Hi everyone,

I started pouring my heart out here about 5 weeks ago, when I lost my little man, Max. The world looked gray and dismal, and I cried my heart out for a while, non-stop. I want you all to know that it does get easier, as time goes on, and your pain will lessen, IF YOU ALLOW IT!! I made myself cry, by torturing myself listening to really sad songs, and staring at his picture, until one day I realized that he wouldn't want this for me. I loved, I gave, I tried to be the best Mom I could, and I know in my heart that he knew that until the bitter end.

I found forgiveness, somehow, and I feel alot better knowing that I can go on with his beautiful memories that he left me, which will be in my heart and mind always. I still think about him everyday, and I miss him so very dearly, but the torture I put on my heart has lessened knowing that I had that beautiful, kind, gentle little soul in my life for 10 years.

God bless all the little babies that have to go to heaven and leave us, but we will go on....... We have the gift of love they left us forever.

Geese

Yes It does get better. For me it seemed like one day I just felt different.
It doesn't mean we love them any less. My gosh I miss her so very much still. I will miss her forever!! But like you said alot does depend on us. Our pets would not want us to suffer so much.
Yes Geese we all go on. One day at a time.
Hugs to You!!

Hi Geese, I'm so happy to hear you are feeling better. It does get better and your right it is up to us. I think we have to go thru all the phases first. Some of us(like me) takes longer than others. I think I'm in the guilt phase now. I find I'm blaming myself for being so sick that week that when all this happened I just wasn't feeling well enough to think straight. And for going to the ER when I did. If I had gone earlier or later maybe "his" world wouldn't have ended. He went out when I left that night. I had strep throat or something. What's the next phase, anger?? I've been thru this b4, but at that time I had a lot of life changes to distract me and get me by, now not much happening. He was what I looked forward to everday. Hopefully soon I'll have a post like yours. Hugs and Thanks for the hope. . Ann

It does get easier, definitely. But I feel so lost still. Like I'm suppose to be doing something, but I don't need to anymore. I constantly find myself planning my day...weekends on Omar's schedule. Then I have to remind myself I don't need to anymore. Then I feel guilty for being relieved. I missed out on so much in the last years, but I was his Mom. I wouldn't have changed it. I still find myself crying over him. But the 'pain' in my chest has gone. It feels like forever he's been gone from me. It's only been 3 weeks. I miss him so.

Thank you so much for this. It gives me hope, being 3 days post Brutus' death. I am in deep grief and feel like i will never be happy again. I'm numb. I hope with time I can look back and not see Brutus in his old sick diseased state at the end, but in his happier, vibrant, healthy times. I still have the images of having him put to sleep, i stayed with him the whole time, I couldn't leave him alone. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
I hope this pain goes away soon.

Hi to all of you, and thanks for responding to my message. I know how hard it is, and believe me, I still have my moments of grief. I feel like something is wrong with me that I'm better after 5 weeks, ( actually will be 6 this Saturday), but I know that it's not bad for me to feel a little better.

How can we ever forget the friends that we lose in our lives, whether human or animal. They all were here to leave a special place and memory in our hearts, and it's a fact that we have to accept, one day. I would give anything to see my little silly bunny sitting next to me as I am typing, but sadly, that won't happen. I'm actually tearing up as I am typing, missing him so.

But everyone on this website is so wonderful to listen and to care about other people's losses. I truly want to thank all of you who have replied to me, it helped tremendously. I don't think I could have made it through without all of you.

Much love, Geese

I second that Geese. You said:

"But everyone on this website is so wonderful to listen and to care about other people's losses. I truly want to thank all of you who have replied to me, it helped tremendously. I don't think I could have made it through without all of you."

Everyone here is truly amazing. I think we all have 'furry' hearts. I feel sad for those that don't. I find I tear up the most now reading others stories here. They bring back some memories. Good and bad. I don't mind tearing up, or shedding one for that matter. It helps with the grief. I feel like I'm in denial now. Anyone else go through that? Like I can't 'believe' Omar is truly gone. I think it helps me get through some days. I need to read back at my posts. I can't remember if I said that before or if this is a new feeling. I miss my baby.

Suzanne5-

3 days is not very long. You are in the hardest part of the grief I think. I was there 3 weeks ago. It was awful. I like you, stayed with my Omar while he was put to sleep. We locked eyes at the end and I stayed with him for about 20 minutes after...or longer. I lost track. I would try to sleep after that and just see his face in my head at his final moments. My husband couldn't understand. I was alone. It wasn't a tramatic thing when he left, but it was so final, it hurt me so bad to make that choice. That was something else I went through. Guilt. I knew it was what needed to be done, but felt so guilty doing it. I wanted the vet to say 'you have to' or for Omar to tell me 'it's okay mom...I'm ready'. But of course neither could, so I did. Then I wanted to run back there after and tell them I made a mistake...bring him back please!! I sit here crying now as I type this. I'm an emotional roller coaster still. I hope Omar can feel my sadness for the loss of him. Not that he would be happy at my sadness, but so he can see I loved him so much, this is so hard. That I'm not happy he's gone. I miss him so much. This picture here he is a puppy. He may be about 3.

Hey, we have to believe that it gets better, right?

This is gonna sound really corny, but did you ever listen to the song that Jerry Lewis sings at the end of the Labor Day telethon? When you walk through a storm, keep your head up high, and don't be afraid of the dark, at the end of the road there's a bright shining sky..... I can't recite all the words, but it killed me when I listened to the version that Elvis does. (I love Elvis' voice, gives you chills)

Anyway, hang in there, it's all you can do.

Love Geese

I'm not exactly there yet, but have thought about this a little and then tried to block it out of my mind, but not before I "felt" the emptiness of what you said. I've been single for the past 13 years and my dog has been my companion, friend, confidant. My working hours and the house I'm renting are all about her. I rush home to let her out and it's been this way for eons. I don't plan trips because of her decline these last few years and a fear that she would die in a Pet Hotel while I was away. My life (as sad as it sounds) has been built around her. I can't imagine life without her. 16 years is a long time - 10 years is a long time.

I truly understand. I did the same thing. I'm not single...or live alone, but Omar was my baby. I did everything for him. I made sure he was taken care of before my needs. Now I have nothing to do that for, and it's so odd. I still feel like I'm missing something. It will take time.