Full Version: My Baby Kitana-kidney Failure-just Passed Away Yesterday
This is SO incredibly painful and people just don't understand. "It's just a cat,"they say. Kitana was my baby and the best family member I've ever had. She was my beloved companion for four years. I didn't recognize the signs of her kidney failure until it was too late. She started urinating on the floor recently and I thought she was just having behavioral issues. She would always drink from the sink and toilet. I thought she was just being a cat. I read last night that CRF can be triggered by just feeding your cat dry food-which I did most of the time. All of the sudden she wasn't even able to walk straight and became emaciated looking and dehydrated beyond comprehension. It happened within a blink of an eye. I rushed her to the VET Thursday night and she became progressively worse. By the next day she couldn't even move. I didn't know what was wrong with her until Saturday morning. They told me that her condition was irreversible and she wasn't responding to fluids. I held her in my arms. She couldn't even move. I continued to pet her and told her that she could "go." I swear I felt her leave her body even before the vet gave her the euthenasia shot. I can't stop crying. This hurts far worse than anything I've ever felt before. My stomach churns every time I think of her. I feel so guilty. I wish I had known the symptoms of CRF before and fed her wet food and took her to the VET sooner. I read that most cats with CRF can have prolonged lives if you give them hydrotherapy and wet food. DAMNIT! If I had only known this I would have done everything in my power to heal her. I buried her yesterday in a very special place and brought flowers today. I know it sounds pathetic but I even wrote her a letter. My life will never be the same without her. I miss her so much.
Hi, Missing Kitana, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Kitana. Losing a beloved furchild is never easy, no matter what the cir%%stances are or how long we have been blessed with their company. MK, you did the very best for your furbaby with the information you knew at the time. We never ever want to think that our furkids are ill, and they are masters at disguising their symptoms until they are usually in a crisis - - it's part of their inherited survival behaviors from their wild ancestors and cousins. Just as soon as you realized that something was amiss with your precious Kitana you did exactly what you would have done if you had known earlier - -you took her to the vet. So, you were not derelict in her care. I have walked the path you are now walking with a furbaby kitty I had several years ago, and I do understand the guilt you are feeling now. Guilt is part of the grief journey that EVERYONE goes through, MK. The "if only's" and "why didn't I's" are the reciminations we impose on ourselves with the benefit of hindsight because we do not have the wisdom of foresight. MK, Kitana knows that you love her very much and would have moved heaven and earth to keep her safe, healthy, and happy in her journey with you on this side of eternity. But unfortunately our furbabies also have mortal physical bodies that eventually suc%%b to the same fate of our physical bodies, and sorrowfully there is nothing we can do to change that. The good news is that Kitana is happy and healed and playing with the angels in heaven's perfect garden until it is your appropriate time to rejoin her and assume your rightful place in eternal joy. But knowing this does not comfort your breaking heart right now that is longing to hold her one more time, to run your fingers through her fur, to whisper in her ear "I Love You." We never have enough time with our furbabies on this side of eternity for we will always want just one more minute, one more hour, one more day, one more life time with them. MK, you did the very best for your Kitana by releasing her from her failing, painful physical body - - at great sacrifice to you - - and she loves you very much for your unselfish devotion to her. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey that cannot be rushed, but one that you will not have to travel alone. Each of us here knows first hand the deepest sorrowful grief our hearts can bear in the loss of a beloved fur or feathered child, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. MK, please do not blame yourself for what happened with Kitana. We do the best we can for our babies with the information we have at hand at the time. We are not all-knowing, but we are all loving to them, and that is all they ask of us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, MK, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
I am so very sorry about Kitana. It kind of reminds me of my emergency visit with my Little Guy when I lost him all of a sudden.
It is so intensely painful and heartbreaking.
Don't feel guilty. You did the best you could at the time. I don't believe there is a cure for CRF. I also believe that the only explanation for this cruel trick life plays on us and our best friends is that when it is their time to leave us...we cannot prevent it. The matter is out of our control. If they were meant to be with us longer then we would have been lead to the knowledge that would enable them to be with us longer. Perhaps whatever plays this cruel trick on us wants us to feel guilty in additiion to the overwhelming grief.
That's why I did come up with the only explanation that made sense. It was not meant to be ...when it is their time. If we are lucky, we are allowed years (never enough) of joy with them in our lives.
Writing Kitana a letter is not "pathetic". It is a beautiful expression of love. Many times many of us write a letter in our topic..to our best friend...it helps to say what we feel. This is a place to write about your thoughts and feelings. We all feel the same pain and understand exactly how you feel. That is how you know when you are here...you are never alone.
I saw the pictures you posted of your baby and she has such a sweet face..makes one want to give her a little kiss right on the tip of that tiny nose.
I'm sorry for the horrible experience the two of you went through. My experience was just as horrible for me and my Little Guy.
This is the time for the most intense pain that we try to get rid of through tears until we are exhausted. That is a good thing to do.
So post here anytime and maybe you will feel like telling us some stories of Kitana and your time with her..when it was good and not sad. Post more pictures in her topic here as we never tire of pictures. We never tire of looking into all these babies beautiful eyes and see the love there.
I wish you peace and healing and it really takes time. It is a pain we never forget but then I remember what one Mom here said:
The pain of losing her will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing her.
Hugs....we do love them and miss them forever . Again, I am so sorry for your loss. We can't really do anything when life decides not to be fair.
Judy
By the way "just a cat" are forbidden words here. We don't accept that thinking. People who think like that are incapable of helping us with our grief.
It is so intensely painful and heartbreaking.
Don't feel guilty. You did the best you could at the time. I don't believe there is a cure for CRF. I also believe that the only explanation for this cruel trick life plays on us and our best friends is that when it is their time to leave us...we cannot prevent it. The matter is out of our control. If they were meant to be with us longer then we would have been lead to the knowledge that would enable them to be with us longer. Perhaps whatever plays this cruel trick on us wants us to feel guilty in additiion to the overwhelming grief.
That's why I did come up with the only explanation that made sense. It was not meant to be ...when it is their time. If we are lucky, we are allowed years (never enough) of joy with them in our lives.
Writing Kitana a letter is not "pathetic". It is a beautiful expression of love. Many times many of us write a letter in our topic..to our best friend...it helps to say what we feel. This is a place to write about your thoughts and feelings. We all feel the same pain and understand exactly how you feel. That is how you know when you are here...you are never alone.
I saw the pictures you posted of your baby and she has such a sweet face..makes one want to give her a little kiss right on the tip of that tiny nose.
I'm sorry for the horrible experience the two of you went through. My experience was just as horrible for me and my Little Guy.
This is the time for the most intense pain that we try to get rid of through tears until we are exhausted. That is a good thing to do.
So post here anytime and maybe you will feel like telling us some stories of Kitana and your time with her..when it was good and not sad. Post more pictures in her topic here as we never tire of pictures. We never tire of looking into all these babies beautiful eyes and see the love there.
I wish you peace and healing and it really takes time. It is a pain we never forget but then I remember what one Mom here said:
The pain of losing her will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing her.
Hugs....we do love them and miss them forever . Again, I am so sorry for your loss. We can't really do anything when life decides not to be fair.
Judy
By the way "just a cat" are forbidden words here. We don't accept that thinking. People who think like that are incapable of helping us with our grief.
QUOTE (jackjackbojack @ Sep 7 2008, 11:43 PM) 
Hi there
Believe me I understand your pain. I lost a kitty to kidney disease nine years ago. We took her to water treatments for almost two years. We did have some extra time. She also had FIV. Her bladder was giving out. And she was only about 14. I didnt know the day I went to work, it would be her last day. I knew she was sick, but I didnt think the vet would say it was time. Well, I came home and found her. She couldnt do much because she was so week. We took her to the vet and I said good bye. I cried for months. And I just felt a part of me died too. I went to work and my boss said its just a cat. Well, that was my last day too. My cat had more to offer than that jerk. I always thought I would know the signs of kidney disease if it happened to my other babies.
I went to a vet that in the beginning was really a pretty good guy. but he developed deep pockets and a love for money. I wish I had seen this. I took Rassy cat in and had some blood work run. He said his blood levels were a little high. I started crying and said is he going to to die, does he need treatment, The monster said no to each. Rassy started going downhill. We thought it was old age and he was 18.5 yrs. Rassy always drank lots of water and loved to play in the bathtub or the shower etc. It was almost a year ago at this time, things happened. Rassy got sick. And I had had him in and out of this vet. Surely the monster should have been able to tell if he was dehydrated. Well like you, I have guilt. If only I had known, I believe my Rassy would have still been with me a little longer. The monster vet cut his life short. I took him to the er on Oct 18. I begged the er vet to make him well. He said it was time. I cried all the way home. My husband was out of town. so I endured the pain. And the clothes I wore that night, I put away and have not put them on since. After that, Howard and Mew both had kidney disease too. I noticed the signs. We had switched vets. This guy did all he could for them. Mew stopped eating, I had to force feed her. And Howard was grieving himself over Rassy. We learned how to do sub q fluids...but I learned when an animal is ready to go, no matter what, its the hardest thing ever to have to do. Again my husband was out of town. I cried and then just cried for all my babies.
I know as you look back you hear the words if only should have and could have....and no matter what, you will feel as though you should have....but, I have learned it doesnt do any good. It just makes the hurt hurt more. I continue to wonder will there ever be a time, I can look back and not burst into tears. I dont know. I did find a book that helped a lot. Its called animals and the afterlife. After reading it, I admit I begin to feel as though I could accept Rassy's death. The guilt has lessened some. But, I just havent been able to let it all go. And like you, I just wish I could go back and have a do over.
Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself....You did the best you knew how to do at the time. The love we share is deep and I believe they come here to teach us about unconditional love. They choose us: we don't choose them. And as I look back, I think to myself, what kind of person have I become from sharing my life with so many wonderful babies.
Joanne
Believe me I understand your pain. I lost a kitty to kidney disease nine years ago. We took her to water treatments for almost two years. We did have some extra time. She also had FIV. Her bladder was giving out. And she was only about 14. I didnt know the day I went to work, it would be her last day. I knew she was sick, but I didnt think the vet would say it was time. Well, I came home and found her. She couldnt do much because she was so week. We took her to the vet and I said good bye. I cried for months. And I just felt a part of me died too. I went to work and my boss said its just a cat. Well, that was my last day too. My cat had more to offer than that jerk. I always thought I would know the signs of kidney disease if it happened to my other babies.
I went to a vet that in the beginning was really a pretty good guy. but he developed deep pockets and a love for money. I wish I had seen this. I took Rassy cat in and had some blood work run. He said his blood levels were a little high. I started crying and said is he going to to die, does he need treatment, The monster said no to each. Rassy started going downhill. We thought it was old age and he was 18.5 yrs. Rassy always drank lots of water and loved to play in the bathtub or the shower etc. It was almost a year ago at this time, things happened. Rassy got sick. And I had had him in and out of this vet. Surely the monster should have been able to tell if he was dehydrated. Well like you, I have guilt. If only I had known, I believe my Rassy would have still been with me a little longer. The monster vet cut his life short. I took him to the er on Oct 18. I begged the er vet to make him well. He said it was time. I cried all the way home. My husband was out of town. so I endured the pain. And the clothes I wore that night, I put away and have not put them on since. After that, Howard and Mew both had kidney disease too. I noticed the signs. We had switched vets. This guy did all he could for them. Mew stopped eating, I had to force feed her. And Howard was grieving himself over Rassy. We learned how to do sub q fluids...but I learned when an animal is ready to go, no matter what, its the hardest thing ever to have to do. Again my husband was out of town. I cried and then just cried for all my babies.
I know as you look back you hear the words if only should have and could have....and no matter what, you will feel as though you should have....but, I have learned it doesnt do any good. It just makes the hurt hurt more. I continue to wonder will there ever be a time, I can look back and not burst into tears. I dont know. I did find a book that helped a lot. Its called animals and the afterlife. After reading it, I admit I begin to feel as though I could accept Rassy's death. The guilt has lessened some. But, I just havent been able to let it all go. And like you, I just wish I could go back and have a do over.
Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself....You did the best you knew how to do at the time. The love we share is deep and I believe they come here to teach us about unconditional love. They choose us: we don't choose them. And as I look back, I think to myself, what kind of person have I become from sharing my life with so many wonderful babies.
Joanne
Hi MissingKitana, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Heaven got real beauty! I didn't now about the wet/dry food thing. We'll have to keep that in mind for the next time. Kitana wasn't just "a cat" she was your child. Please don't feel guilty, you didn't know. Maybe it was something developing for awhile and food had nothing to do with it. It truely sucks to loose them at a young age. Mine was only 2. The guilt will ease with time. Today is the 3mo mark for me and I still feel guilty about not pushing to save him. Arthur got hurt and it caused severe internel injuries. I started something new with myselft today, if I can't get the "guilt" out of my mind then I'll concetrate of what kind of a life he would have had it he'd survived. I don't like what I see, it is starting to work. I know your situation is different, but like others have said it goes with the whole grieving process. I truely hope you can focus on happy memories. The emptiness is devestating. Please post often. We all understand. She wasn't just "a cat" to any of us here either. Hugs.. Ann
Thank you so much for all your responses. Ann, it WAS my boss who said she was "just a cat" to me yesterday when I had to work and all I could think about was Kitana. I was surprised b/c he has several furkids of his own. I am sorry for your loss, Joanne. Instead of not wearing the clothes that I wore when she died in my arms I have been wearing them everyday. I won't be able to do that for much longer. The vet that I took her to in the ER was such an ass-obviously not a kitty person. I won't be taking any other furkids to him again. I really appreciate your support-it's just what I needed. Kitana left such a void that I rushed out and adopted another kitten-which I also feel guilty about but hopefully that guilt will go away soon. I have found that I was hoping that this kitten would be just like Kitana but he's not. However, he's adorable. I'm hoping that by focusing on my new furkid some of the pain will be alleviated. Right now whenever I hold him all I want is Kitana to jump back up on my bed. I will check out that book you mentioned, Joanne. Thanks for the recommendation.
I took the day off to mourn so that I could let out a lot of tears when I'm not at work. I have felt like God has a vendetta out for me lately and taking Kitana was the worst. I know that time will pass and I will feel better eventually. But for now everytime somebody mentions her name I start pouring a waterfall of tears. I can't tell you all how much your support means to me.
Thank you, Moon Beam, Judy, and Ann. I hope that all of us really do get to see our furkids in Heaven.
I took the day off to mourn so that I could let out a lot of tears when I'm not at work. I have felt like God has a vendetta out for me lately and taking Kitana was the worst. I know that time will pass and I will feel better eventually. But for now everytime somebody mentions her name I start pouring a waterfall of tears. I can't tell you all how much your support means to me.
Thank you, Moon Beam, Judy, and Ann. I hope that all of us really do get to see our furkids in Heaven.
P.S. ALL of your Furkids are so adorable!!!
Thank you Joanne for your insight. That's so sweet that Rassy dropped in on you.
I hope Kitana visits me too.
I hope Kitana visits me too.
Please accept my deepest condolences for the loss of your most precious fur baby Kitana. My Gosh, she is so Beautiful!!! Also please forgive me for not being able to talk to you more at this time as tears stream down my face because that which happened to your most cherished fur child reminds me so much of my great battle to save Cocoa kitty's life since I first got him at age 3 months and finally lost him at age 15 years. It was worth every moment! I promise to come back again to talk more about your darling Kitana fur baby.
I at least wish so much to gift you with an enhanced, framed photo of your baby. I lightened, brightened, sharpened, used contrast, saturation, hue, and other features to do the best I could.
God Bless You and Your Precious Fur Child Kitana Most Abundantly!!!
Winging Many Angels and Hugs to You and Your Fur Child Kitana for Comfort, Peace, Love and Hope!!!
Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
I at least wish so much to gift you with an enhanced, framed photo of your baby. I lightened, brightened, sharpened, used contrast, saturation, hue, and other features to do the best I could.
God Bless You and Your Precious Fur Child Kitana Most Abundantly!!!
Winging Many Angels and Hugs to You and Your Fur Child Kitana for Comfort, Peace, Love and Hope!!!
Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
QUOTE (jackjackbojack @ Sep 9 2008, 10:53 PM)
she will. One book that helped me alot was animals and the afterlife. I learned about signs etc. One day when I thought I had finally reached rock bottom, I found the first whisker. How could this be...after rassy died, I had washed the floors etc. and yet after that crying episode, I was walking up the stairs and found the whisker. The same thing happened again just a short time ago. I learned about signs and what to watch for. I use to take a picture of Rassy and hold it in my hands when I was in bed. I would think to myself, he is in bed with me like he always did...only his form is different. Many people here have had like experiences too. I believe, our babies never really leave us.....Love is eternal.
Concentrate on your baby. Pick up a copy of that book too. I truly believe that there is something to be said about spirituality and the soul.....
take care
Joanne
Concentrate on your baby. Pick up a copy of that book too. I truly believe that there is something to be said about spirituality and the soul.....
take care
Joanne
Hi missingkitana, Just a quick note to wish you luck with your new kitty. I thought about it myself, but I still feel I need a little more time. Just accept him for who he is, the bond will come. When I got Arthur I tried to do things I use to do with my other cat I had. Some worked and brought back a lot of memories, but in the end I just fell in love with HIM. However when I did hold him(I hope he's not listenig) I did think about about my past cats sometimes and "feeling them" too.. Hugs. Ann
Hi missingKitana----My baby boy left last wednesday.It broke me apart to read your story.Seems like their are ALOT of us who view these beautiful babies in a higher regard than just 'cats and dogs'.......I guess we are going to have one heck of a party at the Bridge.......I'm hangin on for dear life.......Every day we are one day closer to forever with the kids.My impatient nature gives me anxiety but the good news is the older you get(I just turned 53 )time grants you the illusion of it going by quicker.......I'm a little cracked about my boy's death. I hope my words help--------your furbaby friend------Bubba.....
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.