. I got some of his fur after he passed, don't ask me why, but today I actually plucked the fur on the brush at the bottom of the va%% cleaner. Somehow in the back of my mind there's a crazy person thinking if I find enough fur I can peice him back together again. We all know death is a part of life, but we also know it's really hard to let go sometimes.. Hugs to all .. Ann

I know what you mean Ann - when I was told after Ziggy's post mortem that she could have been saved if her bowel had been stitched I had this weird useless hope! Like she could be saved! But of course it made no difference because she was already dead. But I do understand the strange and seemingly irrational thoughts we have of bringing them back to us.

I know that people just don't understand and frankly I'm just not talking with some people right now - I'm sick of sounding like a broken record with my grief. Some people can move more quickly through it than others, I don't know why.

Jan.

Yes - it's all impermanent, and most of it not so important. It's finding oneness in our souls and our sense of unity in the face of conflict that is the only thing that "feels right" to me at this time. Who cares about the "stuff" part of everything. That stuff doesn't connect us to those in spirit. More on this later. Putting my thoughts together as this kind of grieving tends to have me rethinking my beliefs and philosophies...

Jan.

Hello Jan.. I'm also no talking to certain people and actually I am avoiding them because I know they do not understand what I am feeling ...They don't understand how important is my baby Titan for me!!
Some days I am just trying to function, some others I am angry at myself...

But I have hope the I will see my baby again at the other side of the rainbow....

God bless and sorry for your loss

Hi Marisol, I need some advise. I been seriously thinking of volunteering at my local shelter. I went down there today, but they were closed. They have an orientation meeting Sept 24. I'm so torn. I don't want to committe myself and find I'll be an emotional wreck. Arthur was my first adoptee at a shelter. My heart was torn to pieces seeing all those adorable faces just wanting to be loved. I thought if I changed my mind set and think that, that is their home, that's all they know, I'll be alright with it. The only way I can have another cat right now is if it's at Dave's and he said absolutely not. He's so heartbroken. He never wants to go thru that again. Then I think, what if I fall in love with one and it gets adopted! I need cats, I want cats. I thought this might be good, rewarding, fullfilling. I'm afraid it will be bad, heartbreaking, disappointing. I have a lot of time b4 work now and I just want to do something meaningful. I'm contimplating on going back tomorrow and ask when the next meeting is to buy me some time, yet I don't want it to be 6mo from now. By the way, how inconsiderate of me, I should have started this with that I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I know oh so much how your feeling. I've cried every day since June 7th. I can't get into anything, tv, sports, shopping, I hate listening to music and it hurts really bad just to smile at someone. No one really understands unless they lost a pet themselves. To me (dreadful to say) it hurts more than losing a human friend/relative. Anyways, I might hold off until I feel more stable, but I really would like your input.. Thanks.. Ann

I did not visit shelters when I was "hiring". I could not do it. Here is why:

Several years ago, we went out to the Sturbridge area because my wife was entering her car in a concourse the Jaguar Association of New England was having. (Her Big White Coventry Cat). Yes, she won a trophy.

However, at the hotel was ANOTHER "Cat" show, and of course, we visited. There were many up for adoption. There was a depressed calico there, just sitting in the cage, with her head hanging down, utterly depressed. At the time, we had four cats, several of whom did not get along, and there was no way we could take her.
I have never been able to stop thinking of her.
Did she finally get a happy home?
Or did they kill her because I could not rescue her?

I think if I volunteered in a cat shelter, I would probably become suicidal.

As to callous people wo are indifferent to losses or feelings...I solved that years ago.
I reached an age and a point in my life where my patience with human folly was GONE.
And so are these people from my life, relatives or not. Gone.
I can truthfully say there is no one in my life who does not love animals.
They are not worth knowing, I do not miss them, and my life is better for it.
Literally, to Hell with them.

Well said.
Bubba.................

Jon, I just have to quickly say a big THANK YOU for telling us that second part especially. I, too, have divorced myself from so many uncaring types, and while I wish I could say I've exchanged them for as many caring ones, I can't. I've really only picked up two new friends who care the same way I do, so it IS lonely, even though, like you, I don't miss these particular people. But I'm still with you on the "to hell with them" idea, regardless, and it's just good to know someone else has done the same thing and is sticking to their guns about it.

On the up-side, I'm making more FELINE girlfriends every few months, and they're way more fun than these other people were anyway!

I too find as I get older, distancing myself from certain people. Anyways, here's my shelte story. Arthur was my first shelter baby. Others I've had were strays. I never walked into one b4 getting him. Every set of eyes looking thru those steel bars ripped my heart out. I thought about each and every one of them for weeks. I always wanted to volunteer but that did it for me. Now I just feel desperate, trying so hard to fill a void. Like I said b4 I'm never home and I'd have to deal with my aging father who feels he has enough with Piper. Dave said no more cats, his heart is shattered and he said he can never go thru that(putting one down) again. I'm hoping when more time passes he will change his mind. So, the orientation meeting was tonight. I stopped by the shelter first, just to get a feel for things. It's only 1 hr a week and it's mostly housework duties. I put in my mind that these cats are happy, safe, comfortable. This is for some all they know, this is thier home. I walked in (never been in that one b4 and it's in my hometown) very small. Cats everywhere (14 that I saw) some in cages mostly the kittens, others in the window, on the desk, on the floor playing with toys. A very good setting. I was not expecting it. The next meeting (and you have to go in order to join) is in a couple of mos. I did not go, I work nighs. ( I could have called in sick but felt I needed more time to think about it)1 big fluffy orange cat sat in his cage and watch as 2 woman petted the others. His eyes, so jealous, like hey, what about me. I opened his cage(it was ok to do so) and petted him for the longest time. That tugged at my heart a little. Then the "mascot" Handsome, well, he just wants to be held by everyone. I held him for 15min. He stays, one of the workers owns him and he is off limits. She said people come in just to get a hug from him. How cute is that. However, I fought back the tears the whole time I was there. This time it's just from missing my Arthur so much. That's where my problem is. I'll see how I feel in a couple of mos. but at least I know where to go if I ever need a cat hug. Ann

There are, what..8 billion humans on Earth? How many of them would you like to have in your home, after reading a History book?
The ONLY unconditional love you will really get is from an animal. We only dream of getting that from a human. If the people around you could unconditionally love you, they would not put conditions on whether or not you could have an animal friend.

Let's think back to everyone we have known. Have you EVER met someone who said they hated dogs or cats, who did not eventually reveal defects in personality or character?

And animals can read human character-Maybe this is why bad people hate them.
Two years ago, a businessman wanted to buy the rights to an invention of mine. He flew up here for the meeting. Molly, the feral-born ghost cat did not like strangers, and was rarely seen by my friends.
So..the business man was sitting in my living room as we were discussing the purchase. I of course was being cautious and had the normal reservations. Molly came out, and climbed up on the couch and curled up in his lap.
SOLD. And the deal has worked out very well for both parties.

So, as to not replacing the haters with good people....Well, Quality trumps Quantity.

Want proof? Pretend you are Jane Goodall, examining a tribe of lower primates.
Now, observe a singles club at Closing Time.
QED.

Hi Jon, great &%^ogy and so true. Yes, it's that unconditonal love they give that's so darn special. A little scratch behind the ear and you've made a friend for life. They never judge, or speak down to you, or stab than infamous knife in your back the minute you turn around. I like the idea of less humans in the house and more animals. I still have several people ask me if I've gotten or am getting another cat. I have explained over and over why not at this time. I sometimes think they just want to get a rise out of me. Next time I'm just going to say I don't want another cat, I want my Arthur back. That should shut them up, unless, they are truely rude and have something to say to that. I really hope Dave can bend. One of the few humans I love dearly. He lost his little buddy and his Dad in a 2mo span, so I don't want to push. I now have Piper and she's a good cat, but she's not filling the void I need. I am growing fond of her though. I wish she was more affectionate. I think that's 'cuz of her upbringing in my brother's family, they didn't pay any attention to her. Losing him has hit me harder than I antisipated..Ann

Ann,

Yah, I know the feeling, Ann. Too many people, deep down, think of all these precious animals as nothing more than 'playthings', objects for their amusement and convenience, and nothing more. They get them to fill a void in themselves, but these types of people don't even know what void they're trying to fill, they're such shallow thinkers/feelers. So they can't even begin to comprehend how wrong they are about animals, nor how deeply the absence of our beloveds affects us. To them, it's just a matter of trading one generic creature for another one who's.....no, strike that, in their minds, THAT (in keeping with their notion that animals are "its"/objects) is some kind of carbon copy of any other. It's pointless even trying to help them understand what these deep and meaningful connections mean. They're too shallow to ever care about what they've been missing out on.

Your potential answer may be a good one to try (and let us know if it actually works!), although I suspect some of these types of people might even come back with some trite remark they think will help bring you back to life in a jiff, like, "Well, everything dies eventually, and life has to go on!"......as if that's going to make you fall down and kiss their very feet with the sage 'wisdom' spewing out of their ridiculous pie-holes.

As for Piper, it might be that she's (only) living up to the potential of what everyone has thought about her (no matter the initial cause) and can't surpass such entrenched thinking without a little help. I've always practiced a different way of relating to animals that seems to really make a difference in how they ARE with me. I always allow them the opportunity to delightfully surprise me with how smart, wise, quick, loving (fill in the blank with whatever you like) they can be. And when I've forgotten this approach and fallen back into mundane thinking, then, often instantly upon "changing my mind" about them, they'll rise to the the occasion/chance and make it obvious that I was the one really holding them back....with my thoughts about them! This isn't to say they'll all be exactly how you want them to be (and that would be pretty selfish of us anyway), but that whatever potential they have in their earthly personalities and bodies will be given an energetic route to come forth and shine into being. I've proved this theory to myself on many occasions, and it hasn't failed yet, on the whole.

For example, one of my feline girlfriends seemed, upon first impressions, to not be terribly swift in picking up on games I presented to her. This went on for some time until I suddenly remembered again (in grief, I'd forgotten this lesson) that maybe it was MY thoughts limiting her potential. So I changed my mind on the spot, instead thinking & truly believing "You can DO IT! I KNOW you can!" And I kid you not, within one minute of me changing my mind about her, she began not only easily picking up on the game at hand but THEN even started initiating games that me and my (terribly smart! ) own kidlets used to play! So, in the space of a few short minutes, she was suddenly a whiz at games! And this was the mindset I'd had about my own kids from the start - basically, a "show me what you can do and BE!" atti*tude, and they certainly didn't 'disappoint'! I've done this with quite a few cats, all with good improvements. So far, it's only when I can't get out of my own way, like if I can't get past a fear or something, that it doesn't work. As I've said many times before, they are total MIRRORS of what needs addressing in ourselves, and they're MASTERS at it.

Plus, on a strictly earthly-based scale, dynamics most often change, and sometimes dramatically, when one family member is no longer around, so give Piper a chance to possibly come into her fullness based on that alone, if nothing else. You could try giving to HER what you'd like to see her become, and see what happens. Despite our already ever-loving relationship since first bloom, Nissa not only came MORE into her own, unique and inherent beingness when her brother left us, but she added much more than ever before as well. And this became the proverbial Silver Lining of having lost our fur-son at too young an age. If that hadn't happened, and in that order, I likely never would have seen her blossom the exact way she did. And that was also one of the biggest things that got me through Sabin's death and something I absolutely HAD to count as a total blessing.

Jon,

You so wisely noted:

QUOTE

Have you EVER met someone who said they hated dogs or cats, who did not eventually reveal defects in personality or character?

Short answer - NO. Longer answer - I just had another experience of this myself. A friend of several decades, who doesn't exactly "hate" cats but is terrified of them, revealed, in spades, how truly messed up she is on a deep, deep level when we spent, I'll now say, WAY TOO MUCH time with her all at once. To add a form of insult to injury, she also revealed her totally 'shouldy' nature by telling me I "should" just "put down all of those CAT books" (as if this is something requiring contempt for) and read some work of fiction she liked, instead & for a change.....as if reading this one, stupid book would rock my world and I'd see the error of my foolish ways of following my own heart. Needless to say, she's become another write-off to add to the rapidly growing dung pile.

On the down-side of all this necessary-to-mental-health culling, if my world shrinks any more, I might just wink right out of existence! There really is no one left to hold me up anymore when times get, or rather, remain tough, and I still can't find any real point in me being in this world anymore. When you're just not NEEDED by anyone, and no one values what you ARE, what's the point in anything? Pretty much everybody I'd (willingly, at the time) gone out of my way to help, even when I was so terribly down myself, ended up abandoning me as soon as I was in need of some care back. I can sit and say they're the real "losers", but at the same time they helped ME feel like one, too, by not being worth their time to support. Their needs always superseded mine, no matter how serious my situation was compared to theirs.

And like Ann, I really only want my own kids back and there's just no arguing with that feeling - and still not even ready for that whole scenario yet, regardless. The only ones who truly value what I have to give are 3 of my feline girlfriends, 2 of whom I rarely even get to see now, and the other being new around here....unless she'll end up helping me more than I can even fathom at this point. My world is just so very empty now. no matter how I try and fill it back up with other pursuits.

Thanks for the response. The empitness is killing me too. Even though I have humans in my life to love and be with, I don't know, there is something different about having a pet so dependant on you. It's too special to lose, I guess. Piper does show her smarts from time to time. The "games" reminded me, she likes to play hide and seek. As tired as I am when I get home from work, I find myself hiding behind the shower curtain. Next day, she beats me to it. The whole reason for joining a shelter voulenteer program is to hopefully fill in some of that emptiness. I have a lot of time b4 work and really want to do something good with it. The cats benifit from it and I will too. I hope. I have to attend a meeting first and that won't be 'til end of Nov. I don't know, see what happens. Hang in there Furkidlets Mom.. Ann