After responding to AngelCareOne's reply to my post tonight, it brought something up I wanted to put out there as a question. After a certain point of healing, I really relish having memories of my kitty. I notice that when someone dies, pet or human, that the other people in your lives don't often refer to the lost loved one. I think then, the loss feels even more permanent. Today my mom brought up a memory of the day I saw my Pushkin for the first time. My mom first noticed Pushkin (as a kitten). Pushkin was this little furry white kitty. When I picked her up, Pushhkin just dug her claws into me. My mom really thought she was cute, but I was so hesitant thinking that I really might like a nice black and white kitty. I decided to go with what my mom liked. Funny thing was that Pushkin ended up only really liking me, and wasn't very nice to my mom (or really anyone else)!

The point being, that I absolutely love these moments. It allows me to enjoy my happy memories. I think people don't want to bring up the lost loved one, thinking it will give you pain. When in actuality, it often brings you joy.

What do you think?

Dearest Beth, I know this is a very tall order but please try to forgive them because they actually believe that, in your time of devastating grief, them bringing up a "happy memory" will help you. No, it does not. While grieving so tremendously, those "happy memories" only serve to as very hurtful reminders of what you no longer have.

Beth, I have many, many websites regarding that phenomenon as well as many others including actual case histories. Please, I don't mean to "insult your intelligence" but a case history is a true account told by a real person experiencing the trauma.

Do I have your permission to send you the Links to these Websites at least in PM? The very, very best one was written by a female Doctor who actually realizes, knows, and understands why the death of a most cherishes fur kid or feather kid can even be far more traumatic and hard to get over, take much longer to get over than that of a parent, spouse, best friend of even sibling.

Maybe if you read through these actual accounts as well as the explanations from well renowned physicians, you can show them to those who think: A. This happy memory should help. B. It was just a cat, just a dog, just a bird for pity's sake. There are millions more out there like them so just go get another. Pull yourself up by the boot straps and get over this! And I could go on and on and on ...

IF and that is IF these are loved ones who care so much about you and will take the time to just glimpse the best parts of those Websites I send you ... Oh, Beth. I'm so sorry but I have to stop now as I cannot see the screen through my tears for you and you loss. I am so sorry, so very sorry!!!

Please do respond to me on this thread or in PM? Please? God Bless!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Ut Oh! Beth, I misread and misunderstood your post. My deepest apologies and I feel so gosh awful embarrassed. Oy! Hon, all those things are Wonderful!!! You're getting past the grief, loving the happy memories and ready for a new fur baby!!! Yay!!!

I'm so sorry that I misunderstood what you said, Dear One! This is indeed terrific news and there is a fur baby out there waiting just for you!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Thanks Dottie! I appreciate you concern . The first week of my loss, I would have definitely been overwhelmed by happy memories. Thank you for seeing that I now in a much better place.

I posted on the New Beginnings area an interesting thing that happened while my poor kitty was so sick. I had been feeding my kitty canned food and the smell of the food attracted a stray. I often leave my slider open only when I am home for one of my cats to go in the yard (she gets scared easily so she needs to be able to come in). Anyway, the stray would sneak in and eat the leftover canned food. I fed my sick cat many times throughout the day, so she had tons of opportunities to eat.

So, now this cat has taken residence up in my backyard. I am continuing to work on gaining the stray cat's trust and have been quite successful to a point. So...this story is to be continued...

Oh My Goodness Gracious and Terrific {{{{{{Beth}}}}}} I've mot yet read what you said in The New Beginnings forum so am on my way right now then will come back and edit this post if it needs.

You say that this new kitty has taken residence up in your backyard and you're continuing working or gaining its trust. Hon (I hope you don't mind if I call you "Hon" or "Sweetie" as it's second nature to me) ... As I was saying, I do not know if you're aware that I worked in Animal Rescue and Rehabilitation for close to 30 years. If you wish, I can give you many helpful hints that will have that stray kitty letting you pet it while purring and following you to play within anywhere between 2 weeks and a month and a half!!! You see, a lot of it depends upon whether the cat is feral, dumped, or previously abused.

Should you like some "instructions" on how to get that standoffish stray fur baby to be a very loving pet, please do let me know, Okay? All righty then!

More Hugs and Love to You and Your Newest Bestest Friend Fur Kid!!!

Okay, I'm off now to read what you said in New Beginnings. Here I go >>>>>>>

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. The first thing you do NOT want to do is make any direct eye contact with your stray fur kid because they will see that as a threat. More later and here I go for real now >>>>>>>>

Dear Sweet Beth, I just got back and have a very important question which you can answer either here or in PM. Here goes ...

You said you "often leave my slider open" and that you did that when your indoor pet fur kid was ill. You stated that this attracted your new stray outdoor fur kid. Beth, by "slider" do you mean screen door? If that's true, I have a few other questions to ask you in regard to your indoor kitty getting sick Before or after you left the slider door (screen door?) open and if your indoor kitty became ill AFTER the stray showed up on the outside of that slider door?

After you respond, I will give you the scoop, Dear One.

More Hugs to You, you Angel fur baby and Your New Outdoor fury friend!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Good questions. Pushkin's illness began in April. She had to be coaxed daily to eat and ended up losing a lot a weight. I have the summers off because of my job, so I am home a lot then. I keep my sliding glass door open during the day when I am home. So in July this cat starting coming around. My sick cat Pushkin stopped going outside by this time. She spent most of her day on my bed. So this stray kitty tried to sneak in and eat her food. I noticed this, and started feeding the stray outside. I didn't want the stray cat inside my house for a number of reasons.

Currently, I am concerned about my healthy cat interacting with the other cat. I like to feed the stray wet food, since that is what he'll eat and not leave anything behind. I don't want the cats to share food sources since I don't know about his health. My mostly inside cat started out extremely scared of this cat. The stray would try to approach her, but that would scare her and she'd run away. My mostly inside cat is generally scared of new people. Usually my cat tries to run off other cats, but this cat doesn't run away, so that freaks her out. Right now my mostly inside cat seems to be able to walk outside and just avoids this stray cat. The stray now rarely approach my inside cat (when she is outside), and doesn't bother her. I continue to not let the stray inside my home.

I am currently about the pet the stray cat on the head. But not for too long. I would love to get the cat medical attention. There seems to be a wound on his tail. But he seems to be keeping in clean. He is still pretty skinny. I think he was abandoned. He's not a young cat.

Hi, beth, I am so glad you are finding your memories of Pushin to be a comfort to you now. In the very early stages of grief our memories are like a sword in our heart that deepens the pain of loss we are feeling. Now that you are able to remember Pushin and smile is evidence that you are understanding that Pushin's sweet living Spirit will always be with you in your life. And may I also add my sincerest congratulations on your New Beginnings with this precious little waif who has come to you in need of a safe haven. As you well know trust is earned with our fur and feathered kids, and the success of what you are doing is reflected in the acceptance you receive. My Eli was a stray or dump off or abandoned - - don't really know which or perhaps all of the above - - he was my "challenge child" for sure but I am ever so thankful for the 6 years that we had together. There was never a dull moment with my Eli - - always pushing the bounderies to another planet. I hope and pray with all my heart that your little stray will come to know he / she has found a new home where love will be an eternal wellspring.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

You said:
The point being, that I absolutely love these moments. It allows me to enjoy my happy memories. I think people don't want to bring up the lost loved one, thinking it will give you pain. When in actuality, it often brings you joy.

What do you think?


The answer is, from what I feel and have seen, that whatever makes you feel better is the right thing to do. You are at a good stage when you say you can enjoy your happy memories. Those are what sustain us. They can never leave us. They can never be taken away from us.

I am glad this stray found you. It helps when another can distract us from our sadness. Anytime we can substitute something that makes us feel good for what we know makes us sad...is another baby step to healing.

Take care and keep us updated with your new story in New Beginnings.

Hugs....we all need hugs just as we all need to smile when we can. It helps healing.

Judy

Hi Beth26, regarding your question. Today it's been 3mo exactly since Arthur left my world. The easiest time for me to remember him is if someone talks about their pet, I can chime in easily and talk about him. If someone asks me flat out about him, I have a tough time. When I do open up and talk about him, the second I find myself alone, I fall to pieces. Lately I haven't said much about him to anyone, not even Dave. He's the hardest. He's the one I have to hold back from crying. He saids it upsets him when I do. So mostly I just think about him myself and cry a lot..I wish you luck with your stray. I got a sick feeling when you said his tail looked injured. Please look up cat tail injuries and check out the symptons and see if he has any. If the nerves are damaged there will be trouble walking with his hind legs. there could also be bladder and bowel trouble. That's how we lost Arthur. The vertibra in his tail had a 4in gap in it. The nerves in it attatch to the stomach area and causes a lot of problems. If he doesn't raise his tail that's another sign. I don't want to alarm you..I wish you good luck with him/her..Ann