It's been two years since we lost you Nickels. I still cry over you. I've cried all day today. I thought I could get past the overwhelming grief and guilt but it resurfaces every August 28th, especially at 11:55 a.m. I'll never forget you and miss you more than ever. I'll never forget the last night you slept with me. You were under the covers sleeping with your back to my belly. You pushed so hard on the mattress to get as close to me as you could. I'm so sorry you were so sick and I didn't see it. I thought you just had a bad cold. I've beat myself up over that so much. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you at the end. I was hysterical and would have made it worse for you. Another regret, I should have been stronger. I'm sorry little buddy, you deserved better than to die in a strangers arms. I had no idea that I was going to have to say goodbye that day. It was such a shock, I didn't even know I had an option of creamation. I let them throw you in the trash like yesterdays garbage. I am soo sorry. Why didn't someone tell me. They were more worried about the $35.00 they needed to kill you.

Hopefully you are with Donna, Daddies late wife. She passed away 14 years ago, the same day you did. She loved boy kitties too. I just know you are with her and she is taking good care of you. That is a comfort.

I know you would love little Frankee. I wish you were here to teach him how to be a "proper" big boy kitty, with all of your vast knowledge. He's had to figure everything out on his own. He does love spinning in the office chair like you did. He also loves car rides! But he hates the vacuum! You used to LOVE being vacuumed. I remember vacuuming with the hand attachment. I was sitting on the floor vacuuming a table when you "head butted" me. You scared me silly! NO kitty likes vacuums and I thought someone had broke in. I miss vacuuming your belly and putting the vacuum on your head while you purred.

I found a kitten that reminds me of you and we will be adopting him this weekend. I know there will never be another kitty like you but little Frankee needs a friend and hopefully Jasper will be a playmate and cuddler like you were. They say he's a talker like you. I know you would want to give another kitty a chance at a good life with lots of love like we gave you. Remember the day we met? You were tapping everyone in reach of your cage and looking at them as if to say, "Hey! Get me out of this cage", "Pop the lock!", "I don't belong in a cage!" You made such eye contact with those big beautiful blue eyes. It was love at first sight! There was never a moment when we talked to you that you did not hold perfect eye contact. Well, little Jasper is in a cage and we must free him.

I miss you tapping on me and meowing with the "question mark" in your voice. You always had something to say or ask. You were so polite. There are so many people that still talk about you. Renee, he other night, said, "Nickels wasn't a cat!" "He was incredibly special!" We always used to say, "Hey, you in the cat suit!" You would look immediately at us. I still have your headphones that you would listen to John Denver and Jimmy Buffett on. You always waited till the ladies were finished eating before you would eat. I miss you calling "Mama, Mama" in your Siamese voice. You always had something important to show or tell me. What I would do to hear your voice one more time. What I would give to see that huge smile on your face.

I Love you Sweet Boy and we will be together again. Please Donna, take extra special care of our Baby Boy. He's the best kitty in Heaven and on Earth. I know your having fun together! Give him big kisses and hugs for me and tell him I love him often.

I miss you so very, very, much Precious Boy!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
Mom

P.S. Did you get your wings so that you can fly? Did you get your voice so that you can talk? You always had so much to say and I've prayed that God gives you your wings and a voice.

Very sweet Nickels. I'm sitting here crying my eyes out with you. I love the love here at this site for their animals.

Hugs,
Marcie

WOW Nickels was awesome! That picture of him actually made me smile for the first time in 3 days. Maybe I do need to adopt a kitty, to fill this void from my Brutus Beefcake's passing.
You did everything you did out of love. We are human, we do what we think is best. Those were some tough, shocking decisions you had to make, you weren't in your right state of mind. You did the best you could, and Nickels knows that.
I keep reliving the last few months of Brutus's life, and 'what if' I did something different. Maybe I should have taken him to the vet sooner at the first sign of his breathing difficulties. I thought it was just part of old age and that he would work through it. He was a strong guy, I just never dreamed he would die this year. I thought he was going to go for 20 years atleast. I did bring him to the vet and I had to give pills and did everything I could. I will also forever question if I did the right thing for him in the end. I think I did. I couldn't bear to see him waste away right before my eyes. Maybe that was selfish of me and not strong of me, maybe I should have waited longer before putting him to sleep, maybe I should have tried the other dosage of lasix like the vet suggested. I just couldn't put Brutus through any more, I felt like he was exhausted.
So we do our best out of love. Thank you for sharing your story, it is helping me cope to know that others know exactly how I am feeling, and God forbid, have actually gone through worse than what I went through. This story is very sad and I really feel for you.

On top of this being Nickes Angel day, My Mom has been evicted from her nursing home. I just found out today. We pay $4,000.00 a month and they want $6,000.00 MORE a month. Nickels Grandma gets herself our of bed at 7:00 a.m. everty morning and does'nt go to bed until 9:30p.m. She's the most popular resident and is on limited care. The nursing staff voted Mom Ms. Manor Care. The Pageant is next Saturday. Mom is sooo excited I can't ruin this for her but I dont' know how to break this to her. Conveniently the nursing home is kicking her out less than a month after the pageant that they can use for free advertisment. Nickels LOVED his Grandma and he used to spend weekends at her house since he was a kitten. I HATE AUGUST 28th. It's the day everyone dies and bad news is delivered!

Sorry for the spelling errors, I'm just rather upset.

Thank you Marcie,

Your comments on Nickels are so comforting. Our anniversary's are like a time travel back. The pain, the memories, the devastation. There are soooo very many special souls on this board. I couldn't have survived losing my best buddy without them. Makes me wonder how I survived the 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's. I remember the grief and thinking I would never survive by doing it all alone. How I did is still a mystery. Bless your heart for offering words of comfort. They are 24 kt. gold.

Michelle

I am sorry for all your recent set backs. You'll find a way to pull thru. Be strong. Things will work out. As for Nickels, what an amazing, special, boy you had. Yes, Aug 28 will always be sad. I always say a lillte prayer on my furbabies aniversaries, sometimes I'll light a candle next to their picture. When they touch us so deeply the hurt never truely goes away. We just have to hold on the memories as long as our brain lets us. Please try not to dwell on what happened afterwards. I did for many years. My 18yr old died in the house, my Dad "took care of her body". I was too distraught to ask. Landfill, probably. Same as my 12yr old. He never even told me she died until 3 days later. No ashes, no fur, not even a toy I kept. All I have of them is a few photos and faded memories. With Arthur I went the whole nine yards. I was there, I got fur, I said goodbye, I have ashes, toys..etc. I always thought I would find comfort in "being there", but it seems to have hurt more. We learn from these experiences. Like I never even thought of sudating him b4 hand, I wish I did. You have a lot of wonderful memories of Nickels and you were very lucky to have found eachother and share such a tight bond that will never die. I wish only for many more of those special bonds for you.. Take care.. Hugs.. Ann

Hi, Michelle, please permit to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the anniversary of the loss of your beloved Nickels. Thank you for sharing that awesome picture of him with the sunglasses!! What a treasure he is - - and I do say the present tense because he is alive and happy playing with the angels and visiting with Donna as he waits patiently for you to resume your rightful place with him at your appropriate time in perfect eternal joy. Our furkids deliberately mask their symptoms of illness from us - - it's a survival instinct they inherit from their wild ancestors and cousins. Usually by the time they begin to present symptoms the illness is in an advanced stage and requires intensive care - - and sadly sometimes immediate euthansasia. The anniversaries are always hard - - and the more traumatic the loss is the harder the anniversary of the event is going to be to get through. But please know you did the best you could for Nickels, and I know he approves of Frankee and Jasper - - I firmly believe your Nickels has led them to you. And I also want to extend to you my heartfelt best wishes for your Mom. I am lifting you and your Mom up in my thoughts and prayers that she will be able to find an alternative safe place to live. Michelle, please let us know how things go, okay?

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dearest Nickel's Mom, please see my post to you from last night in the "Pet Memorials, Tributes, and Eulogies" forum. Here's the direct link so please click here: Remembering "Nevada Nickels", "One Cool Cat!"

Sending you and your cherished boy Nickels more Angels and Many Comforting Hugs!!!

PS. I've been lighting candles for you and your precious, sweet boy Nickels as I find it helpful and comforting since it's such a loving experience. Please feel free to light candles online for yourself, your fur child Nickels or any reason you wish, too. It's free and you can light as many candles as you want as often as you desire. Here's the direct link to the post in the "Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles" forum giving the link in case you'd like to visit. Just click on the Light a Candle image.



Someone asked me how to find the candles I've lit for them and their fur children so I'll tell you now how to find yours. Once you get to this link, go to the upper left hand, click "Search" and type in the initials: "DZ" and that will take you to the candles I've lit for you, your Sweet boy Nickels as well as all the other candles I've lit for others. And here is the direct link to that site: Light a Candle. More Hugs!!!

Hello, Sweet Nickel's Mom. I'm feeling very concerned so wanted so know if you would like to talk? I mean, you can talk with Nickels or to us here, or even to yourself. It really can help, Dear One!!!

Tons of Hugs and Lotsa Love to You and Yor Precious Fur Baby Nevada Pickles Nickels!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. You betcha I keep those candles burning virtually for you and your cherished Fur Baby!!!

PS. PS. I sure hope the PMs I sent you brought at least a tiny smile to your face. The caption I used was the very first song that popped into my mind when I saw Nickels wearing his shades, Hon. More Hugs!!!

you have such great angels. nickels will have company at the bridge while he watches over you. his pic is so cute with the sunglasses!kitties act so strong even when they're sick so we wont see. it wasnt your fault.his body is a memory but his soul lives on. what happened to his shell doesnt really matter. he is whole and free in the spirit form. he wouldnt hold any grudges im sure. he sounded so sweet and silly. thats funny that he liked being vac%%ed. thats crazy lol. he did sound like a special cat. he must be well loved by the other angels. my heart is with you.

with love corina and her angels

im so sorry you and your mom are going through this. it seems like people are so money hungry these days. i hope you can work things out. best of luck.

with love corina and her angels

Hi, Micihelle, just checking in with you to see how you and your mom are doing. Please know you and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers, Michelle, and I will look forward to knowing how things are going as you wish to share them.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I read your anniversary post to Nickels and all I could think was: BEAUTIFULLY SAID!

Here it is again:

It's been two years since we lost you Nickels. I still cry over you. I've cried all day today. I thought I could get past the overwhelming grief and guilt but it resurfaces every August 28th, especially at 11:55 a.m. I'll never forget you and miss you more than ever. I'll never forget the last night you slept with me. You were under the covers sleeping with your back to my belly. You pushed so hard on the mattress to get as close to me as you could. I'm so sorry you were so sick and I didn't see it. I thought you just had a bad cold. I've beat myself up over that so much. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you at the end. I was hysterical and would have made it worse for you. Another regret, I should have been stronger. I'm sorry little buddy, you deserved better than to die in a strangers arms. I had no idea that I was going to have to say goodbye that day. It was such a shock, I didn't even know I had an option of creamation. I let them throw you in the trash like yesterdays garbage. I am soo sorry. Why didn't someone tell me. They were more worried about the $35.00 they needed to kill you.

Hopefully you are with Donna, Daddies late wife. She passed away 14 years ago, the same day you did. She loved boy kitties too. I just know you are with her and she is taking good care of you. That is a comfort.

I know you would love little Frankee. I wish you were here to teach him how to be a "proper" big boy kitty, with all of your vast knowledge. He's had to figure everything out on his own. He does love spinning in the office chair like you did. He also loves car rides! But he hates the vacuum! You used to LOVE being vacuumed. I remember vacuuming with the hand attachment. I was sitting on the floor vacuuming a table when you "head butted" me. You scared me silly! NO kitty likes vacuums and I thought someone had broke in. I miss vacuuming your belly and putting the vacuum on your head while you purred.

I found a kitten that reminds me of you and we will be adopting him this weekend. I know there will never be another kitty like you but little Frankee needs a friend and hopefully Jasper will be a playmate and cuddler like you were. They say he's a talker like you. I know you would want to give another kitty a chance at a good life with lots of love like we gave you. Remember the day we met? You were tapping everyone in reach of your cage and looking at them as if to say, "Hey! Get me out of this cage", "Pop the lock!", "I don't belong in a cage!" You made such eye contact with those big beautiful blue eyes. It was love at first sight! There was never a moment when we talked to you that you did not hold perfect eye contact. Well, little Jasper is in a cage and we must free him.

I miss you tapping on me and meowing with the "question mark" in your voice. You always had something to say or ask. You were so polite. There are so many people that still talk about you. Renee, he other night, said, "Nickels wasn't a cat!" "He was incredibly special!" We always used to say, "Hey, you in the cat suit!" You would look immediately at us. I still have your headphones that you would listen to John Denver and Jimmy Buffett on. You always waited till the ladies were finished eating before you would eat. I miss you calling "Mama, Mama" in your Siamese voice. You always had something important to show or tell me. What I would do to hear your voice one more time. What I would give to see that huge smile on your face.

I Love you Sweet Boy and we will be together again. Please Donna, take extra special care of our Baby Boy. He's the best kitty in Heaven and on Earth. I know your having fun together! Give him big kisses and hugs for me and tell him I love him often.

I miss you so very, very, much Precious Boy! wub.gif
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
Mom

P.S. Did you get your wings so that you can fly? Did you get your voice so that you can talk? You always had so much to say and I've prayed that God gives you your wings and a voice.



We truly love them forever and miss them forever and all your words were just so beautiful I had to put them here with my note telling you so. You know Nickels got his wings for he is a perfect Angel.

Hugs, Michelle and a special hug and kiss for your Very Special Angel...Nickels.

Judy