On Tuesday, August 11th my dog Chloe ran off. She was a 15lb Boston Terrier who I had raised from a 6 week old puppy, she would have been 4 in October. She was very spoiled and somewhat of a princess. She would go outside with me and follow me around, I would never leave her alone outside but at times she would play her little game of watching me until I came close and then not letting me catch her.
This day I was working and she was home with my boyfriend who she loved. She decided to play her little game, but kept running.....he ran after her, and when he came back to get the car to follow her, she had disappeared.
I was devistated....
My mom had always told me to put her on a leash when outside but she really never needed it, preferring to follow me around. I guess I was wrong....
She had a tag on her collar with my name, address and phone number on it, and every day I hoped I would get a call that someone found her. I also drove the areas around our house and put adds in the paper, even filling out a lost dog form with the animal shelter just in case, not sure if the tag could have fallen off her collar....
On August 30th I finally got that call.....a call from a man saying he found my dog and she was in bad shape....
Not knowing what to expect, I went right over, and found she had wandered 15-20 miles from home..
When I got there and saw her I immediately started crying, my little healthy dog was so skinny you could see all of her bones.
I picked her up, and brought her home figuring she just needed love and some food and she would be ok, she didnt seem to have any scratches, or look like she had been hurt, just very skinny and lethargic.
She refused to eat anything, would only drink water, which didnt sit well. After a few hours it didnt seem like she was getting better, she was getting worse, very limp and hardly moving.
My boyfriend and I got in the car to take her to the emergency vet hospital which was 45 minutes away...she didnt make it to the end of the street and died while I was holding her.
Since then, I have cried every day and I am having a hard time getting past seeing her the way she was that day.
I wonder every day what her 11 days away was like and how she must have suffered because of our stupidity of not putting her on a leash and not being able to find her.
I loved her and my heart breaks every day thinking about what a happy little dog she was and how horrible her last days were.
My boyfriend says the reason I got her back that day is because she was waiting for me, like she knew things were bad and needed me....
I dont know how to get past this, its like losing a family member and I just want her back.
I know people mean well but their solution is "get a puppy"....I dont want a puppy, I want my Chloe back, another puppy will not help...
Thanks for listening....

I am deeply sorry for the loss of your sweet fur baby Chloe. While reading your post my heart was breaking for you. You have been through a very difficult time. Chloe was just looking to have some fun when she took off running. Please don't blame yourself as this will just cause you more pain. I know it was very hard to find Chloe in poor health. However, try and look at it this way. A person with a good heart found Chloe and contacted you. Although the outcome was traumatic Chloe came home. You gave her the comfort she needed. Although it was only for a short time...she was back in your arms.

I also understand why you don't want a puppy at this time. Your grief is very new and it will take time for you to feel better. Time is a wonderful healer. I also understand when you say you want Chloe back. I think most of us here have uttered that statement more then once. Although Chloe is physically not with you, she is now an angel watching over you. Her spirit remains within your heart.

My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry that you lost your sweet little Chloe in such a traumatic way. Your emotions must be so overwhelming. You gave her a beautiful life and loved her - but rest assured that she is in a better place now. It's impossible to make sense of such a tragedy, and the pain makes it even more difficult to process. Just know that you are not alone.

Please feel free to let it all out here -- this is a very safe place for us animal lovers to express our sorrow when those around us just don't get it.

I am soooo sorry about your precious Chloe. My heart goes out to you. I wish I could wrap my arms around you in comfort. It is so hard to lose our babies. We all go through regrets. The "If I would have only".

We've all heard well meaning people advise us on our losses. A lot of times they make our pain worse unintentionally. Your precious Chloe IS a family member. You are grieving as much because of that fact.

Don't let anyone talk you into getting another puppy until you are ready. It has taken me two years. I still cry over the loss of Nickels though it has gotten easier.

Envelop your grief. Cry if you have to. It is all part of the grieving process. Come back here as much as you need to. I lived here for months and all the wonderful people here were the biggest comfort I have ever known. I come back on anniversaries.

When you are ready, please post a tribute to Chloe in the Tribute section. I would love to hear her stories.

I will keep you in my Prayers. My Heart is breaking for you.

Michelle

I am so very sorry about your loss. I know first hand how difficult it is to lose a furbaby so suddenly. Please do not beat yourself up this will only add to your grief. I lost my Fleetwood kitty six months ago while on vacation and still feel the guilt of not being there for him when he needed me the most, but I try not to dwell on it. Just know that for what ever reason, something lead Chloe back to you to be with you when she needed you the most. She will always be running free in your heart and every one in awhile you will catch a glimpse of her, just know she is checking in on you and making sure you are OK.

Mark
Missing Fleetwood

Mickimom,
Oh...tears just ran down my face reading your story. Your story and sadness hits close to home to me. My little girl "Zoe" got away from me ....I, too, always let Zoe run around the yard with me and she always stayed with me, without a leash, however, on June 12th, we were in my next door neighbor's front yard and she spotted a rabbit running across the street and there was no stopping that little girl and. ...well, she was hit and I picked her up as quick as I could get to her and she died in my arms too. I constantly think "if I'd only had her on a leash?" I really do understand your pain. It's been almost three months since I lost my sweet Zoe, I still think of her everyday. Tears still come when I think about her. We just love our fur babies so much and it's really....really hard to keep going without them. Don't listen to the ones who say "get a puppy".... they may think they are trying to help, but if they only knew how insulting it is to hear that, they wouldn't say it.
My heart goes out to you ~ I know how you feel with wanting Chloe back....I'd give anything to have Zoe with me today. I miss her terribly and I don't think that will ever go away for me, a part of me went with Zoe.
Please allow yourself to grieve, I've said this several times, but whatever you feel and however long you feel it, it's ok.
There are alot of wonderful people on this site ...I really wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for the support I have received on this site.
When you're ready ...tell us stories about Chloe, and show some pictures as well.
You're not alone,
Much love and support during this difficult time.
Deanna

Hi Mickimom, Like Deanna, I too cried over your story. My heart breaks with yours. A stonger power brought you together. Chloe needed to be with you. Please don't blame yourself. What she must have went thru will eat you alive. Tell us happy stories of her. As for getting another dog, if it doesn't feel right in heart then it's not the right time. You'll know it when it happens. It's been almost 3mo since I lost my cat and so far I've had a 1/2 dozen offers on people who want to dump thier cats on me. Like you, I don't want another cat I want my Arthur back. This is day to day process. It will take time to heal. Stay here and post as often as you like. We all care and understand.. I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. Hugs.. Ann

Dear Mickimom ,my heart goes out to you and your boyfreind I am so sorry for your loss .Please dont blame yourself it was an accident that she got away you did not mean for this to happen .I to have lost one of my babies in Jan in a horrible accident that I blamed myself even though it was an accident I still could not help but to feel responsible for it . people say time heals but after 7 months of depression I can finally think about him without felling sick (.We just lost his mum last week ) Give your self a chance to grieve and somehow move forward . Your sweet little Chloe is watching over you both try to remember all the great times you had and try not to dwell on negative thoughts It is really unhealthy to put yourself thru it all the time .There are some very loving people here to help you thru this horrible time please If you ever need to talk there is always someone here to listen .

Many hugs to you both
Warmest regards Warren

Oh, Mickimom, I'm so very very sorry about Chloe. I've been away from this wonderful site for a while, but I decided to come back and check in a little and was right away touched by your story. Do you know what helps me sometimes, when I'm feeling bad about what happened with my dog? I try to think of what she would try to make me understand. She'd do everything in her power to help me get through the sadness I still feel at times, even though she left me long ago. I still catch myself feeling horrible that I chose not to be with her when she had to be put down; she was my sweetest, dearest companion for 16 years, and I let her take her last breath by herself.

But sorry -- I meant to make this message about you and Chloe, not me and Lucy. So here goes: I'll bet anything that Chloe, if she can somehow get through to you, would try to make you understand she knows now why things happened that way, and that someday you will too, and that she's fine. And she'd tell you how happy she was when the two of you were together and that even though it's different now, the two of you are still together, and that she's fine. And mostly, I'd bet anything that she'd tell you that God loved her enough to let her be in your arms when it was time to go, and how grateful she is to Him and to you.

Still, I can hardly underestimate your trauma over what happened. I'm glad you found this site, it's full of wonderful people who really understand.

Oh, and one more thing before I forget -- when it's time for you to get another dog, Chloe herself will find a way to let you know. I really believe that. There'll come a day when you feel you're ready, and that will be because Chloe is letting you know that getting another dog doesn't diminish her relationship with you in the least. Don't let anyone pressure you, and when Chloe gives you the "go ahead", you'll know.

Much love,
Michelle

I sit here and cry reading all of your replies and knowing the support I have here. I cry every single day over her and wonder when it will get easier...
I think about her kissing me, she would climb in your lap and just kiss your face, and curl up in your legs on the couch...her favorite place...
We have a rabbit and she and the rabbit would chase each other all over the room, it was so funny...
Im really glad I came here where people understand....
People think "its only a dog/cat" but its a big deal to those of us who treat them as our babies....animals are so forgiving and love you unconditionally....something that is hard to find.
They just love you no matter what....she always had to be where I was, and when I was at work, she was always with D.J.
I joked with him about her being a traitor...he hurt his back at work so was at home with her all day, but she loved both of us.....
I just wish I could stop feeling so guilty about it all, and get the image of her in such bad shape out of my head...
I always made sure she was healthy and ate twice a day, she knew what times she ate and would wait for me.....but she went all that time without food.....I cant stop thinking about that....
I just hope she knew, even on that last day how much I loved her....

Hi Mickimom, Chloe loved you very very much. It was an accident. She must have felt comfortable in her surroundings and kept on going. You did all you could. I'm so sorry she passed that way, but it was in YOUR arms and not a strangers or worst yet, alone. We all have that "last day" memory of our babies, and I try to tell others (including myself) it's a memory not worth holding onto. You tried to get her help and you just have to be greatful for that. I feel everything you do, the guilt, the last day even can't bring myself to think of happier times without crying. But I think about Arthur all the time. Someday(soon) we'll think about them and talk about them without tears. It takes time, my thoughts and prayers are with you.. Hugs Ann