A week ago Saturday I put my gorgeous 9 year old bichon/shih-tzu, Babette, to rest. I still go round and round in my head as to whether we made the right decision. It is all so shocking and unreal. One day she appeared healthy and full of life, the next she was listless, with barely enough energy to get out of her bed and go downstairs. Although money was tight, we dipped into emergency savings and took her to the nearest state-of-the-art hospital for testing. To sum up, they were unable to determine what the cause was, but her platelets were virtually non-existent, low white blood cell count, high fever untouched by intravenous antibiotics and steroids. After a week, we brought her home for one last night with us and our 2 other dogs (ages 10 & 14). I'm still so confused by the whole ordeal. No clear answers, but speculation was it was an auto-immune disorder and some kind of mysterious infection.

It was heartbreaking to see her so weak and disoriented. She had always been an extraordinary athlete for such a little princess. Her passing was peaceful but surreal.

I want to honor her memory here. I've been disappointed by some of the cavalier attitudes of people towards this sudden loss. Babette was my constant companion. We had an amazing connection. She was my muse and my joy. I thought I'd have at least 5 more years and would sometimes brace myself that 5 years wasn't going to be long enough. I NEVER imagined we'd lose her this early. For the past week, I've been in a state of shock. Each day the reality of her not being here hits me a little more. The tears come fast and furious when I least expect them. The mornings, mealtime for the other 2 dogs and coming home are the hardest parts of each day. Her favorite toy - a mallard duck sits on my nightstand and still smells of her sweet breath.

*Beautiful girl, stunning athlete, brilliant comedian you will live forever in my heart. Your joie de vie and your devoted unconditional love will always inspire me. I will do my best to honor your memory by living my life with an open and generous heart. I am blessed to have known you. For reasons unknown to me, you have been called to another purpose. Go in peace precious angel.*

I too, am going thru a similar situation. This past 5 weeks I have lost my 2 best oldest friends. My 13 year old Brandy (a golden retriever) July 14, and last Thursday Aug, 21st my shephard mix Gretchen. Brandy slid into old age and in the last 2 weeks was having difficulty walking and then couldn't walk without me holding her up. She was 110 lbs. During this time my Gretchen developed a diarrhea that just didn't respond. By the time Brandy died Gretchen started a quick slide into weight loss and diarrhea. I put her thru a surgery looking for a mass we saw on ultrasound. I put her thru antibiotics and biopsies. Last Wednesday on my daily visit to her at the vet the look she gave me tore my heart out. I promised her that I would give the antibiotics 24 more hours. The next day I went into the vet and carried her out to my truck and brought her home. We spent the afternoon together on the floor. She napped with her head in my hands. Gretchen was down over 25 lbs. and she was leaking blood instead of stool. Yet when I brought her home her face relaxed and yes she napped with her head in my hands. About 7 the mobile vet came, (a lovely lady who cried with me both times), and we put Gretchen to sleep forever. I still have a small 10 lb. Cairn Terrier who is only 3. But yes, I heard auto immune disorder, strange infectious process. Also the steriods. In the end, tears. I went to work today and could barely make it to the bathroom in time to sit on the floor and cry and pray no one could hear me. I've been given a wide berth. No one really wants to talk to me. They can't understand. They have young children, boyfirends, husbands. Whatever. These furry gifts from God were my family. My loves, my life. My reasons to get up in the morning. The house is hugely empty and ssilent. Me and my little guy Chewie, have been inseperable. I dread going to work without him. I race home after to be with him. I fear I will never have the courage to love anything again. This space is here for people like us. Did I do ANYTHING wrong. What could I have done differntly? God I miss them so. If it wasn't for Chewie I would've opted to go with them. But yes, this is grief, and it hurts like hell, and I suppose it'll get better someday. Two best friends in 5 weeks. Peace to you, and love much the ones you have. There must be some reason we can't see for this. I too am shattered beyond even what I thought would happen. When not crying, I pray for the numbness. Please take care.
Love, Maddy

I am so sorry for your loss. Your last paragragh saids it best. Sometimes when it's all said and done, we think about the actually deed in putting them down and how it becomes the most horrible thing in the world. But the most horrible is that god awful "emptiness". I'm beginning to believe that, for me anyways, is once I can come to grips with accepting my baby is gone and I can get "use to" the emptiness, then I can move on. Everyone in different in the time that might take. I hope your greif doesn't last too long. And by the way, you won't find any "attitudes" here. Post often and tell stories and show picts.. Hugs .. Ann

I am so sorry for your loss. Your last paragragh saids it best. Sometimes when it's all said and done, we think about the actually deed in putting them down and how it becomes the most horrible thing in the world. But the most horrible is that god awful "emptiness". I'm beginning to believe that, for me anyways, is once I can come to grips with accepting my baby is gone and I can get "use to" the emptiness, then I can move on. Everyone in different in the time that might take. I hope your greif doesn't last too long. And by the way, you won't find any "attitudes" here. Post often and tell stories and show picts.. Hugs .. Ann

Loneredhorse -- I am sooo sorry to hear of your losses. I can't imagine the pain of losing 2 babies in such a short period of time. It is truly too big to process. I totally relate to your sadness and the confusion of it all. I also relate to your description of losing it in the bathroom at work. It's so baffling that people can't understand the intense bonding that goes on between these loving friends. I have a new acquaintance who has basically closed off towards me because I was so emotional about "a dog." And I'm sorry, but I can't be friends with someone who can't even make an effort to understand the intensity of this kind of loss. If people haven't experienced the beauty of the unconditional love from an animal friend, that is seriously their loss. Thank god for private bathrooms. You are not alone.

I'm curious, did your Gretchen have imbalanced blood tests? How old was she? Did they give her the tick-borne illnesses tests?

My heart aches -- I also don't have any children. She was my only daughter. My 2 boys (an elderly American Eskimo and a rescue ##er) are keeping me company but they aren't as intuned with me as Babette was. There's a huge emptiness in this house. What an astonishingly big presence she had. It's so hideous to look over at her empty bed. I keep her toys around for now, I can't stand to put them away (the boys don't play like she did).

I do try to focus on the good memories and hang onto the gratitude angle -- I know that she was a gift from god and I have been blessed to have her in my life for 9 outstanding years. I hope you can find some comfort in the warm memories of your dogs and your little 3 year old.

I am so sorry for your loss. Loss is the price we have to pay to get to LOVE our furbabys. Whatever the price I would/will do it again!!!!!!!!!!! It still never hurts any less either.
The pain and emotion hits like waves. Up and down and crashing. It will ease with time.
I bet you have lots of wonderful memories. When you are up to it please share some with us.

Many Hugs to You!!!!!!

I love how you phrased your last paragraph. You expressed such gratitude for having known such a beautiful little doggie that taught you so much. Babette and you were truly blessed to have had each other. Her loving little sweet self is still with you and always will be.

My Goliath also taught me many lesson of love. I also believe he was summoned to a Higher calling to fulfill another purpose. Though I have been blessed with so much over my lifetime, Goliath was the most precious of all and the one I hold closest to my heart.

Hugs of comfort from my heart to yours,
Beth

thank you Ann, Sissycat and Beth, your words have given me much comfort. Warm hugs to you too - your precious angels are with you also. I agree that the love we are taught by our furry friends is worth the excruciating pain of losing them. They are messengers of love and if we remain open, we learn so much from them.

Today I got a condolence card from the hospital where she spent her last week. It really hit me hard, one of the vet techs wrote "she loved you very much" and I just completely lost it. That's the hardest part to come to grips with. Who could ever love me as fully as she did? I know I was blessed to have her as long as I did, but I just miss her horribly.

Bear with me as I do some reminiscing here. Where else can I talk about her in such detail? This is a great outlet - heck, even if no one reads it, it feels good to write about my princess.

We would gaze into each other's eyes all day long. When I'd leave, I'd see her in the window sill as I left, and again when I'd return. Wherever I was in the house (during the day, we keep the dogs gated off in the den and the kitchen, with full use of the sofas and their beds), I'd come around a corner and there would be her little "pansy" face -- my mother-in-law once said that her head looked like a pansy flower, and it kind of did. My husband and I also thought she looked like a little sea urchin or baby panda bear. Also a little hoodlum with the black mask.

She was a little devil, but her sneaky deeds always made me laugh. My spaniel, Duffy taught her how to push one of the gates aside so she could make her escape. She'd sometimes leave little "packages" in my husband's office or the bedroom. She loved to raid trashcans for used tissues and the hamper. Almost all of my underwear and socks have holes from her chewing. Despite having tons of toys, she'd find a new roll of t.p. and have a heyday with it. Or she would grab one of my sneakers by the shoelaces and swirl it around and around like a whirling dervish. She was so adorable, I would just stop whatever I was doing and watch her sleep. I was mesmerized with how cute she was when she drank water -- so intense and rhythmic - slurp slurp slurp (long pause) slurp slurp slurp - her little furry head bobbing up and down. (I had it bad for her as you can see....)

Her athleticism was unbelievable. Visitors couldn't believe such a little dog could cover so much ground so fast. She loved to chase balls. She'd bring a ball to your feet and bark sharply as she tore off down the yard to fetch it over and over and over. Playing ball with her was a workout for your arm. We are blessed with a long fenced-in backyard and she believed we bought the house for her (we kind of did). She had both rear knees operated on over the past few years and recovered beautifully. Prior to that she was more of an airborne ball chaser, twisting mid-air to grab a ball or frisbee and land backwards, etc. Just awe-inspiring and joyful.

Goofy girl, she peed in a squatting girl-dog position, but with one leg lifted in the back. Very funny. A month or so ago, a groundhog got stuck in our yard and couldn't find a way out -- I was screaming for the dogs and the other 2 dogs came to me, but not my little princess. She stayed on that thing the whole length of the fence till it finally was able to escape. She wasn't always so brave however. She developed a strong fear of loud noises - thunder, fireworks and high-pitched beeps like the smoke alarm battery alert would freak her out. I miss every tiny little thing about her.

I didn't realize that she was the ringleader for the barking chorus at mealtimes. I usually do a little singing of my own as I prepare their dishes, and the dogs would bark along. Now that she's gone, mealtimes are virtually silent. I try to do my little chant but it's just not the same. Oh tiny girl, you will live forever in my heart and my dreams.

Her nicknames:
Princess Leah
Tiny Tot
Tiny Dancer
Precious Diva
Sporty Spice
Skeeter (my husband's nickname for her)

Hello,

I just wanted to say that I know how you feel and that you are not alone. My Misty has been gone for a week now and I just can't beleive it. I too have found that some people just don't understand the connection that one can have with a pet. That's why I turn here and it has helped me so much. I'm still in a state of shock...Misty's bed is empty...my other cat wont go near it, it's like he is in morning too. And then there is Misty's collar..
I'm sending hugs and prayers your way..take care,
Sincerely,
Valerie

Please accept my sympathies for your loss. It's very sad that you lost her to such mysterious cir%%stances. It's never enough time and when you suddenly find yourself typing out words you cannot fathom, surreal is a good way to put it. You have found a good place to post, please post pictures and stories when you are able, it helps everyone to read about other's and the loves that they have lost. Take care,

Sarah

not sure I'm doing this correctly -- only small size photo I have - Babette is in the back, Duffy in the foreground.

Dearest Dele, my deepest condolences for your loss of your most precious fur baby Babette. So sudden and truly a shock to you, Dear One. She is so beautiful in the background there and in your Avatar. I feel your sorrow, grief and tears. I am so very sorry this happened to Babette and you, too!

Please know you and your fur child Babette are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm winging many Angels to comfort and guide you through what must be one of the most gosh awful difficult times in your life, Dele.

Do come back whenever you're able to talk and perhaps tell us more about Babette although you did a superb job of describing her wonderful, exuberant personality. What precious nicknames, too. If you have more photos to share, we'd sure love to see them.

Many Comforting Hugs to you and your cherished fur child Babette!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dear Dottie, what a beautiful loving message -- thank you from the bottom of my heart. Blessings to you too. Thank you also Sarah and Valerie. It is comforting to know that we are not alone and we know first hand how hard this is. It'll be 2 weeks tomorrow at noon and while I'm managing okay, the sadness will wash over me from time to time and I generally feel joyless.

I can't say it enough -- I miss her horribly. I had a short dream about her before I woke up this a.m. I'd like to think it was her visiting me. I was snuggling with her and she rolled over on her back and gave me that adorable little smile of hers. Such a gorgeous little being.

Precious girl, mommy loves you forever.

Oh, Dele. I don't know if you're one to believe this but I and millions of people do believe that our departed do actually visit us in our dreams. Of course, there are times we just dream about them and it's just a dream. However, I'm positive that I've been visited over these many, many years by those who have crossed over ... Both human as well as fur and feather kids. No, I'm not a "New Age" person either. I'd love to believe your precious girl Babette did indeed visit you in your dream, Dear One!

God Bless You and your adorable angel fur child Babette most abundantly!

Many Comforting Hugs and Wishing You More Sweet Dreams!!!

PS. I'm also lighting virtual candles for you and your precious girl Babette. It's a very loving experience, free and you can light as many candles as often as you wish. If you'd like to do the same for your fur baby Babette, yourself or any reason at all, just click on the Light a Candle image to take you to the post with that Website. It's in the "Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles" forum but here's a direct link to that post ...



Sending More Angels and More Comforting Hugs!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dearest Dottie,

What a loving, generous, beautiful soul you are. Thank you for all of the support you offer everyone here - I love reading your posts. I agree about your thoughts on dreams. In fact I had another dream about my baby the other night -- she was lying on my legs on the blanket like she used to do sometimes and she was surrounded by the brightest glowing white light. I could not have dreamed this up on my own, it's not the sort of thing I think about. Needless to say, what a beautiful comfort it was to see her glowing like an angel!

Having said that, it is still so hard. One day I'll be fine, the next I'm completely depressed and teary all day long. Sometimes the well of sadness will just rise up with a passing thought and I'll have to fight the tears because I'm not alone. Today was particularly tough. I still have her toys and her bed, etc. in the same spots. I know it's all a natural part of grieving process. It's comforting to come here and be reminded that there are a lot of other people who have big hearts and love their furbabies as much as I do.

Below are a couple of pics of my tiny princess.

I am so sorry about your loss. Babette looks and ( from the stories you told) sounds like a real sweetheart. I did have a poodle once who died for no reason but was treated for an auto-immune problem. The way it was described to me was that the white blood cells that fight disease was actually fighting her own system. She passed quickly and unexpectedly. So I can understand some of what you describe.

I know it hurts intensely. That's because we love these babies so very much that it is hard to visualize each day without them.
Over time the pain becomes more dull...with occasional flareups.

One Mom here said something I love to repeat because I find so much meaning in these words:

She said: The pain of losing her will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing her.

We may lose them physically but no one and nothing can take them out of our heart, our mind, our memories. They will be there forever. The pain is because we miss them so very much and that is why it never goes away completely because we will miss them forever just like we will love them forever.

Babette is and will always be a part of you. She is now an Angel who will watch over you....and listen to you....should you talk to her whether in here or at home. She can't be 100% gone because the soul and spirit can never leave us. That is a bond that is impossible to break. When it is their time to go physically, we cannot prevent it but what they gave us we can prevent from ever leaving us.

She is listening.....cause I believe Angels are always there for us. We can only "hold" them in our thoughts and in our mind.
But I Believe they communicate with us in ways we are not always aware of...some through dreams...some through a sight out of the corner of our eyes..and some communicate directly with our hearts when we feel the overwhelming love we remember so well.

I wish you peace and healing. It does take time to lessen the pain somewhat.

Hugs to you and your baby Angel, whose name is Babette.

Judy

Dearest Dele and Most Precious Angel Baby Fur Kid Babette, as I've said in many other responses to people, it is and has always been far easier for me to express myself using images, graphics, songs and the like. You said to Love Them that it's still so hard and I can feel your pain, grief, sorrow and how very much you miss your Sweet Babette. So, I took an image of your baby to 3 different programs and added the "caption" I feel is oh so cute. I hope and pray with all my heart that these bring a smile to your face and many happy memories together!!!

First, without the frame, then with a frame and it looks really lovely in a simple gold frame if you wish. That would only take a minute or two now that I have all in save. Here you go, Dear One!

Big Hugs and Lotsa Love to You and Your Sweet Baby Babette!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dearest Dele, I sure hope to gosh and pray that me putting that caption to your Precious Fur Baby Babette did not offend you or make you sad. Please know how very, very much I care!!!

More Hugs and Love to You and Your Sweet Baby Babette!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox