Had to put my beloved Roman to sleep on Monday August 18.....he was 16.5 years old and was with me for 16 years of it. He was the first thing I saw every morning and the last thing I heard at night.....I just can't believe he's gone! He was so sick, and I know he was hanging on for me and my son, but it was absolutely the sh**tiest decision I've ever had to tackle. I am so glad I found you guys, I have very good friends and my boss is so supportive, but I still need more! My avatar is of Mo-mo in his heyday, all 22 pounds of Mr. Bold and Beautiful! OK, back again, the waterworks started and I couldn't see what I was doing! Finding this forum has been so comforting, reading everyone else's stories has brought me some peace, and being able to write about it all is a wonderful thing. I shared some of the stories with my son, who is 18 and really struggling with the loss of his 'bud'. Mo-mo was with me thru a bad marriage, cancer, my son's diagnosis as having an autistic spectrum disorder, and a whole host of life challenges. I miss him every minute and I WANT HIM BACK!!!! My poor other fur babies are so confused, it's heartbreaking watching them, they just don't understand where their friend went....they search high and low for him. How can I help them thru this?

I'm sorry to hear about your kitty Roman. That decision was the crappiest thing I have ever had to decide too. I feel like what right do I have to do that? But, I guess it's better then having them suffer. You are lucky to have good friends and boss. I was not as lucky. New job...I walked around like a zombie for a week. No make-up...smile...nothing. I think people were getting annoyed. Oh well. I loved my Omar so much...it still hurts. Hang in there. Come back here as often as you need. Everyone is so great.

Take care.
Marcie

Thanks Marcie - I didn't do my hair or put on makeup for 4 days....the treasurer where I work came in and said "I don't need to ask how you are, I can see it"......it made me laugh! I had such guilt about euthanizing Roman, but my vet called last night and talked to me. She said it was definately the right decision, his kidneys had pretty much shut down, and he was suffering even if he didn't show it. So I feel better now about the choice. That was another thing, my vet was out on Monday, so it was the fill-in vet who put Roman down. It was tough to meet someone new that way, but he was incredibly compassionate.

I'm sorry about Roman. I understand very well your feelings about that decision and also knowing when there is no hope, when the quality of life has changed that much.....it is the right decision ....for them. Not letting them suffer is the right thing to do...for them.
We never want to let them go but there can be one time when we have to put their needs before our own. Because it is the right decision doesn't make it any easier.

I am glad to hear you have support around you. Many here do not have that. As far as your other furbabies...I know there are others here who can tell you what worked for them. All I can think of is to give them extra attention and in time just like for us...they may know their friend has gone. And since we really don't know about their spirits...who's to say your other ones don't sense Roman's presence in a way we don't understand?

I also was glad to read your vet called you afterwards. With my emergency with my Little Guy...my vet was not in that day but there was a wonderful compassionate one present who talked to us. She tooks x-rays, saw the problem was fluid in the chest..greatly hampering his breathing..had immediately put him in an oxygen tent to help him until trying to find out what had happened so all of a sudden. I was hysterical when I saw the x-rays and knew the decision I would have to make right then and there. All I could think of and say out loud was I don't want him to suffer! (and here I am crying..writing this..and remembering). What awaited him alive was pure torture with maybe short moments of relief and an end that was right around the corner. They didn't know what caused the fluid but suspected cancer and this lady ran around to all the other vets showing the x-rays and getting opinions before she came back to us. I think she was looking for hope as we were. He had had trouble eating and we thought it was a painful dental lesion which was extracted 2 weeks before. He was 16 1/2 and x-rays were taken to be sure the anesthetic would be okay...and his chest was clear...no fluid. After crying hysterically from that Monday through Wednesday...on Thursday I called and asked that vet to call me and told her now that I was under control....to please discuss what happened. I was able to tape record it and she spoke to me for almost an hour. It helped me tremendously..everything she said...so I am sure when your vet called you...it meant a lot to you too. She did say she was not allowed to say it before but she was glad we made that decision because she knew what my boy was in for and if it had been her cat...she would have made the same decision. That helped too.

I put pictures of my boys and girl in Tributes. I had more pictures of Little Guy because over the years I thought, like so many of us do..that they will always be around..and just didn't run around with a camera. But when I lost his twin brother in 2002 within a week..I did start taking pictures of Little Guy and his sister Little Girl. He was always keeping me in his sight so I got more pictures of him and they do help so much.

You had Roman for 16 years......when you feel like it....I know I would love to see some pictures of him, and so would many others here. My 3 cats were all black and my newly adopted boy, Lucky, also is. I remember a neighbor when I was 10..having a beautiful coal-black furbaby who I adored and I guess when 3 black kittens were born in my backyard to a feral silver-haired Mom...well, my love resurfaced and has never stopped. I even posted about a black cat calendar in the Section here called Cybershoulder with a link to black cat items. The picture frame I saw there looked exactly like my short haired Little Girl.

We truly will miss them forever and love them forever and will always be grateful we had them happy and healthy for so many years but we all know it is never long enough and we will hate it when it is their time to go. The best we can do at that time is to make sure they do not suffer and thank goodness nowadays, we can give them peace. Because it is the right decision never ever makes it any easier to make the decision. What never changes is we know we have to do it for them...we can't let them suffer just to keep them longer with no hope, no cure.

What one Mom said helps me at a time like this. Her words were:
The pain of losing him will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing him.

Hugs to you and your family and a special hug to your new Angel....Roman. Bless his heart!

Judy

I'm so sorry, BCL. I really can feel your pain. I don't know what I would have done without this group. It really does help to bring your sadness and grief to those who really care. I know it helped me tremendously!

Keep coming and sharing your pain. You will never stop missing your baby, but in time it will not tear your insides out every time you think of him. Be assured that you won't ever forget him. I know it is a fear that can enter ones mind...but it's not true. You will always remember his bark, the way he walked, his mannerisms, and personality. He will always be with you in your heart.

Take care
John

Wow. This sounds like me with Omar. He had been sick...told he had liver cancer in February. I had a special vet that I had been seeing for almost 2 yrs now. If he was not in...I would wait. Unless of course it was an emergency. But usually I was lucky. But of course the day Omar got to breathing bad, this vet was not in. For 2 days. I had to see another vet. The two I saw before the end were very very nice, but I had grown a bond with the other vet, and he knew Omar pretty well. He would write me notes on the exam sheet when I would drop him off for a check up for the day. Just like a child in day care. I felt comfortable. So when I had to put Omar down, I was second guessing everything...wondering what the other vet would be telling me. But I couldn't bare to go thru what I and Omar was going through for days to see. I called the vet Friday after the fact, because I really wanted to talk to him and thank him for what he had done for us, but he never returned my call. At first I thought maybe he was mad at me for what I had done, but then again, he was probably just busy with the next special furbaby. He was shocked Omar made it from February to now as it was. But because he was not showing me any real signs, except for old age...I still wonder if I did what I was suppose to do.

Thank you everyone! Your kind words are helping immensely. I'm keeping myself busy, and letting the tears come whenever they do. The hardest part is being home, which is tough because I have my other fur babies to think of. Gracie is 8 and Roman was her saviour. She was a very sick little girl when my son found her, and Roman just took care of her. He would clean her, and snuggle with her, and discipline her when needed. Magic is 3 and just came to us a year ago. He was really badly abused, and Roman again stepped in and just took care of him. Gracie and Magic need me to be here, but it's so hard to be here because there's no Mo-mo. He was such a fixture in my world for so very long, I can't believe that he's not going to come strolling in any minute now......it's surreal. He used to chew the ends of my knitting needles until I paid attention to him, and would squish himself into the smallest available space next to me when I was sitting in the chair or on the couch. He was very funny that way!

Hi BLC, so sorry to hear of your loss. I was just saying to my partner last night how I missed our Arthur and I wanted him back!. It hurts, I know. Dave has just changed his whole way of doing things and seems to be getting along just fine. I know he's sad too, but it doesn't show. Me, well I haven't accepted the whole thing so easily. I try to keep busy but just find myself sitting on the porch and staring into the yard. You'll come up with your own way to get thru. As for your other babies, they know somethings not right. You'll just have to give them some extra love and attention. It'll help all of you.. All the best.. Hugs Ann

Thank you Ann - hugs are always welcomed! My first Saturday morning waking up with no Mo-mo.....my bed is so empty without him. He was the one who slept with me every night, purring me to sleep when I was upset, and batting me awake when the alarm wasn't enough to get me up. Mornings and bedtimes are when I cry the most, I miss him so much! My little fur-girl Gracie is so confused, she keeps walking into the room I'm in and meowing at me as if asking "Where's Mo-mo??". And Magic is definately looking like he lost his best friend, which he did. On the bright side, Magic is allowing me to touch him alot more. I wonder if that's Mo-mo's doing?? Maybe he let Magic know that it was time to stop being afraid and trust me? I wonder just how much the other kitties knew about Roman being so sick? I'm feeling guilty because all this week when I've been cleaning the box, I've noticed that it's a good 65% cleaner than it's been for months. He was much sicker than I knew, or admitted. I know I did the right thing, but Oh My God I just want some more time with him!!

BlackCatLady, I'm so sorry for your Mo-mo... I'm going through the same pain and that same wish for "just a little more time with my baby" is in my head all the time.
My kitty, Aretha, had been sick for several months. I'm pretty sure that my other cat, Leon, understood everything that was going on. The weaker she became, the more careful he was around her. He stopped batting her tail and bouncing around her, asking her to play with him, but followed her around, always keeping a distance. I think he knew she wan't up for playing anymore. However, he doesn't seem to be looking for her, now that she's gone. I don't know why, perhaps he can still smell her...
I know how hard it is, but I hope that you'll be able to find comfort in your other fur-babies that need you. I don't know what I'd do without Leon... Best wishes.