Hello all,
Let me say that this post will be long. I am new here, and I am sorry we are all here. On Tuesday Aug. 17, 2004 I lost my cat Alex after 19 happy years together. I miss her terribly, my heart has been truly broken. I know that I was blessed to have her for so long, and I cherish the memories. My Alex came to me 19 years ago when I was a teenager. She was an orphaned kitten only a few weeks old. The mother cat and the rest of the litter had been taken away by the county 5 days earlier, somehow; she had wondered away from the litter and was left behind. Someone heard her crying in the bushes and rescued her. She had to be bottle fed and needed lots of TLC. She grew quickly and of course we bonded. I didn't mean to get attached it just happened. We were supposed to "just keep her long enough to get her healthy and then find her a good home" my Mom said, yeah right. I think she found herself a home. When I left home a few years later I couldn't leave her behind. We made a life for ourselves in a tiny apt. despite the NO PETS rule. We continued together through lots of life's ups and downs, bad relationships, changing jobs, friendships going bad, moving 4 times, more bad relationships, going back to school and so on. But, the one thing that I could count on was Alex's love. She would always greet me at the door glad to see me. Always there when I was sick purring and petting me with the tip of her tail. On June 10th of this year I lost my first baby at 5 months gestation. I was devasted. When I got home after 3 days in the hospital Alex greeted me as I lie in bed crying my heart out grieving the loss of my unborn child Alex never left my side. She purred beside me and petted me with her tail day after endless day. I realized that she wasn't even gromming herself. Finally, one day I said to her, look at us we're a mess. I got her brush and brushed her wiped her face, I showered and fixed my hair and we had tuna for lunch. She was my constant companion. One month later I was in a car accident, I was badly shaken by it. As I lay in bed recuperating, there was Alex right beside me. One month after that I got hurt at work I was at home again for a few days, you can guess where Alex was. One week after that the roles were reversed and I was by her side trying to comfort her. I came home on Monday night around 8:15 I was greeted as usual by Alex's meow,I said hello to her, I gave my husband a hug and a kiss and proceeded to pet her. As my husband I talked exchanging stories about our day, she got between us as usual, her way of saying hey, I want to be the center of attention, we laughed, petted her and went on talking. She got up went to another room and started to vomit. Not a big deal around here, she does that sometimes. She went on to do it 4 more times. I was worried, my husband thought it was no big deal. But, I kept watching her and she didn't look right. She seemed to be out of it. Finally at 3:30 am I called the animal hospital. I took her in and we got there and she seemed better. She was alert and all she wanted was to get back in her carrier. She was given sub-q fluids and sent home. We got home 20 min. later and she was extremely lethargic again. I was terrified. I made the decision to go to work and leave her alone thinking the vet didn't think she was in immeadiate danger. I cried all day and left early. When I got home I knew she was going right in front of my eyes. She could barely hold her head up. But, she kept trying. As I lay on the floor face to face with her she lifted her head and let out a huge cry and I caught her head so it wouldn't hit the floor. I kissed her and said OK. I knew that this was it. She was ready to go. I knew I had to let her go. I told her it was OK to go, that I would be OK. She held out until my Mom got there and we took her to the hospital and had her put to sleep. I stayed with her until her heart stopped. I kissed her goodbye one final time. This has been the hardest time of my life. I feel so empty right now, so hurt, so alone. I can't stop crying.
Sorry this was so long.
Gina

Oh Gina, I am so sorry for your loss, I know how you are feeling right now. Alex was truly a blessing in your life and you in hers. What a faithful companion she was - I know she will always be in your heart. It was two months yesterday that I lost my furbaby Buster and I'm still having my really bad days dealing with it. You have been through a lot of traumatic events in a short period of time so I can imagine the amount of grief you are experiencing right now. Please find comfort in coming here and knowing you are not alone and that we all care.

God Bless you Gina,

*hugs to you*....

Love,
Karen

Thank you Karen,
Buster is was beautiful! He looked a lot like Alex. She was also black and white, with an all black face except her chin which was white. This is so hard, I feel like I've lost two babies. I asked Alex to watch over my human baby Nicole in heaven. I just can't stop crying.
Gina

Dearest Gina,
I have read and answered alot of posts here at lightning strikes and yours has been one of the ones to have "gotten" to me the most. I am having a bit of a time even seeing the keyboard right now because I have one companion left and he is "elderly". Of course I thought of him the whole time that I read about your wonderful Alex. I know that some day I will have to endure what you have...because my dear fella is a senior citizen, just like your wonderful Alex. I came here some months ago because my other much younger cat died after an accident. That's him in my avatar. I miss him very much but things have gotten much better for me with the help of some of my commrades here at lightning strikes, and with time.

None of us like to spend much time thinking that our furry friends lives are "abbreviated" compared to ours. Naturally, we insulate ourselves from this basic truth because we want their lives to stretch on and on--Our love for them is no less than any love we could ever have for a human. As a matter of fact, dare I say it!!?? our love for them can exceed what is capable with our human counterparts....because of the animal's capacity to love us no matter what--as you so eloquently described! Who was always there for you, come hell or high water?...your faithful and truest friend, your Alex. My heart is breaking knowing how much you are hurting now because there is very little that we can say to you to console you.

Someone here is quoted often as saying that YOU take on the pet's pain so that they can be free of pain! (I keep forgetting to whom to credit that thought). Gina, if it were not for you and your vet your wonderful and loyal companion of so many years would have had to suffer and struggle in the end probably for a long time! Death is usually a big arduous struggle but because of your uncompromising love for Alex you were able to reach the best decision that you could. You put Alex's comfort AHEAD of your earthbound desires to hang onto her, what you did was a courageous and responsible act of love.

You are going to be sad and it is going to be awhile before your tears turn to smiles. It is all new to you ...this new chapter in your life! But I want to tell you something...your Alex is still with you..this is hard for you to grasp right at the moment because you have lost the "physicality" of your Alex..but as time goes on you will come to understand Alex' s body left but nothing on heaven or earth can keep those apart who love. Your connection is stronger than death and you will understand this with time. Your relationship with Alex changes now and you will communicate with her in a new and different way. Until then you are going to have to cry the "healing tears". We have all been there.

Alex is at the rainbow bridge right now with all our pets and she is 100% free of pain and she is happy and young and cavorting like she did when she was very young. You will be reunited with her someday and she will be there for you then just as she was all these many years on earth. I am so sorry that you lost Alex, but I am so happy you had her all those years! My heart broke in two when my Ginger's life ended. I would do anything at all to get him back...! I am so sure you feel the same about Alex. The physical parting is one of the hardest things life has to dole out...but we wouldn't trade those years for anything....would we???
thinking of you..you are among friends here.
Love,
Patti
P.S. Sometime down the road you could consider posting a tribute on the memorials and tributes board for your Alex. I did quite a few things to help myself in the early stages, like writing Ginger some letters and I bought a suncatcher for the yard in honor of him. One person here made up a whole book for her dog. These types of rituals can go along way toward your healing! don't hesitate to do whatever you feel will help commemorate this time. I also wear a locket with a tuft of Ginger's fur inside. It brings me comfort. Think of some things that will be meaningful for you!

Dear Gina,

I am so sorry for the series of terrible losses you have suffered through this year. I'm so glad you found us, this is a great place to share and find healing. Everyone knows what you are going through. The first few days and weeks can be so hard. I kept on bumping into things as if I was in a fog. It does get better.

Your Nicole and my Solas went to heaven on the same day. I miss my beautiful black cat so much. He was 16. I was also in a terrible car accident this year, so we have lots in common.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Ariel