I am sorry for starting a new post but I can't read about other peoples' loss right now. I have that horrible burning behind my eyes at the moment that only goes when I breathe deeply. This is so hard.

My little black and white friend Ming (official name Minstrel) died at 2am on Friday morning, 22 August 2008. He was just short of 17 years old and I have had him since he was six weeks old. I was kneeling next to him as he took those last few breaths. There was no pain and the breaths weren't harsh or laboured, just gentle in and out. I stroked his head and his nose and his neck and talked to him until he had gone. Then I wrapped him up and placed him in his burial box with his food fork, his dish rubber base and his collar. I managed to stay calm and strong until he had gone and you know what came next for me.

The next morning I buried him in the garden he loved.

I was okay when I had calmed down after he had died and I was fine for his burial. Now I just feel completely crushed and can hardly think about him without being upset. I knew he would go this year. He had started to slow down as the year went on but was still pretty fit and very healthy looking with a great appetite. He deteriorated very fast but I resisted taking him to the vet as he was still eating, though less and in no pain or discomfort.

My wife is a nurse and assured me that he was basically dying of old age, something she sees every week in people, and as long as he was not suffering we should let him do what he wanted and die at home.

I am wracked with guilt now though. My head tells me he was old and it was his time but my heart is saying he might have had longer and did I do him wrong. But then I think wanting him to stay longer is selfish and for my benifit not his and I feel guilty about that too.

But more than that I just have this overwhelming, crushing sense of loss that gets worse every day not better and I want him back.

I will come back and try and write about the good times he and I shared as there were so many. Thanks for the opportunity to get this out.

Jools

Dear Jools,

There is nothing for you to feel sorry about in starting a post. It's exactly what you should have done and also needed to do. This thread you have started is yours and Mings to come back to anytime you want to. This is the beginning of your healing place for you to share with us how you feel, what you think, ask questions, or anything else you hold dear to your heart. It is yours for as long as you would like it to be.

All of us arrive here at LS because we had a furlove pass away. Surviving such a terrible blow in having one so loved pass away is far from easy. Here at LS you will find your way along with others in finding acceptance of Ming's death, an inspiration to go on, and a hope of returning to a happy and fulfilling kind of life. The journey you have begun is long and painful. But, along the way you will pick up the shattered pieces of your heart one by one. It is here that we walk together in licking and healing our wounds. Physical wounds are easy to heal....but a broken heart is quite another kind of wound to fix.

Without death there would have been no life. When Ming passed away it was the good memories he left you as his gift. I understand all too well how you feel right now. I never thought after my sweet Goliath passed away I would ever be able to continue living in a happy and healthy way. It took me alot of time and tears before my world turned rightside up again. A part of me died right along with Goliath, or so I thought. Today I know his loving spirit is within me and all around me. I carry his aura wherever I go and share his sunshine and tell others just how many lessons of love my little shortstuff taught me. The love Goliath and I share is bound forever and I am so thankful that God chose me to be Goliath's Momma. I will love him til the day after forever.

As you feel comfortable please share stories, pictures, your joys and your sadness. Take it at your own pace. Your loss of Ming is new so be patient. It's normal for you to feel guilt. No matter what you did or did not do, you would still feel the guilt. We all have been there and say coulda, woulda, shouda. Don't beat yourself up, because Ming knows just how much you loved him and he loved you too. This kind of bond cannot be broken even through death as a loving spirit never dies. It is timeless.

May you be blessed in the comfort of knowing what a wonderful life you shared with Ming. Your heart is his home where his love lives, where he is still alive and well.

Hugs of comfort and love from my heart to yours,
Beth

Jools,
It's hard to put my thoughts into words, on how my heart goes out for you in helping you deal with your broken heart with the passing of Ming. However, "Goliath" says it so well ....she has been my savior in my many stages of the healing process as I am dealing with the pain of losing my fur baby, Zoe back on June 12th. In addition to Goliath, there are no many wonderful people on this site who can help you ... you are not alone. We all love our fur babie so much, the enormous amount of unconditional love our babies gave us, it's hard to think of how we can go on with our lives without them. It is a long road to a happy heart, I'm not quite there, but doing a little better. I still think of my precious Zoe each and everyday and I miss her terribly. As Goliath mentioned, please feel free (when it's a good time) to tell stories of Ming and post pictures as well. We want to hear more about him.
Cyber hug to you during this difficult time.
Deanna

I am so sorry about Ming's passing. Wow a wonderful about 17 years!!! Bet you sure do have lots of storys to share with us someday when you are comfortable.
All these emotions you are/will feel are normal. I am sure he knew just how loved he truely was.
The pain comes in waves. Good for a while then crashing down again. We are all here to help you and ourselves to heal.
Sorry for starting a new post????? Don't ever be sorry for that. If a hadn't started a new post I just don't know what I would have done. The people here understand when sometimes the people around us do not.

Waiting for storys and maybe pictures if/when you are ready.

Hugs to You!!!!!!!

i'm sorry about your loss. we all can relate to that crushing sense of loss. you did what you could. your kitty angel will love you no matter what. we never want our loved pets to go. we could never be fully ready because we need and love them so much. its been a little over 2 months since i lost my baby kitty and i still fall to pieces. there is no time set for healing. we will be here for you through it all

with love corina and her angels

Hi Jools, I am so sorry for your loss. Please don't feel guilty. It was Ming's time to go. You were so bless to have had such a special friend for so many years. It's never long enough, we want them to stay with us forever. They do, in our hearts. When I was young my 17 yr old cat became ill. We never took her to the vet. My Dad always thought it was a pain in the butt. She wasted away down to nothing. I watched her suffer for 3mo until she died in the house. I knew it and was too selfish to let her go. Sounds like Ming didn't suffer. Wether they go on their own or we help them along in thier journey to the rainbow bridge, it hurts, no matter what. You are welcomed here to fall to peices anytime you need to. We're all here to help..hugs.. Ann

Thankyou all so much for your responses. It took some big breathes and a 'just do it' attitude to come back here so soon. I had to walk away for five minutes after reading what everyone is saying and you are all so kind and understanding. I'm calm again now. Another wave (that is such a good description of how it feels) has passed.

After reading all these lovely thoughts I just realized how much I actually used to talk to Ming and how he always responded, whether with a purr or a miaow or even a look that said to stop disturbing him. I miss that. I find myself looking up to say something and he isn't there, or hearing a sound close by and again looking that way to speak to him. And even forgetting momentarily that he really has gone and just expecting him to be there, crying for his dinner or just sitting and staring right at me.

Somewhere in between the crushing sense of loss and the waves there are moments of absolute emptiness. I think those moments are probably the worst. You all know what I mean I think. I have people who care for me all around me but its those couple of minutes of emptiness that make the world seem cold and hard and lonely.

My wife bought Ming from a pet shop for me because he was all alone in there. But he chose me. I totally believe that. I belonged to him rather than the other way around.

Still calm.

I will come back and talk about Ming. And Tinky who died the year before Ming was born. And Chloe, a year older than Ming, who died on the roads and was Mings soul sister for nearly eight years. And Nessie who disappeared. And my little black baby Casper who should have been with me now. I loved all these cats and they were my babies but Ming owned me.

Reading what you have all written has helped me think more about my feelings on losing Ming and in turn that has made me think about Tinky, Chloe, Nessie and Casper. That's a positive, I think.

Thankyou again.

And, still calm. For now.
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Hi, Jools, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in your loss of Minstrel. Oh, what a cutie he is. And I do say the present tense because he is alive and healthy and frisky playing with the angels in heaven's perfect garden until it is your appropriate time to resume your rightful place with Minstrel and all your beloved furkids in eternal joy. Losing a beloved furchild is never easy. It is one of the most painful experiences we have on this side of eternity. How lucky you are to have had the peace and tranquility and privacy of your home to share Minstrel's last moments, as opposed to a sterile veterinary hospital. The grief journey has its calm moments, but just when you least expect it here comes a tidal wave of emotions that are so overwhelming it's painful. There is both emotional and physical pain that we experience in the intense moments of grieving our loss. Our furkids give themselves to us freely and unconditionally, and we surrender totally to them, and this is one of the reasons why losing them is so very hard. Eventually, though, there does come a time when we find ourselves thinking about our beloved furkids and smiling, and then we know that they really haven't left us after all - - they are still with us in everything we do and everywhere we go - - our relationship with them has just temporarily transformed to a different dimension. We become their legacy of what they brought to us through our lives together and the lessons we learned from them as we continue in our journey on this side of eternity. Jools, please know you are not alone in your journey. Each of us does understand how difficult it is to adjust our lives to the new "norm" of not having the privilege of the physical presence of our beloved furkids with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Jools, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Jools

Allow me to also offer my condolences. I felt what you felt, my cat was 20 years old but I did wonder if there was something I could have done to allow him to be around for longer. But in my heart I know there wasn't, as I hope in time you will realise too.

Ming is such a beatuiful cat! I love the way when cats get their pictures taken when they are sitting they all look so proud.

Thinking of you

Laura x

Just wanted to say what a beautiful cat your Ming is!!!!!!!!
I have 3 black/white cats.
Please do tell about all your furbabies when ready.
Many Hugs to you and come back often. Even if you come to post a message to your Ming. I write messages to my Sissycat all the time.

First, I have to thank you all by name. I have been sitting reading what you have all been saying (properly reading rather than looking at the words through blurry eyes) Beth, Deanna, Lindsay, Open Hearted87, Ann, Moon Beam and Laura K. You are all so obviously lovely, caring people and I just wish everyone was like you. And you are all so right in the things you say but it is so hard just now. Grown men are supposed to be strong and calm and its actually surprising how easy it is to put that front on for everyone. Burning eyes coming on again. This forum is the best. Its contributors are honest and true. How many places can you go where you feel genuinely safe to express how you actually feel. I was nervous when I registered, not really sure what I would find. I knew I needed 'something'. I found it here, amongst all of you. Thankyou.

And today? Five days since my little lad died. I still see those last breaths he took and that really is painful. But today I suppose was better because it was back to work and 'normalcy', in a place away from my life with Ming. But coming home was pretty bad. There was a routine. I arrive on my motorcycle and he is there to meet me. He knew that bike engine and was there crossing our cul-de-sac to my garage. When I changed bikes a couple of years ago he recognised my new bike almost immediately. He was always very vocal too and would come into the garage and rub my legs while I took my bike gear off, or claw the piece of carpet I used, purring and chatting. Today was hard and even though I was there when he died, my instinct was to look for him when I arrived home.

I knew he was going to die this year,especially in those last few weeks, but the intensity of the pain has really shocked me. Its like a piece of 'me' has been hacked out and is gone forever.

But you all are really helping, more than I ever thought possible. Just knowing I can come here. Knowing you have all been where I am and maybe are still there somewhere inside yourselves.

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But I still want him back. Burning eyes again. Going now.

******x
******
***x

Kisses to you all.

Hi Jools,

I am also in the early stages of grief and I just wanted to say I understand the intensity of your feelings all too well. I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Ming. It is so helpful to be able to express these feelings in a supportive "environment" like this forum, isn't it? When you said you felt like a part of you had been hacked off, I really related to that. In the first week I felt like I'd had something amputated - and then looking for her and immediately remembering the reality. It's just so hard to believe that my precious friend is gone - and won't be back. So surreal.

All my best to you as you process the loss of your friend.

Hi, Jools. You are very welcome for all the support and encouragement we can offer you. Jools, Minstrel has taken a part of you with him to the Bridge - - the better part of you that only you shared with him. There is no denying that. Clnical studies prove that the loss of a beloved furchild is as devastating, if not more so, as losing a loved human family member or friend. Our furkids give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention. Studies also confirm that the grief journey for the loss of a beloved furchild is the same as for any other loss we experience in our lives, and the stages are the same, but not necessarily in a directed order. The first experiences or "anniversaries" after a loss are very difficult - - the first time coming home from work or school, the first week, the first month, the first birthday, the first holiday, the first whatever - - because they are constant reminders that our beloved furchild is no longer physically with us. And we want them physically with us to touch and talk to and share our deepest secrets with knowing that they will not betray us. Jools, this grief journey does not discriminate by gender, age, religion, ethnic origin, social ranking, financial wealth or lack thereof, or on any other level. This is a very deep sense of loss that all fur parents feel who open their hearts and lives to the blessing of sharing their lives with a pure and innocent fur, feathered, and all types of critters. Plese know you are safe here to share what is in your heart and on your mind. You do not have to pretend or force yourself to have a "be strong" front here. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, Jools. And please remember - - everyone grieves in their own way. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Please accept my sincerest apologies for your loss. I remember all too well that void of emptiness and when I was around the one week stage, it was what I could only describe as silent horror. I would just look around, knowing that the world was Oliver-less and it deflated me in ways I never imagined were possible. Part of me truly felt dead. The routine for caring for them is so integrated into your daily life that having to change small things like treat locations, food portions, litter box, etc. are a constant reminder of what you can barely even wrap your head around. It gets better with time as you ease into new routines, but unfortunately, time is the only remedy and even then, we always have the scars. Some lighter and some deeper but always we carry them.

I too know what you mean about being owned. My love is boundless for my other three cats and they all love me but Oliver loved me in that weird super special way that is rare. Daphne and Max love my BF and his son, Lily loves EVERYONE and when Pumpkin was alive he loved my then BF equally with me. But Oliver would consistently get up from anywhere or anyone to come and sit by me. And he hung out during bath time and laid next to me at night with his head on my pillow. He was the first and the alpha of the pack, but I reigned as queen, much as you and Ming were true buddies. No matter what, the loss is great and terrible but that stuff is incredibly hard to give up and for me, it was the cherry on top of an already hellish nightmare.

He was a beautiful kitty (I get that inner-smooch reflex with black and whites) and you are very fortunate to have had such long and wonderful years in addition to an easier passing for him, although I understand it's never enough and never easy for the bereaved. But for what it's worth, there is nothing to feel bad about in addition to your grief. People post here freely, please do the same as much as you need.

Sarah (Oliver's mama)

Hello Jools,

I just wanted to say how very sorry about you losing your boy Ming. I just love that name it realy suits him. I just found the a group a week ago. Ming was so blessed to have founda loving family who loved him very much and cherished him. I know kwhere you coming from I lost my love 4 monthes ago.

Lot of prayers to you and your famliy.

MIchelle,

Oklahoma

I have felt so low today but please know, you are all helping. Coming to this special place is helping.

I found this photograph of Ming when he was six months old. He had escaped from the house (he always was an outside little lad, right up until the end) and been run over and dragged under a car and all the skin had gone off his back legs but see the face and the eyes and that's the reason I love him so much.

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Its been a few days since I was here. My heart is still shattered. Its been just under eleven days now. The horrible guilt is still with me that I should have been able to do anything to give Ming more time. And I have been worrying that I took him for granted - but I suppose on a positive note I know that is not true. Coming home and Ming not being here has made me realize how much I actually looked forward to seeing him every day. But I so miss just talking to him. The house seems quiet now he has gone. I still look for him and then remember. I'm also scared that I will get used to him not being around. I know I won't forget him, ever, but right now the thought of not missing him anymore is just awful.

Jools

Dearest Jools, my most sincere condolences on your loss of your precious fur boy baby Ming. I know he was 17 years old but that doesn't make it any easier in the least no matter how young or old our fur kids and feather kids are when they pass to The Rainbow Bridge. You had him since he was six weeks old so you two have been through so much together both thick and thin. My heart feels your deep sorrow, pain and loneliness. How dear of you to bury him in the garden he loved so much. You are a wonderful person!!!

Please don't worry in the least or give a second's thought about not being able to post messages to others right now. Your own pain is so fresh and raw. It was quite a while before I was able to talk to anyone here when I first joined, too. Please know I'm winging many Angels to comfort and guide you through what must be just about the most gosh awful difficult time in your life. Believe me when I say I understand and have experienced the devastation of losing a feather child who was my entire life to me. Little by little and taking as much time as you need to grieve, the pain will begin to ease but we never forget our most precious and special fur kids and feather kids. They are our family.

Here is the most beautiful song of Blessings that I've ever, ever heard and I wish to give these many Blessings to you and your beloved fur baby boy Ming. I pray this song brings you some comfort. Also know that I'll be lighting virtual candles for you and your fur child. Do come back to your own post or make a new post anytime night or day whenever you wish or feel the need. It's by sharing and caring that helps us begin to heal. Here is the song so please turn up your volume.








Lay down your head and I'll sing you a lullaby. Back to the years of Loo-Li,Lai-Ley. And I'll sing you to sleep and I'll sing you tomorrow. Bless you with love for the road that you go.

May you sail fair to the far fields of fortune with diamonds and pearls at your head and your feet and may you need never to banish misfortune. May you find kindness in all that you meet.

May there always be Angels to watch over you. To guard you each step of the way. To guard you and keep you safe from all harm. Loo-Li,Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.

May you bring love and may you bring happiness. Be loved in return to the end your days. Now fall off to sleep. I'm not meaning to keep you. I'll just sit for a while and sing Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.

May there always be Angels to watch over you. To guard you each step of the way. To guard you and keep you safe from all harm. Loo-Li,Loo-Li,Lai-Ley. Loo-Li,Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.


Many Comforting Hugs to You, Dear One!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi again, Jools. I'm stopping by to shower you with Oodles and Boodles of Love from your precious fur child Ming. God Bless!


http://www.flektor.com/view/_1220309226_39...899_2_0_016_022


More Comforting Hugs!!!



Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

I am so sorry for your loss. It is never an easy thing to lose a loved one but I wouldn't beat myself up over all of the "should haves" that are running through your mind. It is difficult even for vets to admit they can't turn back time and reverse old age. I have fought death with several of my furkids who had terminal illnesses and while they may have received some comfort from the medications I can't honestly say that the treatments added more time to their lives. There are some things a vet can do to prolong life under some cir%%stances but much of the time with very old pets all they can really accomplish is to relieve pain to a degree. I lost one cat to a brain tumor after attempting radiation therapy. He died on the table during the first treatment. I am a firm believer in trying everything possible to heal our furkids but with some diseases commonly found in old age the choices are not there. As much as we hate the thought, at times the only real option is to say goodbye. Don't feel guilty, Jools. You didn't cause old age to happen. It is something we all face and at times like that there isn't a treatment for it. I am a control freak who despises not having any way of saving a furkid but over the years I have been forced to admit that in some cases the vet and I have no power to cure or significantly prolong life. I wish it was not that way but sadly I was not consulted when the universe was set up. We all have to admit at some time the vet has done all they can do. That doesn't mean that I won't do everything possible to aid my loved furkids but I know it is ultimately a losing battle with time. We just do the best we can.

Take care,
Ken Albin

Hi, Jools, yes, the absence of our sweet fur and feathered kids is deafening. I think the structure of our homes even mourns the loss of one of its members. Jools, please know that you will never forget your precious Minstrel, and there will always be a part of you that will never "get used" to Minstrel not being physically with you. You never forget the ones you love - - whatever the life form. Have you thought about doing a memorial for Minstrel - - a ceremony, or a scrapbook, or a garden - - or what about a motorcycle fundraising ralley with some of your friends to raise funds for the local shelter - - or perhaps donate the funds to a veterinary research school that might help fund more medication or improve treatment for illnesses in cats,etc. - - and dedicate it in loving memory of Minstrel? And maybe make this an annual event - -maybe? I know how agonizing the waves of grief can be - - it literally takes our breath away. Hopefully in time you will come to know Minstrel is still with you - - his sweet living Spirit is forever in your heart and in your memories, and you can still talk to him as you always have -- and he is listening as intently as he always has. And you will hear him speak back to you in the quietness of your heart, and you will find yourself smiling again knowing that your connection is as strong as it always has been - - perhaps stronger. Jools, this grief journey can feel sometimes like it will never end, but the very dark moments will eventually pass. And each of us are here to help you through those moments for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

What can I say Dottie? Thankyou. You actually made me smile. A real smile and a good smile - and a sad smile. If losing Ming has given me anything it is this place and all the people who come here. We may all come here through tragedy and loss but I honestly didn't realize how much love and compassion there was in this world. Reading the responses I have had and looking at the heartbreaking stories that people here are sharing makes me want to be a better person in my life.

So thankyou all and thankyou Ming, my beautiful boy.

And Ken, your words of pure common sense and intelligence are the kick I needed. I have to pull myself out of this huge downer because its just me feeling sorry for myself and that's never a good thing. I know that everything I did was right. I must start listening to my head because sometimes the head is actually right rather than the heart. Ming was old and I knew he was slowing down and he really did go very quickly and without pain and even though its a terrible memory, I was there talking to him and stroking him as he took those last breaths which is exactly as it should have been.

Again, thankyou to everyone in this place. I will keep coming back and one day I hope I will be able to ease someone else's pain.

Love to everyone here and out there.

Moon beam,

You get me thinking. Thinking is good and something I haven't done much of these past twelve days. When my head is clearer and I have some actual ideas I'll let you know. You should be a psychologist by the way - unless you actually are a psychologist.

Thankyou.

Hi, Jools, thank you for your kind words. No, I'm not a psychologist, counselor, etc.., although I did take some grief courses that helped me while my Olso (Black Lab) and I were doing Animal Assisted Therapy volunteer work with hospice and hospital patients and at risk youth. But so much of what I share is from my own personal experiences with loss and grief, and I can only hope that what I share with others will somehow comfort them when they need it. I will look forward to sharing in your ideas about honoring Minstrel, as you would like to share them. And again, Jools, please know each of us are here for you and that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessing,
moon_beam

I am sorry about Ming but glad you had him for so many years (never long enough). I had my longest one, Little Guy, for just past 16 1/2 years and it really was wonderful to have that time.

I just read your topic here from the beginning and I see with all the responses that you have truly been helped and that is what this is all about.

When you last said:
I know that everything I did was right. I must start listening to my head because sometimes the head is actually right rather than the heart. Ming was old and I knew he was slowing down and he really did go very quickly and without pain and even though its a terrible memory, I was there talking to him and stroking him as he took those last breaths which is exactly as it should have been.

You truly said it all. You are looking at everything in the best way possible, realizing it was his time to go and the way it happened felt right to you (that you two were together at that time). That is important for you.

I'm glad you found answers that helped you for when you are helped here...that help comes back to all of us.

Take care and I hope you do come back and post and show more pictures of Ming. We even have a Tribute section if you have lots of pictures you would like to share. We love to look at pictures and hear stories. When you have had one of these sweethearts for so long a time, there are stories that bring a smile to your face..and we are always here listening.

I'm sorry I missed your topic earlier but sometimes a topic gets pushed down on the page before it should and can be missed but I am glad others found you and you found a lot of what you were hoping to find.

Hugs, best wishes, and know there are many here listening. We all know it is important to listen.
We share our pain but we also share what we found has helped us cope with it all.

Judy