I've been ok with feeling sad these past two weeks. But, today has been tough. I kept myself busy that first week she'd been gone, but now I'm home today having time to think. I recently ordered some pics that I only had on my computer to put in a photo album and they came today. When I got them I realized that today was the second week she's been gone. It is weird it feels like it just happened and yet at the same time it feels like she's been gone so long.

What's getting to me now is that things that used to bother me, I can't seem to handle. A disagreement with family or friends or thoughts of inadequacies (normal stuff) that used to be more fleeting seem harder to shake. It is hard to feel so easily emotional. I had my Pushkin throughout so many years. She has been the constant source of comfort. People, even myself, are so random. Sometimes they feel supportive and other times not. I know this is normal, but it seems harder to deal with right now. So, it is so tempting to separate yourself from things that might set you off.

Anyway, I'm a teacher, so the one thing that does feel good is getting my room ready for next year. It seems to be the only thing that puts me in the right mode.

Hi beth26

You summed up feelings and stuff I've been going through myself, so many similarities - reading your post it could almost have come from me - if that makes sense. So I felt I had to reply. My little angel Marilyn will have been gone two weeks Monday. I know exactly what you mean about it feeling like it just happened yet also it feels like she's been gone so long. Life goes on but it feels so wrong.

I too struggle with the everyday stuff - yesterday a client in work rang to say that their aunt had died, aged 92. She said the end was peaceful, and that was all she could have wished for. I found it hard not to break down. Other clients were a bit "off" with me in the morning and it really got to me, I struggled through the day whereas normally I would have just shrugged it off (of course I would have been sad the lady's aunt had died but you know what I mean). Some days I struggle just to get showered and dressed.

Marilyn was with me 15, nearly 16 years and like your Pushkin, she (and her sister Chi who thank God is sleeping next to me) were really the only constant. In 15 years, people come and go, relationships come and go, even friends come and go. I moved house 5 times, yet those little dogs were there throughout it all. Never demanding, never criticising. They were just there.

I don't know why we have these feelings, I guess it is part of intense grief, I don't know any of the answers but I know it helps to post here, its the one place people understand and are always supportive.

I wish they were like that in everyday life.

meens xx

Hi, Beth and Meens, what you are feeling is normal grief responses to your respective losses of Pushkin and Marilyn.  Our entire bodies - - physically and emotionally - - are functioning differently during this stressful time.  Stress and grieving causes temporary chemical changes in our brains.  Therefore our perception of our "world" is different.  As you begin to feel stronger emotionally you will also find a corresponding "return" to feeling more "normal" - - which is an indication that your body is no longer reacting to the effects of the stress of your losses.  Some folks find themselves falling into a clinical depression, and when that happens medicinal intervention is needed to help provide a balance for the body to function properly.  Even though it's very difficult to function right now at your jobs (oh, how well I know that struggle) it is good that you have this to keep you focused. I hope this helps comfort and encourage you. This grief journey is very difficult. You are not alone as you travel this road.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam  

I am also sorry for your loss and understand your pain and it hurts me deeply, please allow me to give you my condonlences and also sorry I am contacting you a bit late, May God Bless you, your love ones and specially your Angel Pushkin up in Heaven, until later, Jorge Click to view attachment

Hi beth26, I know the feeling. B4 I lost my little king, most things didn't really "bother me". Our pets seem to ground us in a way. Their presence in our lives are more signifigant that w realize sometimes. Now, he's gone and the littlest thing gets my blood boiling. In time your job will be needed distaction.. I wish you all the best. .Ann

Thanks to everyone who replied! I appreciate your thoughts.

Beth and Meens-
I too am hitting the 2 week mark (on this coming Tuesday). Cosette was my companion of 14 years, the only constant as I moved across the country twice and loved and lost more people that I expected. Sundays are the hardest for me, since it's when I'm home all day. It was always our day, you know? The day when we cuddled on the sofa and read all day, or watched movies, or whatnot. It was the day she's be surprised if I left the house for more than an hour.

I'm trying not to distract myself from the grief but also not to sink in it. Nights are tough, hard to sleep without the purr.

Anyway, just wanted to say I hear you, I'm there too.

I wish you peace.

Dearest Beth, I want to check up on you to see if you're doing any better, worse and if worse, what's making it worse if you don't mind sharing, of course. Sure, the good things too if there are any. I feel so concerned about you. Please, if you could just say a word or two. Or even a "Howdy" to let us know you're there and ... Well, I am so very sorry for this great hardship, grief, sorrow and other "stuff" making it all the worse as you talked about. Could ya just say a word or two? Oh! You don't have to. No, you don't. Just please know we are here and care so much for you, Dear One!

Tons of Hugs and Lotsa Love!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. I still ain't missed a day lighting virtual candles for you and your precious fur baby! You are both so loved!!!

Thank you so much! I am doing so much better. Having the forum has been fantastic. Last week the guilt issue was bugging me. But after hearing so many stories and being able to read about people being in various stages has helped so much. And of course the direct posts to my threads have been so amazing in helping me heal.

When my kitty Pushkin first died, I could only feel her loss. My poor other kitty Loki was very much neglected. Now her company is very much appreciated. I think this is true because I've been able to feel more confident in my decisions over the last couple of days of Pushkin's life. I'm more able right now to see the situation for what it was instead of the guilt. The positive memory of Pushkin is so much more dominant in my thoughts.

Oh Beth, that is Wonderful News indeed and I perfectly understand exactly what you're talking about!

Oodles and Boodles of Hugs and Love to You and Yours!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi, beth, I am so glad you are now beginning to come through the guilt that plagues us all after the loss of a beloved fur or feathered child and are able to embrace the good memories you have of Pushkin and find comfort in the company of your Loki. This grief journey is one of the most difficult experiences we can know on this side of eternity, and that is one of the reasons why it is so important to surround ourselves with people who understand what we are going through. I have also read your post about Memories, and yes, it is ever so nice when we can share our memories of our beloved fur and feathered kids with others, including with others who have known them. It's a bond that you share and helps to strengthen the sweet living Spirit of your beloved Pushkin in your life now. Beth, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam